Victory Is the Only Thing That Can Keep You Alive

I had been dreading this game forever, playing New Jersey and seeing Adam again. I don't think I wanted to ever actually go through with it, not because I regretted what happened with Adam but I guess a small part of me ached inside of me about it. The fact that I felt like I used him to deal with my won issues and now I was going to have to face him for the first time since being with Geno.

“Hey Cam, you ok?” Geno slid into the spot next to while I sat in my stall dreading finishing getting ready.
“Adam,” was my only response.
“What?” he frowned grabbing my arm to make me look his way.
“This will be the first time I have seen Adam since we broke up and... since we got together,” I whispered the last part just for him to hear.
“Well you not with him anymore so not have to worry,” he shrugged,
“Yeah I know but I still have this stirring feeling in my gut like I have done something wrong.”
“Not do anything wrong Cam, if something wrong it was me,” he admitted sliding his up and down my back.
“It wasn't your fault don't you ever say that,” I looked to him rather desperately needing him to know that to me nothing was his fault. They were my feelings for him in the first place and that was I ended it with Adam not because of anything that happened with us.

I got up leaving Geno sitting in my stall and headed over to sit next to Olli in his stall as he got ready for the home opener.

“How are those butterflies going?”
“They are ok,” he sat there half dressed, bouncing his knees.
“Your not going to be sick are you?” I put my hand on his back.
“No! No... not sick,” he shook his head.
“It's ok if you do, well I did my first game and the night turned out alright.”
“Maybe I need to wash my face,” he sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

I watched him walk out of the room before letting my eyes wander back over to Geno offering him a small smile. I needed to deal with Adam on my own.

So when they announced us, Sid and Geno both hitting the back of my legs with their sticks as we walked out the tunnel the nerves kicked back in. I hadn't managed to see him during warm ups but sure enough during the national anthem I caught him looking my way. This was going to be tough.

“GO, GO, GO!” Dan yelled from the bench as we took off down the ice.

Every shot we took missed, hit the bar, went up into the netting, anywhere back into the back of the goals and that was frustrating beyond all measure. Then to add insult to injury they were throwing themselves at us each chance they got.

“Come on Adam, seriously if you're going to hit me do it properly,” I yelled as he skated off after an another attempt at checking me did nothing but knock my feet out from under me.
Geno glanced down at me, worry on his features. I knew he thought I was going to do something dumb and he was probably right but I had to learn to handle myself.

“Don't give up guys, Geno's line needs goal,” Dan slapped both Geno and I on the backs trying to get us fired up.
I wasn't thinking about the goals, I was thinking about how Adam wasn't going to be civilised so I wasn't going to let him push me around either.

“G! Shoot, Shoot!” I screamed as I passed the puck to him. Instead he was passing the puck back my way, Adam was there right behind me though and I couldn't get it off my stick.

I turned my skates to try and stop and shift my weight back his way in hope it would help but he was going too fast with every intention to finish his check and I was being slammed straight into the boards.

My ribs screamed at me as I connected with the edge of the boards, my head smashing into the glass and everything blurred together for a few seconds.

I heard the whistle get blown as I dropped to the ice and fight broke out around me. My eyes final settles above me and sure enough I saw Geno gripping onto Adam's jersey, blood streaming down his face.

“Cameron, Cameron, are you ok?” Chris the trainer was kneeling down beside me as I continued to lay there trying to get my surroundings together.
“What happened?” I frowned looking up at him.
“You took a pretty nasty hit into the boards,” he clarified for me.
“My ribs,” I winced as I rolled over and climbed to my knees.
“Take it easy,” he had his hands on my shoulders steadying me, “do you remember what day it is?”
“Isn't it the third?”
“Of?” he pressed.
“October?”
“Yeah alright lets get you into the dark room.”

I managed getting to my feet and skated slowly and rather painfully back to the bench, getting taps of encouragement on my back as I made my way off.

I sat in the quiet room for a while but it wasn't going to be quiet in my head. It was pounding like crazy from the hit but it was also pounding like crazy thinking about the hit. I couldn't actually believe that Adam had actually gone through with that hit, a hit with an intention to hurt me. But still I felt the guilt run through me as if all of this was my fault, and I guess deep down it was. I had done wrong and I deserved my piece of the pie, even if it didn't taste all that great.

“Cam,” I heard Geno's quiet voice seep into my head and honestly I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or if he was actually there.
“Cameron ,” then it was Chris's voice and it wasn't a dream, “I got some questions for you.”
“Cameron Arnett, twenty one , third of October, it's the home opener against New Jersey,” I pulled myself up wincing as the pain radiated in my head and in my ribs.
“Ok, ok, let me have a look at your side,” he insisted.

My side was bruised almost black and it was a no wonder it was sore.

Geno stepped forward as Chris walked out of the room to get an ice pack for me. He had such sad eyes and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Ow, Evgeni my side,” I sobbed clutching onto my left side.
“Sorry,” he quickly pulled away but kept me at arms length.
“Here, keep this and go home and rest,” Chris ordered handing me the ice pack.
“Thanks.”
“Look after yourself, Geno can you do us a favour and watch her?”
“Ok,” he shook his head.

I knew Geno would but it was reassuring to hear him say he would stay. It was all I wanted right now.

“Did we win?” I asked as he lifted up my underarmour and placed the pack carefully on the newly formed bruise.
“Yeah, three to one... Adam lucky I not kill him.”
“Don't G, just don't,” I shook my head and wrapped my arm around him just wanting to be close and nothing else.