Blind Ambition

I stood anxiously before a set of stone steps. I took deep breaths as nervousness threatened to engulf me entirely. The menacing looking steps and wider exterior would lead me up to the entrance of my new High School, Cyfafthia High School, to be exact.
I had to be transferred from a school in Aberdare, not for bad reasons mind, but for a secret I had to keep hidden pretty much 24/7. The only exception to this was of course being at home, where my family was fully aware of it and never stopped loving and supporting me through it.
The old school wasn’t able to help with my secret, despite my parents’ intervention. They told us that funding was being cut and I wouldn’t be able to get certain technology or other forms of help I so desperately needed.
Cyfafthia on the other hand, were almost falling head over heels in an attempt to enroll me. For the first time in my life I actually felt like I was being welcomed into education with open arms. I had decided that I was going to try my level best this time and not let my secret hold me back academically like it had previously. I was also going to try to make a better effort at making friends. I had tried in the old school, don’t get me wrong, but I had fallen into the path of the “wrong crowd” and who untimely did things I’m not going to dare go into right now. Let’s just say, a hug quickly turned into something unmentionable.

I quickly ran a hand through my hair and adjusted my fringe at an angle so that it fell stiffly back into place and practically covered half my face. I took one more deep breath then began to climb the steps. As I did so, I had to find my balance several times as the light grey of the steps made them almost impossible to distinguish from one another. Thanking my lucky stars no one was around, I finally got to a thick wooden front door. After a second, I opened it and walked inside.
My jaw almost dropped to the floor as I took in the entrance. Gothic architecture was everywhere and I felt as if I’d walked onto the set of Harry Potter; it was almost like magic. I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I continued through the atrium. My mind began to wonder as I looked around like a kid in a toy store.
Wooden doors, old-fashioned doorknockers and handles, high ceilings, stained glass windows, a wide mahogany stairwell and rustic slate tiles. I was in shock and awe.

Quickly I realized that my shabby hightops, ripped jeans and fading purple sweatshirt wasn’t going to mix well here. I sighed internally at this new realization and at the exact same time, my mind was snapped back to reality as I heard a distinctive
“Eh hem.” come from a person behind me. I whirled around and noticed a man in his 40s or so. He had short black hair and was wearing a pin striped black suit.
“Visitors are only allowed to come on Saturday’s.” He said in a slightly disgusted tone as his eyes scanned me from head to foot. For a second, my voice failed to catch up with my mind and he cocked his eyebrow up.
“Do I have to repeat myself or will I just escort you out now?” He questioned as he took a step closer to me.
“I-I. I comes here.” I stated, stupidly stammering and forgetting the most basic of English language structure. His second eyebrow now rose to join the other.
“Do you? Where is your I.D pass? I’ve never seen you before. Don’t play jokes on me son.”
“I don’t have one yet. This is my first day.” I said, my voice now losing its initial weakness.
“Let’s confirm that, shall we?” He responded swiftly, clamping an arm around me and leading me towards a door before I could say or do anything.
I was brought into an office and told to stand at the foot of a desk. I did as I was told and I began to scan a little around me. The room was bright with a large window looking over towards the stone steps I had walked up to gain entrance just a few minutes ago.
“What’s your name?” The man asked as he flicked through an address book. I gave it and after several agonizing minutes of searching the book he looked up and nodded. I don’t even know why I was anxious. I wasn’t lying or playing games. Not yet anyway!

“Indeed you are here.” He confirmed. I forced myself not to roll my eyes. He snapped the book shut and grabbed a piece of paper from a printer-photocopier that was near by.
“Here is a site map and combined time table.” He handed it to me and I nodded politely back.
“Thank you, Sir.” “Ah now. Son. When dealing with our staff, we expect you to use your native language. English is prohibited in such situations.” He paused. I blinked in shock. I wasn’t expecting that. He obviously caught it as he continued.
“You may communicate with it socially but be warned that you must at least say hello, good morning, evening, yes, no and of course thank you in Welsh or else you will be given a written punishment.” I nodded helplessly.
“Let’s try that again, shall we?” He snapped.
“Mae’n ddrwg gen i. Doilch.” “Da. Croeso.” “On the subject of prohibited things, you need to be aware that profanity, gum and mobiles are all banned as well.” I almost exploded internally at this. “Also.” He paused for effect and I could tell he was glancing at the top I was wearing under my sweatshirt. It was a Limp Bizkit one, with Fred giving the middle finger. “Clothes such as the ones you are wearing are not suitable. You cannot wear tops that have offensive material on them. You must insure that from now on, you wear ones that are not grubby or ripped or hand-me-downs’. We will not permit poor teenagers such as you to dress like that while in attendance at this school.” As soon as he had said this, anger rose in the pit of my stomach.

