Hush.

“Where are we going?” I asked after a while, I could still just about see the flames miles behind us, still high in the air, dancing a vicious dance.

“Back to Atlanta, the outskirts, we can regroup and think.” Rick had said stiffly, relaying his answers.

“And then Fort Benning?” I wasn’t looking at him but he was the only one that answered.

“We have to try.” I bit my lip but nodded, sitting awkwardly on the bed. Andrea was half asleep, ever so often her eyes would open and stare at the thin walls. I left her alone, sliding in beside Glenn and after a few minutes resting my head on his shoulder, smiling a little as he shifted his arm to accommodate me. I sighed, my heart had stopped racing but my mind was.

There was nothing, that’s what Jenner had said.
He’d worked so hard but given up.
We hadn’t, wouldn’t.
After everything we couldn’t.

The drive back was just as long, and we’d lost a lot. The majority of bags had been left in rooms, the food. The gun bag had been priority. I was glad I’d gone back for mine. I’d lose anything but that, those photos.

It was stupid to hold so much importance in them but I did.

Memories weren’t enough.
I was terrified I was going to forget any of their voices.

But then depended on how long I lived.

We pulled over after a long few hours, close to the borders of the dead city, the sun was still in the sky but starting to lower, although that did little to stem the stifling heat. Slowly everyone emerged.

“Where we headin’?” Shane asked instantly, ruling over the low chatter, “We tryin’ Fort Benning?”

“Seems like the best option.” Rick confirmed, “But we all need rest, we need to restock.”

“We need fuel.” T-dog said shortly, “That cars near empty.”

“We could do with less vehicles.” Dale added, “We don’t need this many, it’s too noisy and its using up fuel.”

“We can ditch the jeep, and the truck.” Shane replied, rubbing over his face.

“I’m keepin’ the bike.” I smirked at Daryl, it was stupid. Far too loud, and using way too much gas to be efficient but no-one argued with him. He was still tainted with a hint of whiskey. Glenn pulled up the map again, muttering to Shane and Rick, finger trailing over the outskirts, the roads weaving into neighbourhoods.

It was like the CDC had never happened. We were just on the move, gathering supplies. We were just surviving.

“That way, close enough for us to go in, gather supplies.”

“Is it worth the risk?” Lori countered, hands on her hips, “We should just stop for the night and keep going first thing. Avoid Atlanta.”

“Won’t get far without fuel Lori.” Shane was busy looking down, “Olivia, you ever come in this way?”

I shook my head, “Nope, but I can kinda work it out on the map.” I crouched beside them, glancing until street names became familiar. “That’s where that store is, where I met you all.” I let my fingers rest on the square, “And Vatos are...” I clicked my tongue, “Down here someone, off of there, yeah.”

“Those guys you had trouble with?” Shane frowned, “Why?”

“Cause Rick gave them guns and they owe us, and I know they’ve got a stockpile of stuff. If we move to like there...” I pointed to another neighbourhood, backing onto the warehouses.

“How far in it is? We don’t want to risk getting trapped in.” The majority of the group were silent, watching quietly. I was sure they weren’t overly bothered as long as we got what we needed and slept somewhere fairly safe. People couldn't grieve whilst we were like this.

“What if we went back up to the quarry?” Lori chipped in again, “It’s not hard to get into Atlanta from there?”

“Too dangerous, we don’t want to risk something like before. We stay on the outskirts, send a few people in. We’ll go back to Vatos, see if they can help us out, but we focus on getting fuel, water and food. We could find a house for a day or so.” He looked around the group, everyone already seemed to have let Rick take over any sort of leadership so he received nods, “We need to get ourselves in check and prepared to move on, and we may need help for that.”

“Alright, we’ll get the fuel from the two we’re leaving and load up the car with whatever we’ve got.”

“Carl, Sophia, you two come inside with us.” Carol hushed them in, Lori and Andrea, still in a daze followed. “There’s a few cars down that way, split into pairs.”

“I’ll take a look at the RV, make sure it seems alright. But it won’t last too long at the rate it’s going.” Dale frowned, dragging Glenn with him.

