A Drop in the Ocean

“It’s Jake!” I heard Seth’s voice clear as day as we finally made it to the bonfire that everyone else was cuddled up around. “Renesmee, is that you?” questioned the ex-Alpha male, Sam. Slowly Jacob put me down onto my own two feet and I nodded, straightening out my outfit.

“Yep, it’s me,” I nodded and everyone gave a soft laugh, a gasp or two here and there. “You’ve grown so much again,” commented Emily as she was sitting on a log right beside Sam. “That should be slowing down real soon. Grandpa Carlisle guesses me to be about sixteen years old. He says another year and I should be ‘full grown’ like the other hybrid, Nahuel. That reminds me though, I’ve got a birthday coming up in a couple weeks…” my voice trailed off.

“You know we wouldn’t miss it for the world,” chimed Emily to which Seth immediately agreed with her. “I want you all to be there. You’re all my extended family,” I admitted and heard Jake chuckle a bit, feeling arms wrap around me from behind. I blushed heavily and reached up, running my hand up through his short black hair. I had no idea how picture perfect we looked right at that moment.

“Oh my God, extended in more than one way it looks like… did Jake finally tell you about imprinting?” Seth questioned and I nodded my head, grinning quite a bit. “I was rather relieved to hear that he’d imprinted on me all those years ago… because for the last little while, I’ve found myself getting this school girl crush on Jake. I thought it was going to be so awkward and wrong because… well…” I didn’t really have to say it; somebody else beat me to it.

“Because he was there for you when you were a baby; he helped change your diapers, even fed you blood when he didn’t want to.” I looked over towards Leah and sighed just a bit, nodding at her words. “I can see why you’d think it would be awkward as hell,” she went on. “I’m glad it’s turning out to not be though. You’ve got no idea how many nights this one kept me awake, going on and on about one day… one day… maybe we can be something real instead of my just being her big brother. I’m personally real glad Jake finally gets to really be imprinted on you.”

I blushed a bit when Leah admitted that. I looked back over my shoulder towards Jake and raised a brow. “Did you really bother your whole pack with that?” I questioned and he shrugged just a bit. “Mainly just Leah; she’s a girl so she understood where I was coming from. Girls are always sentimental about shit, very serious creatures,” he teased and Leah threw a clump of sand at him. “Gee, thanks, Jake. I thought we had something real special there,” of course you could tell she was teasing as well.

“Well I know where Leah and Sam stand but… the rest of you don’t hate Jake for imprinting on a half-vampire, do you?” I asked as Jake and I finally took a seat on one of the logs next to the bonfire.

“A few of us did at the start; but one of our most sacred rules is to not question imprinting and to understand it when it happens to a brother…no matter who he imprints on. Do you see Quil here tonight? No, because he imprinted on Claire, Emily’s niece, almost six years ago… she’s only nine years old now. He imprinted on her when she was only three.” Sam explained and I slowly nodded my head. It was hard to imagine Quil imprinting on a three year old but then again… Jake imprinted on me when I was barely three hours old.

“I remember sitting right here next to a fire one afternoon,” Jake started. “It was Seth, Leah, and I. We were talking about my going out and finding somebody to imprint on so I could forget about Bella… I thought imprinting was the worst thing ever because, look at poor Quil. Clinging to that little three year old like she saw him more than just…a big brother and a protector. It won’t always work out like it did for me and you, Ness. Not just your rapid aging but… what if you didn’t want to be with me? It’s not like I could go off and find a human girl and marry her and have kids…because I’m yours. I am literally completely yours even if I didn’t want to be. Imprinting… it’s forceful. But after it happens to you, you don’t look at it that way anymore. You can’t.”

It was amazing to hear Jake talk about imprinting like this. Kind of mind me feel slightly better that he wasn’t the only one who had ever had to wait for the one they’ve imprinted on to grow up. I felt horrid for Quil though… Claire was still only nine years old and maybe there was that little chance that when she got my age—sixteen or seventeen, she still wouldn’t choose to be with him.

“It can be a pain in the ass. I’m sure you’ve heard the story of the love triangle,” voiced Emily, to which Leah looked over at her with a slight sigh. “I had only just moved back to the reservation; I’m Seth and Leah’s cousin, you see. I had known Leah for years…hadn’t known Seth very well since he was that much younger and of course… I had known Sam for years also. I knew Sam and Leah were a couple, I mean, everyone on the reservation did. I had no idea what Sam was though…or what imprinting was. I didn’t know that I would just walk by Sam on the beach one day and become a home wrecker. I had never felt so conflicted in my life.” Before Emily could continue, Sam agreed with her.

