Status: In Process (as we speak)
When Love Is Lost.
What now? I just can't figure it out. What now?
If you could be anybody in the world, who would you be? If you could go back in time, what would you change? I'd like to think that I wouldn't want to be anybody else except me. If I would change something, I'd change Harry Styles. I would have never talked to him in that hospital waiting room. I would have got up and walked out of Taco Bell without looking back. I would have never invited him and his gang to my home, but I did. I can't say I regret it on my part, but I can say I regret it for my selfishness, because now he's living with the heartbreak.
----
Two weeks had past since everything had happened. I started to loose my hair. It began to come out in clumps in my hand; I cried like a baby, and couldn't stop. I finally confronted my brother, with the straightest face.
"Shave it Trey." I stated dimly, with tear stained eyes, and a heavy heart.
"Kile, are you sure?" He asked with wide eyes.
"I'm sure, I can't very well go to school missing clumps of hair with out raising some kind of suspicions!" I retorted loud. At this point my mom had joined us on the living room. Wide eyed and glossy eyes, she looked at me with the weakest of a smile, "We can get you a wig that's a little longer than your actual hair, that you can curl and straighten just like regular hair, it'll look EXACTLY like your hair. How does that sound."
I just smiled the best I could without faltering, and replied something along the lines of great. My brother took this note to leave and head towards the bathroom to grab his shaving kit. He turned the corner, slowing at my chair, opening to kit plugging it in. He stared down at me. I just nodded at him once which he took as just get it over with. I stared forward as the buzz became louder, and tear after tear slipped off of my cheeks and onto my sweater. I watched as my dark brown curls began to fall, littering the floor, with what felt to me, unbearable sadness. When it was all said and done, my brother cleaned off his shaver, placing it back in the the box, then in its proper spot. He returned with a smile. "It really suits you, man. It give you this bad arse vibe." He laughed out. I shot him a bird, in return receiving a tongue lashing from my mom. My brother had disappeared into the kitchen. He came back with a purple lace ribbon, picking a curl that littered the floor, placing it in between the ribbon, tying a simple bow. He smiled handing me the hair wrapped in ribbon. I got out of my seat feeling the tears come to my eyes. I hugged my brother, and he hugged me back, with his enormous arms that could wrap around me twice. He let go of me, and stood back. "I love you , Ki." was all he said before retreating to his room. I decided to avoid the mirrors on my way back to my room. Inside my room, I allowed myself to sink to the floor. The sobs I uttered were terrifying. Terrifying enough that if someone were to hear it, it could churn their stomach. I clutched my stomach, placing my head in my knees, letting the tears slip freely.
Some time during the night, I made my way off the floor onto my bed, and fell into the deepest sleep I had ever had. The next morning I awoke to my mother shaking my arm, whispering my name softly. My dark eyes fluttered open, landing softly on my mom. "Put on this beanie. We're going to get you a wig today, before school tomorrow." She stated in the sweetest voice I'd ever heard her use. I nodded my head, and pulled my covers slowly off me, before placing my bare feet on the cold, hard wooden floors. I got dressed in record time, and met my mom in the kitchen.
My mom sat in the driver's side talking away to me. It's been a month... I have Chemo Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to those long needles. You'd think by now I'd be used to those. Instead, I'm just a pansy. God, I have no freaking hair... and now I have a wig. I snapped out of my thoughts when my mom looked over at me saying, "Kile, are you even listening to me?" I looked back smiling, replying that I was. The car ride went a lot like that for the rest of the ride; just me feeling sorry for myself, and dreading the next few months, and my mom talking away. We arrived at the mall a little shy of 10 AM. We made our way around the store stopping occasionally to look at clothing, and buy a few articles. The wig shop was barely in view. I saw all the wigs, felling queasy, and sad at the same time. My mom picked up her step, and I fell along side her. The shop was now fully in view. It was a stylish store, with pink and black walls. The name of it was WIGZ. That's original. Wonder how long that took to come up with. The door above us dinged to let the employees know we'd come in. They all said "Welcome to Wigz." and one of them smiled walking up to us. "Hi, I'm Rachael, Is there something I can help you two ladies with?" She had dark hair, and blue eyes. She wore far too much eyes make-up, and lip stick for my taste. Her height was barely below mine, and she wore a read "Wigz" shirt, and black dress pants. I turned back making sure I was out of range of the window. I placed my hand atop my head, grabbing the beanie, and yanking it back to reveal my newly bare head. "I'm looking for a wig," I paused pulling out the piece of hair my brother had wrapped in ribbon, "That is about this color." The woman, couldn't quit staring at me, as she told us to follow her. She must have noticed I was far to young to be balding, and couldn't have possibly decided to randomly shave my head. I smiled brightly at her, and simply stated, "I have cancer, Chemo has stripped me of my right to have hair." She nodded at me, wearing a smile. She smiled at the wig in her hand.
