A Drop in the Ocean

We parked out front of the town diner in the middle of Forks, Washington. I took Jacob’s hand while I got off of the motorcycle, and then he followed suit. My somewhat pale cheeks tinted pink when I realized we were still holding hands while entering the restaurant. Sometimes, although I was the undead—partially at least—when I was flustered like this my heart would give a pitter patter and it did, making Jake turn back to look at me before we got to our table.

“I’m fine,” I reassured him as I saw the somewhat worry on his face or what I had assumed to be worry. We were sat down across from one another at a nice little table towards the back of the restaurant. Our own little quiet, quaint spot; I liked it that way. “I wasn’t worried, Ness,” Jake said in a soft voice, raising a brow in my direction. “I was just wondering why your heart went all… funny.”

I was like a deer caught in the headlights, or at least I was almost certain my face looked like that at the moment. I hadn’t expected Jake to want to know why my heart had done that. I had just hoped he would accept the answer of ‘I’m fine,’ and we’d talk about sports or something. Football season was coming up soon… “I just… I don’t know. I can show you better than I can tell you.” I admitted and reached to take his hand again across the table, I didn’t exactly care who saw me holding his hand. It wasn’t a crime that I knew of anyway.

Just like some of the other members of my family, I had a gift, a talent so to speak. When I touched people, I was connected with their minds. At times I could see what they were thinking, kind of like how my Father, Edward, could hear people’s thoughts or read their minds as others would call it and my Aunt Alice could see people’s futures by reading their mind when they make a decision, a Clairvoyant if you will.

But the special part of my gift was the fact that I could show people what was in my mind… and this is what I was doing to Jacob. I was letting him see what I had felt…feel what I felt. I watched as Jake’s tanned cheeks slightly flushed. I wasn’t sure if I had ever seen him blush quite like that before.

“I didn’t realize you felt that way, Renesmee,” again, my heart did one of those funny, pitter-patter things when he called me by my whole name, Renesmee. It was so very rare that Jake used that name. Normally he called me Nessie or Ness…I hear my Mother hated that nickname for the first long time because it reminded her of the Loch Ness monster. I personally like it and I think that’s why she got over fighting with Jake about it over time.

“I just like holding your hand,” I said in a quiet voice; “I don’t guess there’s really anything special about that, is there?” I asked Jake and he rolled his shoulders just slightly. “Depends on how much you like holding my hand, I guess, and in what way, of course,” he pointed out as if it should have been obvious to me and I bit on my lower lip almost afraid to answer that question with honesty.

A waitress came ‘round and asked Jake and I what we wanted to eat and to drink. I was honestly glad for the interruption because I truly had no idea how to answer him. What would be a safe answer to a question like that: was there even a safe answer?

We started out with two ice teas and an appetizer of gooey, cheesy, Mozzarella cheese sticks, a personal favorite of mine. When the appetizer was brought out to us, we ordered what we wanted for dinner. I ordered a steak, medium rare, with a baked potato and a house salad on the side. Jacob ordered a couple greasy double cheeseburgers with French fries; which did sound good but… I really love steak. Mom says I get it from Grandpa Charlie.

“Jake, can I ask you a question?” I finally asked; it had been itching at the back of my mind since we left the house a little bit ago after I’d read it in one of my Mother’s journals. I swallowed the bite of gooey Mozzarella stick and took a swig of the nice cold and refreshing ice tea I was drinking.

“Sure,” he nodded his head as I watched him take a bite of our appetizer, a grin upon his face. I liked his smile, it was somewhat crooked and it lay on his face so perfectly. He had a ‘baby face’ as some would call it; he was perfectly tanned and muscular and the greatest thing… Jake was only twenty-one. It was moments like this when I realized how young Jacob was…that I was glad for the fact that I looked sixteen and wasn’t actually a human five year old.

At times, I really did enjoy the fact that I grew rapidly. I couldn’t imagine only being five years old right…being stuck like that so to speak for what would feel like an eternity. I couldn’t imagine waiting another ten years to be this age…and Jacob being thirty-one by the time I were fifteen in human years. Rapid growth did seemingly have its advantages and I believe this might be one of them.

