Hilda the Fed-Up Cow

Hilda was fed up with being a cow
She wanted a change and wanted it now

Spending her days doing not much but moo
There had to be something better to do

She looked round the fields and caught sight of the sheep
They do much more than milk, eat and sleep

Sheep have such lovely curly white hair
And get a hair cut - this wasn't fair

Hilda detested her brown spotty hide
She wanted a look she could show off with pride

So made a decision some may think strange
Her life for a sheep's she decided to change

First she needed sheep hair for her head
So off to the wig shop she urgently fled

And chose the one with the tightest white curls
Then rushed back to show it off to the girls

When the cows saw it they started to scoff
And tried not to giggle by pretending to cough

Soon the whole farm was shaking with laughter
Hilda's new look couldn't be any dafter

She didn't care and climbed in with the rams
And tried to lie down and cuddle the lambs

But the sheep took one look at Hilda and fled
"Hilda is crackers" one of them said

Hilda's life as a sheep didn't go well
Her wig got all knotty and started to smell

Some birds thought the wig would make a good nest
And lined up to use it for somewhere to rest

When haircut day came she was first in the queue
But the shearer saw her and told her to shoo

"I cannot fix that mess on your head
Find a magician to help you instead"

Hilda got cross and threw down her wig
Then her eyes caught sight of a pretty pink pig

"Sheep don't do more than chew grass and bleat
The life of a pig you surely can't beat

Pigs have those wonderful curly pink tails
And eat all day long from those big metal pails"

So Hilda decided a pig's life she would try
And dashed to the shops so that she could buy

A big tin of paint to make herself pink
A bag of manure in order to stink

For the tail she went for a piece of old string
And trotted back home once she'd got everything

Back on the farm, to her barn Hilda stormed
And emerged a while later completely transformed

She looked like a cow who'd been dipped in pink dye
And happily jumped in the pigs' sty

The pigs took one look and laughed till it hurt
Then carried on rolling around in the dirt

Hilda's life as a pig didn't go well
She couldn't get used to the strong piggy smell

Eating all day made her tummy feel sore
As soon as they'd finished, the pigs shouted "more!"

Their greediness made Hilda get snappy
It wasn't long till she was unhappy

When the pink paint rubbed off on the floor
Hilda cried "I can't be a pig anymore

Pigs are so greedy and stink of poop"
Then her eyes caught sight of the chicken coop

"That's it!" she said "that's what I should be
The life of a chicken is so much more me

Their feathers are simply sumptuous to touch
And sitting on eggs, I want that so much"

Hilda stuck on some feathers she found on the floor
Covering bits of her body but she needed more

Since there were none left, she had to make do
With looking like a bird with a bad dose of flu

She went in the coop without being asked
And told everyone "I'm here at long last!"

But the chickens were cross, there wasn't the space
For this great big cow to sleep in their place

Hilda's life as a hen didn't go well
Her legs got all cramped and started to swell

She waited and waited for fresh eggs to come
But ended with nothing but a sore bum

After a week Hilda cried "this is bad
The clucking and pecking are driving me mad"

She tore off her feathers and sat on the floor
Shaking her head she could take it no more

Then her eyes caught sight of something amazing
A herd of brown cows were happily grazing

The afternoon sun shone down on their heads
And they went to lie down on their homely hay beds

"A cow, a cow, why couldn't I see
How wonderful it is to just be me

I'm not a pig or a chick or a sheep
I don't go "oink" or go "baa" or go "cheep"

I am a beautiful brown spotty cow
And I will join my friends again now"

From then Hilda's life was contented and fun
And she smiled when she thought of the things she had done