Stutter

My head felt like it was going to explode and I wanted to just curl up in my own little world and pretend that this supernatural ballgame was not actually going right in front of my nose. Sure Derek had had a strong lead on the alpha a few days ago but... it was Derek and for some reason he had to blame everyone around him for his own failure. I could take a snapping once in a while but the Derek would just look at me, was not the same. He might as well have torn off my head and I would have been more compliant with that than one of those daring expressions that had me reminded that I was just a puny bulk of flesh and bone. Such a turn-on that had to be for Derek. Jesus.

The reason my head was hurting and feeling like someone had dropped a brick on it was because I had spent the better of my weekend - my weekend - on looking for a straw of grass in a field. I felt like I couldn't see the forest for trees. I groaned and slammed my head into my arms that were folded in front of me, my laptop shoved away from me in slight annoyance. I could take when Scott asked me weird things and asked me to find some common denominators on myths, but Derek. The guy would look at you with that blank glare of his and you would have to guess what it was he wanted. I was not a mind reader, not even after I started fooling around with the big bad beta. I was as clueless as ever to what he wanted and my head was in enjoying the challenge. With a pout and a heavy sigh I turned back to the screen and stared at it blankly. Complete and utterly gone in my own world.

"Hey, Stiles? Got any news on the alpha?" The sudden voice of my best friend startled me and I jumped in my usual shocked fashion, arms flailing for a second as I tried to catch myself from falling. My head snapped to Scott with a shocked expression before I managed to compose myself and relax back in my chair, blinking a few times as I took a moment to let the shock pass. Getting used to the new use of my window as front door would never really fit well with me. "Why would I have anything new? I haven't seen Derek in as long as you have. It's not like I'm dating the guy." I commented, my voice turning slightly amused in the end, but that had more to do with the small lie I had just dropped to my friend rather than actually finding the idea of me dating the wolf hilarious and impossible. Okay, maybe it seemed a little silly and I wouldn't say I was dating Derek. More like substituting for someone else, but Scott didn't have to know that. "Trust me - I actually think I know less than you do." I commented, holding my hands up in defeat.

Scott sighed and dropped to sit on my bed with a heavy sigh. "I don't really know how I feel about the idea that I either have to join whoever bit me or have my throat ripped out." Scott's brows furrowed a little at his own words and all I could do was sigh a little. "Things not going well with Allison?" I asked, not even sounding an ounce sincere. I felt like the biggest ass for sounding like that, but she had kinda stolen the fun in my best friend. "You could say that." He commented with a small sigh. "And that's the reason werewolves and humans don't mix." I commented with a small shrug and turned back to my laptop only to let out another groan. "The alpha?" Scott asked and all I could do was nod in annoyance. "You know we have a chemistry test tomorrow, right?" He asked almost sincere. I didn't hear the tone of voice, just felt the chill down my spine and turned to my friend with a slightly pained look, my expression asking him if he was serious. "Dead serious." He commented and I hid my face in my arm resting on the table, taking a second before looking back up at my best friend. "And this is why I don't like the fact that I'm your encyclopaedia..." I commented to myself.

Scott's laughter was a welcoming break from the day that had seemed to disappear from me. My own laughter followed close by. It had been a while Scott and I had actually had a talk, not matter how brief. He had been busy with Allison and the whole alpha thing. And I had, per say, had my own problems to tend to. Despite the laughter falling from my lips, my mind was still strained, still keeping that secret from my best friend. No matter what anyone said, sometimes not knowing was better. Scott didn't exactly like Derek, and Derek was not about to admit to even being able breathe the same air as my best friend. On the side note I was not supposed to like Derek all that much myself. To say the least - I was feeling a little hypocritical. But Scott didn't have to know anything, and it was not like Derek was about to let on what we were up to either. So why should I blow the whistle?

---

To think that a night of studying would give me a shot at the chemistry test had been a blind hope. I was not stupid, and I was in no way incapable - my mind just gave out on me as I heard the sound of the paper fall on my desk, watching the paper fall into view in front of me. Suddenly sleep seemed very important and if I hadn't known better I would think I was going to have a panic attack. They were scary as hell, and this was just my brain kicking into gear. I could only take a deep breath and pick up the pen. Fail it if I had to. At least I had a better shot than Scott. From what he had managed to tell me before class, he had apparently been hanging around with Derek for a run in the woods, or whatever they had been up to. I didn't care. I had gotten a chance to study so I was fine. There was no way that Derek was going to out me on my best friend without having to take a blow to his abnormally large ego. I sighed and turned my eyes to the test, feeling like the world slowed down and made sure to stress me out in any way possible, time flying by when I absolutely didn't need it to and questions getting more and more complicated without reason.

---

I chose to skip practice after school. I knew that I was doing it was too often these days, but I was just not in the mood when classes ended. I just wanted to go home and hide away from all the werewolf business before either Scott or Derek came to crash my day and spring some more of their little problems on me. Not that I minded, but I was not a lot of help and I could use a break. Today was just one of those days where I hated Scott for being bitten and not me. Sometimes it would be nice to have superpowers and not have to fear for my life every time Scott got a little riled up and decided to pms on me. Getting ripped to pieces by my best friend was not really on the top of my list over things I want to do with my life.

