Sooner or Later

Although Kenzie sat on the couch waiting for him to speak, John couldn't manage to keep his nerves in and the only thing he could do was pace the small living room floor to keep his composure. Kenzie didn't know whether to speak or not so she opted for watching him as he seemed to try to get his thoughts together.

"Dammit." He grumbled out as he tugged on his hair. All the possibilities were running through his head. Either this could go great or this could ruin what they have and he didn't know what he was willing to risk.

"Kenzie, did you love Garrett? I know I asked before but, I need to know."

She shook her head no and he nodded, continuing his pacing until he could think of the next thing to say. This wasn't as easy as Jared made it sound like it would be that was for sure.

"Why not?" He asked stopping to look at her and she gave him a confused look, "Why not what?"

"Why didn't you love him?"

"I just didn't." She got out and he nodded once more as if he understood. When really she wasn't helping him any at this point.

"John, I really need to tell you some things. Can you cool it down and sit down for a few seconds?" She finally asked and he reluctantly sat beside her. He was too keyed up to be kept down like this.

Kenzie breathed in not sure what his reaction would be.

"I need you to promise to let me finish before you interrupt, no matter what I say, can you do that?"

His eyes filled with concern as he nodded slowly.

"Garrett and I...well, we weren't really a couple."

"I don't..."

"John!"

He groaned and crossed his arms trying not to speak again.

"We started fake dating because Shannon thought we secretly were and I didn't want our relationship to interfere with your real one so I thought if I had a boyfriend she would be ok with us being friends and I wouldn't have to worry about anything happening."

"Were you worried?" He asked and she glared at him.

"I'm sorry! You knew that wasn't going to happen!" He shouted, defending his talking.

She sighed as she relaxed against the couch and he didn't bother to take his eyes off her.

"I mean, for once I thought you really liked someone and I know she liked you and she actually wasn't a shitty person so yeah..." She mumbled out and he grinned weakly, "Kenzie, no matter if that was in fact true, no one would ever keep me from you."

"You say that now, John. Just wait until you fall in love and then you're going to ditch me."

He shook his head, "That's not going to happen." He whispered lifting her chin so she would look at him.

"And tell me, what happens if the person I fall in love with ends up being you?" He asked seriously, well as serious as he could with his nerves still consuming his insides. He in fact had to remove his hand from her in fear of beginning to shake.

She laughed softly as her eyes met his and when she realized he wasn't joking she had to clear her throat. The mornings events replayed in her head. The I love you she wasn't even sure if she really heard or not.

"I mean, it, it could happen I assume."

He shrugged as he studied her, unsure exactly how she felt about that question. She was never easy to read that was for sure.

"It would probably be for the best. I mean, that way I won't have to worry about girls I like having it out for you and you won't have to worry about me hating everyone you date."

"You didn't hate Garrett."

"No, but I wasn't fond of you two being together."

"Mhm. Fooled me." She mumbled sarcastically and he rolled his eyes, "I tried."

"Is that what you think you did?"

He grinned smugly as he relaxed, now a bit better since the conversation had gotten less serious.

"John, why did you come back here?" She asked and he shut his eyes tightly.

"I don't know." He spoke cowardly. He couldn't admit it. Why couldn't he admit it?! He was so mad at himself and yet he couldn't seem to form the right words.

For some reason Kenzie didn't believe that and yet she didn't bother to ask again. She knew he hated that and she was so emotionally drained right now she didn't have it in her to do so. She simply relaxed her head against his shoulder with a sigh and he moved his hand to hers.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled out.

"What? Why?"

"I'm sorry you felt the need to help me in a relationship I wasn't invested in and I'm sorry that we don't talk like we use to. I feel like you never tell me anything anymore and for some stupid reason it really hurts my feelings."

"It's not that I'm keeping things from you, John. I just don't want you to have problems that I could of helped you avoid."

He sighed, "Well, I'm sure there is a girl out there that will accept it so no more lying, ok?"

"I don't believe that but ok." She whispered, his fingers absentmindedly running over her hand.

"Kenzie, how do you feel when you're with me? Like right now for instance."

Kenzie didn't bother to move from her spot before she answered him, "I don't know, John. Just, content."

"Content. That's a good thing right?"

"Well yeah."

He nodded and she moved enough to look at him, "What's going on with you?"

"Have you ever looked at me more than just a friend?" He asked seriously and she immediately grew nervous.

"Why are you asking so many questions?"

"Just answer it for me please."

