Status: updates once a week
A Love Like War
I Refuse I Refuse I Refuse
ONE MONTH LATER
Dear Vic,
Those words I never said to you keep running in my head. All I can think of is that you may not ever get to hear them and I may never hear you say them to me again. So all I can do now is write it on paper and hope maybe one day you will see me again, maybe one day I'll see you. I love you, Victor Fuentes. I love you with all my heart. I love you I love you I love you. I think of you as the sun rises in the morning, I imagine your footsteps in rhythm with mine when I walk. I see you in the place beside me when I sleep. I don't know how you've become a piece of me, but you cannot be fused away. All I think about is you, all I can think about is you without me. Have you been safe? I pray to God you have been unscathed. Or so help me, I'd relentlessly hunt down whoever hurt you. I'd spit on the bastard's grave.
All my heart,
Kellin
Kellin tucked the letter into his pillow sheet, the corners wet from salty tears that slipped from Kellin's eyes so fast he couldn't save them. All he wanted was a moment's of Vic's time and the quench in his heart could be satisfied. Instead he rolled over, shivering in his single bunk on the freezing ground of a forest in hell. Or whatever shit hole the group had been led to. In the distance, the sound of bombs falling and gunfire made Kellin's eyes stay glued open. He still could not sleep in the midst of the destruction, his nights lasting ages as he replayed memories in his mind to take him far away from where he was.
For hours he would have laid, watching the stars twinkle and wonder if Vic saw the same blanket of night skies. If Vic saw anything at all right now. Instead Kellin had begun sleeping, in a stage of sleep but also aware. His mind was easily pulled away, though, when he heard the deafening whistle of warning from Dawson. Around him chaos began to ensue as everyone scuttled for clothing and their weapons, preparing for whatever may be coming their way. Kellin followed along in a zombie-like manner, doing everything everyone else would as he absentmindely whispered prayers on his lips.
Lord, let me be safe. Bring me home, bring me to Vic.
*****
Vic rolled up from the body he was hiding under. The blood on his back and stench of death and shit filled his nose to make him grimace, his head low as he backed away and followed his fellow solidiers retreating. He looked up to count the heads of who was left and felt a small smile twitch at the corners of his lips when he noticed Jaime's black curly hair.
"Jaime, all cool?" Vic asked, clapping a hand on his shoulder from behind. He turned, his face ghastly pale as he nodded. Lifting a finger, Jaime turned to the side and began to wretch. Vic kneeled to the ground, patting his back in comfort and looking away, willing himself not to breathe.
Within two minutes Jaime slowly got back up, wincing and wiping his mouth.
"Sorry about that, pretty gross. It was just scary today.. I'm so-"
"No, you don't need to apologize. I'm afraid too." Vic admitted, a small smile peaking out. Jaime rubbed his back in comfort as the two friends headed back to their campsite, ready for another lousy sleep.
"Fuentes, Preciado. Clear?" General Quinn asked, stomping towards the two as he completed his checks. Jaime nodded and Vic stiffly followed, his feelings still homicidal towards Kellin's father. With a nod of recognition, General Quinn checked their names off the list and continued on, rounding up the rest of the poor survivors.
Silently, Jaime and Vic continued their walk. Jaime's over excited, bouncy outer shell had diminished within the first week, making Vic's heart break in ways he hadn't felt. God knows how he'd handle if he were with Kellin on duty. Vic thought all he would be able to do is stand guard for Kellin, stare at him as bullets whizzed by. But no, that wasn't Vic. And that's what scared him.
He's changed.
"Hungry?" Jaime asked quietly, raising an eyebrow as he nudged his head towards the campfire.
Vic just shrugged. "Not particularly. You?"
Jaime shrugged as well, looking over everyone else. Vic noticed Jaime's face fall and knew he noticed someone he liked was no longer there, but somewhere left behind in the field. That was enough of an answer for Vic, as he took Jaime's hand in condolence.
Deciding against their canned beans for dinner, instead Vic and Jaime went for their sad excuses of beds, a single pillow and a over worn sleeping bag. Vic instantly peeled off the bloody jacket, hanging it on a nearby tree branch. Instantly crawling into the small bed, Vic felt the paper between his fingers of the letter he had written for Kellin in candlelight a few night's ago. In that moment, all of Vic's hidden feelings came spilling out in a whir. Kellin's eyes, and how they reminded him of San Diego beaches on a cloudy day. kellin's hair, a blanket of night all placed into a brilliant mop of mess atop his precious head. Vic imagined their last kiss, how his lips lingered and how he told Kellin he loved him.
