A Drop in the Ocean

I had no idea how right Jacob was that I wouldn’t get much if any sleep at all that night… I found myself tossing and turning, fluffing my pillows, adjusting covers… My mind kept floating back to being on the beach with Jake and how it felt to be in his arms. The murmurs into my ear, the way his nails dug into my flesh… it felt so real that I knew I must be dreaming at long last.

“I knew I’d dream of you tonight,” whispered Jacob into my ear as we were back on the beach next to the bonfire; it was only us, the way we seemed to like it most. “If I slept at all, I knew I’d dream of you,” I whispered in return as I turned in Jake’s arms for him to hold me properly instead of from behind.

“You’ve never been so lifelike in any of my dreams before,” Jake continued and I found it a little odd that… he would keep saying this was his dream when clearly it was mine, wasn’t it? I pulled back just a little, biting on my lower lip. “Jake… this is my dream, isn’t it?” I mumbled and I could see the puzzled look upon his face.

My eyes widened a bit at the revelation I was having. “Do you think… because of my gift… that it’s possible we could share a dream, even when we’re not right beside one another?” I could tell Jacob was mulling the idea over in his head, a small smile starting to form on his lips.

“I definitely believe, that when it comes to you, Renesmee, anything is possible…” his voice trailed off and I blushed heavily at the sentiment, reaching up and caressing his cheek gently. “I’ve been tossing and turning all night, Jake… I can’t get comfortable when I’m not in your arms,” I admitted in the smallest of voices, noticing faint blush marks coming onto Jake’s cheeks as well.

“Now you know how I’ve slept for the last five years… At least when I do sleep, I dream of you.” Jake admitted and I laughed softly, running a hand up through his coarse black hair. “Can you believe this is the first time I’m dreaming of you like this, though? Sure you’ve been in my dreams… you’re a fixture in my life, but…romantically, no…” I whispered and Jake began to arrogantly grin.

“Well that’ll change from here on out, I’m sure.” Jake commented and I lightly pushed away from him in the dream, smiling ear to ear. “You’re just so sure of yourself, aren’t you, Jacob Black?” I questioned and started to walk down the beach a ways, away from the bonfire… it was darker and cooler now, and it felt so real, it looked so real.

I could feel the ocean lapping at my feet, realizing they were bare. It felt good; the ocean was warmer than the air temperature and the sand too felt quite warm. I felt Jake’s warm arms wrap around me from behind again and could feel him moving the hair from my neck. I tilted my neck some to give him better access. “It’s me you’re dreaming of, thinking about…that gives me plenty of reason to be arrogant and sure of myself,” he whispered and let his plump lips graze over my neck.

“Jacob,” I let out a soft moan and reached back, grabbing his dark black hair once more, just like I’d done much earlier in the night. “I just… I can’t believe we’re in one another’s dream,” I whispered, my body shivering a bit within his grasp. “I’ll probably mention this to you the next time we see one another and you’ll think I’m crazy,” I mumbled.

“If you think I’ll forget this happening, you’re the one that’s crazy,” Jacob murmured into my ear, kissing my ear lobe very much the same way I’d done to him before he left tonight. “I didn’t think you’d forget, Jake,” I started, biting on my lower lip to suppress another moan. “I just don’t think you’ll know about it because I’m not sure this is really a dream that we’re sharing. What if my brain is just coming up with clever things for you to say?”

“Just have a little faith, Ness,” he murmured again, chuckling. “It is a dream so stop being so analytical. We can do anything, say anything… it’s our own little world in here,” I liked the way that Jacob was describing it. I liked the fact that if we were truly in one another’s dream that… it was like we weren’t apart. My heart didn't hurt quite so badly if he’s in my dreams when he’s not here in person.

“Well that’s one thing I know you’d never say, have faith,” I teased some and ran my hands over his arms that were wrapped around my stomach. “You’ve never been much of a faith having person… in fact, you’ve always been rather pessimistic. I think that’s a trait both you and my Mom have…my Dad’s always been the optimistic kind,” I pointed out and listened as Jake chuckled, his body rumbling against mine.

