Skin

I was sitting on the kitchen counter, coffee in hand, when Juice came home. He looked at me curiously, then seemed to understand my intentions. He sighed deeply, grabbing a clean mug from the cupboard.

“Is this an ambush?” he asked, his voice much more calm than I’d anticipated. Maybe he’d figured out what I was really upset about.

I shook my head. “Nope. Just a discussion. I have a few questions for you.”

Juice glanced toward the living room, where the TV program that Madison was watching was murmuring dully. “Now?”

“In the bedroom,” I directed. “The less she hears, the better.”

“If you’re yelling, she’s going to hear anyway,” he pointed out, sipping his coffee and looking over at me with wondering, wary eyes.

“Does it sound like I’m yelling?” I asked quietly. I hopped down off of the counter and walked off into the bedroom. When Juice had followed me in and closed the door, I sat down on the foot of the bed. “Why did you lie to me?” I could hear the hurt in my own voice. I had meant to sound formidable and angry, but I found that for once that wasn’t what I was feeling.

“I didn’t,” he argued, immediately coming across as defensive.

“Then tell me why Mom thinks we’re heading to war with the Nordics and the Mayans. And also maybe why Clay got arrested today. And, if you’ve got the time, why you told me that you guys were planning on making a deal with them, when I’ve been told that that wasn’t even on the table. Why should I believe that you’re not lying to me?”

Juice set his coffee down on the dresser. He ran a hand across his scalp, looking worn. “We were hoping for a deal. None of us were actually excited to go to war, believe it or not. And at chapel tonight we found out that Clay did it. He made peace. We’re not going to war.”

“Right, Clay,” I nodded at the reminder. “Can we talk about him for a minute?”

“We found out that Darby and Alvarez were working together when there was an attempt on Clay’s life,” he began, sitting down next to me and reaching out, as if it would soften the blow he’d just delivered.

“Wait, what? Someone tried to kill Clay and you didn’t think that was important enough for me to know? He’s my mom’s husband, for Christ’s sake! How could you think I didn’t need to know that?”

“I was going to tell you-”

“When, Juice? When he died? Or when someone else got caught in the crossfire?”

“Calm down,” his voice was so authoritative that I had to listen. I’d never heard the tone come from his mouth before. I kind of liked it. “Lex, I was going to tell you everything. But I had to make sure that you were safe. And I knew that it was better if you were here at home. You know what? I was even kind of grateful that this whole Madison thing fell into your lap. It gave you a reason to stay home, where you wouldn’t get hurt.”

I followed his lead and set my coffee down on the dresser, then pulled my legs up onto the mattress and turned so that my entire body was facing him. “Do you understand why I’m not okay with you making that decision?”

His lips turned down a tiny bit at the corners as he pondered my question. “I know you don’t like being left out.”

I took a deep breath, physically folding my hands together in my lap so that I wouldn’t strike him. “You need to talk to me about this shit. I’m going to find out anyways. My stepfather is the president, my brother is the vice president, and the rest of them are just as much family to me, too. If any of you had gotten hurt or killed, it would destroy me. But it’s a little less of an earth shattering revelation when you know that there’s a chance that someone won’t make it home. If it comes way out of left field because I wasn’t aware that there was even an issue, that would be a huge problem. Like it or not, this club is a big part of who I am. I can handle this stuff. And someday, something is going to be too much for you to bear alone. That’s why you’ve got an old lady. I’m here to keep your secrets and give you somewhere to turn when things get hard. And I’m really good at that. But I can’t be those things for you if you won’t let me.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I sighed. “Juice, do you understand what it meant when I told you that I love you?”

His eyes narrowed as he sensed a trick. “You mean besides the fact that you love me?”

“The last guy I said that to kidnapped me and arranged to have me killed. And I’m honestly not even sure that I ever really loved him. But the fact that I felt the need to say it to you, so soon after all of that happened, says something. I trust you. That’s really huge for me to admit. The truth is, I trust you more than almost anyone else. And the fact that you lied over something that could have been so disastrous is tearing me up inside. Please don’t let trusting you be a mistake.”

“Lex,” his voice was pleading, begging me to see it from his side. “Don’t be like this. Please. I’m not trying to hurt you. I don’t want to lose your trust.”

