我不想成为朋友

Yixing was different then you’d ever imagined. The way you were now was so different then when you’d met him, he forced self confidence on you, doting on you and making you feel special. It was this kind of attention that made you radiate a form of confidence that people noticed. Everyone assumed you were dating some mysterious, perfect man. When you told them, he was just a good friend they couldn’t help but scoff at your innocence. They’d tell you, ‘No man would stick around, making you feel this good about yourself if he didn’t have feelings for you,’ but you ignored them. You figured with his busy life style - he had enough on his plate. A relationship would just add more to it, even though your feelings for him were leaps and bounds what you had intended them to be - you would sacrifice your heart just so he wouldn’t have to struggle with another set of emotions - that was even considering that Yixing thought of you that way.

He exerted this force of happiness in you, that you’d never once felt with anyone before. It was exciting, and depressing all at the same time. You looked at your neatly packed luggage that was sitting on your bed. Your mother smiled from the doorway, and walked over to you. She grabbed your hands in her own, then brushed a piece of hair out of your eyes, “You do whatever you have to, just make sure you’re happy,” she told you softly with a gentle and supportive gaze.

"Thank you, mom," you whispered quietly,"I just hope I’m not making a mistake - he doesn’t even know I’m coming." You told her gently, you had planned this trip three months in advance hoping you two would still be in contact by then. You sighed a little as your mother let your hands go.

"He’d be stupid not to like you, ____." She spoke honestly as she handed you the small beanie you always wore when you traveled which as of late - because of school - had been a lot. You went from your home town to New York to go to school, then you came home - transfering to a local university for the sake of saving money. You could barely afford the food in the big city much less the school - your tuition had nearly doubled when you arrived at the school. Then you had to go back to the school in New York for paper work, then fly home again - that had been your last four months. You were tired of travel, but you knew the fourteen hour flight to see Yixing would be worth it.

"Mom, you have to say that," you told her as you fixed your beanie a little then slid on your shoes taking your earrings off and replacing them with the plastic ones so you could get through security smoothly. You took off your watch, and put it in your suitcase before making sure you had everything you needed for your lap top.

"No, I don’t. I see how you smile when you talk to him - and I’ve seen the things he’s said to you - he cares," she told you gently as she sat in your computer chair watching you move around the room. "Don’t doubt yourself so quickly,"

You let out a huff of air as you zipped your bag, then put the lock on the back so nothing would fall out. “I know I shouldn’t, but I’m not expecting anything other than a simple visit, I might not even get to see him but just at the signing,” you told her shrugging a little, you knew he was busy so you wouldn’t be too upset if you didn’t have a chance to hang out more.

"Well, I’m sure he’ll make some time for you," she told you smiling a little as your father entered the room, and grabbed your carry on, and your suit case to take it to the car. He didn’t approve of this trip, but knew he could do nothing to stop you from going - you were twenty one and able to make decisions on your own. You’d explained that you needed this, this time away from everyone. It was summer break now, so you had time off to not worry about school for a couple months.

"Ready?" he asked gruffly.

"Yes," you smiled a little and grabbed your airport backpack - it made going through security a breeze. You walked out of the house with your bags, putting them in the hatch back of your parents honda. You climbed into the back seat where you were used to being seated - you knew the next three weeks were going to be good but you weren’t sure how you knew. It was like a surge of courage coursed through you.

[Hey, how is your day going? I haven’t heard from you - just wanting to know if you’re okay,]

You smiled reading his message from the mobile texting service you used, you quickly typed back to him. You hated lying but you needed to have an excuse for not replying to him before, and not for the next sixteen hours or so.

[I have some family stuff going on right now, I’ll fill you in when I have the time - I’m sorry I haven’t replied to you. :( I’ll make it up to you, I swear.] you hit send, and you felt confident, you knew he’d trust your judgment but you hadn’t expected him to reply so quickly.

[Are you okay? What kind of family stuff?]

[I’m fine, its too much to explain right now but the second I have the time I’ll explain everything - preferably when I’m at a computer.] you sent back, hoping that would cure his curiosity for now, but you knew he’d want a straight answer sooner.

[Fine, just.. let me know as soon as possible…]

You sighed a little happy with that answer, you would have to sleep through the entire flight since your phone had to be off during the entirity of it. You didn’t know how you were going to stand not talking to him for so long - but the thought of seeing his face in person made it worth it.

—

When the plane landed in Seoul - it was hard to shake the nervous feeling that was revirberating off of the inside of your heart. You began to second guess everything. It was becoming a huge mess, the first time you did when you arrived at the hotel, was plug in your laptop - and figure out the wifi - then you planned out your outfit for the next few days. When your stomach rumbled, you realized you hadn’t eatten in a while. You sighed a little and clicked open a few tabs, messaging your parents privately to let them know you’d arrived safely, and that you would probably take a nap soon.

DING

[Yixing]:Are you okay? What took so long?

[You]: I’m fine, we just had a lot going on it’s truly hard to explain - shouldn’t you be asleep?! It’s like two in the morning there!

You laughed a little as you scolded him, knowing you should be in bed too, but you wanted to act like everything was normal. You knew Yixing was concerned for you, but he’d understand tomorrow - you wanted to surprise him. The two of you had talked a lot about meeting before now, and it’d become something you both really craved to happen. He claimed he wanted to give you the worlds best hug, and you just wanted to hear his voice in person, and not coming through a set of headphones.

[Yixing]: I was worried - so I stayed up. You’re sure you’re okay though?

