Stutter

I had spaced out before in my life - but never never had I spaced out because Derek was on my mind. Okay that was a lie, but I had never admittedly spaced out because of Derek before. I sat in my English class, slumped over my desk feeling like the world should just end. Just end. Just like that. I was not sure if I could take another moment with Derek bloody Hale in my room. The guy seemed to sneak up on me all the time. It had already happened twice, so what was going to stop him a third time? I already knew that my betrayer of a body was not going to. I just hated that he would be all cold ass until I turned my head. Then he would melt and try to get me to explode. It was just not fair.

"Stiles?!" Scott hissed at me and I jumped a little in my seat. "What?!" I whispered back at him. He, for once, looked like he was ready to discuss something else than Allison. Finally! Scott gave me a serious look before he glanced around the room. "How's finding the alpha doing?" He asked in a hushed tone. Had it not been because I already knew that he was not going to talk about Allison, I would have probably dropped my jaw in surprise. "Oh so now you care?" I asked sarcastically. Scott gave me an odd questioning look. "Do you think I enjoy hanging out with that creepy sour head all the time?!" I looked at Scott like he should just wait and he would know how it felt. Then I froze a second later. "Wait.... how did you know?" I asked him, a fraction of panic in my voice.

If he knew that Derek had been hanging around my place then the chances of him not knowing the rest was so small that not even a ruler would be able to measure it. And that was bad. Really bad. I had figured a long time ago that Scott probably had an idea about me. Who the hell asks his best friend if he thinks he's attractive to gay guys. No one, unless they want to be attractive to gay guys. That what. So even then I would have probably not cared a lot if it had been Danny... Okay maybe I would, because even though Danny was a cool guy, we were friends. No need to cross that boundary! Derek. Just the thought of Scott knowing that Derek might have... and I might have responded equally as... It was just beyond my head and right now I just wanted him to say that it was a fair guess.

"Well, it's not like you guys play it cool, besides..." Scott started and I turned in my seat and slammed my hand over his mouth, attracting half the class' attention. Scott looked at me with a frown like I was losing my mind right in front of him and I think I might be. "Whatever you have to say just... don't say it." I said with a hard stare, a fraction of fright in my eyes. Until I heard my name from the front of the class. "Stilinski. Is there something you want to share with the rest of us?" The voice of our English teacher drifted to me. I was not sure if I paled or not but I did turn around, looking a little off guard. "No... it was just... Scott had something he wanted to tell me and I thought it could wait until after your class, because I'm really interested in English, and I really appreciate you as a teacher, so... I was just... making sure he let you teach in peace." I rambled on, with the urge to bite my cheek to shut myself up. I had no idea if I made any sense at all and Scott was probably going to have my ass for it after class.

---

And after class I learned that I should never doubt my instincts. Despite not having any hidden wolf powers my instinct on Scott blowing up after class was scarily accurate. "What the hell was that all about?" Scott asked in his best angry tone. I swear the guy sounded more like he was disappointed every time. Like he expected something different from the near future and got nothing but lemons. I walked and he followed me closely. "Stiles!" Scott tried again. "Okay, fine it was a totally dirty trick but you weren't the one to suffer under her constant creepy questions for the rest of class." I defended myself and I knew that I was avoiding the topic just as much as Scott avoided talking about the alpha.

"Why're you acting weird, just because I know that Derek's drilling your mind for answers to where the alpha could be? Taken that you always say we when you talk about the alpha I just put two and two together." Scott continued, and every time he opened his mouth I got a completely different translation of the sentences than Scott tried to convey. Every single one of them sounded like Scott was trying to downplay his own hints to the fact that Derek and I... "Scott. Just stop talking. I know that I'm acting weird right now, but I can have a lot on my mind as well." I said in defence of my behaviour. I knew that I was giving more and more away, but it was all Derek's fault. He should have just kept his tongue in his mouth instead of sticking it out to taste me. God I had to stop with the bad dog puns.

Scott shrugged the conversation off and turned to the matter at hand. "So.. the alpha. Got anything?" He asked, seeming genuinely frightened. "No. Not a thing. Derek's not exactly the most helpful person in this world. If I have to be honest he would probably be the least..." I cringed at the truth in my voice. We had nothing, all because the last two times I had tried to find something new that might give up the alpha's location, Derek had distracted me immensely and before that he had just been his usual broody self, usually leaving me to things. "You haven't had any weird dreams since, have you?" I asked my best friend.

