Skin

As badly as I wanted to sleep, I knew that I had to keep Mom awake for the ride home. I chatted with her for the duration of the drive, fighting to keep my own eyes open. When we hit the limits of Charming, Kip peeled off from the group and headed off to his own house, presumably to catch up on some sleep. That was all that any of us had planned for the rest of the day.

Mom dropped me off at Juice’s, and he pulled up on his bike right behind us. I unlocked the front door and immediately headed for the bedroom. Nothing was spoken between the two of us as we both dove onto the bed and closed our eyes. The only indication that we were even thinking of one another was the way that Juice draped a limp arm around me and I snuggled up to him.

It felt like it had been forever since I’d been able to wake up naturally. I was happy to be able to do so today. I slowly returned to consciousness, still safe with Juice in his bed. I wasn’t in jail, and the whole thing seemed like a nightmare instead of something I’d actually gone through.

Juice shifted, pulling away and rolling over. He pulled the blankets back and sat up.

“No,” I groaned in a weak protest. “Just stay a little while.”

“I’ve already slept through half my shift at the garage,” he replied, grinning back at me as he got to his feet.

“So miss the rest of it.”

“How about you just come in to work with me? No offense, but I feel that you need a reason to shower. You smell like prison sex.”

I fumbled. I found that I was actually working to come up with something witty to say in return. Normally these things just came to me. “The only thing that I seem to be able to come up with is that we should smell like shower sex instead, but that really doesn’t do anything to address the fact that you just accused me of having lesbian sex in a holding cell.”

Juice laughed. “Come on, I’m sure that Gemma has already told them everything, but they’ll still want to see you and make sure you’re okay. And seriously, Lex, stop getting arrested. It freaks all of us out.”

“If I could control it, I would.” I followed his lead and got out of bed. The digital alarm clock on the nightstand alerted me to the fact that it was well past two in the afternoon. I really did want to go into work at the clubhouse; it would take my mind off of everything else.

I let Juice shower in peace, knowing that he was serious about getting to the garage. Jax and Clay would give him a break today, knowing what he’d been through, but he was still worried about letting them down. Besides that, he was probably dying to find out what they’d accomplished in his absence. I was pretty curious about that part, too.

I met him in the bathroom a few minutes later as he wrapped a towel around his waist. I kissed him and sent him on his way, promising that I’d drive myself over to TM as soon as I was cleaned up. His comment about smelling like prison sex might have been a joke, but the degree of filth I was imagining on my hair and skin certainly wasn’t.

I spent a little extra time under the running water, turning the temperature up to an almost unbearable degree. I wanted to scrub off the memories of my incarceration. I wanted to go back to normal. As I wiped the condensed steam from the mirror a moment later, I noticed that all the scalding water had really done was turn the skin of my back and shoulders a sore-looking shade of red. Actually, it was nearly the same tone as the scar on my chest. I wondered how long it would stay this colour before it faded to white, as Mom’s had. Maybe then I would have the confidence to stop hiding it behind high necklines and thick sweaters.

The unsightly lump on my nose where the break had forever disfigured it seemed to stand out more than normal today. The cop had actually tried to use it against me in his case. As if I didn’t hate looking at it enough as it was, now I had a whole new reason to hate the deformity.

I threw on a thin layer of makeup and dressed myself in a tee shirt and jeans before leaving the house. I knew that I should have taken Casey for a run, but I wasn’t really in the mood. She had enough room in the backyard to play with her toys; she would be fine. I chose to walk to the clubhouse instead of driving. It was a fairly long journey on foot, but I knew that after I’d been trapped inside a cell for so long, the walk would be good for my heart.

It was nearly closing time at the garage when I finally showed up. Clay, Juice, Tig, and Opie were the only guys left in the bay, and Mom was busy typing away on her computer in the office.

“Hey, sister,” Ope greeted me with a bright grin. “Good to see you out of handcuffs. Your mom says that Lowen thinks you’re totally in the clear.”

“Yeah, well,” I shrugged it off. “Unless they find a body, they really have no case, right? They can suspect me all they want, but it just makes sense for them to find evidence of me inside his house. Besides, even if they eventually find him, the bullet came from an unregistered gun.”