It was true I wasn’t well off, but it hurt to hear it in that context. My parents did their very best and the things I had I cherished.

I couldn’t believe how ignorant this guy was! He wasn’t in Hollywood! Merthyr was one of, if not the, most disadvantaged towns in the UK, so what did he expect? Miracles?

“My parents can’t afford a new wardrobe every week! Some days we don’t even get freshly cooked or warm food!” I snapped back, sudden tears threatening the corners of my eyes as I replayed his words again and again in my head. “Humm.” He mumbled. “Well then, I guess you’ll just have to try your best next time, won’t you?” He said in a half mocking tone. “If your parents can’t even give you a decent meal how in gods name are they able to afford to send you here?” He mumbled under his breath yet loud enough for me to hear. My eyes widened as another wave of anger rushed through me. I wanted to punch him at this point but thankfully thought the better of it. Instead, I found my voice.
“Oi! Look. You’ve no idea what it’s like! My dad lost his job in the ironworks a-an-“ I was cut off. “I don’t need to hear a sob story!” He snapped.
“You enrolled in this High School, you have to follow our standards or else.” He snapped again. I sighed softly and forced myself not to sniff and start crying. He cleared his throat and looked down towards another book that he had placed down on top of the address one while he had been talking. “Anyway.” He cleared his throat again and started into a slight lecture. “Lunch breaks are 11:15 to 11:30 and 1pm to 2pm sharp. Do not walk around the corridors other than to change classes or during emergencies. If you are caught not attending classes you will be given a verbal warning, written punishment and a letter will be sent to your parents or guardians. This also applies to having food or drink in class or littering or roaming around the grounds at unspecified times.” He instructed in a droll tone. To be fully honest, I tuned out for pretty much all of it, just nodding my head to indicate I was listening somewhat. My old school wasn’t this formal and a part of me was getting quite scared by these rules and regulations.

After what seemed like an age, he finally stopped instructing. I think he had gone through every possible rule on the planet by this stage and all I wanted to do was leave the office and never have to cross him ever again. To my sheer delight a bell sounded. It instantly reminded me of the one from Ryedale High in Grease; 3 notes, each one higher than the last.
“You better get to class.” He said. I merely nodded and walked out. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of replying. He didn’t deserve any respect as far as I could see and I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him my secret or why I transferred here. I’m sure one or two staff members were already fully aware of my situation from my application and those that I had liaised with in the run up to this day had been very supportive and understanding towards me, such a contrast from my first encounter just now.

***

Once I stepped outside the office I took a long breath of pure relief. I quickly consulted my timetable and saw that my first class was on the first floor. I crossed the empty hallway and ascended the wide mahogany stairwell, gripping the handrail for support. As soon as I reached the top I found myself about to join a huge crowd of students. Panic started to set in but I battled mentally against it and began to weave my way through as best I could. It was going smoothly until I lost a bit of balance and knocked my shoulder against a boy coming past me. He had deep purple hair and more studs on his face than I had ever seen. He grunted and stopped dead.
“Watch it!” He snapped, turning his face to look at me.
“Sorry.” I shrugged softly. “Sorry? We got a comic here have we?” He chuckled bitterly. I got the distinct impression I had met another not so nice person. “Look, when I said watch it, I meant you’re lucky that I don’t get to snap your arm off. One more wrong move and it’ll be done. Got it?” He said, leaning his face right up to mine.
You’d think I’d be scared, but I wasn’t. If anything, I was too used to this type of scenario.
However, my tough façade was shattered when I was jerked backwards savagely and shoved against a locker. “You got a problem with this guy Zac?” The voice said in a husky tone. I couldn’t see his face as his long black hair was hiding it along with a wide rimmed hat.
“Nah. Just knocked into me.” The purple hairdo boy responded, shrugging. The boy that held me looked disappointed. “Damn. Thought light bulb here needed to go in the trash. Pity.” He smirked. The other boy chuckled.
“Nah. Leave him this time, Bri.” I was let go but not before I got a few dirty looks off both of them. I made a mental note to avoid them at all costs from now on.