"I think this fits to really well. What do you think?" She asked. I took the wig from her hand, placing it on my head, trying not to mess up the hair. It was the same dark brown as my hair, but it wasn't the same length as my hair was. I looked at her, and asked if they had one that was at least a little bit longer. She smiled grabbing a much longer one off a mannequin's head. "Try this one." She stated excitedly. I put it atop my head, and fell in love immediately. I smiled over at my mom, who had taken a seat across from the room. "What do you think, Madre?" She looked away from her telephone, and smiled proudly. "I absolutely love it! It looks so real!" She got up walking towards me, placing a hand on the wig. "It even feels real how crazy." I turned back to glance into the mirror. The wig was the same dark color of my hair, and it was a naturally curly wig, so I wouldn't have to spend time curling it. It felt like my real hair, and it looked like my real hair. I was pleased, turning back to tell my mom this is the one I wanted. She agreed it was the best one there.
----
Wig placed on my head, over a wig cap to keep it in place. I kept pulling my beanie into place over the wig. "KILE! KILE! KILE!" was all I could focus on. I turned slightly to find Jani and the boys running towards me. Jani had become so close to the boys, and especially close to Niall. They were now dating. She told me he treated her with a lot of respect, and that she has never been happier. I was happy to hear the news myself. "Has your hair gotten longer in the last two days?" She asked when they finally stopped running, and caught up with me. "Yeah, I guess it has." I chuckled back. My mom stood beside me asking how everyone was. She had become acquainted with the boys over the past two weeks. They were always over to eat, and watch movies. "I think I'm going to head on home, Kile." My mom had finally stated loosely. I looked at Jani, then back at my mom. "Can we have movie night tonight?" I asked her. She nodded her head smiling, turning to leave. "I love you!" I screamed after her. She replied back to me telling me the same. I turned back to my group. Niall was the first one to talk, throwing his arm around my shoulders.
"So, why ya at the mall love?" He asked.
"I could ask you the same! Why was I not invited?" I asked trying to muster up my best sad look. It didn't work.
"Jani told us you might not feel good today, that you have for a few days." Harry had finally spoken. His emerald green eyes, piercing into my dark ones. His voice had a deep, husky sound. It was similar to what my brother sounded like when he woke up in the morning. Harry's voice was deadly, and it had just shot me straight through the heart. I shook my head, and glanced at Jani. She smiled that brilliant braced smile, and simply stated. "Don't shoot the messenger, Kile. Just don't."
The boys, Jani, and I walked around the stores a little while longer, and buying pointless articles of clothing, and accessories, before Louis had wrapped a hand around my shoulder. We were far off from the group near the back of the store, only standing with Niall.
"You know, I think that Harry really fancies you. He hasn't stopped talking about you for weeks. He is constantly asking Jani where you are, and what you were doing for the day. He even told me and Nialler than you were possibly the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes on." Louis smiled lightly as he made conversation.
I felt my cheeks redden, as Niall added, "He would bloody shut up about you. I'm 'bout ready to shove a sock down his throat." My cheeks blushed much more fiercely. They laughed at my redden cheeks. "Looks like someone's feeling the same way." Louis said smiling ear to ear. I couldn't handle the conversation anymore. I looked at Louis then at Niall who smiled brightly, the same as Louis. Both received a simultaneous punch to the arm. Niall gripped his arm like he'd been shot, Louis just smile. "Feisty. You, and Harry will fit well." He said, before walking back, to join to Harry's hip. I was purely mortified when Harry turned around and winked at me.
