Drank the Poison

I rolled the cigarette it between my fingers and it felt.. weird. I just stared at it, trying to make up my mind.

And I did.

It was stupid. I mean I get the appeal that marijuana has, at least it makes you feel something. But cigarettes are just plain stupid. There’s nothing good about them, except for the fact that it makes you look ‘cool’.

And I admit that it definitely makes Vic look cool, but he always looks good in my opinion. But I also think that for him it was an ‘acceptable’ way to escape from reality, even for five minutes. So I understand why he does it and why he wants to share that feeling with me.

But it was scary. I mean what if I actually became addicted to these things? I’d never forgive myself.

“No Vic, I can’t. No thanks.” I said, pushing it back into his hand.

He just rolled his eyes. “You can’t knock it till you've tried it though..” He insisted.

Still I forced him to take it back, and he did, but not before taking the one out of his mouth and passing it to me.

“Come on, just try it.”

He said being more pushy this time. I knew what this was. Peer pressure. But then again I could have said no anytime I wanted. I just didn’t want to. It was easier to say yes.

So I held it up to my mouth and let the smoke fill my lungs. I took in another little breath and exhaled the smoke letting it swirl around the night sky.

“Like a pro” Vic beamed at me.

It was gross. I already sort of knew what it would taste like because of kissing Vic, but I liked it when we were kissing because it was part of Vic. But when it was just the cigarette alone, I didn’t care for it one bit.

“It’ll take a little bit longer before you actually feel the effects from it, but I just wanted you to understand why I do it. Not to mention how sexy you look when you did that just now.” He said pushing my hair back and out of my face.

But I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable now. It’s funny how I could feel this way over something as small as smoking, but having sex in the back of his car was no problem. Maybe I'm just being irrational.

Still I handed it back to Vic, and I pulled up my jeans and threw on my shirt, which earned a pout from Vic.

Eventually we were both dressed though, and we climbed over the seats and into the front of the car where Vic started up the engine.

My eyes widened as I looked at the clock on the dashboard.

4:30 am

“Shit!” I groaned.

“What?” Vic asked looking worried.

“Vic I need to get home, like now. I have school in less than three hours. And so do you!”

“Then lets ditch!” He grinned at his own idea.

“Don't be stupid Vic.” I scoffed.

“Excuse me, that’s not being stupid, that’s being genius. Just think about it, a whole day, just you and me. We can go to my house.. No one will be home all day, and I have a few ideas on how we can stay entertained..” He said flirtatiously, leaning in closer to me.

Okay. So we have two options here. One, go to school exhausted and fail my biology test and feel like shit. Or two, get fucked senseless on Vic’s bed.

“Okay.” I agreed with a goofy smile.

“Really?” Vic looked shocked at my compliance. I bit my lip and nodded.

And before I could change my mind Vic started the car and sped to his place.

“So everyone should be asleep, and I’ll just tell Mike to get a ride tomorrow. Do you need anything, should we stop by your house?”

“God no, that’s way too risky. Let’s just go to your house, and I can use whatever you have there.”

Vic pulled up to his house. It was huge. It was a two story white mansion with a gated fence and a long driveway leading up to the entrance. I stood at the end of his driveway and stared in awe. I could hear Vic chuckle as he put his hand on my lower back and guided me towards the door.

He opened the huge oak door as quietly as possible, and led me upstairs and towards the door furthest down the hall.

“I’m going to use the bathroom, so just make yourself comfortable. Boxers will be fine.” He smirked as he walked back down the hall.

I opened the door, and peeked in. It was just like mine, only bigger and nicer. There were posters lining the wall, clothes covering the floor, and two beautiful looking guitars in the corner.

His big bed was pushed against the furthest wall, and looked really comfy. I looked at the clock on the bedside stand and it was nearly five am. So I stripped off my jeans and shirt, leaving me in just my boxers.

I looked around his room, and on top of his dresser was a tattered looking notebook. Curiosity took over and I picked it up, and sat down on his bed. I had one of my own, and I would die if anyone else read what was inside, but I also know what kind of deep thoughts lay in these pages.

The Cheap Bouquet

Stay young
And at the top of our lungs
Our hands are free
Our lives have just begun
It's getting dark we should go back
But what's the use if what you love is what you have
And I could die right now
For something beautiful to take me somewhere else
….

Then we can wake up screaming in your bed
And our lungs are begging us to calm down
And I scare myself with all that talk of severing
Doing the best or so it seems
You've been mistaken
…

To be alive
It feels just like the feeling when you die
Oh, alright
I'm dead and I don't care if it's cold outside anymore
So come on
Let's have some fucking fun
____

The words ‘forget regret’ were scribbled everywhere. At least a thousand times the words filled up all of the empty space around the lyrics. I traced my fingers over the words which were written and scribbled into the paper so intensely that the page had tears all over.

“So what if I forget regret.” Vic hummed, startling me and making me drop the notebook onto the carpet. He was standing there, in the doorway, wearing just a pair of boxers.

I scrambled to pick it up. My cheeks burning from getting caught. But he didn’t seem upset by it, I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking actually.

“ ‘Doing the best or so it seems, you’ve been mistaken’? Did you write this?” I asked looking up at him.

Vic gave me a small smile before walking over to his bed. He threw the pillows onto the floor, and pulled back the covers. He got under them, then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me under too.

I nuzzled into his chest, and he put his chin on top of my head.

“Love… And shame.” He paused.

“It’s not done yet, but a lot of what’s written is just fluff. I wouldn’t take any of it literally.” His voice was low and quiet, and I found it was rocking me to sleep, but I also wanted to hear so much more. My eyes uncontrollably began to close, and Vic’s breathing was getting deeper.

So I asked, “Do you love me?” out of no where. I don’t know why I did it, but I felt like I needed to.

“Forever” He kissed the top of my head. And after that I couldn’t help but let my body drift off to sleep alongside his.