I could have stood my ground and been cocky as I usually was, but I felt it was better to survive the first day with all my vital limbs and organs in tact rather than start getting a bad reputation!

I sighed mentally and continued on down the long corridor. I lost balance a few more times and yet again I knocked into someone. I braced myself for another heated reaction. I sure wasn’t expecting the one I did get, however. I had knocked into a boy in front of me. He had slightly spiked hair and as he turned around I noticed he was wearing glasses.
“Oh my god! I’m really sorry.” I blurted out before he was fully turned. To my surprise he greeted me with a warm smile. “No worries.” He said softly. “I do the same a lot. You’re not alone!” He winked. I slowly smiled shyly back and nodded. “Are you sure your ok?” He now asked as I began to walk beside him, almost tripping over my own feet as I struggled with my coordination yet again. “I-I. Yes I’m fine.” I responded, shocked by the kindness and concern in his voice. “Are you fully sure? You look very pale ac I saw what happened down the hall.” He questioned softly. I shook my head. “I will be.” “Did either hurt you?” He asked in a hushed tone. “No. One threatened to break my arm, the other just slammed me a bit too hard.” I explained also in hushed tones. The boy nodded softly, pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose and looked at me still with concern. “Da. They are a bunch twats!” He chuckled. “You’re safe with me.” He assured and strangely I believed him. We kept walking in silence for a few moments. Although I expected it to be awkward, it wasn’t too much so.
“You should get chec-“ The boy had just started but I shook my head vigorously and interjected. “No. Sorry mate, but no. I’m fine honestly.” I didn’t want to have to go to the school nurse within the first hour, let alone ever! “Thank you though.” “No worries. Just a suggestion.” He said with another soft yet shy smile. I was starting to think I’d inadvertently knocked against a new friend!
“Where you headed?” He asked as he consulted his own timetable. “Uh, English I think.” “Ooooh! Me too! Awesome!” He smiled brightly as he looked back up at me.
“I’ll help you get settled in.” He said without any suggestion or hesitation. I blinked again leading him to chuckle. “S’ok mate. I don’t bite, yet.” He grinned. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Me neither.” I winked and grinned back. For some unexplainable reason, I felt fully safe and able to show my real personality to this total stranger and it was a feeling I never wanted to lose. It was almost as if we had invisible trust already, if that was even possible. It sure seemed so…

***

Just as I was about to enter the classroom, I quickly zipped up my sweatshirt and hid the seemingly “offensive” Limp Bizkit top. The boy I had just met shook his head at my doing. As he placed a hand on the door handle he mouthed,
“You shouldn’t have to do that! LB is class butt! Love them!” He winked and a huge smile shot across my face. “Cheers! Totally!” I mouthed back. He returned the smile, shyly and I followed him in.

After a dose of back-to-back English I was beginning to get more and more frustrated with myself. Not for lack of effort, but for the fact I couldn’t manage to read the texts in my new textbooks or write comprehensible notes. Thankfully, I was able to keep my frustration bottled up until I got outside. I still didn’t know the boy’s name that I had been in all the classes with. He was so shy that I barely got much more reaction out of him since the smile before we entered the classroom. I figured it’d be best to test the waters and let him do the introduction first whenever he felt ready.

It felt like such a massive relief to be finally outside. I bounced around the graveled path and followed it down to a small lake that was set majestically in the middle of the school grounds. I was so glad to be finally on my own again, as much as I had started to enjoy the shy boy I needed to get away and let the frustration out the only way I could; through screaming. Weaving around trees, bins, benches, gardening equipment and the odd bit of rubbish I screamed to my hearts content. Lyrics from Limp Bizkit, Lostprophets and Glassjaw flowed as if I had become the water in the lake as it rushed towards a small waterfall in the near distance.

