Pas Mal

Debbie.

It was nice if Gus to invite us out. He was the most considerate, always thinking of others before himself. This had made him an easy target to attention whores and beggars, as well as power seekers and bullies. Despite all these setbacks, he continued on seemingly happy. His emotions had spiralled after his break up with Ben, the man he loved the most. I hoped he could sort something out with Aled, but he appeared to be off limits.

My partner, Dan was pretty cool. He had a very British sense of humour, quick witted and often very sarcastic. He was easy to talk to as he just seemed to be full of questions. But he was quick to judge, and often quite rude. I was easily intimidated by him. He was obsessed with Regan, for some reason.

I don't understand what people see in her. She's a slut through and through. Yeah yeah, go on about slut shaming if you will. But she is a slut. She's not ashamed of it. It's not like guys call her slut because she wears certain clothes for example. She sleeps around, she cheats, she sells herself for the fun of it and not because she's desperate for money. She will try and get anyone, no matter what age or gender. It's disgusting, she stinks of sex half the time. Boys just know she's an easy slag and nothing else matters to them. Then she tries to play the 'I'll love you always' card and fucks the guy over. She gives everyone around her a bad name. People instantly assume I'm just like her or one of the people who has slept with her. Which is obviously untrue, and frustrating.

We met Gus and Aled in a Chinese take away, not far from our apartments. The two boys looked like a perfect match, it was such a shame they were both fussing over failed relationships. Things like that frustrate me. Gustav needed to let go of Ben. Seeing him suffer with his inability to trust was so hard. He wouldn't let himself fall again, just in case he found another guy like Ben. He needed someone loving and caring who would show him that it's not all doom and gloom. I didn't know Aled well enough to give a clear and fair judgement, but he needed to either sort things out with his ex or move on. The arguments were just putting strain on their wellbeing. No one deserved to be in an unhappy relationship.

Gus' phone went off suddenly; an annoying little chime that belonged to an old Nokia and not an iPhone. "A message from Josh: 'Just wondering if anyone knows if there's anything wrong with Mallory?'"

There was a strange silence. Of course there was something wrong, but it was clearly never spoken about. Mallory had everyone's attention. There was something stunning about her, maybe the way her eyes sparkled. Something was out of place with her, like there was with Christian. She, however, tried to hide it. She kept quiet and composed and I felt so sorry for her. For whatever happened to her, she didn't deserve it.

"Ask what happened." Dan instructed.

Gus tapped on the screen of his phone quickly, then waited only a few seconds for a reply. "She wouldn't let me switch the light off, at about 11. Then she woke up at four in the morning screaming as if she was having some kind of lucid dream." He read out, glancing up at Dan and Aled.

Aled swallowed and looked down. "We don't know what happened to her, but it messed her up." He said quietly.

"Sean knows!" Dan piped in, only to be elbowed violently in the ribs by his friend. He coughed, and shook his head. "But he won't tell if you ask."

Gus typed a message back to Josh, and took the food from the counter. Another message buzzed through before we'd left the building, so Aled took the bags from him so he could reply.

"She said her parents wouldn't want to hear from her, maybe something happened there." Gus read.

An overwhelming, sisterly sympathy came through me. She needed protection, not from the men who she feared constantly. A sister, or a motherly figure to support her. I wanted to be that person who could support her and guide her through troubles. But what would happen when out three weeks was up and she had to face those problems on her own? I couldn't be there for her forever. That's what she needed really: constant companionship.

"What if I talk to her?" I suggested. Gus nodded in approval, not really looking for a reaction from the other two.

"You can trust Deb, she's good with sorting out people's life issues." He explained as he sent another message to Josh. Reassured that I wasn't going to upset her further, the two foreigners nodded.

"They could come over after lunch, maybe?" Gus suggested. Everyone nodded in approval and arrangements were made.

We went to Gus' place, only because it was closer really. We set everything up and loaded a movie, settling down in front of the TV. The movie had been dubbed in French of course, but no one seemed to mind. The attention was mainly focused on each other, and what had happened to Mallory.

Aled's behaviour showed he knew more than he was letting on, and he was dying to tell us. Maybe he felt the same protective urges over her as I did. Maybe, as he was slightly older than the rest of his group, he felt like that for them all. Maybe that's why he was so attracted to Shay, a brotherly need to care for him. Then it turned out Shay didn't really need looking after all that much.

