Stutter

If Derek had been pissed at me before, now he must have been about to kill me. Okay I had been a little awkward when he left about two nights ago and I had mae sure to keep out of the werewolves way. Or as much as one cane with a freaking werewolf best friend. But I managed and Scott did not ask any creepy questions either. And I was enjoying his misery. Allison was not playing his game and Derek was for once on his back and not mine. Now I at least only had to hear about him.

When I did not shut up like an oyster, explode or avoid the Topic all together. I had no idea whether Scott ignored it or just was too dense to catch it. Well, if there was anything to catch. I was fine with talking about Derek. It just annoyed me. That was all. My heart picked up in rate, sure, but that was because I was furious with the guy. Nothing else. And my shaking hands were nothing at all. Just nervous tick. Who would not shake a little being in the company of werewolves. Scott had already tried to eat me a few times so sure I was nervous.

It had nothing to do with Derek. My sweaty palms when I thought of him or my racing heart when his name was mentioned. It was all nothing. I was just on edge. Too much werewolf stuff. That was all. I was not avoiding Derek because he had my stomach flip and my hands grow sweaty and my voice shaking. No, I was just angry with him. I just needed a bit of normal human space, without Derek everywhere. Well, moderately at least. It would be weird if he disappeared.

"Stiles! Would you mind at least seeming like you're interested?" The voice of Scott had me jump a little from my laying position across the table. "What?" I asked, confused and just now realising that I had been drifting off to my own world. I blinked a few times and tried to think of what Scott might have said. I had no clue and Scott realised. He sighed deeply and shook his head. "What's wrong with you, Stiles? You're completely lost in thought. What's so important that you can't spare your best friend a few minutes?" Scott asked, clearly offended.

I, having not meant to offend my best friend, let my jaw drop before I picked it up again and took a moment to think about my answer. "Nothig's wrong! I'm listening to you! I'm jjust tired because you keep me awake all night with your endless babbles of Allison. If she really loves you she'll come back." I finished my speech with a small sigh and my head still on Derek. "I'm fine okay? I'm just still adjusting to the whole werewolf thing, okay? If you haven't noticed I'm still human." I pointed out, my voice full of annoyance. Scott groaned and hid his face in his arms.

I myself gave up and let out a small sigh and leaned back in my chair, pouting. Today was going to be a long day and I knew it. Because Scott knew that I was a little off and I still had to stay out of Derek's path. I had had enough of werewolves for a lifetime and I still needed to find out what was up. I looked at Scott and opened my mouth to say something when something had me stop. Lydia had just walked into the library and I lost my words for a second. "What?" Scott asked and turned aftrr having seen my open mouth.

"Really? Stiles, would you forget her already?" Scott asked seemingly as tired of my obsession with Lydia as I was with his to Allison. I looked at him a little annoyed and turned back to Lydia to dream. And I did not notice the lack of rapid heart rate or the missing sweaty palms. I was too engrossed in taking in pretty, lovely Lydia. She really was something. I loved her hair, her smile, her lips, her laugh... those eyes that... that would burn blue when... the serious expression. Deep voice. Broad shoul...

"Holy..." I exclaimed and slammed a hand over my mouth. My eyes went wide and I took more than a handful of deep breaths. My heart was racing. Not the small nervous racing but the full fledged scared or shocked racing. And I could not believe what had happened. I had started describing Lydia, sure, but I had definitely not finished on her. I felt a little sick and shut my eyes tight, rubbed my temples.

Scott looked at me with an odd look. I could feel it. And I had no idea of what to say if he asked. "No no no no no no no.... I was not just thinking that... I was not just... god that's so wrong... so so so so not right. Why am I so creepy? Breathe Stiles, breathe." I said to myself and ran my hands over my head. I looked at Scott with slightly wild eyes. Slowly my mind reeled on. "I need to go." I said and stumbled from my chair and out of the library.

It felt like I was about to have a panic attack as I stumbled down the corridor. It seemed longer than ever and the stairs more sloped. I got down them alright and I managed to find a wall to lean against while I tried to take a deep breath and calm dwon. I knew what my mind had done to me and right now I was not ready to deal with it. I was fine with being open minded and all but this was a little too close. It was a little too close for comfort and I was not sure if I was all that open minded about this.

Personally I would have had no problem with it at all, but really? Of all people it could have been it had to be... and I felt like a complete idiot. It could have been anyone and of course it had to be the one that would give mr the most heart ache. I took a deep breath and slid down to sit on the floor against the wall. My head was spinning and I really wished that I knew how to control myself. Because this I wanted to ignore. For myself. I was not going to pursue a bloody crush like this. Especially not on Derek Hale.

---

I got home that day and hid in my room. My dad knocked on the door once and asked if everything was okay, and as so many times these past msny weeks I lied to him, flipped him off. I was fine. When I had taken a breath and rationalised my thoughts. I hoped bitterly that Derek would stay away and that Scott would shut up about it all.

I was lucky, in a sense. I got to spend the entire evening on my homework and not be disturbed. I let out a small sigh and it took a more than little effort to get the werewolf stuff and Derek out of my head. It was annoyig and I only now realised how much time I had spent thinking about Derek. I was impressed I had never realised earlier. It was even worse than Lydia. I felt like a lovesick puppy. And I hated it.

But as fate will I had no luck of avoidinf Derek all night and of course Scott had trouble with running his mouth. I jumped at the sound of tapping on my window and even more when my window opened. I spun in my chair with wide eyss as I saw Derek coming through my window. if I had been scared in my life it was nothig compared to the look Derek sent me. He looked at me with eyes that demanded I told him what was going on and if I refused he would rip my veins out with a spoon - or somethig like that. The guy had a thing for creepy threats.

"I hope you have an excuse for ignoring me. Especially with the alpha being so close and after Scott." Derek snarled, baring his teeth only a little. But it was a threat enough to get me into talking. "Hey.. Derek. I didn't think you needed me any more." I said with a sarcastic voice. No doubt I was scared of the look I got, but Derek really needed to get his game on. "You..." Derek started and pointed at me. "Really need to be careful with what you say." I got the warning and swallowed hard. I felt a little trapped and I could not ignore my heart that raced a little faster and my palms growing a little sweaty, hands a little fidgetive.