Drank the Poison

My mouth dropped open. I’m really trying not to look as shocked as I’m feeling right now.

The bracelets lining his arm. How could I not have noticed! The cocky persona. I guess Vic is not the invincible superman that I had created in my mind.

Sure I had contemplated ending my own life many times before, but that’s because I’m weak and pathetic. I have no friends, no father, and no one but my mom.

But then there’s Vic. The polar opposite of me. I could only imagine losing your best friend and the hell that he must have gone through. But I had just kind of assumed that he had a great life with loads of friends and happiness now. I guess looks can be deceiving.

Clearly he still hasn’t beaten all of his demons.

“I-I went into the bathroom and just.. Everyone left.. It was l-like I was radioactive and I-I couldn’t.” He was getting flustered so quickly. I could see him getting lost in the flashback. It was excruciating watching him crumble so quickly and uncontrollably right in front of me.

The meeting’s starting in five minutes, and I really don’t want to rush Vic’s story. This was moving too fast, for both of us. This conversation was meant to be slow and in depth; this is not the right time. I hope that one day we can sit down together, outside of this place, and talk for hours instead of minutes. I decided to just go for it.

“Umm, a-are you doing anything after the meeting? Maybe we could finish this conversation afterwards? I mean, if you want to, and if my mom okays it..” I stuttered, desperate to snap him out of his memories.

Vic must have liked the idea because his old personality came back as he returned to reality. I could see him relax as he locked eyes with me. He simply smiled and nodded as we began to head back. I followed right next to his side, keeping up with his long strides.

We managed to have a comfortable but melancholy silence as we walked back. I think we were both trying to take in what had just been said. I felt happy that Vic had let me into his mind, but I also felt pressure. Pressure because now I know him in a way I had never anticipated. Why did he do this? Does he expect me to open up too? Oh god, I don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet.

Right before we entered the building, Vic stopped us. “I really hope that I didn’t freak you out back there; I just wanted you to know that we all have our own issues. Even if you don’t have someone to relate to, you’re never really alone. And even though I may be associated with the ‘cool guys’ and dragged into their stupid bullshit, I’m not them and I’m certainly not my brother…

I really like you Kellin, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to ‘return the favor’ or anything like that. That wasn’t my intention tonight. Just because I may be a cocky asshole sometimes doesn’t mean I can’t try and open up to people that I care about” he said, reading my mind and instantly putting me at ease.

He leaned in and pecked my lips, sending my stomach into a fury of turns and flips. “Let’s go inside” Vic began.

My cheeks reddened and I quickly looked around us to see if anyone had seen that. If my mom found out what was going on, I don't know what I'd do. She certainly wouldn’t let this continues on. Whatever ‘this’ is between Vic and I.

I instantly felt awkward standing so close to Vic, so I took a step backwards.

“Oh so, your mom has no idea that you’re gay? Interesting. And here I was thinking that you two were closer than that. Oh well. I guess we’re just going to have to sneak around then” Vic observed.

Before I could answer, Vic put a hand on my back and guided me into the meeting towards the two empty seats next to his sponsor, James. I shot a guilty look at my mom, but she returned it with a huge, encouraging smile. I think she’s happy that I’m finally making friends. Even though he may be an ex-drug and alcohol addict, at least it’s something. Little does she know that this is going to be much more than a friendship, I hope.

“Heyy Kellin” Vic’s sponsor reached over Vic and shook my hand sincerely. He gave me a look that meant that he knew exactly what was happening between Vic and I.

“Uh, hi James” I shot a look at Vic. He just smiled and shrugged, confirming my suspicion.

“Hey, I tell him everything, it’s in the rules. And that includes all the hot gossip about my adorable little Kellin” Vic said casually.

My eyes widened. How he could be so bold, I’ll never know. Vic swung his arm around my chair, and rested his hand on my shoulder teasingly, making it look completely innocent and friendly to everyone else. But clearly he wanted something more between us. I-I think I’m ready for this. Right?

I mean I’ve never had anyone like me before, much less want to date me. Let’s just pray that I don’t embarrass myself too badly.

“Don’t worry, it’s part of the law that I can’t say a word of what Vic tells me to anyone else. Your secret is safe with me” James reassured me. I just smiled, hoping that that was true.

Only one other person has ever known that I’m gay, and that ended horrendously. But now both Vic AND James know.. That made me feel really uneasy. But if Vic could trust me, then I think I can do the same.
________

The meeting closed, and Vic asked my mom if he could take me out to dinner to meet up with some other teens dealing with addiction in their families. Lie.

I hate lying to her, but to be able to spend time with Vic trumped that feeling. She agreed as long as Vic had me home before midnight. It’s nine thirty right now, so that means about two hours plus the ride home.

All alone, just the two of us, for two straight hours.

I could feel the nerves building, and I began to question if I wanted to do this anymore. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and the only time I ever had gotten close to having one, everything spiraled out of control and ended in disaster.

I just kept telling myself that this time things were going to be different. I wouldn’t mess it up this time.

We got into his Range Rover and as soon as he started the engine, Vic leaned over and pulled me into a soft kiss. All of my worries immediately faded away as I melted into his soft lips. He smiled and pulled back, so his eyes stared straight into mine. “So beautiful” Vic said breathlessly.

My cheeks burned and I tried to turn my head away, but Vic delicately placed his hand onto my neck and pulled me into the kiss again. I had no idea what I was doing, but Vic was so dominant and easygoing that it felt natural.

Vic deepened the kiss and glided his tongue over my bottom lip. It was perfect. My eyes fluttered shut as I placed my hand onto his thigh to support myself. Vic lightly bit my bottom lip. But all too soon he pulled away, and put the car into drive.

“We should probably get out of here before I crawl over the seat and give it to you right here and now.”

Whoa.. Wait, what? Vic just smirked and pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. Where we are going, I have no idea. All I know is that I’m incredibly excited to be doing this with Vic by my side.