“I was reading my Mom’s journals, and before hers, I was reading on my Dad’s. I have been the last few days, passing the time…” I lightly shrugged as I explained and took another bite and chewed slowly, and then swallowed. “I noticed my Mom writing about when I was first born and…when she first awoke as a vampire. She wrote a lot about you, of course,” I continued and Jake nodded, swallowing another bite as well. “She wrote about this thing called imprinting and that you done it on me?”

Jake let out a slow sigh, I was unsure if it was a sigh of relief or a sigh of regret. “I was wondering when you would eventually find out about that and ask.” It sounded as if, maybe, he’d been waiting for this. “Imprinting… it’s a wolf thing. It’s happened to pretty much all of us now. You remember meeting Sam’s wife, Emily…he imprinted on her. It’s like,” I could tell that Jake was having a hard time explaining it in words so I reached across the table for his hand.

“Would it be easier for you to show me, Jake?” I asked him and he slowly shook his head, no. But even though he had declined, I felt his warm hand take mine anyway; I grinned at the gesture. “I’d rather explain this one to you on my own. I just don’t know how you’ll react to it, Ness.” He stated before beginning his best explanation.

“It’s like fate. It’s like…your job on this Earth is to be in their life in one way or another. Whether it’s to protect them, to comfort them, or to be a crying shoulder when they need it, you just have this uncontrollable urge to be there for them no matter what. Although you may have family, and you may have friends and others you care about…your life would be meaningless without their existence. Nobody means as much as they do…” the more he explained, the more I felt that warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach. My heart was doing that pitter-patter thing again and I knew he’d be able to hear it…feel it since he was holding my hand.

“Imprinting doesn’t always mean…romance. I imprinted on you when you were just a little baby. You hadn’t been born just an hour or two when it happened. The very first time we looked at each other in the eyes. It was then, too, that I realized you had your Mom’s eyes.” Jake said quietly and lightly squeezed my hand, which brought me back down to reality. I smiled and nodded a bit.

“I think I understand. There’s romantic imprinting like Sam and Emily but then there are imprints like us… best friends?” I asked Jake and he nodded some. “It can be anything…as long as you’re in my life, Nessie. I can be your big brother, your protector, your hero…” his voice trailed off and even I could hear a slight change in Jake’s heartbeat.

Our moment was interrupted by the waitress bringing out our food. Jake and I decided to let our hands part and we began to eat. During supper, we changed to a more light-hearted subject and spoke about the upcoming football season which would start in a few weeks. It was pre-season right now but the actual season would start over Labor Day weekend. A few days after that, it would be my fifth birthday although I think my parents were treating it more like a Sweet Sixteen birthday.

“Is there anything special you want for your birthday?” Jake asked as we finished up dinner and walked out of the diner, back towards the motorcycle which was parked out front. “I haven’t given it a lot of thought really,” I admitted and slipped my petite frame back onto the motorcycle after Jake was on. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist as he roared the engine back to life. I could have sworn the bike was still warm from us having been on it just a short time ago coming to dinner.

“Really and why’s that?” Jake asked and once again I could hear him perfectly over the engine. “I have such a perfect life. What more could I ask for?” I answered him with another question and he chuckled, I could feel him vibrating again in my grasp.

“That’s why I asked…something special.” Jake insisted and I sighed, thinking about it. I already had a car; it was a rite of passage in the Cullen family apparently. I had such a nice wardrobe thanks to Alice and her thing for shopping. I had a wonderfully stocked kitchen, every device you could want to cook with thanks to Esme. I had tons of things that would make a teenage girl happy thanks to my entire family.

“I just don’t know, Jake. I’m really happy with anything I get, or even if I don’t get. I swear I have everything that would make a girl happy. I’m not going to be so sappy and pathetic and wish for a boyfriend like the other girls my age have. Because clearly I’m not really their age…and it’s not like a half human half vampire could actually date someone from the high school. I can’t even go to public school cause of this rapid growth stuff…” my voice trailed off as the bike stopped outside of the house, Jake cutting the engine and the two of us getting off.