“Alright then,” Shane sighed, “Check the closest houses then, Rick, ya wanna give me a hand getting this gas.” He nodded, “You three alright?” T-dog vanished into the RV, reappearing and pressing a shotgun into my hands that I slung over my shoulder, more excited to see my axe. It was far more comfortable than a gun. Daryl had already wandered off, and T-dog shot me a small grin that didn't reach his eyes. I knew how close he and Jackie had been, “Me and you then, sound good?”

“Sure.” I smiled, “Just keep it quiet.” Glenn glanced at me and I kept the smile for a few more seconds before I turned, heading to the closest house. We were at the end of a road, and I had no want to walk much further down. There were no walkers in sight, but that was more likely because they had headed further into the city, Downtown where meat was. I licked over my lips, nodding at T-dog before pushing gently open an ajar door, axe firmly in my slightly sticky grip.

“Together or split?”

“Split, don’t use your gun. I’ll go first, there’s bound to be something in the kitchen.” He frowned but nodded, not having much choice as I shot him a clear ‘end of argument’ look and stepped in. In all honestly, I’d feel more comfortable going in myself. I could defend myself, I knew that, but making sure he was where he needed to be was more stress, listening to check where he was, making sure if he made me jump I didn’t react axe first.

He trod heavily behind me, steps too hard. I winced at each one. Fuck it, we were already loud.

I pressed my lips together, whistling a few sharp notes. “Olivia!” T-dog hissed, but I went one further, knocking on the wall, lifting my hand up to T-dog when there was a bump from upstairs. “I got it, check down here.”

“There is no way in hell you’re going up there alone.” I rolled my eyes although I felt a little bit of heat in my chest, not managing to hide a smile. There was another bump, “They’re not getting out. So I’ll keep an eye on it, see if there’s anything in the kitchen.”

“On it. Stay there, I mean it.” He didn’t look at all threatening, but I let him have his way, closing the front door, just out of habit. Never give them another entrance, you did not want to be snuck up on, that was how you died.

There was another bang and I took a couple of steps, trying to work out from which room the noise was coming, hearing T-dog scrambling through drawers. He returned quickly, a long sharp knife in hand. “This oughta do the job.” I nodded, and we crept up the stairs, the thumping continuing.

“That room, ain’t it?” I nodded, “I’ll check the others, don’t open that door without me.”

“It’s not getting out. I’ll come...shoulda’ brought a bag.” I mused, but we opened another door, weapons raised. He gagged. I wasn’t surprised, there was a body, sunken in, skin turning black. A bullet-hole that had splattered brain above the headboard.

Whoever she was she had given up.

But the gun was useful. “Olivia.” He groaned as I stepped in.

“The guns worth it...”

“She killed herself, leave it, ain’t respectful.” I sucked on my lips.

“Then she doesn’t need it anymore.” I pulled it from her limp fingers gently, I felt a pinch of guilt but shook it off. It made no difference to her, although the smell was starting to get to me. “I can do in here,” I could already see a few handbags on top of the wardrobe, “I’d check the bathroom and stuff for medicine, before we deal with...”

I didn’t have to say.

I was already trying to work out who it could be, as I grabbed a large bag, digging through her draws with little regard. I’d gotten past that now, I had very little in the way of possessions, but I was manic over them. I couldn’t afford to be that way for everything someone else had owned. They didn’t need it, not now.

I tried to view it as an odd sort of recycling.

I shoved in a couple of tops, they looked like they would fit fine, and I also grabbed some panties, jamming them in. I heard T-dog rootling around, before standing into the hallway, saying my name lowly.

“Just a sec.” I called back, feeling my stomach bubble as I glanced at the corpse, opening one last draw and nodding as I pulled out a thick belt, slinging it on. It was made of thick weaves and I moved to T-dog, dropping the handbag and accepting his knife and cutting one of the strips of fabric, making a large enough gap to jam my gun into without it falling out. “Handy.” I commented, ignoring the uncomfortable look on his face. Moving back to grab the axe and shotgun, but laying the machine down.

“You want to open the door or should I?”

“You’re good with that right?” He glanced at the axe and I shrugged, “I’ll open the door, it’ll come right out.” I nodded, flexing my fingers once again and waiting as he turned the handle. The body spilled out, stumbling to the floor heavily. Its hands were bound, feet must have been before but the rope had broken, leaving it limping on broken and rotting ankles, unable to take large steps.