And how Kellin said nothing back.
Dear Vic,
Those words I never said to you keep running in my head. All I can think of is that you may not ever get to hear them and I may never hear you say them to me again. So all I can do now is write it on paper and hope maybe one day you will see me again, maybe one day I'll see you. I love you, Victor Fuentes. I love you with all my heart. I love you I love you I love you. I think of you as the sun rises in the morning, I imagine your footsteps in rhythm with mine when I walk. I see you in the place beside me when I sleep. I don't know how you've become a piece of me, but you cannot be fused away. All I think about is you, all I can think about is you without me. Have you been safe? I pray to God you have been unscathed. Or so help me, I'd relentlessly hunt down whoever hurt you. I'd spit on the bastard's grave.
All my heart,
Kellin
Kellin tucked the letter into his pillow sheet, the corners wet from salty tears that slipped from Kellin's eyes so fast he couldn't save them. All he wanted was a moment's of Vic's time and the quench in his heart could be satisfied. Instead he rolled over, shivering in his single bunk on the freezing ground of a forest in hell. Or whatever shit hole the group had been led to. In the distance, the sound of bombs falling and gunfire made Kellin's eyes stay glued open. He still could not sleep in the midst of the destruction, his nights lasting ages as he replayed memories in his mind to take him far away from where he was.
For hours he would have laid, watching the stars twinkle and wonder if Vic saw the same blanket of night skies. If Vic saw anything at all right now. Instead Kellin had begun sleeping, in a stage of sleep but also aware. His mind was easily pulled away, though, when he heard the deafening whistle of warning from Dawson. Around him chaos began to ensue as everyone scuttled for clothing and their weapons, preparing for whatever may be coming their way. Kellin followed along in a zombie-like manner, doing everything everyone else would as he absentmindely whispered prayers on his lips.
Lord, let me be safe. Bring me home, bring me to Vic.
*****
Vic rolled up from the body he was hiding under. The blood on his back and stench of death and shit filled his nose to make him grimace, his head low as he backed away and followed his fellow solidiers retreating. He looked up to count the heads of who was left and felt a small smile twitch at the corners of his lips when he noticed Jaime's black curly hair.
"Jaime, all cool?" Vic asked, clapping a hand on his shoulder from behind. He turned, his face ghastly pale as he nodded. Lifting a finger, Jaime turned to the side and began to wretch. Vic kneeled to the ground, patting his back in comfort and looking away, willing himself not to breathe.
Within two minutes Jaime slowly got back up, wincing and wiping his mouth.
"Sorry about that, pretty gross. It was just scary today.. I'm so-"
"No, you don't need to apologize. I'm afraid too." Vic admitted, a small smile peaking out. Jaime rubbed his back in comfort as the two friends headed back to their campsite, ready for another lousy sleep.
"Fuentes, Preciado. Clear?" General Quinn asked, stomping towards the two as he completed his checks. Jaime nodded and Vic stiffly followed, his feelings still homicidal towards Kellin's father. With a nod of recognition, General Quinn checked their names off the list and continued on, rounding up the rest of the poor survivors.
Silently, Jaime and Vic continued their walk. Jaime's over excited, bouncy outer shell had diminished within the first week, making Vic's heart break in ways he hadn't felt. God knows how he'd handle if he were with Kellin on duty. Vic thought all he would be able to do is stand guard for Kellin, stare at him as bullets whizzed by. But no, that wasn't Vic. And that's what scared him.
He's changed.
"Hungry?" Jaime asked quietly, raising an eyebrow as he nudged his head towards the campfire.
Vic just shrugged. "Not particularly. You?"
Jaime shrugged as well, looking over everyone else. Vic noticed Jaime's face fall and knew he noticed someone he liked was no longer there, but somewhere left behind in the field. That was enough of an answer for Vic, as he took Jaime's hand in condolence.
Deciding against their canned beans for dinner, instead Vic and Jaime went for their sad excuses of beds, a single pillow and a over worn sleeping bag. Vic instantly peeled off the bloody jacket, hanging it on a nearby tree branch. Instantly crawling into the small bed, Vic felt the paper between his fingers of the letter he had written for Kellin in candlelight a few night's ago. In that moment, all of Vic's hidden feelings came spilling out in a whir. Kellin's eyes, and how they reminded him of San Diego beaches on a cloudy day. kellin's hair, a blanket of night all placed into a brilliant mop of mess atop his precious head. Vic imagined their last kiss, how his lips lingered and how he told Kellin he loved him.
And how Kellin said nothing back.
♠ ♠ ♠
sorry for late update! xoxoxo