Pas Mal

Aled.

Watching Gustav was a calming morning activity. He was a few years older than myself, it showed in his masculine features. He had sharp cheekbones, defined by his chubby nose. His eyes were like ice, cold and so blue you could drown in them. But they were closed now, his long eyelashes resting on his white cheeks. His dark hair tangled as he squirmed in his uncomfortable position. His messy hair and sleepy twitching reminded me very much of Shay.

Shay. The human embodiment of perfection. He was beautiful, especially when he slept. He was just so shy, I couldn't cope with an antisocial boyfriend. When I had him to myself he was my perfect match. We were the best of friends, but he came with benefits. I needed to be around loads of people, and I needed to be around Shay. He just couldn't, and I didn't want to be the one to force him. I love him, I truly do. I ruined him. I'm just not right for him.

And just watching Gustav sleep calmed me. It stopped my mind from thinking of Shay so much. I had another beautiful face to concentrate on. Even if he did remind me of Shay. I had someone else to worry about. Gustav hadn't stopped crying until he fell asleep. He didn't tell me what Ben had said to him, but it hit him like a bullet to the heart.

Maybe it would be a good idea to get him something to eat. So that when he wakes up, he doesn't feel so alone. I used to bring Shay coffee and a Mcdonalds if I woke up early. We lived literally just down the street from one, and it was all we really ate. I left Gus' room, unsure of what to do. I just didn't want him to feel like no one cared. Because I cared.

I made us both a coffee, watching the sun come up from the kitchen window. France was a beautiful country, I had so many plans and dreams revolving around this place. The only reason I agreed to come here was for the country and the culture. Not the people. But Gustav was sweet, I liked him. I stood staring out the window for a little while, admiring the sun rising above the city. It was so beautiful, the only thing that could make the moment more perfect would be Shay. If he could just hold me by the waist and rest his head on my shoulder, I would be so happy. I wanted to move our relationship to France and everything would be so perfect. I could be in a beautiful country with a beautiful man, and maybe I could get my dream job and Shay and I could lead the perfect life. I swallow in an attempt not to cry. Shay and I were over. What chance did I ever have with him? We're complete opposites.

"Aled...?" Gus called shakily. I turned and giggled at the adorable sight. He was stood in the doorway rubbing his eyes, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His hair was messy, falling over his pale face perfectly. I could see the distress still lingered in his eyes from the night before.

"I made you a coffee." I said, smiling politely at him. He shuffled forwards, taking his coffee from the counter. "I was thinking of making you breakfast but I have no idea what I'm doing!" I giggled.

"It's okay," He took a sip of his coffee. "I'm not a breakfast person. You can make yourself something if you want." He offered. I shook my head, not wanting to be the awkward fatty.

We stood watching the sunrise together, enjoying the silence. The sunlight shone through the window and warmed the room. People were beginning to move around on the streets below. The engines of cars could be heard, even on the quiet of the estate. There were dog walkers and joggers about, shouting morning greetings to each other in French. I liked the calm and the relaxed friendliness of the country. I was excited for the three weeks to come, building relationships with these new people. The parties and the sex and the fall outs, I knew it was all going to happen.

"Do you think I should make an effort to see Ben today?" He asked, setting his empty mug down on the draining board, He jumped up on the counter and rearranged his blanket.

"Well how much do you want it work?" I asked in return.

He frowned for a moment, his sweet little face scrunching up in thought. "I want it to work, but I don't want to have to put up with him anymore." He replied quietly.

I sat by his side and wrapped my arms around him. He leant into me and rested his head on my shoulder. "What happened?" I asked quietly.

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath and paused, before exhaling dramatically. "He asked about moving in together after a month, and I was so afraid to say no, I let him." He said softly, holding my body tightly.

"What would he have done?" I asked.

"He would've yelled at me and just generally put me down. Then he'd go on and on about how much better it would be for us, financially and for our relationship. I didn't want to put up with that." He buried his face into my shirt to hide his tears from me. "So I caved in and we moved in together. I had nowhere to run to, so every time he kicked me down I had no place to go and unwind. It just got too much for me."

I held him close to me, allowing him to let it out. I was worried about Shay, spending three weeks with Ben. He would easily fold and crumble, just like Gus did. I didn't want anything to happen to my Shay.

"What's un lycée in English?" He asked.

I thought for a moment. "Sixth form." I replied. "I'm not in a sixth form. I go to a college, which is basically the same thing but a separate building without the whiny little kids."

"Yeah, sixth form. I have to go there at elven to pick up some revision papers." He explained. He jumped down from the counter and wiped his eyes. "You're coming with me, I can show you around and we can get lunch and meet up with someone."

"Sure, sounds swell." I agreed. I smiled at him, and left to get dressed. I wrestled myself into blue skinny jeans and found a tidy white t-shirt. I tried to tame my messy hair into some shape or style, but it was all in vain. I've never looked decent in my whole life, but oh well. None of my friends ever expect anything better from me, and Shay enjoyed it for a little while.

Gustav looked so cute. He'd sorted out his hair and his face didn't look so distressed and upset. He wore blue jeans and a black leather jacket, with his schoolbag on his back. He looked so charming and approachable. There was an air of fake confidence around him that made me pity him. I noticed the brightness in his blue eyes as he smiled at me. He looked genuinely happy, and that made me happy. He was going to spend a day with some friends where no one was going to push him over. I was excited and happy for him. A day without our failing relationships would be great for us both.