“Then don’t. It’s really just that simple. When there’s something that you can’t tell me, I’ll be okay with that. But when it’s stuff like this, that someone as close to the club as I am should be privy to, you’ve got to keep me updated. You never had a problem with it before, when we were just friends,” I pointed out. As I said the words, I realized just how true they were. “What’s changed? If anything, you should be more willing to talk to me now.”

“What’s changed? Everything,” he breathed. “If you’re my old lady, you might be a target. They could hurt you. And it would be my fault.”

I let out a breathy laugh. “Stop that. You’re starting to sound like me. And besides, I’m a target anyway. I have ties to everyone in that club, especially the president and vice president. If someone is after me, I’d be willing to bet all my money that it’s not because of you.”

He looked at me with wide, troubled eyes. “What if I couldn’t protect you? Lex, when we were trying to find out where you were and who took you, I thought that if you’d been with me instead of Half-Sack, I could have kept you safe. But now, I can’t figure out if that’s true. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you everything. It felt like the best choice that I had.”

“I’m forgiving you this time. But from now on, tell me everything. It’s impossible to only be half in when it comes to this club. You either let someone be all in like Mom, or keep them totally out like Opie does with Donna. And it’s a little hard to keep me out, don’t you think? I mean, at least I get it. I understand the stress and the hardships that come along with this club. Your life will be so much easier when you just accept that and let me in.”

“You’re forgiving me?” his gaze turned hopeful. “We’re okay?”

“If we weren’t okay, I would have locked the door on you before you got home.”

He managed a chuckle. “It’s my house.”

I grinned. “Do you really think that would have stopped me?”

“I know it wouldn’t have. Lex,” his tone was heavy. I felt like I knew what was coming.

“Stop apologizing, Juice. I’ve already given you the all clear. You keep telling me how sorry you are, and I might start rethinking it. Just don’t do it again, okay? I feel like you’ve earned my trust, and it would kill me to take it away from you. And as for you protecting me, you already do that. Why do you think I let you convince me to come here after my surgery? I turned down everyone else, but I gave in to you. I have felt safer over the last six weeks than I have since my dad was alive. And I think that’s what made me finally admit to myself that I’m in love with you. You take care of me. You don’t need to worry about that.”

The corner of his mouth twitched in a tiny grin. “Do we get to kiss and make up now?”

I debated giving him some smart assed comeback, but settled for simply letting him have his way. I leaned in, planting my hands on either side of his face and pulling him closer until his lips landed on mine. His fingers dug into my waist as he pulled me into his lap. I let my arms slide over his shoulders, my wrists crossing behind his neck.

I pulled my face back so I could look him in the eyes, and I pursed my lips thoughtfully. “This scares me a little bit,” I told him in a whisper.

“What? Why?”

“I forgave you so easily for something that pissed me off so much. It doesn’t matter that you’re my best friend; I’ve ended relationships for a hell of a lot less.”

“But you just admitted that you didn’t even know if you loved someone that you lived with for over two years. Maybe this is just because you actually do love me,” Juice guessed.

“That’s even more frightening,” I grinned.

“Lexi?” There was a timid knock at the door. I twisted around, still straddling Juice’s lap as Madison poked her head into the bedroom. “Luann is on the phone. She wants to talk to you.”

Sighing, I grabbed Juice’s shoulder and used it for leverage to heave myself onto my feet. As I let him go, I brushed his cheek with my thumb. He nodded at me. Without speaking, we had both been able to communicate something important. We’d made it through our first real fight.

I walked briskly over to Madison and plucked the cell phone from her fingers. “Hey, Luann.”

“She says she’s clean,” the voice on the other end of the line sounded accusatory. She didn’t bother with pleasantries; she was getting right down to business.

“She is,” I replied quickly. “I haven’t seen any trace of anything since I picked her up. If I thought she was a liar, I wouldn’t have dumped her into your lap.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still mad at you for thinking that you could do that in the first place,” Luann snapped. “You’re lucky I just lost a girl and could use a replacement.”

“Did you really call to yell at me some more? I thought you got it all out of your system when I picked her up.”