“So go ahead and talk shit!
Talk shit about me!
So go ahead and talk shit about my g-gen-generation!
‘Cause we don't, don't give a fuck,
And we won't ever give a fuck until you,
You give a fuck about me and my g-gen-generation!
‘Cause we don't,
Don't give a fuck and we won't ever give a fuck
Until you,
You give a fuck about me and my g-gen-generation!”

“You’ve got a right pair of lungs on you!” A voice said from behind me. I practically jumped ten feet in the air in shock and I heard a distinct female giggle come from very close by the male voice. Once my feet returned to the ground I whirled around and saw the boy I was getting friendly with and the most beautiful girl by his side. My cheeks turned scarlet but I managed to laugh it off. The girl giggled again while sending me a heartwarming smile. I couldn’t take my eyes off her or stop a wide smile forming back.
“Hiya.” She said brightly, flicking a few strands of her long blond hair off her shoulder. My heart started racing in my chest and I fought an urge to go over and hug her instantly and never let go. “Hiya!” I replied, unable to stop myself smiling again.
“I’m Michelle, or Michi.” She introduced.
“A little birdie told me that you are new here.” She added with a cheeky grin.
“Hummm. I wonder is that bird right by your shoulder?’ I grinned back and playfully cocked my eyebrow up.
“Drat!” the boy chuckled. Michelle giggled at us both as I stuck my tongue out playfully.
“I dun’ even know his name yet he’s telling everyone here I’m new!” I stated, failing my arms around to emphasize my point while pouting playfully then crossing my arms. Michelle rolled her eyes. “You big tit!” She giggled as she playfully slapped his arm.
“Oi!” He chuckled.
“I’m lazy, what do you expect?” He ginned.
“Pish! Not an excuse mister!” She grinned back.

My heart lunged a little as I assumed their closeness meant they might be dating. I sighed internally. She was hot, funny as hell and her smile outshone every star in the universe.

“Don’t mind this big loveable twat! His name is Gavin, sweetheart.” Michelle explained. I melted at her words. I’d never been called “sweetheart” by a girl before, as pathetic as that sounds, it was 100% true!
“AH HA! Gavin! Hiyaaaaa!” I grinned wide and waved playfully. My thicker accent making his name turn out as ‘Gav-innn’, which made him chuckle and grin back.
“Um. Well I guess that just leaves me then.” I chuckled, looking between them. Michelle looked at me eagerly.
“DUH!” Gavin grinned. I shifted my eyes and grinned nervously back. I pushed a bit of fringe off my face quickly. “I’m Sean.” I smiled softly. “Is that all we get?” Michelle asked, shifting eyes playfully. “I want full name, dick size, age, ya know? The usual credentials.” She grinned again. All 3 of us burst out laughing. “Bellers-Smith but I just use Smith most of the time, and the rest is for me to know and you to find out.” I smirked. Michelle grinned wide.
“So, can we nickname you Bellend?” Michelle asked, grinning innocently. I burst out laughing and shook my head. “No way!” I grinned back. “Ah now lads! We should nickname him Smithy! Makes more sense.” Gavin urged, grinning also.
“Sure, sounds awesome!” I winked and smiled back. Michelle pouted playfully and I had to resist the sudden longing to kiss her as she did. She was so adorable. “Now that we all have been introduced, fully.” Michelle stated, stressing ‘fully’ for playful affect,
“How about we all go grab some lunch? I’m bloody famished!” She failed her arms, grinning wide.
“Oi! I thought girls didn’t care about food.” I grinned.
“NUH UH! Like, oh my god!” Michelle failed her arms, grinning wider back. I burst into a fit of laughter and out the corner of my eye I saw Gavin grin to himself as if he had actually planned this whole “introduction”.
“Fine then, but not before, this.” I smirked playfully; leading Michelle to furrow her brows in mid confusion. I took a bouncy step close to her and hugged her softly. She blinked but hugged back instantly and we both allowed the hug to linger for what felt like decades. Although I had just met her, I never wanted to let go. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair, cuddle her and most of all, protect her from anything that came between us. I eyed Gavin and he was back smiling to himself. As soon as he noticed I had, he playfully cleared his throat and tried to act as if nothing had happened. I couldn’t help but laugh and Michelle smiled and slowly raised her head from against my shoulder. “You know, I’m not really hungry anymore.” She grinned cutely. “Humm. Wonder why?” I grinned back.
“I’ve no idea.” I winked. She winked back, giggled softly and nuzzled back into my shoulder again.
“I’ll go grab you both a bite.” Gav suggested, giving me a wink from behind Michelle’s back.
“Y-You sure?” I asked, again, surprised at his kindness towards me. “Of course, you tit!” He grinned. I returned the grin and mouthed thanks.

