Sooner or Later

She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat as she urged herself to speak the next few words.

“How do you know?” John hesitated for a moment. He didn’t really want to admit it, especially after having given her so much grief about the same thing this morning. “John?”

“I slept with her,” he blurted out. And just like that Kenzie’s whole world came crashing down. That little security blanket letting her know that no one would come out of this seriously harmed had just been dropped. She pulled away from the boy and punched him in the arm.

“Ow, Kenzie, what the fuck!” he yelled as he regained control of the truck, narrowly avoiding swerving into the oncoming lane of traffic. “I’m trying to drive!”

“John! Shannon called me yesterday worrying that you wouldn’t sleep with her because you didn’t have feelings for her! Now that you have she probably thinks you do!”
“I have feelings for her Kenz. I’m just not in love.”

“Oh, cause that makes it better,” she scoffed. She felt like she had been the one lying to Shannon this whole time, and technically she had. Her breakfast wasn’t sitting to well in her stomach at the moment.

“You’re one to talk! You told me this morning that you didn’t love Garrett!”

“I said I didn’t know!” she corrected him. With a sigh John pulled over to the side of the road and shut the engine. He raked his fingers through his hair before leaning his head against the seat.

“I fucked up Kenz. I fucked up so bad and I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. Regret and sorrow was painted across his face as he stared up at the roof of his truck. “I’ve probably hurt her so much…I can’t break up with her, but I can’t keep leading her on…What do I do?” He turned to look at the girl in the passenger seat with pleading eyes, almost begging her to fix all of his problems. She always had good advice.

Kenzie however was at a loss for words. It felt like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest. Maybe that’s how John felt the other day when he thought she and Garrett had slept together? Thankfully that was only a lie though.

“I don’t know John…” she whispered. She felt like this, all of this, came back to her. It was her fault; she was fucking up everyone’s life. “Maybe you should just tell her the truth. If you lie to her more it’ll just make things worse.”

“I was afraid that you would say that,” he murmured. He took another moment to compose himself before started the engine again. An awkward and uncomfortable silence reigned in the cab of the truck. Kenzie hadn’t realized that she had been lost in thought until the vehicle pulled to a stop.

“Why are we here?” she asked, looking up to find that they were parked outside of Garrett’s place.

“I gotta go do something…Can we hang out some other time?” She gazed at him skeptically for a moment, but agreed. She gave him a brief hug before climbing out of the truck. Garrett stepped out onto the porch and waved to John as he pulled away from the curb.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I think he might be going to break up with Shannon….” Kenzie said, hesitantly, not really wanting to jump to conclusions, but all signs pointed to that.

“Girl, we need to celebrate this!”

“Gar, isn’t that a little insensitive?”

“No one has to know what we’re celebrating. Come on Kenzie this is great news!” The girl wouldn’t budge though. She didn’t think this was an acceptable reason to throw a party. Garrett bent down, throwing her over his shoulder and spinning her around until she said yes.

“Come on, it’s been months since we got drunk together. And this time John can’t get mad at you!”
“Fine, alright, just put me down Garrett!” she squealed as Pat stepped out onto the front porch.

“C-Could you take this inside before the neighbours call the p-police?” With a chuckle Garrett bounded up the stairs with the girl still on his shoulder. They spent the afternoon calling and texting people to let them know that they would be having a little get together at Pat and Garrett’s that night.

“So, my guess is that he’s going to come in, get drunk and then just blurt out that he’s head over heels for you. At that point you have my blessing to lay one on him, tell him he’s the reason that you don’t think that you love me and then you come fake break up with me so that you can ride off into the sunset with Johno.” Garrett and Kenzie were currently lounging in his room, waiting for people to make their entrance once people arrived.

“You think it’s going to be that easy?” the girl asked, rolling over so that she was lying on her side.

“I know so. Now come on, put a smile on that pretty face of yours or I’ll put one there myself.” Just as she was about to make a remark about how wrong that sounded, Garrett started to tickle her, making her squeal, trying to squirm away from him.

“Hell-oh god!” Eric threw the door open before slapping a hand over his eyes. “I should have knocked this is my fault.” He should have known better than to walk into Garrett’s room when the door was closed and he knew that Kenzie was in there. Of course one would be straddling the other.

“You can uncover your eyes Halvo,” Garrett laughed, getting off the bed.

“You may be into that Gar but I’m really not.”

“Shut up you dipshit,” Eric groaned as Garrett punched him in the arm. “What do you want?”

“People are showing up and you’re up here doing god knows what with your girlfriend. Let’s go, we want to get our drink on.” He slowly peeled his fingers off of his eyes.

“Alright, I just got to put some clothes on,” Halvo slapped his eyes back over.