My dad seemed to be as busy as ever. The few moments I saw him in the evening had me feel like I was left completely on my own. And either Scott had found out something or Derek was just done with the fling, but I hadn't seen much to him either. All because the alpha seemed to be lashing out. Whether it was to get Scott's attention or just fuck with him I had no idea. All I knew was that Scott was being careless and I was left to spend my evenings wondering what it would be like to have superpowers like them. Not exactly my favourite occupation if I had to be honest.

I arrived home and took a moment to just sit in my car and stare up at the house in front of me. Empty and not exactly the place I wanted to. I sighed a little, feeling a small pang of regret for skipping practice today. Maybe Scott would be a god dog and behave and I might have had a brilliant time for once. I was cool that Scott was on the field now, but it had been something else when both of us had been bench warmers. We had been in it together and supported each other. I had to admit, as I sat in the silence of my car, that it was a little difficult supporting Scott as he seemed to get everything he wanted. With a small sigh I climbed out of my car and made my way to the front door, doing my best to push all the negative thoughts out of the way. There was no need to drag myself further down than necessary.

I locked the front door after me and took the walk upstairs, not paying much attention to the world around me right now. I was not sure what bit me the most these days. The fact that exams were coming up an our teachers drowned us in last minute tests or the fact that prom was coming up just as fast and I was about ready to get Lydia to go with me. Despite everything I was still in love with her. Of course I was. She was sweet, smart and drop dead gorgeous. Besides... whatever was up with me and Derek, it could be over in a flash and I saw no reason to get all sappy and emotional about it. So - as usual my goal would be to go to prom with Lydia. Get her to see just how worthy I was of her. She just needed a small nudge. Scott flipped on a pate so why couldn't I?

Pushing the door open to my room I barely got a chance to look up and take in the room before Derek was in my face. Literally. I was not sure if he was drunk or just losing control of his hormones. It could be a wolf thing for all I knew and I would be none the wiser. Despite a part of me wanting to scream and shout at myself I actually let myself follow Derek's lead. It was not that Lydia was gone form my thoughts, but there was no need to start a fight with the wolf. Whatever he had for me I could almost feel the slap in my face already. Derek was not really here for me. Not really. But it wasn't too bad to pretend that that was the case.

I pushed away and took a moment to land back on earth before I could find my voice and say anything. "Who told you to crew on a stick?" I blurted, not really sure of what that insult should relate to. Derek wasn't in a bad mood and it was not like someone would even dare to suggest that Derek should chew on a stick. He would chew on their inner organs before even giving the unlucky soul a chance to take back the teasing comment or explain themselves. I saw Derek tense up a little, and yet he did not touch me. He just looked at me. Took the insult like a slap on the cheek. "What?" I asked looking at him with a small frown. "Whatever you're trying to tell me I don't get it. I don't chew on freshly acquired steak and howl at the moon once a month in case you've forgotten." I commented and shrugged a little, walking past him. The momentary pain of Derek grabbing my arm a little harder than he had meant to had me wince for a second. I stopped and looked up at him with a small frown.

"I think I know who the alpha is and how to find her." Derek's voice reached me. My brain stopped working and I was not sure whether I was gaping or not. I had no idea of how to respond to that. I made little sense to me that Derek would come to me and not go to Scott. Sure Scott's (still) girlfriend was part of a family of hunters, but it made no sense that Derek would go to the weakest link of the company. "We're going." Derek continued and I had to frown a little. "I just got home, and why're you bringing me and not Scott?" I asked, the confusion finally voicing itself. Derek looked at me with a look that made me feel even more stupid than I already felt. "Why do you think I'm not bringing another werewolf?" Derek asked, anger visible under his sarcastic tone. I could only gape in disbelief as his words hit me. "You're gonna use me as bait?" I asked, disbelief thick in my voice. Derek didn't answer. He just pulled me with him down the stairs and back out the front door. Both of us in my car I could almost feel the long hours we were going to spend in the small space.

"So the kiss... it was some sort of goodbye thing, because you exp...." I was cut off by Derek leaning over and pressing me against the door in a forceful kiss. It was all so unlike Derek, the moment he pulled away I had to open my big mouth. "What're you and where'd you stash the murderous beta?" As I finished my sentence I dared Derek to say anything. He seemed taken aback for a second before he leaned away and I could sit back up properly in my seat. "That's hat I thought." I commented with a satisfied smirk on my lips. That I would connect with my steering wheel seconds after was what I got for pushing around with someone stronger than me. "Ow!" I exclaimed, a hand finding it's way protectively up to my forehead. "Why the hell'd you do that?" I asked, voice a little higher than usual as I looked at the werewolf beside me in disbelief. "Take your pick." He just shot back, sending me a glare, daring me to continue this conversation. Luckily I knew better. But I would get back at him.