Drank the Poison

I woke up Saturday morning around 10am, and threw on some sweatpants and a random shirt from my top drawer. I lazily stumbled down the stairs, already planning the delicious breakfast that I was going to have.

I was planning on making eggs and French toast and coffee and fruit, but when I opened the fridge I quickly realized that that wouldn’t be possible. Turns out we’re out of eggs.
And milk.
And there’s no more fruit.
Again. Great.

So instead I grabbed a cup of coffee, and snuggled under a blanket on my older than old couch. I turned on some stupid cartoon, and tried to forget about reality for a bit.

But then something happened that I’d thought I’d never see again.

Someone was outside of the window about to knock on the front door.

“D-dad?” My heart stopped. How the fuck did he even find me? I jumped up and swung the door open.

“Kellin!” The man who abandoned me and my mom over a year ago exclaimed with a huge grin, stepping towards me, and into my house.

The feeling was not mutual. I quickly took a few steps backwards, so that I was in the middle of my living room. His huge stature was intimidating to say the least. Should I just turn around and leave?

No. This is my house. He is the one that needs to go. My mom is supposed to be home from her morning shift soon, and I defiantly don’t want her coming into her house with this man in it. I know that they both made mistakes during their marriage, but ever since then, this man has single-handedly made our lives a constant struggle, and never looked back.

That is until now I guess.

“Son! I missed you!” His load voice boomed, filling up the entire room, as he came closer to me.

Oh god, it looks like he’s going to try and hug me. I guess he either didn’t notice, or didn’t want to acknowledge my obvious disgust towards him. He’s such a fucking lair. Never getting a single Christmas or Birthday card, never receiving a single phone call, ya he must have really missed me.

“What are you doing here.” I said emotionlessly, trying to come cross as unaffected, when in reality I feel like passing out. I instinctively crossed my arms over my chest, to prevent him from touching me, or worse, actually hugging me.

“Kellin, I’m here to take you away! Karen, you remember her right? No? Well we got married! We tied the knot four moths ago, and now I’m here to give you a good life! You’re going to live in Michigan with us, and her son, Dahvie!

You’ll finally be able to escape from your mother! Everything is going to be okay again!” he beamed, telling me these things like it would be the best news I’d ever hear.

“Escape? From what? Mom and I are just fine as we are, no thanks to you.” I added bitterly, getting more and more upset by his stupidity.

“Oh come on Kellin, don’t be so dramatic. She’s brainwashed you. Can’t you see that. I know you can’t be happy living here.” he looked around the living room in disgust, and I couldn’t help but feel insulted.

“You don’t know anything about me, dad.” I said honestly, not considering the consequences of my words.

“Listen to me, boy. I’m offering you a blessing, and if I were you, I’d be a little bit more grateful.” he said getting visibly angry at my unexpected reaction.

But I had to admit that some of what he was saying was true. It would be a blessing in some ways. I briefly considered the luxurious meals that I would have everyday. I briefly thought about the chance to start over aging in a new school. I briefly thought about having a completed ‘family’.

But that’s all that these thoughts were, brief. The thoughts that did stay?

Those were the ones about my mom and Vic. Those are real relationships. Those are the people that I want to spend my time with. They are the people that I know would actually be there for me. And that trumped any other superficial benefits that would come with living with this man.

“No. I-I don’t want to go with you.” I stuttered.

“So you’re choosing her over me?” He sounded outraged.

“Y-yes. Yes I am. A-and I’d like it if you’d leave now.” I gestured towards the door as confidently as I could (which wasn’t very assertive at all).

“I always knew you were weak.” he spat at me with a glare, “little Bitch, just like your mother” he whispered under his breathe, but still loud enough for me to hear.

I wanted to punch him right there, right then. Not for me, but for my mom.

He stormed out and shut the door without another word. Wow, okay then. Nice seeing you too, daddy..

“Fuck you.” I spat back at him once he was out of ear-shot. I went over to the door, locked it, and kicked it as hard as I could. It felt good to get that out of my system, but immediately after I couldn’t stop those stupid tears that began to fall from my watery eyes.

My chest suddenly felt tight, and I could feel myself getting overwhelmed. I shakily went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Was that the last time I’ll ever see my dad? What did I just do? Should I have been a better son? God, I’m the shittiest son. What a fuck-up.

As soon as I was in the kitchen and had the glass in my hand, it slipped, and the glass smashed onto the floor before I could even react. My eyes blurred from the tears, and I dropped to my knees.

I could feel the tiny shards tear apart my legs and my palms, but I honestly didn’t care. In a way that I can’t really explain, it felt good. That triggered a whole train of thoughts, and I could feel my mind begin to spiral out of my power.

I sat there for a good five minutes, trying to regain some control over myself. Weak. That’s what I am.

I knew that I could no longer handle this on my own.