A Love Like War

"Please don't turn away from me." Vic spoke quietly.
It had been a few hours after the dinner, but years of silence. Vic, capable and used to the harsh reality, snapped out of his faze and turned cold to his romance with Kellin. Unbeknowst to Vic, Kellin felt the change instantly.
"Kellin." Vic said in a louder voice. " Talk. To. Me." Sure, it was hours past the night bell but neither of them appeared to be sleeping a wink tonight.
"Why? So I can confirm to you how terrified I am?" Kellin finally snapped, sitting up and bed and twisting to glare at Vic. Vic mustered all the strength he could to not shy away from the gaze he adored.
"I-"
"No, Vic. You don't get it. You can act as cold and heartless about it as you want, but for all we know I'll die tomorrow. Maybe you'll be so lucky. Just 'cause you're used to this doesn't mean the rest of us are. What about Jaime for God's sake, what if he died? Left his girl and his damn child never knowing they had a father in the first place. Does that not scare you?"
Vic stayed silent. The words mulled in his head, something he thought of but never quite processed. He could no longer tell the difference between terror and numb.
"Do you even know how to feel?" Kellin spat out. As soon as the angry words fell out of his mouth he wished he could gather them back up and keep them inside. He wished he never thought of it, he wished he never said it.
For Vic, it felt like the final straw being plucked out of the flacid grasp in his palm.
What was his problem? Vic thought to himself. With a scoff and a cold shoulder to the boy across from him, Vic turned over in his bed.
"I guess not, Kellin."
Kellin's lips opened and closed like a fish out of water as he searched for the words of apology to respond to... but nothing came out. He could only release the tension in his shoulders in defeat and huff out the final exhale of anger. With his body still positioned towards Vic as if reaching out for him, Kellin eyes began to flutter closed as he drifted off.
Running.
His breath was running out, his lungs tasting of pennies and blood. Running.
"Please!" He stopped and screamed, hands on his knees as he felt like toppling over. "Please stop running from me!"
The figure he chased, appearing illuminated, suddenly stopped. Spinning on his heels he turned and the two were suddenly face to face. Wishing all he saw was his sea blue eyes, Vic could only focus on the exit wound on the raven haired boy's forehead.
Shooting out of bed, Vic gasped and wheezed. His bed below him felt soaked and sweat and he peeled off his shirt instantly, throwing it to the ground as if it had been constricting him. He gathered his knees to his chest and his head in his hands as he tried to regather himself from his nightmare. Squeezing his eyes shut and then slowly opened them, he turned his head to check on the boy beside him. Expecting a sleeping figure, Kellin lay facing him with eyes wide open.
"You said my name. Over and over. You were scaring me." Kellin whispered, Vic's eyes furiously searching Kellin's face for marks or signs of injury. Nothing.
Just a nightmare, just a nightmare. You know this. Vic repeated in his thoughts, reassuring himself.
"You look ill." Kellin spoke, a bit more confident in his words.
"F-fine. I'm oka-ay." Vic stumbled through his words in attempt to pull himself together. He was supposed to be the strong one here. He wouldn't fall apart.
Kelli got out from his sheets and crossed the small space into Vic's bed. He crawled over the boy's body to snuggle into the space beside him, pulling the covers to his chin.
"I'm sorry for what I said." He said quietly, eyes downcast as he felt sleepy again.
"Me too." Vic replied, a smile on his lips. Ever so gently, he reached up and placed a kiss in the middle of Kellin's forehead, and closed his eyes as he healed his wounds.
****
The next morning, Vic and Kellin stood side by side as the buses rounded towards the line of men awaiting their departure and potential demise. In secret, Kellin looped his fingers with Vic's behind their backs, hidden from those watching.
"Men! This is our goodbyes. Training group one will bus with Sargeant Dawson. Rest of you with me." General Quinn shouted, pacing the group. Kellin felt his heart drop in fear.
"No, no no no." He mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Kellin, I want you to listen to me." Vic spoke between gritted teeth, facing forward. "I want you to be strong. I don't want you worrying about anyone but yourself. And please, if there is a God, you'll stay safe."
Kellin blinked back tears, Vic squeezing his shaking fingers as they witnessed solidiers begin to disperse to their designated bus.
"I c-can't do this." Kellin shook, terror taking over. He felt like a child again, lost in the grocery store without his mother in sight. He felt like a million shards of glass pierce into him. He felt his father beating into his skull.
But none of these pains were comparable to the aching inside he felt.
"I love you. I've never loved anyone as I love you right now." Vic said, putting on his bravest face for Kellin. But truth be told, inside Vic was crumbling. Never do they split groups in such a way, he was sure they would be alphabetical. The both of them, just narrowly together.
Not this.
Jaime appeared, throwing his arms around the boys in front of them. But it was slowly becoming clear that this wasn't a group hug, this was a shield. Bravely, Vic held onto Kellin's face and pulled their lips together. Never had either of them kissed anyone in such a pasison. Pulling back, Kellin felt light headed.
"Be safe, Kellin." Jaime smiled to Kellin, a small clap on the back.
And with that they were parted, swept up into their designated crowds.
Kellin never felt more alone. Vic's kiss still ghosting on his lips, Kellin mouthed the words he never got to say.
"I love you, too."