Fall of Rome

When I woke up, the sun was shining and I was alone in my bed, with my eyes still puffy and my head throbbing from all the crying I had done the night before. Dylan must have tucked me in after I feel asleep and gone to his own bed. My entire body ached and I knew I need a hot cup of coffee and I needed it at that very moment.

Still dressed in my clothes from the day before, I grabbed my wallet off my dresser and walked down to the cafeteria to get coffee for Dylan and me. I wasn’t gone long, but when I got back Dylan was sitting straight up on the sofa, extremely alert.

His eyes fell on me the moment I opened the door and I could see him breathe out a sigh of relief. “I was so worried you weren’t coming back.”

I didn’t say anything, just walked over to the sofa and sat down on the opposite end after handing Dylan his cup of coffee. His eyes moved away from me and back to the fireplace, where my gaze refused to move away from. We stayed quiet and took sips from our coffee until my thoughts got to be too much for me.

“I wish things could go back to normal,” I almost whispered, my voice so soft even I barely heard it. Dylan’s head turned to look at me and I could see the sorrow in his eyes.

He reached a hand out, moving it slowly so he could gauge my reaction and see if he needed to pull back, until it landed on my cheek. His eyes were looking directly into mine, and he began rubbing his thumb back and forth over my skin.

“I will do whatever it takes to make you happy,” he said, his lip trembling as he spoke. “Even if it isn’t with me, I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

I couldn’t speak for a long moment as the look in his eyes took my breath away. It was like the whole world was in his eyes, and I thought if I could look long enough then all of the answers would just come to me.

“I love you, El,”

My head fell against his chest and his hand moved immediately to my hair, moving his fingers up and down in the way that he knew I liked so much. We stayed like that for a long moment before Dylan spoke again.

“Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?” He asked, his warm breath landing on my hair as he spoke.

I closed my eyes, taking in a long, deep breath. “I hope so.”

A knock on the door followed by the recognizable call of housekeeping separated Dylan and I from one another. Dylan was the one to get off the sofa and answer the door, and he quickly told housekeeping we’d be out in a moment so they could straighten things up. I was already headed back to my room to get ready when Dylan was finished chatting with them.

After we were both dressed, Dylan tossed some money on the table for the housekeepers and we walked out of our room with our skiing gear in our hands. I made sure to grab mine before Dylan had a chance to do it for me, and it was only then that I realized how difficult it was to balance with my arms filled with things.

We were passing the shop to head to the changing rooms when Dylan caught sight of something in the shop and pulled my attention to it.

“You wanna try snowboarding?” He asked, pointing up at one of the boards on display. “Maybe it’ll be a bit easier.”

“Having one giant foot instead of two doesn’t sound much easier to me,” I joked, raising my eyebrows at him as I tried to balance my gear in my hands.

“It’s worth a try, yeah?”

Dylan didn’t even give me a chance to respond before he’d left his things in a pile on the ground and gone into the shop to spend even more of his seemingly endless supply of money on things he didn’t need. He came back out with two boards – one for me and one for him.

The board he passed me was decorated with skulls with fire coming out of their sunken in eyes, and his had some sort of tribal pattern that didn’t match either of our outfits.

Balancing the board as well as my skis made the walk to the changing room a little bit more difficult, and when I entered the room, I immediately dropped my things into a heap on the floor. The first thing I did was set my skis in one of the many lockers the changing room had, leaving out only my snowboard and winter riding gear.

By the time I was completely dressed and bundled up, I was sweating and ready to get out on the slopes again, just so I could feel the soothing but chilly air. Dylan exited the men’s changing room just as I exited the women’s and smiled at me.

“You ready?”

I shrugged my shoulders as I took another step closer to him. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

We took the same long journey that we had before, but this time it seemed much shorter and I didn’t feel half as nervous as I did before. The lift, on the other hand, was a bit of a different story, and I found myself scooting closer to Dylan the nearer we got to it.

This time, I was the one carrying my board and I didn’t know how much more difficult it would be to get on and off. I saw the way Dylan fell last time and I didn’t want that to happen to me.

“Let me get that for you,” Dylan said as he reached his hand out for my board.

I shook my head quickly, pulling my board to my chest. “That’s alright. I’ve got it.”

“You sure?”

I nodded and Dylan smiled at me before placing his hand on my back. I could hardly feel it through the thick fabric of my snowsuit, but I could see it. He used his hand to guide me towards the lift and we hopped on the moving chairs simultaneously as the attendant wished us a good day on the slopes, though he probably didn’t know we’d barely make it down them.

When we reached the top, Dylan and I slid off the lift and neither of us fell, which I was thankful for. I spotted the same hill we had sat on the day before and was the first one to get to it. The first thing Dylan did when he reached me was snap the board to my feet, and then he did the same to his own. I stayed sitting for as long as I could, because I knew it would only be a matter of time before I was back on the ground again.

Dylan was, of course, the first to stand, and he seemed to wobble a bit before he got enough momentum to go down the miniature hill, where another family was attempting to teach their young daughter to ski. His board left marks in the snow as he continued going down, until he was quite a few feet away from me and I wasn’t sure if he was coming back.

Eventually he came to stop and plopped back down onto the snow, pulling his board off his feet before he came walking back towards me. He plopped right back down next to me and snapped his board back to his boots.

“Alright,” he said, smiling at me as he pressed his hands in the snow. “You’re not gonna be able to do much moving unless you’re going downhill or hopping around, so we’re just gonna have to go for it.”

“What?” I asked quickly, my eyes going wide in shock.

“It’ll be fine, El,” he said, reaching over to place his hand on my knee. “You did great yesterday and I’ll be right here to catch you.”

“I did not do great yesterday,” I countered. “The only time I made any real progress I fell on my ass.”

