A Love Like War

**see author's note**

Sweating and disoriented, Kellin glanced around as he breathed loudly with his hands on his knees, trying to compose himself before he found himself passed out on the ground. It was another tiring day of training, something the group had been doing non stop for two weeks since their day long break.Dawson had been pushing the group harder and harder to the breaking point before making them take a break, chugging back water. At least three of Kellin's peers in his gorup were kneeled over vomitting, the putrid stench making itself over to his nostrils slowly. Dawson came over to Kellin, now sitting on the ground with his head between his knees, and passed over a new container of water.
"Drink up, don't get sick like these guys. You'll dehydrate yourself." He said kindly, sitting down next to Kellin. Kellin ignored the glances of some of the other men noticing the interaction and instead took the water from him, gulping it down.
"How's the solider life for you?" Dawson asked, flexing his muscle and peeling back grass. "I don't want to pry about anything, it's just... people talk. Say you don't fit in, maybe even because of your father?" He spoke timid, his voice cutting off in hesitance.
"If this is gossip I'd rather not partake, sir." Kellin said brief, wiping away the water dribble that found it's way down his chin before answering. "My father doesn't influence me."
Dawson smiled, nodding. "It's not gossip, concern. I know it's tough, my dad was a general." He spoke to the ground. Kellin bowed his head in condolence, picking up on Dawson's use of the past tense.
"Sorry for your loss." He mumbled, unknowing what to say.
"Don't be. You and I both know how tough it is out here. I was forced to carry on the name, only reason I'm here today. I would never have chosen leaving my wife and child over this if I was able to decide." Dawson smiled sadly, patting my shoulder.
"I know I'm lucky I'm not leaving anyone behind, my mother's been dead for a year and I have no girlfriend." Kellin shrugged.
"Sorry for your loss. We can talk when you want to, okay Kellin? If I could go back, I'd want someone there for me too."
"Thankyou, Private Dawson."
"Rian. Just Rian."
*****
Kellin felt a certain sense of comfort after his conversation with Dawson. Or, Rian. Rian Dawson. Having a companion could change things, but Kellin knew he couldn't talk about Vic. The shame he'd face, and how could he know Rian wasn't just one of his father's spies? Using a story Kellin could relate to to reel him in, only to feed him to the sharks?
"Eh, Quinn. Wakey, wakey." Jaime smiled, snapping his fingers at Kellin to pull him out of his revelerie. Kellin unconciously squeezed Vic's hand under the dining table, tonight's dinner venue transforming into somewhat of a formal affair. Plates were being passed around, with mashed potatoes and beans and carrots. Given the grim circumstances, people seemed happy.
"So anyways, Vic said he thought it was nice, but what did you think?" Jaime asked, his dimples showing as he grinned, as usual.
"S-sorry, about what?"
Jaime rolled his eyes at the constant blanking out, but repeated his question anyway. "I was saying, if it's a boy, I want him to be named after my best friend. I lost him last year, Tony. He would've been the godfather."
"Wh-what?" Kellin asked, unsure if he heard right. "You're having a baby?" Kellin was clealy confused, as he saw Jaime as someone more interested in men. Nonetheless having children with women. Vic chuckled and shook his head lightly, running his thumb over Kellin's hand under the table.
"I have a wife and she's expecting our baby in 3 months. The rest of us have lives too, y'know." Jaime spoke, slightly less cheerful. Kellin felt instantly guilty, especially for thinking so lowly of Jaime out of jealousy.
"I'm really sorry. This is my first time with all this war stuff, I'm just lost." Kellin spoke weakly, wishing he had the guts to say more. Jaime was back to himself, grinning as he patted Kellin's shoulder.
"Lucky you found me. And I guess Vic too, but he's a little more friendly than me, don't you think?" Jaime winked, nudging over to Kellin and Vic's interlocked hands. Kellin instantly pulled away from Vic and began sputtering out excuses, but Jaime interrupted him with a laugh.
"He's not going to share our little secret, Kel." Vic whispered in Kellin's ear, placing a tiny kiss there before pulling away and interlocking their fingers together once again. Kellins' insides felt warm and his knees weak as he felt like we was really truly loved, a feeling he hadn't experienced since the mere days of childhood and bedtime stories with his mother. Before this whole mess.
Vic's hand slowly let go of Kellins and rested it on Kellin's thigh, gently rubbing. Kellin, unfamiliar with this, sat straight up in surprise.
"What are you [doing?" Kellin hissed as Vic's hand crept slowly upwards.
"I'm just experimenting." Vic smirked, moving his fingers to the inner of Kellin's thigh. Kellin could feel an outburst of feeling unlike kissing Vic. This was something he'd never felt before, at least not with another person. Jaime, aware of the sudden silence of Vic and Kellin looked over and nearly choked on his water before quickly looking the other way, a blush on his cheeks and a smirk on his face. His friends were falling for each other faster than he imagined they would. Instead of interrupting the love birds, Jaime sparked up a conversation with the stranger to his right to distract him from the love beside him he missed so dearly. Vic and Kellin continued to flirt and touch each other in secret as the dinner continued and eventually finished, both of them relishing in the best meal they had in weeks. The sudden sound of silverware clinking glass pulled them away from each other as they looked up to the head of the table and to Kellin's father. In Vic's mind, he felt a twisted pleasure imagining himself jumping across the table and beating General Quinn to a pulp like he had his own son. Since the night Kellin told Vic, Vic's mind hadn't been the same. Every dream he had was violent, every time he closed his eyes he saw blood.
"Ahem, soliders." General Quinn spoke, eyes glassy and bottle nearly empty. "You've all worked hard and spent every moment of your time here honouring your country. Tomorrow, this will be brought to light."
Murmurs among the group made General Quinn stop speaking. Vic had noticed Kellin shake and squeezed his hand in comfort.
"We travel tonight. Attack tomorrow."
The murmurs turned into silence. Heads were bowed and prayers graced lips. Vic felt as if the world had froze, Kellin felt as if it would never stop turning.