“Bring her in tomorrow morning,” she said, sounding resigned. “I think I’ve got a part for her. It’s girl-on-girl; great exposure for her first flick. But if she falls flat or chickens out, I’m dragging you in as a replacement.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoffed. “I’m sure I’m just the type you’re looking for. Wouldn’t my face be much more suited for something involving torture or BDSM?” I fought back a laugh as I caught the look Juice was giving me out of the corner of my eye.

“Seriously, Alexis, you’re ass is on the line for her,” Luann ignored my joke, pressing on with her worry.

I rolled my eyes. “Got it. What time should I bring her by?”

“Around ten should be fine. See you then.”

I disconnected the call and passed the phone back to Madison. “I sure hope you’re ready to eat some pussy.”

Madison looked past me toward Juice. Juice, in response, held up his hands defensively and shook his head, holding back a laugh.

“She’s not talking to me.”

The young girl’s jaw fell open. Her cheeks flushed an alarming shade of red as she turned back to me. “I have to do that?”

“What did you think porn entailed, exactly?” I asked, incredulous. “You should be really grateful for this. Guys love lesbians,” I added with a cheeky grin. “It could launch your career. And so help me, if you don’t go through with this after I stuck my neck out for you, I will make your life incredibly difficult.”

“She will,” Juice agreed, nodding his head enthusiastically. “I’ve seen it. Thank God I’ve never been subjected to it.”

“You’re too smart for that, baby,” I cast a patronizing look back at him.

Despite my joking demeanour, he seemed genuinely pleased with the compliment. I knew that it was rare for anyone to acknowledge his intelligence in a positive way. I turned back to Madison.

“Get some sleep. You’ll need it.”

Her face fell. She nodded her head slowly, backing out of the room. I was laughing before she had even had the chance to close the door. I headed back to the bed, falling onto my back beside Juice.

“I have so many jokes planned out,” I told him. “Is it wrong that I can’t wait to pick her up after work tomorrow just to make fun of her?”

Juice flopped back next to me, running his fingers along the inside of my palm until I grasped his hand in response. “Get your kicks any way that you can,” he said encouragingly. “It’s not your fault she didn’t figure out that she was going to have to do some girl-on-girl.”

“Hey,” I swiftly changed topics, rolling onto my side so I could look at him. “Tell me how Clay made the deal.”

He shrugged, as if the whole thing was no big deal. “Unser did us a solid. He arranged a meeting while Clay was behind bars. Clay talked to Darby and he agreed to let us handle the Mayans, and Unser brought in Alvarez. Long story short, we’re selling to the Mayans now. They will let us have our territory as long as they get their guns.”

“You make it sound like it’s so simple,” I noted, smiling.

“Yeah, well, the One-Niners aren’t going to be happy that we’re dealing with the Mayans. But for the most part we’re out of the woods. Now you know everything.”

I kissed his cheek. “You passed.”

“That was a pretty easy test,” he smirked. “I thought you would have tried something way harder.”

“Well, despite what you think, I didn’t actually want you to fail.”

He leaned in, his nose grazing mine. “If I never let you down again, it’ll be too soon.”

I raised my eyebrows. “I’m a very hard woman to please. It’s bound to happen eventually.”

“Would a little optimism be such a bad thing?” he teased.

“It might be the thing that finally stops my heart.”

Juice brushed the comment aside, smiling at me happily. “Surprisingly, I fell for the hardened cynic. You know how you and Jax were talking about whether or not you should make this a more permanent home?”

“I vaguely recall the conversation, yeah.”

“Well, I don’t think there’s anything to discuss. You don’t want to go back to that apartment, and I don’t want you to have to, either. That place has a lot of bad memories. You should keep your furniture; a safety net will make you feel better. At least for awhile. But this feels like home when you’re here. I don’t want to go back to how it was before. I want you to be here. As long as that’s what you want, I mean.”

I felt an incredible joy race through my veins. Suddenly I was running just a little warmer than usual. I kissed him. “I still say you’re doing too much for me, but I can’t possibly turn that offer down.”

“Really? You don’t think we’re taking this whole thing a little fast?”

I shook my head, and for once I knew that my answer was the truth. “Juice, a part of me has been in a relationship with you since the day I came back to Charming. This makes sense to me. I love you.”

“I love you, Lex,” he replied, his eyes glittering with the honesty behind the words.