To My Now "Non-Gay Best Friend"

Hey there, again...
I don't remember exactly when was the last time we talked, when I told you for the last time that I really could not be friends with you anymore. It was a few weeks ago.
I told you you weren't trying, and I wasn't willing to keep on suffering and holding myself back for you anymore. That your picture with her still tore me to pieces, that I simply could not deal with that anymore, and you had changed and I didn't like it, and I kick myself for not knowing how to explain why that bothered me so much, because I still don't know how to tell you that your real friends miss you and that quite frankly I think you're an asshole now.
I also told you for the last time that I loved you, I don't know what you don't understand about that, I fucking love you, and you seem to think that's easy to deal with when you're happy with someone else; you seem to think that's a good reason for us to still be friends, as if you want to hurt me on purpose, as if you're enjoying watching me torn and and unhappy.
seems that's all left for me to do, tell you how bad I love you while I repeatedly throw myself at a wall of nails. that's how I feel.

even now, when I'm kicking it off with my all time platonic love, leaving a dream , you affect me.

I'm too scared to start a new relationship, I don't want to feel this pain again, it's horrible. I'm also afraid to lose him like I lost you.

I'm not ready for this, not yet, and I want to blame you, because despite my best efforts I can't stop loving you, missing you. it's been 7 months, and I still love you. God knows I've tried.
I've been to the psychologist, I've talked about it, I've cried when I get the urge to, I've stopped myself from crying, I've tried meeting new people, I STOPPED TALKING TO YOU FOR GOOD!

I can't... I know I eventually must, but till that day I still love you.

So for now I'll just have meaningless sex with hot guys until I find someone that can replace you and make me forget all about your sole existence.

So I'm watching Gossip Girl over again.... and I find myself missing the old days when Dan and Serena breaking up was the least of my problems, now it bothers me to no end, because I see myself in Serena, mourning and hurting, and not really wanting anyone else but Dan, and I see you in Dan, dating and shit, not realizing how much he's really hurting her . I cried for the first time in ages watching one of my favorite shows, the one that's supposed to be a distraction.

I want to blame you for that too.

As of right now I think that's everything I had to get out of my system... actually, one more thing, and I am not just saying this because you changed me for her,but because I really mean it, I truly get a bad vibe from her. Aside form the fact that I know she wanted to get get in your pants from day one, while we were happier than ever. I've never met her, and don't want to, ever. I thank heavens I never met her.
I'm not sure what it is, I just... I don't want her to hurt you, open your eyes, wide open, and don't let her hurt you. please. I tend to have psychic dreams and I had one of her an left this uneasy feeling all over. I never told you that, because I don't think you would of taken me seriously.

Anyway, can't wait to get you completely out of system and start living again. I probably shouldn't tell you I love you anymore, that could help. so I'll start to hate you for everything you ruined for me, hate you the way I'm starting to hate Dan, that sounds like a good plan, not the best, not the right way, but I'm desperate, so...

Bye, I hate you.