Worth the Wait

Crunch.. Crunch.. Crunch...

My feet pushed through the snow as I walked, the crunching making it feel as if I had bubble wrap on the bottom of my shoes. Everything was blanketed by white, brightening and making my surroundings appear less dark than they were as I walked on along the side of the road. I knew where I was going, and knew who was there, but I couldn't picture it correctly. There was always something missing from the image in my head. I knew I'd be there soon enough, though, and kept my steady pace.

As I approached a stop sign, one that I knew should've had some graffiti, I noticed it was completely void of markings or scratches. This struck me as odd, but I made a right turn at it and trudged on anyways. The wind began to pick up as I continued, and I hugged myself tighter as I braved the harsh winter gusts. My nose began to run, but as I began to rethink my decision to come, something told me to keep going. I just had to find out what was at this place. I had to be able to fully picture it.

I walked on, all the while trying to figure out what was missing from my thoughts on this place, and who was there. I glanced back to see if I was alone, and noticed I wasn't. My heat skipped a beat as I realized that the person following me was Roxas. I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't. I smiled regardless and stopped walking to let him catch up. As he reached me, our fingers intertwined and we resumed walking. I wanted to tell that I loved him, and parted my lips again to do so, but couldn't bring my vocal cords to follow orders. He gave me a curious look, but we continued on.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked suddenly, catching me off guard. I shook my head, and tried to tell him no, but was once again unable to. I shook my head harder, but he was looking at the road in front of us and didn't see. After a minute or two of silence, a hurt look spread across his face. I frowned. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" He asked again, looking at me this time. I shook my head again and we stopped walking. He raised his eyebrows. "Why can't you say it, then?" I shrugged, and he looked away. "Is it because you really do want me to leave?" I shook my head furiously but he just looked downwards. "You don't love me," he whispered.

I tried to tell him I did, and I mean I tried to YELL that I loved him, but I couldn't make a sound. "You don't love me, and you agree with your mother. She's talked you into not loving me, hasn't she?" He sounded so hurt, and I just kept shaking my head and trying to tell him that I loved him, no matter what anyone else said. "I understand it, too. I wouldn't like me, either. So I'll spare you the pain in saying it..... We can't go on." By now I was crying -more like sobbing- and was trying so damn hard to tell him I didn't want this. I was trying to speak so bad it hurt, and my heart felt like it was shattering.

He looked at me with red eyes and started to back away slowly, saying, "I love you, though. It's not over for me. I know you don't love me, but... I love you, Alyce." And with that, he turned his back to me and began to walk away. I was weeping and shaking my head hysterically, and felt like I was dying on the inside. I crumpled to the ground and hugged myself tightly, not even feeling the frosty bite of the snow and the cold air whipping around me. I kept trying to yell for him to come back, and that I did love him, but my voice was nowhere to be found. A round of gut-wrenching sobs shook my small frame as I sat on the cold ground, wanting so badly for Roxas to come back and wrap me in his warm, protective arms. I felt like absolute shit, and just wanted him to be there for me. I felt like I'd truly lost my one and only.

I awoke with a jump. My eyes felt swollen slightly, and I could tell my face was wet from crying. I sniffed as I sat up and wiped my eyes, glancing around to confirm that I was indeed back in my bedroom. I felt around in the dark for my pillow, and noticed the wet spot on it that was probably stained with leftover makeup and tears. I flipped it over to the other (dry) side, and glanced over to see that it was only two o'clock in the morning. I groaned as I wrapped myself in my comforter and lay back down on my pillow. I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep after a dream like that. It wasn't what normal people would consider a 'nightmare', but it was one hell of a bad dream.

I reached over and checked my phone, seeing that there were no new messages. I sighed and debated whether or not I should text Roxas. I actually almost wondered if he was still up, but common sense told me he was. I really wanted to talk to him after a dream like that, and I wanted him to help me get back to sleep. I finally gave in to temptation and texted him.

"Hey, love. Just wanted to tell you I love you." I pressed the send button and laid the phone next to me on the bed, staring at the screen as I awaited his reply. Just as the background light of the screen shut off, the phone buzzed and my heart quickened pace.

"Hey, baby. Anything wrong?" I smiled at his ability to pick up on bad vibes, and replied quickly, telling him that I'd had a really bad dream and that I missed him terribly. The phone vibrated shortly after.

"Hang on" was his reply.

