Chasing Rainbows
You are going to hate me
“Come up to my room with me.” he said softly. “I want to continue this conversation. I want to know that you are okay. I also want to show you something that Brandon does. He is my roommate for the entire trip.”
“Would he be okay with me going there?” I asked and wiped some more tears off of my cheek.
“Yeah he would be cool with it.”
“Okay.”
“Hey guys Anna is gonna be with me and Rage if any of you end up looking for her.” He said. Brandon looked back and raised his eyebrow. “So yeah. Come on.”
“Are you gonna be okay?” Oli asked as he was passing us and stopped.
“Yeah… just talked about something that is a little touchy…. That’s all. I’m fine.” I said and wiped more tears off of my face.
“Alright you know where I am if you need me.” he said and smoothed down my hair. I nodded my head and followed Ricky and Brandon to the elevator.
“Why are you crying Anna?” Brandon asked once the hotel room door shut. They were in room 217.
“Oh… um… I… we were talking about my failed love life.” I said and shrugged it off like it was nothing. “It is nothing really. It’s all my fault.”
“No it is not.” Ricky said and hugged me tightly to his chest. I broke down and for the first time in months I actually cried. He rocked me back and forth and smoothed my hair down.
“What happened?” Brandon asked. “I feel out of the loop.”
“Is it okay if he knows?” Ricky whispered. I nodded my head then sat down on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest and put my head between them. He quickly relayed what I had told him about Teya.
“That is terrible.” Brandon said then sat in front of me on the floor. “Anna look at me. Please?” I peeked up at him with my blood shot eyes. “Hey lovely. Is that why you were suicidal?”
“For the most part.” I admitted. “I figured that the only way that I am going to see her again is if I die.”
“Would it be worth it though? Think about those two guys you were calling your brothers. Think about your mom. I know you say you don’t like her but she was so worried about you that she actually asked Oli to take you so that you would be happy. And now you have made friends of all of us and we would miss you.”
“I don’t know.” I said and put my head back between my knees. “You would all get over me.”
“Will you ever get over Teya?”
“No but-”
“Nope no buts. That Christian and Dante you speak of wouldn’t get over it and would you want them to be thinking like you are right now?”
“Nope but-”
“But what?”
“But they-I-you… god damn it Brandon.” I huffed and crossed my arms.
“You aren’t really mad at me.”
“He’s good at poking holes in suicidal ideations.” Ricky said and sat in front of me as well. “I have major depression issues and I refuse to be on pills sooo… I room with this jackass because he is like a therapist but not a therapist because he isn’t a pretentious dick.”
“You’ll hate me a few times throughout the tour but I want you to know that I am always here to talk to.” he said and smiled softly.
“Is this what you wanted to show me Ricky?” I asked.
“Yeah I wanted to show you how good he was at making you see the good things in life. It is like he has a super power for it or something. Don’t be mad… I was just worried.”
“I’m not mad…. I wont do anything on this tour and I am working on getting better at dealing with the depression but it sucks. It feels like I am drowning but there is no god damned water.”
“We know the feeling darling.” Brandon nodded
“Would he be okay with me going there?” I asked and wiped some more tears off of my cheek.
“Yeah he would be cool with it.”
“Okay.”
“Hey guys Anna is gonna be with me and Rage if any of you end up looking for her.” He said. Brandon looked back and raised his eyebrow. “So yeah. Come on.”
“Are you gonna be okay?” Oli asked as he was passing us and stopped.
“Yeah… just talked about something that is a little touchy…. That’s all. I’m fine.” I said and wiped more tears off of my face.
“Alright you know where I am if you need me.” he said and smoothed down my hair. I nodded my head and followed Ricky and Brandon to the elevator.
“Why are you crying Anna?” Brandon asked once the hotel room door shut. They were in room 217.
“Oh… um… I… we were talking about my failed love life.” I said and shrugged it off like it was nothing. “It is nothing really. It’s all my fault.”
“No it is not.” Ricky said and hugged me tightly to his chest. I broke down and for the first time in months I actually cried. He rocked me back and forth and smoothed my hair down.
“What happened?” Brandon asked. “I feel out of the loop.”
“Is it okay if he knows?” Ricky whispered. I nodded my head then sat down on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest and put my head between them. He quickly relayed what I had told him about Teya.
“That is terrible.” Brandon said then sat in front of me on the floor. “Anna look at me. Please?” I peeked up at him with my blood shot eyes. “Hey lovely. Is that why you were suicidal?”
“For the most part.” I admitted. “I figured that the only way that I am going to see her again is if I die.”
“Would it be worth it though? Think about those two guys you were calling your brothers. Think about your mom. I know you say you don’t like her but she was so worried about you that she actually asked Oli to take you so that you would be happy. And now you have made friends of all of us and we would miss you.”
“I don’t know.” I said and put my head back between my knees. “You would all get over me.”
“Will you ever get over Teya?”
“No but-”
“Nope no buts. That Christian and Dante you speak of wouldn’t get over it and would you want them to be thinking like you are right now?”
“Nope but-”
“But what?”
“But they-I-you… god damn it Brandon.” I huffed and crossed my arms.
“You aren’t really mad at me.”
“He’s good at poking holes in suicidal ideations.” Ricky said and sat in front of me as well. “I have major depression issues and I refuse to be on pills sooo… I room with this jackass because he is like a therapist but not a therapist because he isn’t a pretentious dick.”
“You’ll hate me a few times throughout the tour but I want you to know that I am always here to talk to.” he said and smiled softly.
“Is this what you wanted to show me Ricky?” I asked.
“Yeah I wanted to show you how good he was at making you see the good things in life. It is like he has a super power for it or something. Don’t be mad… I was just worried.”
“I’m not mad…. I wont do anything on this tour and I am working on getting better at dealing with the depression but it sucks. It feels like I am drowning but there is no god damned water.”
“We know the feeling darling.” Brandon nodded
♠ ♠ ♠
Do you guys have a friend like this? I used to have one. She was my cousin.