A Drop in the Ocean

It’s been a year since our stand-off with the Volturi; it’s been a year that life has begun to be alright. Renesmee still grows like nothing Edward or the rest of our family has ever witnessed before. Her second birthday will be in a few months and already she is showing to be about the same age as a human six to eight-year-old.

Renesmee is so smart and I’m guessing that has to come from Edward and not myself. She is so elegant and beautiful and Edward insists that comes from me, I think he’s crazy. At almost two years old/six potentially in human age, she still enjoys being close to myself and Edward.

We trust our little half-vampire/half-human with so much already. Renesmee spends nights, sometimes a full week with Charlie and Sue in town. They take her grocery shopping, they take her to see movies and she keeps her thirst under control by eating human food. She’s quite fond of steaks, to Charlie’s enthusiasm.

Apparently she doesn’t eat like a little vegetarian like I used to as a human, Edward jokes with me constantly. Renesmee loves to go fishing with Charlie, and it warms my heart to see that. Charlie confides in me sometimes that it scares him how quickly Renesmee grows. He wonders if he’s going to outlive his Granddaughter and I assure him, he won’t. He won’t outlive his daughter, either, and that thought sometimes scares me.

I’m a vampire, nothing should. The Volturi scare me, even though I know their gifts won’t work on me or my family while I’m around. The thought of losing my Father and Mother one day scares me but as Edward has told me, “death is inevitable.” Even as a vampire, I shouldn’t think myself as truly immortal unless I cannot be killed at all. I could still die any day if someone decides to kill me. Someone older and stronger than me like my own love, Edward and especially like our Father, Carlisle.

Jacob is still here with Renesmee. She looks up to him like an older brother and for that, I’m thankful. Almost two years ago when Jacob told me that he had imprinted on my daughter…I was afraid of it. But it has turned out to be such a wonderful thing. Even in death, Jake and I are still the closest of friends and I’m so very glad that Renesmee has him.
 
“Sometimes I hate that I’ve grown up so fast, I feel like I robbed everyone out of small things, this and that…memories,” I admitted as I read a few more entries of my Mom’s journal. For the last closing in on five years now, she had kept meticulous journals or at least she had tried to.

I couldn’t help but to feel sadness as I read them because I truly do feel that my family missed out on so much because of my rapid aging. But my Mother had a wonderful way of wording things in her journals; it’s almost as if she knew that one day I’d want to read them.

“Oh, Ness,” my Mother said in a soft voice as she got down onto the floor easily beside of me, taking the journal out of my hands with such grace. “But don’t you see; even though you weren’t a baby for maybe as long as your Dad and I would have liked…we get to have you forever. A hundred years from now, with any luck, we will still be together and looking at these journals and reminiscing about old memories and new ones, too. Other parents won’t have that with their human kids.”

When my Mother would put it like that…I did feel somewhat luckier. Even though I grow so quickly and technically I’ve only been alive now for almost five years and already looked to be about fifteen or sixteen years old; I would be alive for maybe several centuries and that thought comforted me. I wasn’t going to die anytime soon.

“Now; I know someone who is probably ready for his Friday night out with you.” I had almost totally forgotten that it was Friday night. I had been so caught up the last several hours reading these journals of my Mother’s and before that; I was reading my Dad’s journals. The ones he kept when my Mother was still human. What an amazing love story; perhaps one day, I could write it and publish it. The world would never believe it was real… the world would just think it was a perfect fictional romance.

“I better get ready,” I said as my thoughts of writing my parents love story dissipated and within a few blinks of an eye; I was no longer in my Mom and Dad’s bedroom where the journals had been strewn out on the floor…I was now in my bedroom, changing clothes and making myself presentable.

Every Friday night for the last year or more, Jacob and I go out to dinner. We’re the only two in the house (even though Jake doesn’t exactly live here… he practically does) that eat human food. So Friday nights, I go and eat at a restaurant with him. It’s not very enjoyable for Mom and Dad since they don’t eat what we do, but they do come with us…sometimes. Every Friday we like to change up the restaurant we got to…sometimes we’ve been as far away as Seattle just to eat dinner.