He shook his head in answer. "No. Luckily. I swear if I had to go through that again I might actually rip my own throat out." Scott answered, painting a lovely picture for me. "You do know you have super healing powers, so I have a feeling that your lovely attempt of a suicide might actually not kill you, just piss yourself immensely off." I added and looked at my best friend with raised brows. Scott shrugged and said nothing more. I knew that I had been right in what I had said. Besides, Scott would never do that. He would probably just find Derek and try to beat the shit out of him. Not that he would succeed... I stopped my own thoughts. Who's side was I on? Scott's or Derek's? What a terrible friend I was being right now!

---

"So... where do you want us to go?" I asked angrily and turned to Derek. We had been seated in my Jeep for only god knows how long. It was late and I had no idea if my dad was asleep or out at work. No matter what it would be terrible if he was out and he caught me. What the hell was I supposed to say? And it was not like I could explain why I had Derek with me. It was just terrible. "So... What're we doing, besides waiting?" I asked sarcastically. Derek had not said a word since he had hauled my ass out of my room. "Great." I complained and slumped into my seat.

Derek turned and looked at me. "Would you shut up. I'm thinking." I let out a small huff of air. Derek was always thinking and I could really not care less. "You know what? If you're so damned scared to go in there, I'll go." I said and opened my door. Derek turned and frowned at me. "We're here for a reason aren't we?" I asked him with a raised brow. Derek had to answer or I might walk to my death. Not that he would care. He might be secretly pleased. "Sit back down. He's not here." Derek said and I closed my door again and turned in my seat to look at him. "Okay, just tell me one thing then. Why the hell're we here if not to look for your stupid alpha? I don't even know what's so important about the thing! Ever wondered that maybe it's your really bad attitude and your extremely negative mindset that lets him get away?" I asked, knowingly drilling my words into Derek's ego.

The guy had an ago the size of the earth, and I was pretty sure that no one needed an ego that big. "Besides, don't you think it'd be a good idea to maybe get Scott to hold your leash whenever you need to go for a walk? Ever thought of that, cause I have." I was not really frustrated and a part of me really didn't care that Derek pulled me out for strange late night trips. But admitting that I might like it was not going to happen any time soon. "Okay, you know what? I'm done. We go home and you stay out of my room while I sleep." I grumbled and turned the key in the ignition. I realised, only as I pulled away, what I had said.

"Are you scared that I'm going to rip your throat out in your sleep?" Derek asked. I was not sure if he was trying to make a joke, but to me it sure as hell border lined towards a joke "Like you would know how to do anything but kill stuff." I shot back in my annoyed demeanour. "Is that an insult?" Derek asked, obviously not satisfied with my snarky remark. "No, that was a challenge. What the hell do you think?!" I looked at him with eyes that should have do my answer justice and have Derek back off. Apparently that was not the case. Between me pulling up at my house and me getting out Derek managed to attack me. In a sense. If you could call lips crashing hard against your own an attack. I sure as hell did.

In less than ten seconds between pulling up to my house and attempting an escape I found myself slammed against the driver side door, Derek pinning me at the shoulders. It was not that it was uncomfortable I just no sure how to take it. I hated Derek, and he hated me. Okay we had shared mouth water twice already and I had somewhere in myself admitted that it had not been that bad. Even if I did try to forget. My eyes were shut tight and I just let my other senses take over. Derek's hand on my shoulder. His chest really, really close to mine, his teeth, human teeth lightly biting my bottom lip and making my head spin. His not breath whenever he pulled back for a second. Hell even the cold window to the back of my head and the inside panel of the door gnawing into my back I managed to notice. I myself was too scared to even breathe myself. Why? God knows why, that's why!

"Why'd you do that?" I asked a little breathless as Derek let me regain an inch of my personal space. "You never said what I'd get if I proved you wrong." Derek just replied in all seriousness. I took a moment to let the words sink in. "I don't know. You kinda just took my breath away. Literally." I knew that it sounded stupid, but when had I ever cared how I sounded. "I might do that again because you talk less." Derek threatened and I should have seen it coming. Because I knew already. One was an incident, two a mere coincident and three was a pattern. This was going to happen over and over again, no matter how much I denied it and fought it. It would happen. Because it already had. Three times.