“You shot him at point blank,” Tig reminded me as he locked up his tool chest for the day. “The bullet went all the way through. We picked it up.”

“Right,” I nodded my head thoughtfully. “But they can’t build a case without a body, right?”

“Stranger things have happened,” Clay said. He seemed to be trying to be the voice of reason, telling us all exactly what we didn’t want to hear. “But in this case, no jury would ever convict you based on what they have.”

“So I’m probably safe,” I replied, allowing a little bit of hope to leak into my voice.

“Of course you are,” Opie told me. “There’s no way that this can come back on you. They’ve already tried everything they’ve got, and they still haven’t convinced anyone.”

I smiled in reply. I could always count on Opie to make me feel better. He took on all the best aspects of a big brother figure, rarely being the one to tell me off for being stupid as Jax so often was.

“I’m going to head over to the clubhouse,” I told them, backing out of the building through the overhead bay doors. “See you guys in a bit.”

I headed across the lot to the other building where the rest of the club, a couple of crow eaters, and Cherry were all probably gathered. As I pushed open the door, I nearly crashed into Half-Sack, who was sweeping the floor.

“It’s about time you got caught up on cleaning,” I said with a teasing grin.

“Lexi,” he stammered, looking stunned by my entrance. “I didn’t think you’d be in today.”

“I slept late enough that I won’t be able to pass out at a normal time tonight. It just made sense to come in for a few hours. I mean, you, Mom, and Juice all made it in. I can manage, too.”

He held ups his hands defensively, letting the broom fall back against his chest. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you’ve been through a lot the last couple days.”

I strode past him. “That’s kind of all I hear anymore. You guys should all just stop trying to give me excuses to be a baby about all of this.” I walked over to the bar and scowled deeply as I saw a mess of spilled beer dried onto the counter from the night before.

“That’s…” Sack seemed to be searching for the right words as he resumed his sweeping. “That’s really not what anybody meant. None of us are trying to make you feel inadequate. Everyone’s just worried about you.”

“Well stop it.” I began scrubbing the stain on the bar with the abrasive side of a sponge that I found in the sink. “We all know it’s going to take a little more than a heart defect and murder charges to get rid of me.”

Half-Sack laughed. “Yeah, okay. You’re right about that. You’re almost like a cockroach; you’ll survive everything the world can throw at you.”

“The cockroach analogy sounds incredibly insulting, but I’m actually going to take that as a compliment.”

“Surprisingly, that’s how I meant it.”

I noticed then that we were all alone in the bar. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re just getting some shit together. They’ll be here soon. And Cherry and the other girls went out to get some food to stock the kitchen. After you guys were on lockdown the other night we kind of realized how unprepared we are for an extended stay.”

The door opened and Juice walked in, interrupting my discussion with Sack. He was halfway through smoking a cigarette, and instead of finishing it off he passed it to me. I dropped my sponge and took the cigarette from him, bringing it to my lips to take a drag.

“What did you learn?” I asked, watching as he sat down on a bar stool and folded his hands on the counter in front of him.

He shook his head, telling me that now was not the time to ask questions. I blew the lungful of smoke out through my nose, frowning at him to express my disappointment. He was right, of course, this was not the time or place to talk about it. He would tell me later. But that didn’t make me any less impatient.

“Beer?” I changed the subject. Juice agreed with a nod of his head, and I handed him back the last of the cigarette so that I could pour him a beverage. “You guys are all treating me kind of differently, and it’s creeping me out,” I informed him in a murmur, hoping that Kip wouldn’t overhear. “Please make everyone stop. I’m here, and I’m okay. If I wasn’t, you would know.”

“Hey,” Juice reached out, catching me by the wrist as I set his pint of beer in front of him. He pulled gently, dragging me around the side of the bar and toward him. I let him lead me until his hands were on my waist and I was standing in between his knees. “You are a sister, a daughter, or a best friend to every single person here. When we worry about you, it’s more about us than about you. We know you’re tough. We’ve seen it before. You keep showing us that. But if anything ever happens, we all just want to be the person that you trust enough to let help you.”

I snorted. “Right, I’m sure no one is secretly worried that I let their name slip in that interrogation room.”

“Lex,” he gripped me just a little tighter, making me pay attention. “They’re trying to show you that they care.”

