Victory Is the Only Thing That Can Keep You Alive

I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling while Geno was sound asleep next to me. He insisted on staying the night to look after me but my mind was too active to sleep.

I kept thinking about Adam and what he had actually done. I couldn't believe he would go out of his way to hurt me. I mean I know I probably wasn't his favourite person but I didn't know he was hurting. I wanted him to know how sorry I was really was.

I climbed out of bed, careful to wake Geno and headed out into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. My phone sat there on the bench, Geno must have forgot to put it on charge so I picked it up planning to take it back to bed with me.

I put the kettle on and while I was waiting for the water boil I checked my phone. There were a few messages from the guys asking if I was alright and then there was one from Adam.
'Now we're even.'

Who was he? This was not the kind of person I thought Adam was. I never thought he would be the one to seek revenge on me. I was just doing what was best, we weren't ever going to last and if I hadn't have ended it this would have ten times worse. I guess though it was way I copped with things. Ignored it.

In a fit of rage I found his number in my contacts and rang him. He wasn't going to treat me this. Two wrongs didn't make a right.

“Hello,” he sounded half asleep, but that was about to change.
“Who do you think you are?!” I yelled.
“Cameron?”
“Yes it's Cameron, how could possible think this is getting even? What is wrong with you?”
“What?”
“You know what? You charging at me like you did, you did it to hurt me all because of some stupid break up months ago,” I could already feel my head begin to pulse but I pushed it aside to make my point.
“You think you were doing me a favour by ending don't you?” he retorted.
“We weren't ever going to work,” I argued.
“Because you never gave us a chance!”

I guess he was right though. I was far too wrapped up in caring about Geno that I didn't even bother to see the relationship right in front of me.

“You're always trying to blame other people, maybe you should look at yourself for once.”
“I- I just...”
“Bye Cam,” he spoke softly before hanging up.

He was right though, nothing I ever did was my fault or so I thought. I was never the bad person but maybe this time around I was just going to have to suck and face the fact that I had done wrong. Granted the way he went about it wasn't the greatest way he could have handled it but the guy had probably bottled it so much that he just broke.

“Cammy,” I looked up to see a tired eyed Geno standing in the entrance to the hallway, “you ok?”
I tried to so desperately to hold back the tears that I didn't even know had been brewing, “It's all my fault.”
“What?” he frowned moving over to me.
“It's my fault,” I slid down the counter to sit on the floor feeling my legs just give out on me.
“What is?” he rushed over to me and knelt down in front of me pulling my hands away from my face.
“I only think about myself. I hurt Adam because I was selfish. I was too roped up in maybe being with you I never gave him a chance and I hurt him.”
“Cam,” he sighed pulling me into a hug, “is not your fault.”
“He has been hurting all this time I never bothered to make it right.”
“Not have to make everything right,” he ran his hand up and down my back.
“People never hate me, ever,” I cried holding onto his shirt that was soaked with my tears.
“Not need ever one to like you.”
“But it's just...”
“You need to not worry,” he cupped my face and made me look him in the eyes, “if Adam really love you he never give up on you.”
“You think so?” I sniffled trying to wipe the tears from my cheek.
“I know so,” he swiped his thumbs across my cheeks helping me get rid of the tears, “he stupid to give up on you. But if he not do it I not get you.”
“I guess. Maybe we should just forget about. Adam and I aren't ever going to be friends again so I should not bother.”
“Some people leave, is what happens.”
“Ok.”

People thought Geno was dumb because of his English skills. That wasn't the case though; he wasn't necessarily book smart but he was people smart. I guess if I wanted to be happy then I would have to get over this thing with Adam, I would have accept that someone wasn't going to like me and in the hockey business some people weren't going to like you. Some had a reason and other didn't, Adam would just have to be another one of these people if I wanted to get on with this.

“Come on bed, you need to sleep, head not ok,” he scooped me up giving me no real chance to argue.
“Ow my ribs,” I grimaced, “maybe I need some ice first.”
“Ok,” he headed over to the freezer and grabbed out an ice pack before heading back to my bedroom.

“Not worry about Adam you need to sleep, be selfish, think about you and sleep,” he ran his hand through my hair as I finally settled to sleep, tucked up under his arm. I loved Geno and maybe I could tell him that.