His sixth form college was a short walk away. The breeze was cool and the air was warm to the skin. The air felt cleaner than it did in the UK for some reason. Everything felt so much brighter and fresher.

"There are so many great things to do here. The beach is fantastic, we should go down there sometime. There's amazing buildings like St. Martin's. Le Midi really is the prettiest place in France, you'll love it." He said. "There's so many palaces I really want to show you."

"My Mum was saying something about the Colline du Chateau." I said, hoping for an explanation.

He smiled. "It translates into Castle Hill I think. There's a really pretty waterfall there, we could go up there sometime if you'd like?" He suggested.

I grinned and nodded. He smiled in return, and skipped up the steps to a rather modern looking building. It was his sixth form college, which was pretty empty apart from a few students and teachers who had stayed behind to study more of their course. I followed him inside. It was a lot like my own place, bland and boring. He led me through a set of double doors into the Hall. It was huge, able to seat a thousand people comfortably. There was a gangway at the back for wheelchair access. There were large windows on the right hand, and smaller ones on the left. They lighted the room enough to allow you to see easily, but not to put you at ease. It was empty, and very eerie. The place seemed still, like it was holding its breath. On the left hand side was a sort of pathway, where at the end was access to the stage and another set of doors. This path was raised above the floor slightly, with carpeted steps leading down to the floor. Wooden pillars propped the ceiling up, some had speakers mounted on them. A white screen was suspended from the ceiling above the right hand side of the stage and there was an altar in the centre for the Headmaster's speeches.

Gustav led me through the doors and down a flight of stairs. At the bottom was a long, dark corridor. The walls to the left were lined with vandalised lockers. It had an uneasy atmosphere about it. The only light came from behind us, where a set of glass doors led outside to a small quad. We could've gone through those, but I noticed the yellow 'Risque de Mort' signs. I shivered and followed Gus down the creepy corridor.

"No one uses these lockers. You can steal a key from the office easily enough though." He explained.

"Why would you want to come down here just to have a locker?" I asked, shivering with unease.

He laughed at me. "They check your lockers randomly, whenever they feel like it. So it's safer to keep things down here." He explained.

He reached his locker and pulled the key from his pocket. Inside, he had notebooks and story books and empty cigarette packets. I was surprised, I didn't know he was a smoker!

"I kept my fags in here. And the tape recorder with a mosquito on it that seriously pissed teachers off!" He giggled. He shovelled everything out into his rucksack.

"You smoke?' I asked dumbfounded.

He laughed again. "I'm a quitter. I've left le lycée this year, so I'm going on to do..." He paused; "What's it called! You know, faculté!" He snapped his fingers, demanding the word came to him.

'University?" I tried. He snapped his fingers again.

'Yes, that." He grumbled. "Anyway, I figured I'd try and improve my health."

"Good on you." I congratulated.

He finished shovelling everything into his schoolbag and we left the strange hall. He said goodbye to his professor before leaving, and promised to keep in contact. He was a year older than me if he was 18. He looked so much more masculine. We walked back to his flat, the streets a little emptier now the morning rush was over.

He dumped the bag in the doorway, and turned to me. "We can call someone now if you like and do something as a group," he suggested. "Or it could just be you and me." he smirked and blushed a little. I blushed too, wanting to be alone with him too.

'Maybe we should we go now and have lunch then call someone?" I suggested. I wanted more time with him, I wanted to get to know him.

"Sure, it's a date!" He giggled, locking his flat door. I flushed fifty shades of embarrassment. Holy fuck I wish it was a date. Except I don't, cause he's a stranger but I do cause he's cute and like my ex.

"I think we'll take the tram to Colline du Chateau. You can walk up the steps and look down on the North Wall, that still has all the bullet holes in it." He explained.

Although I was used to trains and tubes, the tram was a whole new experience. A fucking train came an parked in the fucking street. It was so weird stepping on board.

The waterfall was just as beautiful as Gus had promised. It ran down a grassy wall into a clear pool. Its strength and power could be heard in its ferocious roar. It was possible to make your way up on to the balcony and look down on the water. We were quite content sitting by the pool's edge, the spray catching us slightly. There were very few people around, only one or two tourists. The silence was perfect for us. We didn't need to talk to connect.

"This place brings back memories." He sighed, resting his head against me. I held him again, ready to comfort him. "Ben took me here once, best day of my life." His voice was so fragile and sad.

"Hey now, it's pointless thinking about him. He was an asshole to you and you deserve a lot better. Come on, how about we go exploring and then I take you out to lunch?" I smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

He squeezed back and smiled timidly. I pulled him to his feet, noticing how much taller than me he was. He was so much better than me. I could see him fighting his depression in his smile. He was so gorgeous, but thanks to Ben, he didn't see it.

"You don't need to take me out for lunch!" He giggled timidly and blushed. He swung from side to side on the spot, biting his knuckles with shy cuteness. It was my turn to laugh at him.

"Don't panic, Romeo, I'm not going all out on you!" I teased, leading him away from the pool by the hand. There was just something so right and perfect about him, something I adored.