“Shit.” T-dog complained, looking away. There was little danger, it was weak, caught. “I can’t...”

It was also a child, a boy, couldn’t have been much more than five by its size, from the toys I could see scattered in it’s filthy room.

It was always far worse with children. I understood instantly why the women in the other room had shot herself.

“Pass me the knife.” I demanded, even though my voice slipped and quivered a little, but he did so and I crouched. It took little effort to hold it down, gaping jaws with baby teeth that were barely still attached. “I’m sorry.” I muttered, he was in his pyjamas, grinning dinosaurs.

He’d been bitten, no doubt, the mom had panicked, tied him away. Killed herself when he turned. I felt tears sting my eyes but swung my arm, the knife entered deep, although his jerking stopped instantly the knife was in until the handle. My skin grazing on cold, almost damp skin.

“Leave it,” T-dog barked when I went to pull out the knife, “Let’s put him with his mom.” I almost argued, not wanting to touch what had once been a child, but looking at his face I felt myself nod, stepping over him and into his room, pulling off his bed sheet, stained red.

“You probably don’t want it on your hands.” I said softly, the two of us working the sheet underneath him, staggering back and into his mothers room. Lifting him and laying him beside her.

“You mind if I say something.” I shot him a look he missed, but nodded, he clearly needed this, “I wish I could have said something for Jackie...” His voice cracked and I patted his arm, feeling awkward.

“I’m sorry about Jackie. I can’t say I knew her but she seemed, nice.” It was so lame, she’d been brave in Atlanta, useful around the camp, helpful with Jim, caring. And again brave enough to chose her own destiny, decide her death in a way I could never imagine.

He said a few words, sounding like he knew what he was doing. “I went to church a lot, I know it don’t look like it.” He explained as we left the house, some more cans of food pushed into the handbag, another knife tucked in my new belt.

“What took you two so long?” Daryl scolded, emerging from the next house, last on the road.

“Just looking around.” I covered quickly.

“Righ’...you got blood on ya leg. It yours?” I shushed him, T-dog offering to take the handbag and heading off towards the RV, the floral bag looking ridiculous in his grip. “It was a kid.” I said simply, “Mom had killed herself after he turned. We had to put it...him down."

“Damn.” Was all Daryl offered, kicking a clump of mud before he continued, “Rick an’ that are done, we’re heading off in a minute.”

“On your stupid motorbike?”

He glared, “What?” I kept my eyes just as narrow, walking fast to keep beside him, “It’s too loud, uses too much fuel.”

“Small enough’ to get through tight gaps...fast.” he countered with a snap. I lifted my hands in defeat, coming up beside Glenn and Dale who were both staring at us.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Glenn said in an odd voice, “Think we’re leaving soon, you're still in the RV?”

“Course.” I offered, confused at the look on his face, “Rick!" I called, still keeping my voice low as they appeared, a plastic canister in hand, a blue bit of tubing in the other. He asked what was up and I showed him the gun, “Should I keep it or put it in the bag?”

“It got any bullets?” I shook my hand, passing it to Shane, “Should find something we got, ya reckon Rick?” His friend nodded, “We’ll sort it, you keep it on you. You know what you’re doing with it.”

“We can’t have too many guns floating around.” Rick warned, “I don’t want any near Carl...or Sophia.”

“Let’s just get somewhere and sort it out. You get the map and tell Dale the way.”

We’d ended up in some old factory, the bottom floor of it. There were boxes around the room but nothing useful, nothing we needed. A few beds had been formed. There had been a few more houses we'd checked and a small army of pillows and blankets had been taken. This time T-dog said nothing.

I was wrapped in one now, I’d taken the first watch with T-dog and had woken Rick and Shane to take over before Glenn and Dale did. I knew more people were awake, it was hard to sleep now, and the day had been so very long I couldn’t believe it.

Twenty-four hours ago I’d been with Glenn. I felt a tingle. I was sure he was awake, he wasn’t far from me, the families, Rick, Lori, Carl and then Carol and Sophia were close, but everyone else was spread out a little. Andrea had moved furthest away, shielded by boxes.

