Victory Is the Only Thing That Can Keep You Alive

Concussion's were never an easy injury to get over. You could be feeling fine one day but than the next feel like crap. I was just lucky that my good days were outweighing the bad and I was allowed to start light exercise. It was driving me up the wall not being allowed to do stuff but having Geno there always made things better.

“Looking good Cam,” Nealsy smiled that cheeky grin of his at me as I broke out into a slow jog on the treadmill.
“Nealsy,” Geno's deep voice was clearly disapproving of our line mates antics from across the room as he peddled on one of the spin bikes.
“Yeah shut up,” I frowned at James before shooting Geno a smile.
“Ugh you guys make me sick,” James scrunched his face up at us, “the eyes, the smiling, yuck.”
“Don't worry Nealsy, one day you will grow up and find a girl and god forbid actually love her and yeah no, who I am kidding? That's not going to happen,” I teased before he tried to mimic me and gave up, marching off out the room.

“He not lying,” Geno smirked as he wandered over to get onto the treadmill next to me.
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed as I could feel myself begin to break into a sweat and my hair doing it's usually frizzy thing.
“Is true, look good,” his eyes wandered up my legs and over my skin, “maybe when practice done,” he winked.
“If your lucky,” I shrugged before slowing the treadmill down to get off leaving him with the picture of me walking the other way.

He couldn't possibly have been serious. I mean I knew he liked watching me when I worked out, I had caught him too many times to count but I didn't actually think it turned him on. If it did maybe I could use it to my advantage sometime.

I headed back into the locker room where Sid and Olli were lingering having been the first to finish up their workouts.
I always did look forward to being around these two, they were so cool headed and most of the time we could have a real conversation. Except with Sid at the moment who just kept pestering me about my head.

“Look I know your worried because you went through this big thing, but not everyone's concussion is the same.”
“I know Cammy, I just don't want you rush back in. It's only the beginning of the season and if you come back to early you might hurt yourself more,” he looked like he was almost about to start pleading with me.
“I am not going to Sid. I saw what you want through, I know what can happen and I am not going to start playing until I am ready,” I explained reaching out to grab his hand.
“I just don't want to see you get hurt again,” he looked down shyly.
“I won't, believe me I won't.”

Honestly I didn't think I was going to ready for a while. Something about being sandwiched into the boards at full speed didn't really appeal to me right now, not especially when it was done by someone you didn't think would ever really hurt you. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I felt like I was running scared but I had never been hit like that before and it kind of scared me. Waking up and hardly being able to see, or move or do anything and just feeling like crap, I never wanted that to happen again. Playing along the boards had always been something that scared me and now I was going to have to get over that fear all over again.

“Cam,” I was startled a little as Geno wrapped his arms around me and lent his chin on my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I pulled away, the gut wrenching feeling still sitting in my stomach made me want to get away afraid that he was going to find out what was on my mind just by looking at me.
“Not mean to scare you,” he grabbed my hands and squeezed them tight.
“It's ok.”
“You not look ok, head sore?” he frowned reaching out to tuck my fringe back.
“Maybe just a little bit,” I shrugged, but that was a lie.
“How about I come over, make dinner?” I felt my whole body tingle as he let his fingers stoke down my cheek.
“I was kind of just- ok,” I couldn't resist his puppy dog eyes and really him making me dinner was exactly what I could have done with right now.

Eventually though I would have to tell Geno about my sudden fear, they figure it out when I stepped on the ice next and I was going to have to have all the help I could get. I wasn't about to let some stupid fear get in the way of my hockey career.