"Yeah. I have." She mumbled out. She just left out the part where her feelings for him were happening now.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" He asked, his eyes narrowing together and she shrugged as she bit her bottom lip.

"I guess I was scared you know? I mean, you've been in my life forever and what if I told you and it ruined that?"

"What if it didn't?"

"John...why are you saying this?" She whispered nervously and he brought his hand to her cheek. He was just going to do it, he had to or he would never feel normal again. This was weighing him down too much now.

"Because Kenzie, I am in love with you." He breathed out and he swore he grew dizzy, everything was now moving in slow motion. This could either be the best or worst decision of his life.

"I am in love with you." He repeated, "I, I don't know if that's ok or not and if it's not well fuck, we will pretend like this never happened because I need you in my life."

Kenzie simply stared at him too stunned to move.

"You love me?" She fumbled out. Although she swore she heard him say it this morning, there was nothing better than him meaning to say it to her and her being completely awake to take it all in.

"Well I've always loved you, Kenz. It's just now, well I'm in love with you. Well I guess I always have been in a way but shit...how do you feel about this?" He asked nervously.

"I..."

"If you don't it's fine. I mean I'll feel like an idiot but..." Before he could finish his rant, she covered his mouth with her hand.

His eyes met hers and a weak grin hit her lips, "There's another reason Garrett and I pretended to date."

"Another?" He asked after removing her hand.

"Yes. See, he swore that you had feelings for me and well, he knows how I feel about you. So he figured if we dated you would realize your feelings for me."

"How do you feel about me?" He asked ignoring the rest of her statement. His heart was now racing uncontrollably. He had never felt so alive and so scared at the same time before.

"When you started dated Shannon, I don't know, it felt different from the other girls you've dated and it made me a bit worried and for some reason I then realized that maybe I had feelings for you." She whispered not daring to look at him.

He immediately brought her face to his, "Kenzie Wright, if you ever keep something like that from me again I'll hurt you."

"Well I think this seals the deal on it never happening again."

He chuckled softly, "True. So, are you going to let me kiss you now or what?"

"You're a jerk, you know that?" She stated with a glare and he laughed before pulling her in and kissing her without her consent. Not that she minded. She felt such relief and happiness she didn't know it was even possible to feel the way she did because she had been such a mess for so long.

"John, are you sure?" She breathed out once they parted enough for her to speak.

He nodded before kissing her again, his hand running into her hair. Kissing her made him feel things he never thought he would feel. He was glad this confession wasn't a let down. He didn't know how he would have lived if it would have been.

"But what if..." She spoke as he laid her down on the couch.

"You know, here I was a nervous wreck and now you're the one asking a million questions."

She frowned, "I just, don't want things to be ruined for us." She whispered as he hovered over her.

"Pretty certain our kissing just ruined everything. Not that it's going to be ruined but you know what I'm saying."

She groaned and relaxed her head on the arm rest.

"Calm down sweetie. It's going to be fine."

She sighed as she stared up at him. He seemed so calm about it that it made her relax a little.

"So what are we?" She asked and he brushed his thumb over her cheek, "Whatever we want to be I assume."

"Well what do you want?"

"I want you. So it's really up to you. If you just want to date we will just date, if you want to see each other once a week I guess that's cool too..."

She chuckled, "And what about you being my boyfriend?"

"I'm ok with that as well." He replied with a smile.

"Man, we are going to get so much crap from the guys."

He laughed before kissing her quickly.

"I'm ok with that." He whispered out, "They can say what they want to say as long as I have you."

She grinned weakly as she stared up at John. It was weird to think of him as her boyfriend but it also was exciting. She had wanted this forever and now she finally had it. Was it possible to be this happy?

John laid beside her on the couch, immediately wrapping his arms around her and pressing his lips to her cheek. It just felt right to be here with her. He never felt this way with Shannon but with Kenzie he just found himself never wanting to leave her side. Then again, he assumed that was nothing new. He always liked being around her but now it meant so much more.

"In case you wanted to know, I love you too." She whispered out, relaxing in his arms, the comfort of him and the emotional distress she had been through was now making her tired.

"I didn't assume other wise. I love you." He whispered, "To the moon and back."

She grinned at him before shutting her eyes and he laid there running his fingers through her hair as he watched her sleep. Maybe all of this was a fluke, maybe this wasn't how things were meant to turn out, but he couldn't help but wonder if just maybe it was in fact fate. He couldn't see his life with anyone else but her and it was completely foolish of him not to admit it forever ago. Sooner or later, he was going to end up with her. That much he knew.