“That’s true to a certain extent, I guess. I’ve never been huge on faith but you bring out a side of me that no one else knows, Nessie. That’s the truth,” he murmured into my ear once more and I sighed contently. I knew that had to be true: maybe I did give Jacob more faith than he used to have… I knew I was starting to look more brightly at the world. I was finally beginning to feel ‘complete.’

Like I had a real reason to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night; don’t twist my words though, I’ve never ‘hated’ life or anything. I’m very grateful to even be alive…I’m a vampire/human hybrid, so many things could have gone wrong: and they did at the start. Yet I’m still here…

“I guess this shows you how much tonight meant to me,” I said quietly and finally closed my eyes within the dream, just relaxing in his arms. “And it shows you what it obviously meant to me, as well.” Jake agreed. “I hate being away from you, Renesmee… it’s even worse now that we’re kind of together…” his voice trailed off.

“We are together,” I told him softly and turned in his arms again, fluttering my eyes opened to gaze up into his. “I’m your girlfriend, Jake. I can’t go back to just being your best friend after last night. What girl in their right mind could? The way you spoiled me, then showed me affection in front of your friends and didn’t care what they thought. You’re doing what every girl could only dream their guy would do…”

“The way it just feels to be in your arms or to see you smile like that, the way you’re grinning right now,” I kept going and started to grin quite a bit as well. “It’s amazing and I don’t want it to stop.” “I promise it won’t. If you don’t want it to end, then it never has to… I’ll always be here; I’ll always walk by your side, wherever you go… You’ll never be alone,” I was definitely taken back by those words and blushed heavily. I never in a million years would have believed somebody, let alone Jacob, would say that to me.

“You’re the best, Jake,” I whispered and held him so tightly with my arms up around his neck and my head nuzzled into his shoulder. I listened to his heartbeat which seemed so real, like I was sleeping on top of him or something and it was being amplified into my dream. “In case we wake up,” he whispered into my ear and I shivered, digging my nails into his shoulders.

“I’ll come over today and tell you about this…and we’ll see if we really did share a dream,” he said softly and I nodded my head. “Gives you time to talk to Mom and Dad too,” I mumbled, nervous to bring it up really. “They seemed happy about how well our date went… maybe you should tell them that we intend to… actually act like a couple now.”

“Guess I better start sharpening my claws just in case Edward or Bella decide to go all red-eyes on me.” Jake teased and I felt the rumble of his laughter. I smiled and pulled back, cupping his cheeks with both my hands. “I don’t think they’ll take it that badly.” I stroked his cheekbones with my thumbs, standing on my tippy toes in the sand and kissing him on the lips rather delicately.

That’s when I awoke. My eyes fluttered opened and I sighed softly; that had been the most realistic and perfect dream I’d ever had. Part of me was absolutely pissed that I’d awoken but the other part of me was excited for a new day.

I rose up in the bed and noticed I’d slept with the window open, so I could hear the birds in the trees singing that it was morning. I slowly shoved the covers off of me, what a devastation I’d made of them during the night. Even though I was comfortable in my mind, I guessed my body never felt that way.

I started to hope that my mind-reading Father hadn’t decided to be nosy and read my thoughts during my dream; I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked the way Jake and I acted within it. I was sure, though, that if he had, I would have been awoken long before now and that thought gave me a bit of peace.

Climbing up out of the bed, I walked over to the window and yawned while gazing out of it. I breathed in the heavy scent of pine and whatever other trees were out there in the dense forestry. It was officially Sunday, September 4th, 2011. On September 11th, I would turn five human years old—also known as my ‘sweet sixteen’ because of my rapid aging.

My vampire eyes took in everything it could: I could single out several of the peeping birds; I could see the little limbs here and there moving as the birds would fly about between the trees. My ears could hear it all: I could hear deer moving in the distance, the birds flapping their wings in the air which caused it to ripple. Humans couldn’t nor wouldn’t ever hear or see the air move like I could.