[You]: I’m positive, everything worked out fine - I’ll explain it once you’ve gotten some rest. Go to sleep, I’m sure you’re going to be busy with something tomorrow. :)

[Yixing]: Alright… Message me if you need anything. I’ll reply as soon as I can, I have a signing tomorrow starting at 10am, but I’ll be free around 2pm I think. ^^

[You]: Alright, I’ll explain everything once you’re online - I don’t want you to worry too much.lol.

[Yixing]: Okay, I’ll talk to you then - have a good day, _____.

[You]: Goodnight, Yixing.. sleep well. :)

He signed off, and you let out a deep breath - closing your eyes. You were exhausted, you grabbed your pajamas, set your alarm then walked into the bathroom so you could shower. By the time you laid down - it was nearing three in the morning, your thoughts were plagued by the idol you’d never expected to meet. He’d become more special to you then you’d ever imagined - and seeing a smile light up his face was your number one goal. Ever since you’d started talking just over a year, and a half ago – you’d done nothing but crave to hear him laugh. It was like a drug you could never get enough of, your conversation consisting of nearly nothing were the ones you loved the most. Just talking about day to day life, as if you’d known one another forever – it was really hard to have those kinds of friendships, but to find them so randomly with someone like him, you never imagined this.

You looked at the ceiling, the dark room was silent even the ceiling fan didn’t make any noise except for the blades whipping the air around the room. Your eyes began to get heavy as you let your mind wander to what the day might hold for you tomorrow . The alarm clock on your phone was probably the loudest thing you’d ever heard, you nearly fell out of the bed – wondering why you’d used that one knowing specifically that you hated it. You had used it for school so you’d wake up on time for class – but had stopped simply because you kept waking up ten to twenty minutes before your alarm clock so you didn’t have to hear it. You hated losing sleep that you could have had, so you switched it to a loud song instead.

Slowly sitting up you rubbed your eyes, you had about an hour to get ready then be at the signing. You were going to wear the outfit you’d gotten right before you left – it would fit in with the style since he said you’d stick out like a sore thumb in Korea due to your American sense of fashion.

Your hair had loose curls at the ends of it, and you sighed a little making sure your beany was on snug before grabbing your bag with all your things you needed to get ‘signed’. You made sure you had your passport before heading out the door with the sticky note, and key card you’d prepared for him so you could just give it to him, and move on. You knew the lines would be insane - its why you decided to leave early. You weren’t wrong though, the lines were already extremely long - you knew you’d be there for hours before you got to see him. However - you could see him from where you were - even if he was just a tiny spec at this point. Thankful you’d brought a couple snacks, and some water for the long day ahead. It was nearing noon by the time you got to the table, your hands were shaking, and your heard was pounding in your chest.

Had he seen you already? It didn’t seem like it, so you just kept your head ducked, and did your best to not become to jittery. You had the large book with their pictures in it, and smiled once you reach the table greeting each member with a friendly smile. As you neared his side of the table you saw him do a double take, and his eyes didn’t come off you for a good minute then he apologized to the fan in front of him and signed her book - and conversed with her as usual.

”________, what are you doing here?” he asked with a smile once you reached him, you smiled back at him and opened the book sliding him the note with the key card.

"I wanted to surprise you - we can talk more later?" you said hopefully, as he scribbled his name on the page with his face. Quickly he nodded a little.

"I’m done after this," he told you smiling, and made sure he was quiet about it, "I’ll be there," he mumbled to you with a quirk of his lips you moved on to finish the rest of the line. Talking with each of the members as if you’d known them forever. You had spoken to each of them for the breifest of moments so they all were just as surprised to see you as Yixing had been. The day seemed to be going a lot better then you had originally planned, once you were done at the signing - you decided to go to the store. You’d cook for Yixing, and make a nice lunch/dinner. You were sure it was after two already by the time you’d gotten to the store, people were bustling about doing their best to get things they needed. You grabbed a small basket, then began to pick up things you knew he liked - or things you wanted to try in general. If you were going to be here for three weeks, you might as well make this trip to remember.

You used the card to unlock the door, and shut it behind you making sure to leave it unlocked. As you moved around the small kitchen, you stuffed your headphones in your ears dancing a little to the music as you cooked the food. Cooking was one of your favorite things to do, it kept your mind calm when you were nervous - and now was definitely a time you were nervous.

About an hour had passed, and you were cleaning up the kitchen - you hadn’t heard Yixing come inside. A small smile placed on his lips as he looked at you, he licked his lips before walking over, wrapping his arms around your waist burying his face into your neck causing you to stiffen unsure of what was happening. He pulled the headphones gently out of your ears and brought his lips to the shell of your ear.

"I don’t want to be friends I want to be the only one in your eyes, I don’t want to be any other ordinary person" he sang softly in his native tongue. You knew the song by heart, you’d also been practicing your mandarin with him - so you knew exactly what he was saying.

"I want to be the only one with the right to protect you, I don’t want to be friends After you walked into my line of sight, Just using words is not enough Lady! I’ve fallen for you only… "He sang softly and pressed a small kiss to your neck. The shivers going down your spine were an understatement. You’d never felt so wanted in your life - only in your dreams did this happen. You weren’t sure if you were even awake right now.

”_______, be mine,” he whispered, you felt him swallow hard - you knew he was just as nervous as you were. You turned around in his arms, your hand coming up to touch his cheek - it felt so surreal to be touching him like this.

"I think I always have been," you whispered quietly. His lips descended down upon your own, sealing it with a kiss.