Victory Is the Only Thing That Can Keep You Alive

“Cameron,” I heard Geno's voice behind me as he followed me into my house. He was quiet and I knew he felt bad about today but as much as I wanted to forgive him I couldn't find it in me to just yet.
“Don't,” I continued to ignore him and headed straight into the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge.
“But Cam, you not talk at dinner and the guys, they ask and I not know what to do,” he was sounding so helpless but I couldn't just drop it. He knew how I felt but he still pushed, even when I asked him not to.
“You don't have to know what to do all the time. I just need some space right now.”
“Want me to go home?”
“Do whatever you want.” I wanted him to stay with me but at the same time I just wanted him to stop looking at me like he was.

He grabbed a bottle of water and followed me into the lounge room. I wasn't expecting him to sit on the sofa across from me but in the same I was kind of glad he did. He was staying close by while still being far enough away that I had my space.

I let my head fall back against the cushions and sighed. I had no clue what to do. I honestly didn't think I was going to freak out like I did. I thought I would take a few hits and get used to it again but it wasn't going to work that way. I really didn't think I was going to break down crying like I did either.

“I don't know what to do,” I closed my eyes and willed the tears away from my eyes.
“And I not know how to help,” Geno said as he climbed to his feet, “I will see you tomorrow.”
“Where are you going?” I looked up at him as he lent down to give me a kiss on the temple.
“Home, you need sleep and I no help.”
“I will see you at practice?”
“Yes practice and then I take you for lunch,” he smiled softly before leaning down to kiss the top of my head.
“Ok.”

I really wasn't expecting Geno to leave. He normally would have been stubborn and stayed. I knew if he had have done that though I would have gotten irritated at him and we would have ended up arguing. If there could be anything worse than how I was feeling right now it would be having an argument with him.

I guess I really needed to look elsewhere. I loved Geno and I wasn't going to let hockey ruin our relationship. As much as I would have loved for Geno to be the one to help me get back out there it wasn't going to happen, not this time.

I got to the rink before everyone else was due to arrive, geared up and got out on the ice. I needed to just do this.
I started off skating around the rink gradually getting faster, gradually letting myself relax more. I could feel confidence growing with each stride.

“Hey Cameron, your early,” I heard Olli's voice from the bench dressed in all of his gear.
“Yeah I am just practicing.”
“Come on, I will help,” he stepped onto the ice and skated over to me.
“Didn't you see what happened yesterday?” I looked at him rather shocked.
“Yes but I think you should hit me,” he looked rather pleased with himself.
“Alright, I don't know how this is going to help but I won't pass up hitting you,” I shrugged.

It was still a little nerve racking being down near the boards but getting to hit Olli did distract me from it all.
“You are a terrible defenseman, how did you even get into the NHL?” I chirped.
“I am not bad, your just good on the puck,” he nudged me trying to push me from it.
“Yeah, so suck it,” I kicked the puck out from between his skates and took off towards the other end of the ice.

I didn't really see it coming or expect it, I was having far too much teasing the rookie before he just hit me.

I collected the boards and fell backwards onto the ice but it didn't hurt at all.
“You ok?” I looked up and saw Olli standing over me a big grin on his face.
“I am good, but you could have at least told me you were going to hit me,” I climbed up onto my knees and then to my skates. It was payback time.
“If I had have said you would have freaked out,” he shrugged.
“You're an ass,” I shoved him catching him off guard and made him fall to the ice before stealing the puck, “and you're going to pay for it.”