Heart Broken
Just Give me a Reason
You've seen the box countless times. You know that he put it there months ago, maybe even years, but you never even thought about opening it. You always thought that you would never have a reason to, but you know perfectly what is laying in that box. As you open it you can't help but doubt your decision to open it, but it's when you see the letter written on top “Open when I left you” that you know that you chose the right option, you know that the goal of that box is to make you feel better, to reassureyou of his love for the terrible human being that you are. Now, at the moment, you only need it to give you a reason to be angry at him, he dumped you, like you meant nothing, when you were sure that he was in love with you.
Dear love of my life,
Yes you, Michael, who do think I'm talking about? I don't know exactly how I did this, maybe I told you that it was because I found someone else, but I know that if you fought your demons enough to open this letter, than you only deserve the honest truth. I have no idea, it's been how long since I did it, nor do I know how much you're still hurting from what I did. I know that you need to know that I did it for a reason, and not the reason that I told you it was for, no matter what it was. I am sick, Michael. And I know how you feel about taking care of a sick person. You told me yourself, countless times, how much you wished that she would have just died instead of having to take care of her. You never wanted to have to put up with her sickness, and she was your mom. I know how much you're probably hurt right now, but I know that you would be way more hurt if I stuck by your side, so much more. I love you Michael, more than I love my life. And I know that my spinal cancer originally gave me a 50/50 chance of staying alive to cherish you each passing days, but not anymore.
It depends of when you collected all of your courage together to read this letter. If you succeeded to do that somewhat close to when I surely broke your heart , then I am still alive, but not enough to be with you anymore. I would never give you up if it wasn’t so bad that I can't function around you anymore. It wasn’t supposed to go that bad, not that fast, but it did if you are reading this today, maybe it's been 20 years since I gave you this box. You may ask yourself ''why the fuck is he saying so soon'' but know that even forever would be too soon to leave your side for me. I wish to stay with you forever. I've been able to show you every bad part of myself, but this one I simply can't , I know how much it would hurt you, I know how much you would hate it. And I love you way too much to do that to you.
I'll see you in paradise, simply because you are my paradise, my own living heaven.
~Jack
You are able to cry? It's so rare. You didn't even shed a tear when he left you, when thinking about it, he was completely broken about doing so. He showed you, he cried way more during those 15 minutes than you did during the two weeks since it happened. The truth is, you are able to cry, but only when you feel completely broken. You learnt to not cry when you're only bent because it's fixable. Though at this very moment after two weeks spent without him hugging you and telling you how much he loves you, without him telling him that you're his one reason to live.That previous sentence, that you found so fuckin stupid, when he would say it, you would always tell him how nobody needs someone to bring joy into their lives. You always thought that you were the perfect example of that, how you were the best proof of that, but now, now that he left you, because of you, because he was right, you don't want to take care of someone, you really don't want to. Now though you realize that he took care of you. All of those things you would say to, not only did they mean the world to him, but they meant the world to you too, even if you were too goddam scared to let it mean something to you at the moment.
Now, you can't stop crying,. You're so hurt, you feel like your heart is ripped into pieces and you can't even breathe properly anymore. You would wonder, how could he think of something like that? How could he think that you don't want to take care of him? The worst thing is that you absolutely know that he is right, but you can't help to think that even with that he was still by your side , no matter how much you don't want to have to take care of someone sick, you have this little feeling in the back of your mind that it wouldn't be so bad. The thing is, you didn't even realize the change in his condition before reading this letter. Then again, you've always been told that you need to go and live outside of that bubble of a perfect life that you formed for yourself.
It saddens you more than you'll ever admit to not be able to know if he is alright, even if he is sick, so sick that he can't be with you anymore. You can't help but wander in the box. You never opened it, so you have no idea which letter is sitting in the box, but you just want to find something, anything that will make part of this pain go away. That will make you happy that he is doing all of this for you, because you know more than anything that you should be blessed that you found someone that cares about you that much. You find two or three that you think could make you at least have the ghost of a smile, but then you find the one with the old and faded Open when you need a reason to believe in our love on top of the last letter in the pile. IT seemed as though like he didn't want you to see if, like he couldn't accept the fact that you were going to doubt his love for you, or the love that you have for him in return. The envelop is not at all like the others, it's a faded red/black, that crumbles and pieces fall off from it when you pick it up, .a When you opened it, you were so desperate to find a way to feel better, to know that he truly loves you more than everything. You barely even noticed anything before seeing the blood fall that there was a razor blade inside, one that felt right into your leg and cut you open. You could care less about it at the moment, you just need a confidence boost.
Dear darling,
I wish that I didn't have to write this one letter, it was the hardest, making myself believe that you could doubt how madly in love I am with you, and how perfect we are for each others. Sadly, I know that you doubted more than once, so if you ever do so again, now you have this reminder of all my love for you.
We are perfect together, look at the smiles of the people on this picture, if this doesn't scream, “I love you forever, you're mine and only mine that I don't know what will.''