"Okay..." I sent back, a little confused. I sat in the dark, gripping my phone and awaiting a response. Finally, after about three or four minutes, he sent back, "On my way." My stomach turned in the good way, and I smiled. I was so happy that he was coming over, and although we were risking so fucking much, I didn't care. He was the only thing that could make me feel better after such a dream.

~Time Lapse~

As I sat in the pitch black, waiting, I suddenly heard a light tap on my window. I threw on a tank top and some shorts, turned on the lamp by my bed, and went over to investigate. I pulled back the curtains and saw that the noise was coming from tiny rocks being thrown at the glass. I didn't have to guess to know who it was throwing the pebbles. I opened the window and smiled as I saw Roxas standing on the ground below, clad only in a black t-shirt and some dark pajama bottoms.

"May I come up?" He asked quietly.

I grinned and nodded, saying, "Yes, please."

He began to climb his way up onto the roof of the porch, then walked over to my window. I stood back as he pulled himself into my room, and hugged him tightly once he was in.

"I'm so fucking glad you came," I whispered, closing the window. He smiled and wiped some apparent eyeliner that had smeared down my cheeks when I'd been crying.

"I am, too."

I grinned, and led him over to my bed. We both crawled under the covers, cuddling once we were fully comfortable. My arms were around his neck, and his were around my waist. We kissed deeply, and when we pulled away, he asked, "Now, mind telling me what has you so shaken up about this dream?"

I sighed, and shook my head. "Well..." I started, sniffling, "I dreamed that I was walking in the snow, and I didn't know where I was going or why, but I kept walking. I was alone at first, but then I glanced back and you were there. So, I waited for you catch up, and we held hands when you did."

"Aww," he interjected, smiling.

"Yeah, but I'd tried to greet you and say I love you or something, but I couldn't. Other than that, though, everything was okay for a bit. But then you randomly asked me if I wanted you to leave, and I tried to tell you no, but I couldn't, so I shook my head. You didn't see it and asked again, and turned your head and saw me shaking mine again. But you wanted me to speak, and I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. You thought it was because I did want you to leave and didn't love you anymore. Then you started going off about how my mom was influencing me and had convinced me not to love you, and I tried to tell you that I loved you but my mouth wouldn't move, so all I could do was shake my head."

By now the tears had spilled over, and I was crying again. Roxas was holding me tightly and kept kissing my head or cheek. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my fingers, saying that he was right there and that it was okay. I nodded and hugged him closer, then attempted to continue.

"And then.. You said that y-you understood. You told me that you'd s-spare me the pain, and you..." I broke off, holding back as many tears as I could.

"What'd I do?" He whispered, wiping my eyes. I sniffled a few times and cleared my throat.

"Y-you said... You said th-that we could n-no longer be.." With that, I broke down into sobs, burying my face into his neck. He rubbed my back as he whispered comforting things into my ear and kissed my head. I tried to lessen the sobs as they hit, but to little avail. "I, I f-fucking love y-you, R-Roxas..." I said, choking down the waves of tears.

"I know, baby. I know. It's okay. I know you love me. I love you, too," he cooed as he stroked my sides and placed kisses on nearly every part of exposed skin. I pulled back after a bit longer and looked at him, seeing that it pained him to see me like this. I honestly hated that he was seeing me in this state, as well, because I didn't like for people to see me cry (even though it didn't happen often). He leaned forward and kissed my lips, sending a warm and comforting feeling through my body and stopping the tears almost instantly. I sniffled abruptly, causing us to break the kiss. While I tried to steady my breathing, he continued to whisper sweet nothings in my ear and rub warm circles on my sides.

"I love you," I murmured for the thousandth time, kissing his neck lightly. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes, his blues looking so sorrowful, but so loving.

"I know, love. I believe you. And I love you, too. Don't think for one second that I don't, or that I don't know you love me. What we have is real, Alyce, and I'll be damned if I let something get in the way of us. Hell, I came here tonight, didn't I? And this is really pushing it," he chuckled, pushing a strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear. "So baby, please dry those pretty eyes. I've never seen you cry before, and although you do it beautifully, it's not something I want to see often, okay?"

I smiled briefly, wiping my eyes and nose as I did. He pulled me closer to him and held me comfortably close. I snuggled up to him, and soon felt the weight on my eyelids as I fought to stay awake. I rubbed my eyes and yawned one good time as Roxas told me goodnight and kissed my forehead.

"Goodnight," I muttered, "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby."

And then I was out.