***

By the time Gavin had returned with food for us, we were cuddled under an oak tree near to the lake’s edge. Michelle had her head resting on my chest and I was softly stroking her hair, in the middle of singing Muse’s Undisclosed Desires. As Gavin approached I stopped singing. Michelle looked up at me with sparkling eyes and I bit my lip.
“W-Wow.” She breathed, raising her head a bit to look up at me.
“That was beautiful.” She smiled. I melted yet again, playfully shaking my head.
“Bugger!” She grinned, kissing my cheek. I grinned shyly back and started rubbing around my eye with my knuckle. I most have done it about 5 or 6 times in total as my prosthetic was hurting me. “You ok?” She asked softly, evidently having watched me do but because she was on my right side I couldn’t see her while I did it and hadn’t considered her being possibly able to see me. I nodded. “More than.” I winked in an effort to pass it off. She grinned back but didn’t look fully convinced. To my detriment Gavin joined in on the act.
“You sure Sean? Your eye, looks a bit, I don’t know, uncomfortable or something.” I shook my head vigorously.
“Nah! Don’t be a tit Gav, chill!” I assured brightly and this time both seemed to believe me. Gavin smiled softly and sat down near us then quickly arranged what he had selected. I discreetly turned my head a little further right than it had been and helped Michelle sit up so that we could eat and still cuddle. Michelle helped herself and Gavin served mine, despite my relentless protesting that ended in raucous laughter.
We ate in a comfortable silence until we had pretty much consumed everything bar a few cans of Cola to wash it all down. Gavin now posed the question I didn’t want either of them to ask me. I knew it was inevitable that it would be asked, but I really didn’t want it just when things were going so well.
“So, what school had you been in Sean? How come you moved here?” Gavin asked, adjusting his glasses after wiping them clean, using a spare napkin.
“Ah, it’s a long story.” I said, hoping that would put him off. Unfortunately it didn’t.
“I’ve got as long as it takes.” He replied, grinning innocently. “Me too!” Michelle chimed in, grinning eagerly up at me. Her eyes had that puppy dog effect and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up in sudden nervousness.
I had two choices; I could tell the full truth and get it over with or I could keep concealing and hope for the best.

“Well, let’s just say, Aberdare sucks!” I grinned after a long pause. Michelle giggled and Gavin shook his head.
“Yeah right!” He chuckled.
“So it sucked so you left eh?” I nodded grinning again.
“Oh c’mon Gav, give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.” Michelle snapped playfully leading Gavin to roll his eyes. “Two against one! I’m screwed!” He stated, failing his arms and we all ended up laughing again.
“Seriously though, if he doesn’t want to tell us, just leave it.” Michelle said softly, resting her head back on my chest. I began to stroke her hair and nodded in agreement, thanking my lucky stars again.
“Fine!” Gavin exclaimed in a playful dramatic tone while he crossed his arms over his chest.
“I guess I’ve no hope of getting any democracy unless I have an urgent sex change.” He chuckled. I playfully tried to kick him and he grinned wide.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Michelle and Gavin. We seemed to become even closer as the hours drew on.
When it came time to part ways after all our classes I found it hard. I didn’t want to leave Michelle alone. I knew she was strong in her own right but something made me want to protect her. She was so amazing and I knew from the few hours we had together today that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself doing anything if she was ever hurt. Gavin on the other hand was so fun, nerdy and protective of both of us.

After I hugged both of them goodbye I went home, did my homework then started helping my brother with everything he needed. It was a long evening but I was buzzing and couldn’t wait to get back to school!