----
We rode to my house, and I of course had to sit in Jani's lap in Louis' black SUV. We walked in, and that when the battle field flared up. My brother glanced at me, giving me a double take, obviously not expecting to see my hair back already. "The hair looks good, Ki." My brother called out loudly, smiling. "Thanks," was all I could manage to mumble back. The boys and Jani had already taken their seats, discussing what movie they were watching for the night. I started to head to my regular seat in between Harry and Louis when my brother's size twelve shoes, shot between my size eight feet. I found myself hurdling towards a face plant. Landing on my hands inches away from hitting my face. The shaking of the house, and laughter from everyone in the room was all I could hear. I pulled my knees up, face shifted in Trey's direction. "Start running," was all I got before I could think. My brother's face twisted into amusement as he laughed, and back stepped to the living room. I jumped up, glancing around me, and nonchalantly walked into the kitchen, grabbing the only thing at my disposal. The broom. I walked out of the kitchen into the living room. Eyeing my brother will mal intent. He laughed and said, "You have to take me on a date before you can sweep me off my feet." This honestly earned a chuckle from me. It was the best joke he's ever said. He went to reach from the broom, before he could get a hand on it, I slapped his hand away. He looked stunned, and I took this as my chance to attack. I snatched the broom up, whipping him on the top of the head. This stunned him even more, allowing me another blow to the back of the head. He finally fell to the floor in fits of laughter. "E-Enough, I-I give!" He yelled loudly laughing. I backed around placing the broom, back in the kitchen. "That's kinda what I figured, Bubba." I laughed out. Jani was holding a movie in her hand, no doubt an action movie that the boys had picked out. I walked back to the shelf, eyeing the movies.
"I think we've watched enough of your movies guys, just one chick flic for the night. The first guy to cry is a pansy deal?"
"Deal" The boys replied back, after they all griped in unison.
"Wait, what movie is it?" Jani asked.
"A Walk to Remember."
This instantly got me a look. My brothers eyes went dull. Jani's eyes shot to her hands, as she mumbled, "I love that movie." I took my place beside Harry and Louis, after placing the movie in the DVD player, and pressing play. Harry' arm slipped behind my shoulder, as he placed it atop Louis' head. Louis swatted his hand away, mumbling something about messing up his hair. Harry leaned over and whispered quietly, "I don't know if you know this or not, but you are absolutely without a doubt the most beautiful girl, in this small town." I turned back to his eyes, getting lost in them for a minute, then smiled, and turned back t the movie that fit my life so well.
----
Two weeks had past since everything had happened. I started to loose my hair. It began to come out in clumps in my hand; I cried like a baby, and couldn't stop. I finally confronted my brother, with the straightest face.
"Shave it Trey." I stated dimly, with tear stained eyes, and a heavy heart.
"Kile, are you sure?" He asked with wide eyes.
"I'm sure, I can't very well go to school missing clumps of hair with out raising some kind of suspicions!" I retorted loud. At this point my mom had joined us on the living room. Wide eyed and glossy eyes, she looked at me with the weakest of a smile, "We can get you a wig that's a little longer than your actual hair, that you can curl and straighten just like regular hair, it'll look EXACTLY like your hair. How does that sound."
I just smiled the best I could without faltering, and replied something along the lines of great. My brother took this note to leave and head towards the bathroom to grab his shaving kit. He turned the corner, slowing at my chair, opening to kit plugging it in. He stared down at me. I just nodded at him once which he took as just get it over with. I stared forward as the buzz became louder, and tear after tear slipped off of my cheeks and onto my sweater. I watched as my dark brown curls began to fall, littering the floor, with what felt to me, unbearable sadness. When it was all said and done, my brother cleaned off his shaver, placing it back in the the box, then in its proper spot. He returned with a smile. "It really suits you, man. It give you this bad arse vibe." He laughed out. I shot him a bird, in return receiving a tongue lashing from my mom. My brother had disappeared into the kitchen. He came back with a purple lace ribbon, picking a curl that littered the floor, placing it in between the ribbon, tying a simple bow. He smiled handing me the hair wrapped in ribbon. I got out of my seat feeling the tears come to my eyes. I hugged my brother, and he hugged me back, with his enormous arms that could wrap around me twice. He let go of me, and stood back. "I love you , Ki." was all he said before retreating to his room. I decided to avoid the mirrors on my way back to my room. Inside my room, I allowed myself to sink to the floor. The sobs I uttered were terrifying. Terrifying enough that if someone were to hear it, it could churn their stomach. I clutched my stomach, placing my head in my knees, letting the tears slip freely.