Inside there was a photograph, one taken months ago, it could have been years, you have no idea when it was taken, but you know the second you see it that he was more than right.
You two belong together. It's that realization and the blood of the sacrifices that he made for you running down your hands that gave you the courage that you needed to pick up your phone and hit send.
I love you, please don't leave me. I need you by my side. I'm ready to take care of you
Dear love of my life,
Yes you, Michael, who do think I'm talking about? I don't know exactly how I did this, maybe I told you that it was because I found someone else, but I know that if you fought your demons enough to open this letter, than you only deserve the honest truth. I have no idea, it's been how long since I did it, nor do I know how much you're still hurting from what I did. I know that you need to know that I did it for a reason, and not the reason that I told you it was for, no matter what it was. I am sick, Michael. And I know how you feel about taking care of a sick person. You told me yourself, countless times, how much you wished that she would have just died instead of having to take care of her. You never wanted to have to put up with her sickness, and she was your mom. I know how much you're probably hurt right now, but I know that you would be way more hurt if I stuck by your side, so much more. I love you Michael, more than I love my life. And I know that my spinal cancer originally gave me a 50/50 chance of staying alive to cherish you each passing days, but not anymore.
It depends of when you collected all of your courage together to read this letter. If you succeeded to do that somewhat close to when I surely broke your heart , then I am still alive, but not enough to be with you anymore. I would never give you up if it wasn’t so bad that I can't function around you anymore. It wasn’t supposed to go that bad, not that fast, but it did if you are reading this today, maybe it's been 20 years since I gave you this box. You may ask yourself ''why the fuck is he saying so soon'' but know that even forever would be too soon to leave your side for me. I wish to stay with you forever. I've been able to show you every bad part of myself, but this one I simply can't , I know how much it would hurt you, I know how much you would hate it. And I love you way too much to do that to you.
I'll see you in paradise, simply because you are my paradise, my own living heaven.
~Jack
You are able to cry? It's so rare. You didn't even shed a tear when he left you, when thinking about it, he was completely broken about doing so. He showed you, he cried way more during those 15 minutes than you did during the two weeks since it happened. The truth is, you are able to cry, but only when you feel completely broken. You learnt to not cry when you're only bent because it's fixable. Though at this very moment after two weeks spent without him hugging you and telling you how much he loves you, without him telling him that you're his one reason to live.That previous sentence, that you found so fuckin stupid, when he would say it, you would always tell him how nobody needs someone to bring joy into their lives. You always thought that you were the perfect example of that, how you were the best proof of that, but now, now that he left you, because of you, because he was right, you don't want to take care of someone, you really don't want to. Now though you realize that he took care of you. All of those things you would say to, not only did they mean the world to him, but they meant the world to you too, even if you were too goddam scared to let it mean something to you at the moment.
Now, you can't stop crying,. You're so hurt, you feel like your heart is ripped into pieces and you can't even breathe properly anymore. You would wonder, how could he think of something like that? How could he think that you don't want to take care of him? The worst thing is that you absolutely know that he is right, but you can't help to think that even with that he was still by your side , no matter how much you don't want to have to take care of someone sick, you have this little feeling in the back of your mind that it wouldn't be so bad. The thing is, you didn't even realize the change in his condition before reading this letter. Then again, you've always been told that you need to go and live outside of that bubble of a perfect life that you formed for yourself.
It saddens you more than you'll ever admit to not be able to know if he is alright, even if he is sick, so sick that he can't be with you anymore. You can't help but wander in the box. You never opened it, so you have no idea which letter is sitting in the box, but you just want to find something, anything that will make part of this pain go away. That will make you happy that he is doing all of this for you, because you know more than anything that you should be blessed that you found someone that cares about you that much. You find two or three that you think could make you at least have the ghost of a smile, but then you find the one with the old and faded Open when you need a reason to believe in our love on top of the last letter in the pile. IT seemed as though like he didn't want you to see if, like he couldn't accept the fact that you were going to doubt his love for you, or the love that you have for him in return. The envelop is not at all like the others, it's a faded red/black, that crumbles and pieces fall off from it when you pick it up, .a When you opened it, you were so desperate to find a way to feel better, to know that he truly loves you more than everything. You barely even noticed anything before seeing the blood fall that there was a razor blade inside, one that felt right into your leg and cut you open. You could care less about it at the moment, you just need a confidence boost.
Dear darling,
I wish that I didn't have to write this one letter, it was the hardest, making myself believe that you could doubt how madly in love I am with you, and how perfect we are for each others. Sadly, I know that you doubted more than once, so if you ever do so again, now you have this reminder of all my love for you.
We are perfect together, look at the smiles of the people on this picture, if this doesn't scream, “I love you forever, you're mine and only mine that I don't know what will.''
Inside there was a photograph, one taken months ago, it could have been years, you have no idea when it was taken, but you know the second you see it that he was more than right.
You two belong together. It's that realization and the blood of the sacrifices that he made for you running down your hands that gave you the courage that you needed to pick up your phone and hit send.
I love you, please don't leave me. I need you by my side. I'm ready to take care of you