Skin
Four
“Lex, please open the door.”
I ignored his plea. I was staring at myself in the mirror again. I still blamed everything that had gone bad in my life on that one day, even though I knew that I would have had to have the heart surgery regardless. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. If Juice thought that I was broken, that meant that everyone thought it. And I just couldn’t handle that. I never wanted him to see me as any different. It was killing me.
“Come on, please?” Juice continued. There was a dull thud on the other side of the wooden barricade. I could picture him letting his head fall against the door in frustration.
I wiped my cheeks, hoping to remove the traces of tears. I sniffled quietly, then twisted the doorknob and let him in. I couldn’t stay angry with him, no matter how much I wanted to. “I’m better,” I said quietly. “I forgot to tell you that part. I’m allowed to drive, as long as it’s a car, and as long as I don’t drink I can work a couple of nights a week. I didn’t mean to react that way.”
Wordlessly, Juice reached out and took me in his arms. He cradled me against his chest, which was still bare. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “I got scared. You’ve been through so much, Lex. I can’t be the one that hurts you now.”
I buried my face in his neck so that I couldn’t see him. My voice came out muffled when I spoke. “You are the only person that never treated me any differently after everything that happened. Please don’t start acting that way now.”
His fingers pulled gently through my hair. “I never meant to. I don’t see you any differently, I swear. You’re still exactly who you always were.”
“I don’t even know who that is anymore.” Suddenly, I felt an incredible desire to confess everything I’d been feeling to Juice. If there was one person who would try his best to help me through, it would be him. “Can I talk to you?”
Juice pulled back, looking me dead in the eyes. “What? Of course.”
“No,” I pressed. “I mean really talk. If I say everything that I want to, we might not come out the same people on the other side of this.”
He looked instantly on edge. I could sense his hesitation, but he nodded his head regardless. “You can talk to me about anything. That’s what best friends are for.”
I stepped further out of his embrace, catching his hand and gripping it tightly as I led him back out into the kitchen. I sat down at the table, and he sat across from me. He wrapped his hands around mine on the tabletop and waited patiently for me to begin. I sat in silence for the better part of a minute. The seconds dragged on. How did I start? What point could reasonably be used as the introduction to this? With a heavy sigh, I realized that I would probably have to start at the beginning. The very beginning.
“I was raised for this life. There’s nothing in my mind that has any doubt about that fact. My favourite thing as a kid was going for a ride with Dad. When I was too small to hang on, he sat me between him and the handlebars. As I got older, I got to sit on the back. Mom used to get so mad at him, because when I asked to go for a ride he would just drop everything and take me. It was really the only time we ever spent alone together. And there was never anything that needed to be said. It was just us and the road. I lived for those moments. Even after Thomas died, when Dad changed so much, he still took me out. And after Dad died, I lost that. When Jax got his first bike, he was too busy trying to impress Tara to bother with his kid sister. And Clay… let’s just say that Jax and I both had our fair share of issues with him marrying Mom. So I had to do that for myself. I got my license and my bike, and I felt like maybe I got to hang on to something. You wouldn’t believe the amount of crow eaters I’ve met in my day who judge me for riding. They think I’m trying to impress you guys or something. Or to seem tougher than I am. But that’s really the opposite. I’m just trying to recapture something that I lost when I was seven.” My voice had faded off to a thick, strained whisper. I cleared my throat before I continued. “I remember the first time I met you, Juice. You weren’t even a prospect yet, you were just a hang-around. From that first moment, I wanted to impress you. The rest of the guys were family; most of them were already fixtures in my life before even Thomas died. But you were good looking and funny, and you treated me like an equal instead of a kid. Suddenly, it made sense to me to live the life that I’d been raised for. I wanted to be around the club more, and I had these stupid schoolgirl fantasies about winding up your old lady one day.”
Juice was listening intently. His expression was neutral, though the mention of my crush on him made a smile flicker quickly across his face. “So what changed?” he asked. His question wasn’t nosy or accusatory. He was genuinely curious. I was pretty sure that he was loving the fact that I was finally opening up to him.
“Nothing. That’s the problem. I found out some things about my dad and my family, and I didn’t know where I could turn. There was always something going on with the club, but it hadn’t even been a year since Opie got arrested and Kyle got kicked out. That really shook me. My whole life, the Sons had been the people that I could count on the most. It didn’t look like that was the case anymore. Brothers turning on brothers… it was bad shit. I mean, you remember it. You know what it was like. If I’d just told Jax what I knew, I probably never would have left. But I couldn’t. I was afraid of the ripples it would cause, and you guys were already hurt as it was. And I think a part of me wanted to prove to myself that I could be on my own. I wanted to know for sure that I existed outside of this. I wanted to leave sooner, but I knew that when I did I was going to cut ties completely, at least for a little while. And you and I,” I paused to let out a tiny sigh. “You were the best friend that I’d ever had. Still, to this day, you are the best friend that I’ve ever had. But it got harder and harder to stick around, knowing what I knew. So I did the cowardly thing, and I ran. At first it was freeing and I thought I was happy, but as time went on I came to miss everything about home. I picked the safe routes in everything I did, just because it was so different from what I was used to. But that got old. I got bored. And when Mom called to tell me about Abel, I knew that it was time to face everything again. Who knew that the life that I’d considered so safe and dull would be the one that would come back to try and hurt me?