It’s the Labor Day holiday tomorrow, I remembered after a few moments of peering out the window. That meant football season would be starting up this week – this Thursday to be exact, no more pre-season at long last. I’d be spending more time with Jacob watching football games, or going over to Grandpa Charlie’s and watching with him and Sue—probably with Seth and Leah, too. I couldn’t forget the rest of the men in my family though, Grandpa Carlisle, my Dad, and Uncles Emmett and Jasper…all liked their football but nowhere near as much as Jake or Grandpa Charlie.

“Awake already, Renesmee?” I heard my Mom’s voice from the doorway and I slowly nodded, turning my attention to her from the window. I leant against the windowsill and smiled in her direction. “I was woke up by the birds singing,” I admitted and pushed myself off the sill to go over to my clothes chest, looking for some undergarments and then in my closet for some clothes for today.

“You were pretty restless last night. Several of us heard you tossing and turning,” she commented and I sighed, finding all of my clothes and then taking a seat on the foot of my bed. At least I hadn’t been making…sounds in my sleep, which was a relief. “I was having the greatest dream though. I think… you aren’t going to think I’m crazy if I tell you this, right Mom?” I had to ask before I continued.

“Of course not, Renesmee; you can tell me anything,” she chimed as she strolled so gracefully into the bedroom and sat down next to me on the foot of the bed. “I think my gift is getting stronger.” I whispered and could hear the excitement in my Mom’s voice when she asked, “what makes you think that?”

“I dreamed of Jacob last night, of course,” I started and my Mom gave a soft laugh of ‘I figured you would.’ “He kept talking like it was his dream…and I was like, but Jake…this is my dream,” I chewed on my lower lip and stood back up, looking rather confused more than likely: I knew I felt that way at least.

“I think Jake and I shared a dream because of my gift. Even though I wasn’t touching him, he wasn’t here… I think our thoughts were connected. I don’t know if it’s the power of my gift and his imprinting or what but… I swear Mom, it was the most realistic dream I’d ever had. We were back on the beach again, but it was different. It wasn’t a memory from last night, our conversation was different, and the feeling was different. It wasn’t the future like what Alice can vividly see… it was really like we shared a dream.”

I watched my Mom as she slowly stood up and moved her head from side to side in thought, slowly running a hand through her perfect brunette hair. “I don’t guess it’s impossible, Ness. I’m sure if you mentioned it to your Father or Alice they’d both say it was possible. It’s like how I developed my gift…I kept practicing and practicing and now I can project my thoughts in your Father’s mind or anyone else’s I choose with my gift. It all comes with practice,” she explained.

“I just thought that my gift had to be touch activated, it always seemed to be like that in the past.” I admitted and started to head towards the bathroom. “Like I said, powers get stronger as you play around with them,” she followed me towards the bathroom. “Are you going to see Jake today to ask him about it?”

“He promised me in the dream that he would come over today… so I guess that’s a yes. To be honest Mom,” I placed my clothes on the large bathroom vanity and looked towards her, chewing on my bottom lip. “I don’t want to sound out of line with you and Dad, but in the next year or so I’m going to be completely and fully grown. That means no more aging for me; age will be just another number. It won’t matter if I’ve only been alive six human years or sixty…I’ll still be the same age. I’d like two things…”

“Hmm, I’m listening Ness,” my Mother nodded her head for me to go on. “I want to actually be with Jake, Mom. I told him in my dream that…I am his girlfriend. There’s no going back to being best friends after such a wonderful date last night. The way I feel inside…I just can’t look at him as less than…mine, all mine.” I explained.

“And I want to go to school. I’ve showed you and Dad for the last five years that I can control myself. I’ve been to big cities with you and Dad; I’ve been to large shopping centers across the U.S. with Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose… I’ve been out to the reservation with Jake so many times, out to restaurants too, and movies. I have it under control. I just want to go to school, make some friends that are ‘my age,’ and I want to graduate. I want to be able to have a diploma and say, hey, I did it. I want to have a prom that I can take Jake to…” my voice trailed off and I found myself blushing a bit.