Dylan chuckled, shaking his head as he stood up from the snow covered ground. “You’re going to do great, Eleanor. I’ll make sure of it.”

I wanted to ask just how he could make sure of anything, but I didn’t see the point in arguing with him, so when he held his hand out to me I latched onto it and he pulled me up in one swift motion.

“Just bend your knees a little bit and puff your butt out. It’ll help keep your balance,” he said, mimicking the action he was talking about. Pursing my lips, I chuckled at him and he rolled his eyes. “Just trust me.”

He took my hand and yanked me forward a bit, which caused both of us to begin moving down the hill. It was only a matter of time before I went crashing to the ground, but I tried to use Dylan’s tips anyway, although it was a lot harder than it looked. My arms began to wobble and in seconds I was falling face forward straight into the snow.

There was nothing there for me to grab onto, so I collided with the fluffy white powder, which went all down the front of my snowsuit and into my mouth. I could hear Dylan laughing behind me as I began to lift myself up off the ground.

“That was a great first try,” he said, as he came around to the front of me to help me up. I thought about pushing his hand away and getting up by myself just out of principle, but I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to get up without him.

As I reached out for his hand, he pulled me up and smiled at him as I dusted myself off. “Let’s try that again.”

Dylan and I must’ve gone down that same hill a three dozen times before I was able to make it all the way down without falling, and it was almost dark by the time I did, but it was worth it.

The moment I hit the flat surface, body still up right, I tossed my hands into the air as I shouted up to the heavens. Dylan gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen before he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me into the air, squeezing around my rib cage as tightly as he could.

“You did so great, El,” he said as he squeezed me tighter, pressing his face into my neck.

“Thanks,” I smiled back, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You did great, too.”

My whole body felt like it was in this euphoric state – like nothing could hurt me and I could do anything in the world. It was only a baby slope, but after thinking I’d never be able to make it down, hitting the bottom felt like winning a gold medal. I finally understood the Olympic craze the athletes always talked about, if only on a small level.

After several long moments, Dylan finally put me down, and I thought I might fall again but I kept my balance. His eyes fell into me and he had the biggest smile on his face, and it was crazy to think that he was probably more proud of me than I was of myself.

A chill fell over me and I suddenly realized how much colder it was getting as the sun began to go down. It would be unbearably cold in less than an hour, and Dylan and I both knew it was time to get back inside.

“What do you say we head back in? I’d say your accomplishment deserves a cup of coffee, at the least.”

I nodded my head and smiled as we began the long journey of ski lifts, bus rides, and walks back inside. My fingers were numb again when we made it in, but I couldn’t wait to be out of my cramped snowsuit and back in normal clothes. I changed out of my suit much more quickly than I had changed into it, but Dylan was still waiting for me when I walked out of the changing room, with Styrofoam cups filled with hot chocolate already in hands.

“You’re quick,” I said as he passed me the cup, bringing it immediately to my lips as I took a whiff off the warmth and cocoa. “Thank you.”

Dylan smiled back. “You’re welcome.”

The two of us walked back to our room in silence, aside from the sound of our sipping. I had already finished my cup by the time we got back to the room, and I was completely exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball of warmth and sleep until morning.

“Would it be weird if I put on every piece of clothing I brought with me?” I asked Dylan as we stepped into the room, him heading straight for the fireplace.

“Nah,” he said, chuckling as he leaned over the wood, moving it about a bit before he flipped the switch next to it. “I have a couple things you could borrow.”

I smiled back at him before moving towards my bedroom, feeling even more exhausted with every step I took. I landed my hands on my doorframe and looked back at him. “I’m exhausted,” I said, yawning as I spoke. “I think I’m gonna head to bed early.”

Dylan nodded his head, smiling back at me. “That sound like a good idea. Goodnight, El.”

I turned around to walk into my room when I felt something wash over me, and it was like I was frozen in place. I didn’t want to leave Dylan again.

Taking a deep breath, I tapped my fingers against the wood before turning back around.

“Do you –” I stuttered, pursing my lips as Dylan’s eyes met mine. “Do you think you could lay with me? You know, just until we get warm.”

Dylan’s eyes widened in disbelief before he nodded his head quickly, standing up as though a fire was lit beneath him. “Of course, yeah. I could do that.”

I smiled at him and he followed me into my room, treading lightly like he thought if he made one wrong move I’d tell him to turn back around. With my body shaking, I jumped under the covers and tucked them all the way above my head, so none of the outside air could get in.

There was a long pause before Dylan spoke, and I could hear his feet shifting beside me. “You want – uh – you just want me to jump in?”

“Mhmm,” I all but whispered, trembling quietly beneath my blanket. I felt the bed shift on the opposite side as Dylan’s weight fell onto it, and a light slipped in as he pulled himself under the blanket. I could barely make out his face in the darkness, but I knew how close he was.

“You’re freezing,” he said, as his foot accidentally brushed against my leg.

“It’s freezing out there,” I replied, curling my legs up to my chest for warmth. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and it was like every breath was a struggle to take. I hadn’t felt this truly close to Dylan in a long time, and I wasn’t sure how much of it I would be able to handle, but the last thing I wanted was to push him away.

“You need me to warm you up?” he asked, and I nodded. I’m not sure how he saw me, but he reached his hands out and cupped them around mine, bringing them up to his lips to blow on them again. Even when he was done breathing against them, he kept my fingertips right next to his face and never moved them.

The body heat that was rolling off Dylan warmed me up quickly, and with the warmth came an impossible feeling of relaxation. I knew I was drifting off to sleep, but I didn’t have the heart to tell Dylan out of fear that he might get up.

My eyes fluttered shut and I was asleep in an instance, lost in the warmth of the boy next to me and the exhaustion of the day I had spent with him.