I swallowed, looking down at where my right hand was resting on his shoulder. “I just don’t know how to show that their concerns are unwarranted. But you know I’m okay, right? I’m not… I’m not with you just because you take care of me. That’s not what this is.”

“Well I never thought it was,” he remarked with a grin. “But I guess it’s nice to hear you say it.”

“Thanks for staying last night,” I said, though I was sure that the proper time window for gratitude had long since passed. “I knew you would wait there, but it was still really nice to know that Mom wasn’t alone. I had no idea that Sack was there until after. And it really meant a lot that you got them to let you come and talk to me, even if it was only for a minute.”

“Oh, that last part was all for me,” he continued smiling like an idiot. “I needed to get the mental image of what you looked like behind bars. I have to say, it was pretty fulfilling. And kind of hot.”

I let my hands fall away from his shoulders, laughing as I stepped back and returned to my post behind the bar. “There we go. That’s what I was waiting to hear.”

“Really? That’s what you wanted to hear? Shit, I could have made you feel better about this when you were still in there!”

“When you’re joking around, things are normal. I like it.”

The door to the clubhouse opened, and Jax walked in. There was a grin on his face, and he was very obviously listening to some hilarious story from whoever was behind him. As the rest of the crowd came in, I faltered.

Jax was joined by a few club presidents from other Sons of Anarchy chapters across California and Nevada. I stiffened, sensing that something was extremely wrong. I looked over at Juice, silently accusing him. He immediately turned away, choosing to pay attention to the guests in the clubhouse instead of dealing with the fact that I was upset about being left out of some very crucial information.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light.

Jax wandered over toward me, the laughter wiped from his features. “Hey, Lex, maybe you should head home. The crow eaters can take care of the bar tonight.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “So rather than just telling me and getting it over with, you’re going to make me go home and sit by myself waiting to find out if somebody’s going to die tonight? Come on, just tell me and then I’ll go.”

“They’re just here to help,” he said, refusing to give up any other details.

“It’s just rude to do this to someone with a heart problem,” I grumbled. I tossed the sponge back into the sink, feeling dejected. Apparently there were some things about sibling dynamics that just didn’t change with age.

“You can’t use that as an excuse for everything. Tara told me in another week or two you’ll be fine,” Jax retorted.

I pointed a finger at him as I headed for the door. “This isn’t over. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. And Juice,” I added, looking over my shoulder. “I slept until two in the afternoon; I’m definitely waiting up. We’ll discuss this when you get home.”

Juice sighed, and Jax laughed.

“You are definitely Gemma’s kid,” Jax said with a shake of his head.

“If you meant that as an insult, just remember that we share blood,” I called back to him as I let the door swing shut behind me.

As I faced the parking lot, I sighed. I’d been banking on catching a ride home with Juice, and now I had to walk. I started across the lot, digging my sunglasses out of my purse to shield my eyes from the long rays of the setting sun.

“Alexis! Get in here!”

I flinched. Mom’s voice echoed from within the office, and a few seconds later she appeared in the doorway. From the tone of her voice and the strength of her stance, I already knew that I was in trouble. I glanced around quickly, wondering if I could sprint faster than her when she was between me and the exit.

“Don’t even think about running,” she scolded me, anticipating my next move. “I just got off the phone with Luann Delaney.”

“And? What does she want?”

Mom waited until I walked up to the office door before she continued. “She wants to know why you sent someone to Cara Cara asking for help.”

“What? I-” I realized then what she meant. My cell mate, Madison, really had come to Charming once she was released. “Shit.”

“What were you thinking? You can’t just promise people jobs. What if she doesn’t have a place for her? What is she supposed to do then?”

“Go home?” I knew that Mom wasn’t going to appreciate my dismissive attitude. I just really didn’t want to deal with this tonight. There was far too much going on for me to worry about some eighteen year old slut who wanted to get fucked on camera.

“Get in the car,” Mom said. Her voice was dangerously level. “You and I are going down there right now.”

“Now? I kind of had my heart set on being stressed out alone all night and forgetting my heart healthy diet in favour of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.”

“Get in the car, Alexis!”

“Okay, okay,” I held my hands up defensively, backing toward the vehicle slowly. “Let’s go try and straighten out a teenage runaway’s life. Because I’m definitely the right person for that job.”