The Life of Me

SOOOOOO i didnt go to school today , i didnt hear my alarm go off so i stayed home. This is one of the days of an example how kalael irratates the living hell out of me. So he can take hours to respond and im fine with it but then if i say im gonna go now he wants to say ''noooooooo'' and then ill say ''ohk'' and then he never even responds to that. Then there is those other days where ill be talkin to him and 7 othere people and he has the nerve to say sorry i kept you waiting. ......... NOOOO . Dont get it twisted dude , i am tazzmerah. I own yall. I dont wait for ANYBODY. So dont ever feel like you are of some high power and i wait on you because that is far from right my friend. I told him i could have anybody i want but he stays feeling like i stay put for him. Bitch im a cat okay, i do what i want when i want . So dont ever get that mixed up again. But i also do get irritated. Because we all have our insucurities and mine are strong in trust. I dont trust guys for any reason. I really dont trust him at school to be honest. I feel like he has others that want him but i dont know because only two people like him ...in school. I understand he wants me but at the same time i like too kepp my gaurd up . I will not be broken again like with austin. I refuse to let it happen ever again. There is just something that wont let me trust him 100 percent. I also find it funny that him and tyreke are allways together and they always get home at the same time but yet today kalael gets online for like 5 minutes dosnt say anything and then gets off, But tyreke message sme right away. But actually as im sitting here righting this i feel like im over reacting , yea i am . Im trippen for what tho? i just gotta remeber that in a way i own all of them. Me, kalael, austin, jordan, tyreke and mason {plus who ever els was there] where walking out the door ans all the sudden they like put me in a box . Kalalel infront, mason behind, jordan on one sida , tyreke on the othere and everyone els just randomly placed and all the sudden tyreke was like she got a ontarage and i allmost died of laughter because it was true , my dudes follow me everywhere . To me ...thats where they belong. I feel for all of them like they feel for me. But i dont feel for all of them in the same way. Sometimes i hate that we are all conected like this because i feel like ive been leading people on and its not fair. But the other side of me says , its not your fault your adoreded by them love is war.
THis is what i wanted all along right .....then why does it feel
so
wrong
?