Some time during the night, I made my way off the floor onto my bed, and fell into the deepest sleep I had ever had. The next morning I awoke to my mother shaking my arm, whispering my name softly. My dark eyes fluttered open, landing softly on my mom. "Put on this beanie. We're going to get you a wig today, before school tomorrow." She stated in the sweetest voice I'd ever heard her use. I nodded my head, and pulled my covers slowly off me, before placing my bare feet on the cold, hard wooden floors. I got dressed in record time, and met my mom in the kitchen.
My mom sat in the driver's side talking away to me. It's been a month... I have Chemo Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to those long needles. You'd think by now I'd be used to those. Instead, I'm just a pansy. God, I have no freaking hair... and now I have a wig. I snapped out of my thoughts when my mom looked over at me saying, "Kile, are you even listening to me?" I looked back smiling, replying that I was. The car ride went a lot like that for the rest of the ride; just me feeling sorry for myself, and dreading the next few months, and my mom talking away. We arrived at the mall a little shy of 10 AM. We made our way around the store stopping occasionally to look at clothing, and buy a few articles. The wig shop was barely in view. I saw all the wigs, felling queasy, and sad at the same time. My mom picked up her step, and I fell along side her. The shop was now fully in view. It was a stylish store, with pink and black walls. The name of it was WIGZ. That's original. Wonder how long that took to come up with. The door above us dinged to let the employees know we'd come in. They all said "Welcome to Wigz." and one of them smiled walking up to us. "Hi, I'm Rachael, Is there something I can help you two ladies with?" She had dark hair, and blue eyes. She wore far too much eyes make-up, and lip stick for my taste. Her height was barely below mine, and she wore a read "Wigz" shirt, and black dress pants. I turned back making sure I was out of range of the window. I placed my hand atop my head, grabbing the beanie, and yanking it back to reveal my newly bare head. "I'm looking for a wig," I paused pulling out the piece of hair my brother had wrapped in ribbon, "That is about this color." The woman, couldn't quit staring at me, as she told us to follow her. She must have noticed I was far to young to be balding, and couldn't have possibly decided to randomly shave my head. I smiled brightly at her, and simply stated, "I have cancer, Chemo has stripped me of my right to have hair." She nodded at me, wearing a smile. She smiled at the wig in her hand.
"I think this fits to really well. What do you think?" She asked. I took the wig from her hand, placing it on my head, trying not to mess up the hair. It was the same dark brown as my hair, but it wasn't the same length as my hair was. I looked at her, and asked if they had one that was at least a little bit longer. She smiled grabbing a much longer one off a mannequin's head. "Try this one." She stated excitedly. I put it atop my head, and fell in love immediately. I smiled over at my mom, who had taken a seat across from the room. "What do you think, Madre?" She looked away from her telephone, and smiled proudly. "I absolutely love it! It looks so real!" She got up walking towards me, placing a hand on the wig. "It even feels real how crazy." I turned back to glance into the mirror. The wig was the same dark color of my hair, and it was a naturally curly wig, so I wouldn't have to spend time curling it. It felt like my real hair, and it looked like my real hair. I was pleased, turning back to tell my mom this is the one I wanted. She agreed it was the best one there.
----
Wig placed on my head, over a wig cap to keep it in place. I kept pulling my beanie into place over the wig. "KILE! KILE! KILE!" was all I could focus on. I turned slightly to find Jani and the boys running towards me. Jani had become so close to the boys, and especially close to Niall. They were now dating. She told me he treated her with a lot of respect, and that she has never been happier. I was happy to hear the news myself. "Has your hair gotten longer in the last two days?" She asked when they finally stopped running, and caught up with me. "Yeah, I guess it has." I chuckled back. My mom stood beside me asking how everyone was. She had become acquainted with the boys over the past two weeks. They were always over to eat, and watch movies. "I think I'm going to head on home, Kile." My mom had finally stated loosely. I looked at Jani, then back at my mom. "Can we have movie night tonight?" I asked her. She nodded her head smiling, turning to leave. "I love you!" I screamed after her. She replied back to me telling me the same. I turned back to my group. Niall was the first one to talk, throwing his arm around my shoulders.