I’d heard her crying faintly as T-dog and I made weak conversation, one of the large doors slid open a little to let us see outside. We sat with our backs against it.

I could hear Rick and Shane now, although their words were slurred by the pillow under my head, the blanket did little in terms of warmth and even in the high summer the stone floor underneath me was making me cold. Keeping me awake.

I felt so lonely.

I needed to talk to someone, and the only someone here I felt comfortable enough to do so, even if we’d agreed to forget last night, was Glenn. T-dog was asleep. Everyone else, I liked them, mostly, although that was irrelevant really. But I didn’t feel comfortable, didn’t feel like I had an inkling of who they were.

Dale, for example, was stuck very firmly in the nice old man with a beard stereotype.

It would be easier if I kept all of them in that way, at a distance. Because, it was more than likely, somehow, somewhere a lot of them would be dead. They weren’t right, not prepared enough.
Like the boy in the house, his mother couldn’t save him. Like I couldn’t save Ella.

I was growing upset.

I had a distinct feeling none of the women had held a gun, knew how to work it, even control the safety. I sighed, thinking was making it harder to sleep. I needed to speak to someone, and he was shuffling side to side, at the back of the group.

I sat up, ripping the blanket from me and grabbing my pillow. He twisted, not saying anything as I lay down beside him, fluffing up the pillow. His arms found me in the dark, although he was barely a silhouette and yanked me into him, my own responding, tightly around his slightly lifted upper body. His arms were cool and his chest was hard, but I felt instantly a little better. I had just to tell him.

“It was a kid earlier, in the house.”

“I know,” He answered, his whisper just as low, “T told me, I’m sorry.” His arms loosened and I let mine, shuffling off him, although he moved, he had two pillows next to each other to keep his body from the ground. “Wait a second.” He hissed again, pulling mine away and putting it higher up, indicating for me to lay beside him. I curled up, almost letting him spoon me, all but my lower legs were cushioned. He flung half of his blanket over me.

“That feels better.” I admitted, almost with a giggle feeling him curve around me, fighting with his arm until he gave in and lay it over my waist. “You know what time it is?” I awkwardly lifted up my arm, glaring at it in the dull light, “Half two.”

“I’m on at four aren’t I?” I nodded and he swore, again under his breath. “I’m coming tomorrow by the way, to Vatos.”

“I thought it was just Me, Daryl and Rick?” He snorted.

“Think I’d let you have all the fun?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and I smirked, moving onto my back, “Are you okay though, about...earlier?”

I shrugged with a pout, “I’m glad we made it out.” I had a lot more to say about it but couldn’t. I didn’t like that I liked him already, that I had a hint of butterflies in the stomach from the way his arm hadn’t moved, still rested over me. It was just because it had been so long, I reasoned. Since any kind of physical thing that hadn’t almost been forced upon me.

And the fact he was just so fucking nice, it was almost sickening. I’d met him, followed him with the aim to hurt him, maybe even kill me for what he had. But he flipped that around, somehow made me feel like I had to help him. Then helped me, left me the walkie-talkie, pulled me into his little group. I liked that and disliked it in almost equal amounts.

I didn’t like that he made me feel, that already they all had.

That I felt sad when two people who were practically strangers, Amy and Jackie, that their deaths had upset me.

And then that boy in the house, the crushed in skull of his mother.

I couldn’t think. I leant up, he was rested on one elbow and I pressed my lips hard against him. I knew I caught him by surprise by the way he tensed before relaxing into it, and me. His hands found my cheeks, keeping my face tight against his. Mine tugged him closer, over me and in-between my legs.

I almost forgot the hard floor as the pillows slipped apart, the fact there were multiple bodies in the room. I needed the comfort, and him. Would it be the same with just anyone? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I let my hand slip down his chest, glimmers of the night before hitting me, but just before I reached the waistband of his jeans there was a groan.

“Fucking stop it.” Andrea.

My hands dropped instantly, and he leant back, looking bashful. I felt my cheeks redden. “Sorry.” I managed, panting a little.

“Y..yeah,” He stuttered, “Me too.”

I shifted sideways and he moved back beside me as I curled on my side, knees on the ground, trying to give him as much room as possible.

His arm draped over me again.