Broken

It's 7 A.M.

Mommy and Daddy are in the other room, and I can hear their screams echoing through the walls of the house. I sit up on my bed, and try to wipe the sleep from my eyes.

It's always the same.

Mommy and Daddy don't live together anymore. They got a "divorce." I'm not really sure what that means, other than Daddy isn't around as much as he used to be.

When he does come, he tells me that we're going to spend some family time together. He and I always have fun, though I'm sad to leave when I go back to Mommy.

Unfortunately, though, it's never a good thing when he comes. At least, not until we leave the house.

My toes barely touch the floor when I hear a slam, then a shatter coming from the room where Mommy and Daddy are. The sudden noise causes me to flinch, and I rethink my decision about going to see what's happening.

”Stupid-" Daddy yells a word I'm not familiar with, but the way he says it makes me think it isn't very nice. "First you lie to me, and now you're going to try to keep my daughter from me?"

Slam. Shatter.

It's 8:15 A.M.

I'm still sitting in my room, hugging my knees with my head against the wall. I hate when Mommy and Daddy fight like this. I hate that it's usually about me.

Is it my fault they're fighting? I love them both, so I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt them. But, if they're fighting because of me...

I hear a pounding on my door. I turn my head as the lock clicks, and Mommy walks in.

It's 9:00 A.M. as she walks over to my bed and sits down.

But she doesn't say anything until 9:05 A.M.

"Baby, are you alright? I didn't realize we woke you up," she said, pulling me into her arms. The familiar scent of her perfume, light and flowery, fills my senses with a comfort I hadn't had all morning.

I shrugged my shoulders weakly. I was used to the fights, though it broke my heart a little more every time to hear the shattering of plates in the kitchen.

"I'm okay, Mom. I didn't want to disturb you guys.." I replied, my voice trailing off. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. After all, I didn't want to hurt my mother further, and give them more reason to fight about me.

She offered a smile, rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, baby. Daddy and I just.." she paused for a moment, looking for the words. "Daddy and I just don't see things the same way anymore."

I have no words to offer her, so I stay quiet. She just holds me there for a while, until Daddy came in the door.

"Oh, this is brilliant," he said, taking two steps into my room. "Simply forbidding me from seeing her today wasn't enough; you have to keep her holed up in her room away from me now, too?"

Mommy's arms slid off of me as she stood up. The two of them reminded me of snakes, hissing and lunging for the other's throat.

"She just woke up! Give me a break!" She spat.

They continued to argue about me, right there in my bedroom. I tightened myself back into a ball against my pillows, pulling my blanket over my head in an attempt to drown out their voices.

It didn't work very well.

At 12:00 P.M., Daddy left.

I didn't go with him.

Mommy said I couldn't see him this week, and maybe not for a while.

I'm hurt that she said that, but there isn't much I can do to stop her. After all, I'm just a child. And it's my fault that they're fighting like this.

At 1:00 P.M., I walked into the kitchen, where Mommy was making lunch.

At 1:05, I tugged on her sleeve.

At 1:06, she turned around, and asked me what was wrong.

At 1:08, I answered her.

"Mommy, I'm sorry you and Daddy fight because of me," I said, fighting back the tears that were starting to form. I puffed out my chest, and held my chin high. I wanted her to be proud of me for owning up to my actions, whatever they may be. I didn't want her to think I was just a child anymore.

"What on Earth are you talking about, child?"

Mommy's voice was confused, and she turned around to fully face me. I didn't think I was so important that she had to ignore the macaroni and cheese that was beginning to boil over on the stove, but I heeded her question anyway.

"You two are always fighting with each other," I said, "And it's always about me. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but I guess I did something to make you guys hate each other so much. So.. I'm sorry, Mommy, this isn't what I wanted!" Soft little sobs escaped me. My chest tightened, and hurt. "I'll go away, so that you and Daddy can be together again, and you won't have any reason to fight anymore!"

Before she could answer, I walked back to my room. I pulled out my backpack from under the bed, which I had stuffed with clothes and things I thought I'd need before I approached Mommy. I walked back into the kitchen, and dropped the bag at our feet.

"See, Mommy? I've even packed my stuff already.. So you don't have to help me.."

Mommy stooped down so she was eye level with me, and wrapped her arms around me tight. I could feel little drops of water on my neck, but we were inside, so it couldn't be raining. We stayed like that for a while, with her arms around me tight. I wonder if she thought I was going to leave without saying goodbye, and that's why she wouldn't let go of me.

At 1:15, I tried to push her away.

At 1:16, she held on tighter.

At 1:17, she spoke.

"You silly girl, there is nothing that you could have possibly done to make me hate Daddy. You did nothing wrong, angel. I promise. So you don't have to leave. You can stay here with Mommy, and we'll be okay," she said, letting go just enough to brush the hair out of my face.

"But, Mommy.. Why are you two always fighting, then?"

"Sometimes, we just can't get along with other people, baby. But that isn't your fault. It isn't Mommy's fault, and it isn't Daddy's fault. Sometimes, people just don't belong in the same space, and they want to push each other out. Daddy and I just didn't realize we didn't belong in the same space until you were in the picture. Because Daddy couldn't see what a beautiful, perfect little angel you are."

I didn't know what to say, so I just held onto Mommy tighter. I wanted to say I was sorry, that I didn't mean to break our family into pieces.

But I knew it wouldn't matter.

Even if I left, I couldn't glue back the pieces and make our family whole again. Families aren't little statues that can be pieced back together, bit by bit, and somehow still maintain an appearance of togetherness.

Families are more like glass. When they break, they shatter, and nothing can fix them.

If its a clean enough break, then maybe you can try to piece it back together. But it will never be the same. Cracks will always show.

At 1:20, Mommy let go of me.

At 1:21, Mommy and I made macaroni and cheese.

And from 1:30 onward, Mommy and I made the best we could of our broken little family.