A Love Like War

“Mmm…Kels…” Vic moaned rolling onto Kellin’s naked chest as his arm squeezed tighter onto his waist. The sound of banging on the door outside woke the two boys, but not in entirety. It wasn’t until the sound of the lock clicking, both boys jumped up in fear.
“You idiots. Get up.” Dawson hissed, rolling his eyes as he picked up the articles of clothing on the ground, throwing them to their respected owner. “Any more minutes later, and that would have been your father barging in, Kellin.”
Kellin sucked in a breath of terror as Vic released air in a sigh of relief. To their luck it had been only Rian, coming in to save them from consequences neither of them could imagine facing.
“Hey, why are you getting us up anyway? I thought we had at least the day break.” Kellin asked as he turned his shirt in, helping his arms through the sleeves before buttoning up.
“I know… but things change here. We’re going out, well, now.” Rian said, looking down as his voice grew weaker. Vic’s face fell, Kellin’s a mask.
“Are you…are you serious? That’s not fucking fair!” Vic suddenly spat. In sudden movement he spun around and threw down the lamp beside the bed, the patterned shade tumbling off as the bulb splattered glass across the ground. The body of the lamp bounced slightly, it’s plastic built preventing a single misshape.
Vic, still fuming, had not come around thinking to the idea of what he had done. Instead he stood, half dressed, with his palms clutching and releasing his fists as he stared at the mess around his feet. Kellin stood with his mouth agape, amazed at what Vic was capable of. But then he realised, the man he loved that was standing in front of him, was a man who had seen enough tragedy to last a lifetime. He held murder weapons… hell, he killed people with said weapons. Kellin gave himself no time to argue with his conscience and instead went forward to Vic, his arms clutched around his waist from behind as he breathed onto his neck.
“It’ll be okay, oh God, we’ll be okay.” Kellin whispered into Vic’s neck, nuzzling in comfort.
But he wasn’t sure if he believed the words that were so easily spilling out from his lips. Behind the scene, Rian took in a breath and reached into his front pocket, pulling out a couple bills to replace the bulb and laying them on the nightstand. Without interrupting further, he guiltily slunk away from the scene as if he were never there. Rian felt the saddest case of nostalgia as he remembered such similar memories of himself, giving into anger, from the messes he found himself in. From leaving his wife to join the army, something he had sworn he had done right for once in his life.
From the mess he found himself in once he realised he would never see his wife again.
After prolonged moments of silence between the lovers, Vic eventually took his arm and placed it on Kellin’s, rubbing circles on the skin.
“This just isn’t fair… it isn’t fair, dammit.” Vic whispered, tears threatening to fall from his brown eyes. He had spent so long willing himself not to cry and in this moment all those years of hardening his skin to live such a lifestyle was for nothing. Kellin gently placed repeated kisses on Vic’s neck, remembering every feeling of his feathery soft skin and the way his veins pulsed underneath his lips. He rubbed Vic’s arms, memorizing the hills of muscles and curves of scars from years ago.
“We’ll see each other again. I just, I know it.” Kellin confidently said. And he did believe it, because frankly, in his mind there wasn’t anything else to believe. Neither of the men was willing to have second options.
Another loud bang on the door.
Kellin nor Vic jumped in fear, because they both knew it was coming. In the back of their minds they had been preparing for this moment all along.
“You’ll move in with me when this is over, won’t you?” Vic whispered with his eyes closed. Kellin nodded into his neck.
“I’ll make you breakfast in the mornings. We’ll make love right after our eggs, and go for a walk on the pier. We’ll hold hands when no one’s looking, and hold hands when everyone does.”
“I want to cook you dinner and give you baths.” Vic rallied back.
“I’ll wash your hair.”
“I’ll rub your back when it’s feeling sore.”
“I’ll kiss your cheek when you leave early mornings.”
“I’ll love you every day.”
“I’ll miss you for longer than forever.” Kellin’s chin began to quiver, his tears spilling out of his eyes. With a quiet sob he dug his head into Vic’s back, tear staining the spot between his shoulder blades.
__
Standing hand in hand in silence, Vic and Kellin watched as the train arrived. Both of the men were instructed to be in separate trains with their division, Vic’s boarding first. Vic couldn’t gulp down the ball of pain trapped in his throat, followed by all the words he wanted to say that he couldn’t swallow. Kellin felt numb from the tip of his head to the balls of his feet, wishing it all to end. For it to have never began. The wind blew their hair back as the train flew by, suddenly screeching to a stop.
One of the worst noises Vic had ever heard in his lifetime.
“All aboard!” Shouted the train’s conductor, waving and saluting the crowd before retreating back into the front cabin, preparing to leave any minute. Around them, friends patted backs, gave hugs, waved final goodbyes. It wasn’t until the area around them was nearly cleared of the first division that the boys realised this was it. Without a moment’s hesitation, Vic dropped Kellin’s hand and spun on his heels to face him. With every inch of feeling and passion he could muster, he pulled Kellin in and kissed him. The world melted around the two boys as if time had become something of Dali’s creation. They clutched at each other in frantic search of romance, clinging, trying to forget this could be their last kiss.
But the sound of the whistle of the train interrupted the end of the world, and everything began again in fast forward.
“I love you.”
“I love you.” Kellin cried, his knees already prepared to collapse. “And again. I will see you again.”
Vic nodded, tears dripping from the bridge of his nose.
With the deepest inhale he turned away from his world and boarded the train, taking him away.