Dan could see Aled's desperate need to tell us. He obviously didn't know what went wrong, but he wanted to. Information like that wasn't safe in his hands. He'd use it to abuse her further, probably without intention. He didn't need to know what happened to her, but he wanted to.

"Why can't you tell us? Or phone Sean and get him to tell us?" He whined.

Aled rolled his eyes. "Because I don't want you to use it to bully her further." He sighed.

"I never bully her!" Dan argued. "I only tease, with the help of other people who I'm sure you'd declare innocent."

"It might only be teasing to you, but what if something serious happens? She's not normal, Dan, you could be making everything worse without even realising!" Aled sighed in frustration.

Dan fell strangely silent. He knew Aled was right, but he didn't want to admit there was a personality flaw somewhere.

Gus suddenly remembered something. "Oh, how did you do in English?" He asked.

I presumed he was talking about exams. "Passed with an A. How did you do?" I asked in return. Gus' written English was terrible. And he had an awful habit of forgetting simple little everyday words. He could speak and understand, but the assessment wasn't just speaking and understanding.

"I don't know if it's worth retaking it or not," He explained. "I got 68%, so I didn't really pass. If I retake it and do worse it would've been a waste."

"I wouldn't retake it, because you can hold a decent conversation. Je doute qu'ils sont parfaitement couramment le français." I replied. I winked at him, hoping the others hadn't understood.

Aled had, but he laughed it off. "Je peux vous entendre!" He giggled, obviously not offended.

After lunch, Gus texted Josh and arranged for them to come over. He lived just a two minute walk away, enough time for us to clear away. We kept the leftovers in little tubs in the fridge, but we had to take out some beer bottles to make space. In fact, six bottles had to be removed, apparently. The excuses they'd come up with were crazy.

Josh arrived with Mallory in tow. He seemed to be guarding her, protecting her. Did everyone feel the need to care and protect her? I hoped so. She needed to see support. Her ginger hair was a mess and her eyes were heavy with sleepless nights. Josh still seemed enthralled with her. He struggled to keep his eyes from her body, studying her constantly. Her comfort was his best interest. It was adorable, really. The same went for Aled and Gus. There was some attraction there, not ready to be released - still budding. I just wanted them all to get together and for them all to be happy.

The four boys stood about in the kitchen, talking amongst themselves. Mallory didn't want to be apart of their conversation. I could see her sat in the front room, a beer bottle in her lap. She was trying to avoid contact with them, ignoring Josh's adoring glances. I made it my personal goal to get everyone hooked up with their best suitor, not just Christian and Sean. Mallory and Josh were my first targets.

I sat by her side on the couch and smiled. She smiled in return, showing she wasn't afraid of me. I wondered if she ever felt ugly. I'd never seen anyone so naturally beautiful and innocent in my life. She was just unique. Someone as perfect as her shouldn't feel pain. If I could just hug her and absorb all that depression, wherever it came from, I would. Just so she had a better chance. She was evidently smarter and brighter than anyone I knew, with the ability to excel in whatever she chose to do.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to be around them." She apologised quickly, glaring down at her lap.

"That's okay, I'm not asking you to join." Should I ask her about what Josh told us? No, that would probably ruin the faith she had in him. "They're all really sweet though, you don't have to worry about them. Especially not Josh."

She glanced over at Josh, catching him staring. He blushed and looked away, turning deep red. She sighed and stared back into the bottle.

"I feel sorry for him, having to put up with me for weeks. I'm not a great person." She admitted quietly. "I'm just going to keep him up at night and freak him out."

"I really don't think that matters to him," I said, noticing Josh was watching her again. "I think he'd wait up all night with you quite happily. He'd be grateful for some company."

Mallory looked up again and met his gaze. He turned bight red again, but didn't look away. He just smiled. Something genuine and honest. And something in that moment clicked for her. She got it: she didn't need to be afraid of him. She smiled timidly in return and looked away again.

"This sounds so freaky, but I think I can trust you," She said quietly. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin between them. "I don't want to say why, but since I was little I've been scared of men. I don't exactly know when it started but for as long as I can remember I've felt violated and vulnerable around boys. Except the ones who took me in." Letting her ramble was the easiest thing to do. She needed the opportunity to let everything out. "I don't like talking to strangers because they always think I'm strange. I really am, but that's okay. I don't like other people thinking that though."

"That's okay, we're all going to look after you. If you ever need to tell me, or even wan to, I'll always be here. I promise I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too." I reassured.

She smiled and nodded gratefully.