“Not something I want to see!” She threw a pillow at her friend before her boyfriend ushered him out of the room so that she could change her outfit. She threw on a cute floral dress that she had left here and bounded down the stairs to the kitchen where the boys had gathered to start drinking. She stole Garrett’s beer and took a seat on his lap, taking a sip.

“Yeah sure, make yourself at home,” he said, rolling his eyes. Minutes of waiting turned into hours as they waited for John to show up. Meanwhile the house filled up with their other friends and Kenzie was indulging in some much needed liquid courage to calm her nerves. She was in the middle of a conversation with Halvo in the living room as the front door opened and John walked in.

Hand in hand with Shannon.

Kenzie dropped her gaze before chugging the rest of her beer. She didn’t bother excusing herself from her conversation with Eric as she got up and headed to the kitchen. She needed a drink. A strong one. She tipped her head back and slammed the glass down on the counter as she let the liquid burn her oesophagus on the way down. Once it dulled she poured herself another.

“Okay, we’re going to slow that down,” Garrett interrupted her, snatching the glass from her hand.

“No, give it to me. We’re done doing this Garrett, it was stupid. I was so stupid.” Her eyes started to well with tears, how could she had deluded herself into thinking that John could have feelings for her.

“Hey, hey, hey, no crying,” Garrett said, pulling the girl into his chest, holding her close. He rocked them back and forth slowly. “You can’t forget what he told you in the car before. Don’t freak out okay? Talk to him, then we’ll figure you what to do.” They stood quietly until Kenzie nodded. “You good?” She nodded again. Garrett handed her back her glass which she emptied in a second. “Alright, come find me if you need me.” He pressed his lips to her cheek before leaving her alone in the kitchen. She made herself one last drinking before heading out the back door to sit on the back porch.

“Whatcha doing out here all by yourself?” She looked towards the door from her seat on the steps about twenty minutes later. She was still nursing her drink as John swayed in the doorframe.

“I needed some air.” Without another word, John walked, or more like tripped, his way over to the stairs where he sat down. They stayed quiet for a moment before John decided to get comfy, stretching his legs out on the deck and laying his head on his friend’s lap. Without thinking twice, Kenzie ran her fingers through his hair as he shut his eyes, enjoying the feeling. “So where’d you go this afternoon?” she asked. She really didn’t want to know, but she had to ask. Maybe the explanation would help her get the closure she needed.

“I went to talk to Shannon and I told her the truth,” he murmured.

“You told her you would never love her?” that surprised her. If a guy said that to her she would most definitely not show up to a party with him.

“Well, I told her that I felt bad about sleeping with her when I was so confused about my feelings for her. I mean, I know I like her, but I don’t love her. She said she understood and that she herself wasn’t ready to use the L word. She said sometimes these things take time; we can’t all be like you and Garrett. So, we’re going to take it slow and see where things go from here.” Kenzie felt numb inside. He would rather stay with a girl he didn’t love rather than be alone or even to try and fight for her; of course he didn’t have feelings for her. She held back tears as she stopped combing her fingers through John’s hair.

“I’m getting cold... I’m gonna…” she didn’t finish her sentence. Once John sat up she stood and went back into the house. She put on a brave face and went to go find Garrett would was talking to Kennedy in the living room. Right away he could sense that there was something wrong with the girl even though she was smiling at Ken.

“How about we go somewhere a little quieter,” he whispered in her ear as he snaked an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest. She nodded softly as Garrett excused himself from his bandmate who called out to him as they walked away, telling him to remember to wrap it before he tapped it. Not much talking happened. Garrett led Kenzie back up to his room. The minute they crossed the threshold the poor girl burst into tears. The boy said nothing. He simply closed the door behind him and held her tight, whispering how sorry he was in her ear, promising that he would find a way to fix this for her. He led her over to the bed, so that they could lie down. Kenzie realized now that all of that drinking she did probably only made everything worse but she couldn’t take it back now. Any of it. Sometimes she just wished that she could have fallen for someone like Garrett. He was sweet and caring and attentive, fuck he was the best boyfriend she’d ever had and they weren’t even dating for real.

Her sobs slowly subsided and fatigue washed over her. She was still cradled against Garrett’s chest, one of his hands rubbing her back soothingly while the other was playing with her hair.

“You should go back downstairs,” she whispered to him, not trusting her voice not to crack if she spoke too loudly.

“I’m good with you right here Kenzie. I’m not leaving you alone like this.” The girl looked up at him, her eyes welling with tears again. He cared for her so much. She slowly propped herself up on her elbow and did something she never thought she would when they were alone, in bed. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Garrett’s, willing herself to feel something. To finally feel wanted by somebody. If John could do it, maybe she could do it too.