After freshening up, I walked down the stairs and could already hear Jake’s warm, soothing voice downstairs. He was talking about restoring a couple old bikes; I remember him discussing that with me a few weeks ago now. “When you get one finished, I want dibs,” spoke Emmett, my Uncle.

As I came into the room, I noticed Aunt Rose nudge Emmett’s shoulder. “Like you really need a Harley; it’s like you’re out to drive me insane.” “I’ve been trying to for over a century… hasn’t happened yet, has it?” Emmett answered and I couldn’t help but giggle.

I watched as Jake turned his head and his chestnut brown eyes met my own. According to Jacob, I had my Mother’s brown eyes…from when she was a human. Although mine were considerably milkier, he would say if I had animal blood in my system instead of human food. I guess I could understand that; most of my families’ eyes were golden instead of red since they fed on animal blood and not humans.

“Hi, Jake,” I said softly and walked around the couch, sitting down elegantly on the couch pillow and crossing my leg like a human would do. “Aunt Rose, just let Emmett have his Harley, okay? Then he can go for rides with me and Jake,” I said with a grin and Jacob chuckled beside of me…I could feel the couch rumble when he did that.

“Not a bad idea. We could have family rides on weekends,” he suggested and Rose slightly rolled her eyes, although I could tell that maybe it was from humor and not disgust. “So, Nessie,” Jake said as he turned his head towards me. “Are you ready to go out for dinner?”

“Well, of course. Don’t I look ready?” I asked and playfully nudged his arm as I stood up off the couch, spinning slowly in the outfit I had decided to wear. “Very pretty,” Jake commented as he too stood up off of the couch. I noticed a small look of ‘awe’ on my Aunt and Uncle’s faces and although I wanted to question it, Jake had already started to walk out of the room after waving to Rose and Emmett so I decided to follow behind him. I said goodbye to my family with a simple wave of my hand.

I was pretty starved…I hadn’t eaten since last night. Another part of being half vampire and half human was the fact I didn’t exactly get hungry a lot. I could go days without blood or human food but to be entirely honest… I hated going days without food. Food was so wonderfully delicious…especially human food, of course. I was a food ‘junkie,’ as Jake liked to call me. Sometimes it pained me to think how long it had been since my family had enjoyed human food, but they just didn’t find it appealing or satisfying since they were vampires; full vampires, unlike me.

It was still summer time and pretty warm outside so when we walked out, I was happy to see we were taking Jake’s motorcycle again tonight. “I figured you’d be excited to see it again. Sorry, we didn’t take it last Friday but… the baby needed a good oil change and tune up,” Jake apologized as he slipped his body onto the bike first and then I followed suit. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he fired the engine and we took off from the house in the far forest of Forks. We lived so far away from the town that sometimes I felt like Forks was as large as the cities you’d see on the news; New York City, Los Angeles, places like that.

“It’s fine. I knew you couldn’t keep the motorcycle under a tarp for long; you love it too much,” I teased with him as we sped down the paved roads headed for town. We always did far above the speed limit; Jake was a speed demon and to be entirely honest, so was I.

“Well, now, come on. I do love it but not that much,” he replied and I simply laughed. Sometimes I wish Jake could hear himself talk about motorcycles or fixing up old cars or things like that. It would be clear to him then, that he was definitely more than just in love with his bike.

I could feel the wind blowing through my long brunette hair. I hated the thought of helmet hair so I never wore a helmet when riding with Jake but somehow, my hair never tangled from all the wind blowing through it. My Mom would always remind me to wear a ponytail, telling me about how badly her hair would tangle when she would go on rides with Jake before I was born… maybe it was a vampire thing to have perfect hair all the time.

“Where are we going to eat at tonight, Jake?” I asked as I tightened my hold around his waist as we rounded a sharp corner, arriving into town. “I thought we’d just eat at the diner here in town. It’s been a while since we have.” I could hear Jake’s voice clear as day over the engine of the bike.

“Sounds good, I’m craving a good steak and potato,” I said with a soft laugh and could feel and hear Jake laughing as well. I liked the way he vibrated against my body when he laughed so heartily. In fact, I just liked it when he laughed in general; it warmed my somewhat icy heart.