"So, why ya at the mall love?" He asked.
"I could ask you the same! Why was I not invited?" I asked trying to muster up my best sad look. It didn't work.
"Jani told us you might not feel good today, that you have for a few days." Harry had finally spoken. His emerald green eyes, piercing into my dark ones. His voice had a deep, husky sound. It was similar to what my brother sounded like when he woke up in the morning. Harry's voice was deadly, and it had just shot me straight through the heart. I shook my head, and glanced at Jani. She smiled that brilliant braced smile, and simply stated. "Don't shoot the messenger, Kile. Just don't."
The boys, Jani, and I walked around the stores a little while longer, and buying pointless articles of clothing, and accessories, before Louis had wrapped a hand around my shoulder. We were far off from the group near the back of the store, only standing with Niall.
"You know, I think that Harry really fancies you. He hasn't stopped talking about you for weeks. He is constantly asking Jani where you are, and what you were doing for the day. He even told me and Nialler than you were possibly the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes on." Louis smiled lightly as he made conversation.
I felt my cheeks redden, as Niall added, "He would bloody shut up about you. I'm 'bout ready to shove a sock down his throat." My cheeks blushed much more fiercely. They laughed at my redden cheeks. "Looks like someone's feeling the same way." Louis said smiling ear to ear. I couldn't handle the conversation anymore. I looked at Louis then at Niall who smiled brightly, the same as Louis. Both received a simultaneous punch to the arm. Niall gripped his arm like he'd been shot, Louis just smile. "Feisty. You, and Harry will fit well." He said, before walking back, to join to Harry's hip. I was purely mortified when Harry turned around and winked at me.
----
We rode to my house, and I of course had to sit in Jani's lap in Louis' black SUV. We walked in, and that when the battle field flared up. My brother glanced at me, giving me a double take, obviously not expecting to see my hair back already. "The hair looks good, Ki." My brother called out loudly, smiling. "Thanks," was all I could manage to mumble back. The boys and Jani had already taken their seats, discussing what movie they were watching for the night. I started to head to my regular seat in between Harry and Louis when my brother's size twelve shoes, shot between my size eight feet. I found myself hurdling towards a face plant. Landing on my hands inches away from hitting my face. The shaking of the house, and laughter from everyone in the room was all I could hear. I pulled my knees up, face shifted in Trey's direction. "Start running," was all I got before I could think. My brother's face twisted into amusement as he laughed, and back stepped to the living room. I jumped up, glancing around me, and nonchalantly walked into the kitchen, grabbing the only thing at my disposal. The broom. I walked out of the kitchen into the living room. Eyeing my brother will mal intent. He laughed and said, "You have to take me on a date before you can sweep me off my feet." This honestly earned a chuckle from me. It was the best joke he's ever said. He went to reach from the broom, before he could get a hand on it, I slapped his hand away. He looked stunned, and I took this as my chance to attack. I snatched the broom up, whipping him on the top of the head. This stunned him even more, allowing me another blow to the back of the head. He finally fell to the floor in fits of laughter. "E-Enough, I-I give!" He yelled loudly laughing. I backed around placing the broom, back in the kitchen. "That's kinda what I figured, Bubba." I laughed out. Jani was holding a movie in her hand, no doubt an action movie that the boys had picked out. I walked back to the shelf, eyeing the movies.
"I think we've watched enough of your movies guys, just one chick flic for the night. The first guy to cry is a pansy deal?"
"Deal" The boys replied back, after they all griped in unison.
"Wait, what movie is it?" Jani asked.
"A Walk to Remember."
This instantly got me a look. My brothers eyes went dull. Jani's eyes shot to her hands, as she mumbled, "I love that movie." I took my place beside Harry and Louis, after placing the movie in the DVD player, and pressing play. Harry' arm slipped behind my shoulder, as he placed it atop Louis' head. Louis swatted his hand away, mumbling something about messing up his hair. Harry leaned over and whispered quietly, "I don't know if you know this or not, but you are absolutely without a doubt the most beautiful girl, in this small town." I turned back to his eyes, getting lost in them for a minute, then smiled, and turned back t the movie that fit my life so well.
♠ ♠ ♠
Alright, next chapter is tomorrow! Let me know about this one! Love yal!