“I felt the same way…very conflicted, heartbroken. Up until imprinting on Emily, I had loved Leah with every fiber of my being. I had wanted to be her boyfriend since we were much younger and then in high school, it blossomed. It was hard for her to understand then, but I know she understands it better now. I still love her, and I will always regret having broken her heart but imprinting is just that… they leave an imprint on your heart and it’s not something you can push aside. Even if you want to, I fought the feelings I had for Emily for the longest time.” Sam admitted and tightened his hold on Emily which made the older woman smile.

“It was us fighting over our feelings that caused this,” Emily turned her cheek, showing me the scars that I had become all too familiar with. Emily was one of those people that when I met her as a young child, she left a lasting impression because of the scars. Not because they’re hideous, but because they made her unique. I felt horrible now for finding them so fascinating when they were because of such a tragic love story.

“You’ll never know how badly I regret that,” said Sam as he lifted his hand to caress her cheek. “That’s why I’ve been so hard on my boys about their phasing…I didn’t want them to make the same mistake I did. So far, no one else has made it,” he admitted. I sympathized with Sam… I could tell he would carry that burden the rest of his life. Not just the one of breaking Leah’s heart but the burden of breaking Emily’s face. He has to look at it every single day and yet he still loved her…

“It still hurts,” said Leah in a quiet voice. “I understand it more than I ever did before…but it hurts because I still haven’t imprinted and there’s a good chance I might not,” she admitted. I could tell just by the way Leah spoke, it bothered her that she hadn’t imprinted yet. “I know I might one day…maybe not as soon as the others but one day. I just haven’t met the right guy yet. But there’s always the slight chance it might not happen… I’m a girl. No girl has ever been a wolf…let alone imprinted. Not all of the wolves in the pack have; only Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil, and Jake of course.”

It made me wonder why all the guys—and girl—hadn’t imprinted. I knew that the five wolves Leah listed off were the most pivotal to the pack. Sam had been Alpha and Jake his Beta before the packs split over Mom and me. Jake had been his own Alpha and Leah his Beta for a while. Now it seemed Jake was Alpha and Jared a Beta…the best I understood it anyway.

“I’m just glad you’re all friends now. I can hear in all your voices that there must have been a lot of anger and hate there for a long time,” I whispered and both Sam and Leah nodded their heads rather solemnly. “I never felt anger or hatred towards Sam or Leah… I always just felt… sadness. But I know Sam and Leah both had bitterness for a really long time,” Emily said softly, “and I too am glad it’s in the past.”

“At least we all have a past to talk about… that’s what Jake and I were saying to one another just a moment ago,” I admitted. “Without our past, we’d have nothing to talk about,” voiced Jake and I laughed a bit, as did everyone else.

“We should go out together sometime, Leah. Aunt Alice loves to go shopping and well, I’m guilty of enjoying it. We should go out and maybe on one of our outings, you’ll meet a nice guy.” I suggested and Leah slightly shrugged. “I doubt it’ll happen but… I don’t mind spending some time with you guys. It can get a little boring out here with nothing but guys to hang out with. All they talk about is their girlfriends or cars…”

The guys of course made a huffing sound, rolling their eyes at Leah in playful anger. To change the subject from all the well ‘downer’ talk, I grinned and grabbed up one of the sticks and the bag of marshmallows. “I was really hoping somebody would have brought out the stuff for s’mores,” I grinned and slid a couple marshmallows on and started to get them all toasty.

While I toasted them, Jake had started finding the Graham crackers and the chunks of chocolate. I blew the fire off of the marshmallows and took the burnt black part off, stuffing it into my mouth with a slight groan. “I’m sorry y’all. I just really love s’mores and I’ve really been craving them lately. I don’t eat them at home since well…no one else eats what I eat,” I giggled and Jake finished making the s’mores for us. I ate one and he ate the other.

“S’mores are just a way of life, girl,” said Emily. “If you and Jake are hungry though, we’ve got dinner we can share with you.” I looked over towards her and smiled, nodding my head. “We ate popcorn at the movies but, we haven’t eaten anything else. That’d be nice, Em. Thank you.”

“No problem at all. I’ll run in and heat you both up a bowl of Chili and bring it out here. How’s that sound?” As much as I wanted to sit next to Jake and keep eating s’mores, I slowly stood up from the log I’d been sitting on once more and brushed off the butt of my jeans. “I’ll go in with you and help. I’d feel bad if I didn’t,” Emily nodded her head at my suggestion of help and the two of us walked off towards her and Sam’s house in the distance.