You Had My Heart At Least for the Most Part

“You alright man?” Jimmy asked as he saw me sitting alone on the couch, staring out the window.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. I heard Vanessa and Brian last night. It was not something I wanted to hear. It was sickening. Why do I even care? It isn’t like I know Vanessa. It was just this feeling I got whenever I saw her. Even if she was walking out of the back room with her hair a mess and her clothes half hanging off her body. She was flawless. I wished she was mine.

“You don’t look fine.” He sat next to me with his beer in hand.

“Just thinking,” I shrugged, "but it’s nothing.”

“It must be something.” He nudged me.

“Brian!” I heard Vanessa giggle from the back. It was odd. It has been a week since we all met Vanessa at the restaurant. Brian is still with her. He hasn’t dumped her out on the street. I was so confused. I had no idea what was going on.

“Sounds like they are having fun,” Jimmy laughed and supped his drink.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I am going to go smoke.” I stood up trying to avoid a conversation about how ‘Brian finally found a girl’ or how ‘cute Brian and Vanessa’ are. I felt nauseous.

I made my way outside and pulled out my pack of Marlboro’s. I could not wait for this tour to be over. We were debuting our self titled record that was freshly made, and then right after we are headlining Taste of Chaos. It had to be the highlight of the next few months. I must have been outside for quite some time. I heard someone open the door and jump off the bus. I looked to my left and saw Vanessa. She noticed me and smiled. “Hey Zacky.”

“Hi.” I exhaled smoke from the corner of my mouth. I could not get over how beautiful she looked.

“I don’t think we formally met yet.” She laughed and tucked her curly hair behind her ear. “I’m Vanessa Jones.”

“Zacky.” I smiled and shook her hand. Why did she have to be so god damn attractive? Did she not know this was frustrating to me?

“I thought I would apologize in case Brian and I have been annoying you lately.” She laughed and looked down at her feet shyly.

She just had to be sweet, too? Just to spite me. “Don’t worry about it.” I shrugged and stomped out my cigarette.

“So you guys are playing Denver tomorrow?” Vanessa looked up at me, biting her lip.

“Yep.” I nodded. “We are all excited about it.”

“I don’t know about Brian. He drank a lot, so it probably won’t be fun for him,” She laughed.

“Typical Brian.” I shook my head laughing a little, trying to be as polite as I could be.

“Well I will see you tomorrow.” She smiled her heart stopping smile and waved as she slowly walked away.

I waved back and watched her leave. I sighed realizing her and Brian must have fallen for each other. That or Brian really liked her ‘performance’. This is the longest he has ever stayed with a girl. It was starting to get on my nerves. But at least I get to see Vanessa. If Brian did sleep with her once and kick her out, my chances of seeing her again are pretty slim. I shrugged it off and walked back on the bus.

“God she is so good,” Brian said collapsing on the couch in his boxers.

“She has been around for a while.” Matt laughed.

“Why else would I keep her? She is amazing. Probably the best I have had in a long time.” Brian laughed and finished off his beer.

“Are you going to ask her out?” Johnny asked grabbing the Jack Daniels from the cabinet.

“Are you kidding?” Brian looked at him. “That hot waitress coming over tomorrow. My mind can not possibly worry about anything else.” He smirked and sat up. “Ah,” he stretched, “it is good to be me.”

I rolled my eyes and walked back to my bunk. When will Brian ever realize that this is all going to kick him in the ass? Vanessa likes him. I hated to admit it, but she obviously did. She is going to find out sooner or later. I may not know her well, but I know she is not stupid. Brian tends to under estimate people a lot. And I know for fact this will all come back around.

A week later, and they were still together. Well not together. Just sleeping together. Vanessa and I have talked a total of two times since she has been with us. I loved it, but it also made me more attached to her. And obviously I couldn’t have her. Brian was outgoing, and I was just shy. I could never bring myself to talk to a girl. It is pathetic, but I can’t help it.

“Hey you.” Vanessa smiled as she plopped down next to me on the couch.

“Hey.” I smiled at her shyly, sipping my beer.

“How are you?” She asked tying her shoes.

“Fine.” I shrugged. I knew her and Brian were doing things in his bunk.

“Do you know anything about a Stacy?” She asked sitting up straight and looking at me with her brows furrowed a little.

I almost spit my drink out. “What?” Was she seriously talking about that waitress?

“Look.” She handed me a napkin with the name Stacy written underneath a number. “I found it in Brian’s coat.”

“Oh.” I looked at it, wondering if I should risk fucking up my friendship with Brian for Vanessa, or if I should lie for him. Shit. If I saved his back, I lose the girl. If not, I get her, eventually. I didn’t know what to believe. Either the devil on my left shoulder, or the angel on my right.

“Zacky?” Vanessa laughed, waving her hand in front of me.

“What?” I jumped a little. I must have zoned out thinking about it.

“I lost you there.” She laughed.

“Sorry.” I blushed a little seeing her smiling widely at me. She was so gorgeous. Lucky Brian.

“Do you know anything about Stacy?” Vanessa looked into my eyes.

“Yeah,” I started still fighting that devil, “Stacy is a friend of Brian’s from high school. We bumped into her the other day and she gave him her number.” I was lying through my teeth and I hated it. “There is nothing to worry about.” I put my hand on her back smiling.

“Oh okay.” She laughed. “I was a little worried for a second.”

You should be, was my first thought But I had to brush it off. I laughed along with her and took my hand off her back, feeling my cheeks growing hot. She smiled and sat back next to me, leaning against me. I blushed a little more and sipped my beer to stop myself from saying anything I would regret.

“Well thanks, Zach.” She smiled. “I should get going. My friend Sarah is having a party.”

“Oh, have fun.” I smiled at her.

“Thanks.” She leaned in and kissed my cheek. Instantly I blushed. I tried to hide it as best as I could. Guys don’t blush!

“Sure, anytime.” I smiled.

“Bye.” She waved sweetly and walked off the bus.

Oh my god. I smiled and sank down in the couch. I could still feel the spot on my cheek where she left a kiss. I lifted my finger tips to the spot. My smile grew just thinking about it. Maybe I was getting closer and closer. But maybe Brian was too. I had to move on. I couldn’t let this beautiful, smart, sexy, nice, sweet girl get in the way of my career, or my friendship. Was I in too deep?