“Oh, Ness,” my Mom said in a soft tone of voice and elegantly came into the bathroom, wrapping her arms around me into a tight hug. “Your Dad and I talked for a really long time last night about the Jacob thing…and as much as I distasted him imprinting on you five years ago; you’re a grown woman almost now and…when I was sixteen, I was with Edward already so… I got married at eighteen, had a baby at eighteen… that’s not me saying I want you knocked up tomorrow,” she made a face at me and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m not asking for you to let me marry Jacob tomorrow, or have a kid with him…if it’s even possible. I’m just asking that I can have the freedom to date him…go on dates with him and if it becomes intimate...." I could hardly say that to my Mother and keep a straight face. I was sure I looked as red as a tomato by now.

Mom gave a soft laugh and pulled back, pushing hair out of my face. “You’ve grown up so incredibly fast, Renesmee. If it becomes that…we’ll just have to deal with it. You deserve to have a lover and to be in love and so does Jacob. God forbid I kept him from that for so many years…” her voice trailed.

“I don’t think Jake regrets loving you, Mom. He’s still your very best friend, isn’t he?” I asked and she nodded her head. “He always will be and that’s part of the reason it’ll always be awkward for me to see you two together…because he wanted that with me for so very long.”

“I know,” I sighed a bit. It was a bit off-putting but Jake promised me, that it was nothing compared to how he wants me… how he loves me, I thought to myself. “School starts back here the third week of September, if I remember correctly,” she stated. “I’ll talk with your Dad and everyone else about getting you some documentation and starting you in school. I’d say you’ll want to start as a junior, or a senior?”

“I’ll think about it,” I said softly and grinned ear to ear just at her humoring the notion of me being able to go to school at long last. Plus, the added notion that she and Dad weren’t going to slaughter Jake if he was to properly become my boyfriend and we get ‘intimate.’

“You have no idea how much this means to me. I’ve wanted to go to school for so long now, Mom,” I admitted and she nodded her head, a smile on her lips as well. “I know you have, Ness. I’m sorry that it’s taken us this long to trust you enough… we should have trusted you a lot sooner.” She admitted and I shook my head, hair falling into my face.

“It wasn’t the trust issue, Mom. It was the rapid aging thing. I think it’s slowed down enough though now that I don’t believe anyone will notice really.” I commented and she agreed. “Not to mention it’s just absurd for me to think of anyone liking school…leftover humanity,” my Mother teased.

“You certainly got your brains from your Father and Grandfather, and the lust for knowledge,” she explained. “I think the biggest reason we haven’t let you go to school, Renesmee, is because we don’t want to lose you yet. No, we aren’t ‘losing’ you in that sense of the word, but, we’re so used to you being here with us, your world revolving around your family,” my Mom went on.

I could certainly understand where she was coming from – she’d fought so hard to protect me for the first few months of my life and honestly, she and Dad have protected me like that my entire life. Now that I think about it, I’ve not been alone for much of my five years; I’ve always either been with my Cullen family or Swan family, or Jacob.

“You go ahead and get your shower, I’m sorry I kept you from it,” my Mom apologized and I laughed. “I needed the Mom to daughter bonding time,” I commented and shut the bathroom door once she’d exited.

Sometimes I wished I had the actual privacy to think in the shower…the warm water felt so good on my flesh, it felt just like Jake’s arms being locked tightly around me. It made me wish he were here with me; I was afraid to think those things though because; what if my Dad really didn’t like the idea of Jake and I going…official and whatnot. What if I decided to start school as a senior and after I graduated, decided to move in with Jake or something…would anybody actually let me?

I knew my Dad had said he was going to give me a bit more privacy last night, not read my mind after dates with Jake but what if he had been lying? I couldn’t read his mind unless I touched him, so I couldn’t call him out on a lie or not. I just had to have faith and trust, I guess.

There were so many questions within my head that I was like a zombie as I finished up in the shower, dried off and applied make-up, then got dressed for the day ahead of me. I found myself wearing one of the outfits Alice and I had bought for my date last night with Jake. I owned way too many designer clothes thanks to her.