“Now there’s this twisted up combination of those two lives battling it out inside of me. On one hand, I won. I came out on top, and I put that bullet in his head, and I probably saved some other future girl’s life in the process. But on the flip side of that, I’m a mess. The smallest things get to me, and I feel like this part of me is just gone. I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t look like myself, either. All I see are these scars, and they run so much deeper than skin. I let him hurt me, Juice. And every day, at least once, I have this nagging thought that maybe things would have been better if he’d killed me. I wouldn’t have to look in the mirror and see a stranger. I could have gone out knowing exactly who I was and what I stood for. Now I’m not sure of anything. That’s what hurts me. I’ve been trying to hide it from you, because you’ve done so much for me, but you’re also the one who usually understands. Please, tell me that you understand.”
Juice stood up abruptly. He shuffled around the table and squatted down until the two of us were at eye level to one another. His thumbs swiped at my cheeks, removing the tears that I hadn’t even noticed had fallen while I had been pouring my heart out. He looked worried, and almost a little bit hurt as he gazed at me.
“I don’t understand,” he admitted softly. “I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling. But don’t ever think for one second that things would be better if you hadn’t survived. And these scars that you hate so much? I love them.”
I rolled my eyes, frowning at him. “No, you don’t.”
“I do,” he persisted. As if to prove his point, he leaned in and kissed the bump on my nose that marked exactly where the break had happened. “You survived, Lex. More importantly, I got to help you survive. For one moment, the strong, independent Alexis Teller actually needed me. And I got to be there to watch as you won every battle.”
I reached up, gently touching his hand that was cradling my cheek. I could feel the tears welling up, though this time they weren’t caused by the pain of my own memories. “I didn’t just need you for one moment. I need you all the time. Why do you think I moved in here? I’m terrified to be alone. You make me feel safe. That’s why I’m here with you instead of at Jax’s or Mom’s. Of course I need you.”
Juice blinked, his eyes falling away from my face and settling on the floor. “Until you get back to normal and move back into your apartment.”
I felt my expression slacken as my mouth fell open. “You want me to leave?”
“What? No!” Juice rushed to recover the conversation. “I thought that was what you wanted. You can live here forever if you want to.”
“Forever?” I balked. “Juice, you have a life. As much as I want to take you up on that offer, you’re going to get sick of me if I live here and work at the clubhouse. I don’t want you to start resenting me.”
He leaned in and kissed the very corner of my mouth, where my lips met my cheek. “I don’t know if I could ever get sick of you.”
There was something unspoken that lingered in the air. The tenderness with which he touched me, the longing glimmer in his warm brown eyes, and the sincerity with which he spoke all pointed toward one thing. And it was something that I just wasn’t ready to hear just then.
“Don’t look at me differently now that you know all of this stuff, okay?” I begged quietly.
Juice nodded earnestly. “I won’t.”
I looked away, searching for a distraction to save me from this sentimental moment. I was terrible at these kinds of things. Usually Juice was, too. I had no idea why he had been so different with me lately.
“Can we go to the clubhouse? I should really tell Jax about how everything went at the police station today.”
Juice stood up straight. “Yeah, if that’s that you want.”
Nearly thirty minutes later, we were pulling onto the lot. The bay doors of Teller-Morrow automotive were closed and the lights were off, but across the slab of pavement, the clubhouse was bustling with activity. As Juice backed his bike into its usual spot next to Chibs’, I took off my helmet and hurried off toward the open clubhouse door. Light from inside was spilling out across the concrete, and the cacophony of laughter and voices reached me long before I stepped inside.
Nobody noticed my entrance. There was a crow eater behind the bar, which was filthy and caked with hardened grime. Half-Sack was slacking on the cleaning. I debated making a big commotion and getting the room’s attention, but decided against it. I made my way to the nearest corner of the bar, where Tig was slurping at a beer. I stood beside him for a long moment. His shoulders hunched, as if he could feel that he was being watched, and he turned to look at me.
“Sweetheart! You’re back!” Tig cheered loudly. He reached out and pulled me into a rough hug.
The volume of his greeting made everyone else aware of my presence. Soon, I was bombarded on all sides by burly men clapping me on the back in congratulations.
“Does Tara know you’re here?” Jax asked, pulling me off to one side so that we could have some semblance of privacy.
I nodded. “She told me that I could work a couple days a week. It’s better if I ease back into it.”
He glanced past me. “Alright. Take it easy. Go home if you get tired out, no one will mind.” Jax strode off to deal with whatever else had caught his attention.
“So you’re allowed out, then?”
I spun around to find Half-Sack leaning against the wall. Behind him was a series of mug shots from both past and present club members. I forced my eyes away from the framed photos and looked back at the boy in front of me. “Yeah, I’m pretty much free. How have things been around here?”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, looking suddenly awkward and out of place. I imagined that this was the way he’d looked in high school, before he’d come to Charming and found his way to the Sons. “Um,” he hedged. He scratched at the side of his face, almost as if he had an itchy beard. His clean-shaven face made the nervous gesture seem out of place.
“Where is she?” I asked conversationally, glancing around the room.
“You know?” the air flew out of him, and he seemed to be relieved.
“Jax mentioned it. What’s her name? How did you meet? Give me details.” I pretended to be excited about his new romance. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Juice lingering by the bar. I caught his eye and tilted my head ever so slightly, indicating that he should join me.
“She’s talking to Bobby,” Sack answered, gesturing across the room. I looked over toward the pool table and saw a thin, pretty brunette with freckles. She had a couple of black eyes and a bandage over her nose at the moment, but I felt that I was in no position to judge beauty based on an injury of that nature. “Her name’s Cherry.”
“I’ve never seen her before,” I mused. “She’s not from around here, is she?”
“Indian Hills,” he explained. “I met her at the patch over.”
I remembered that night. Juice and Tig had had to skip the party and head out to Uncle Jury’s charter the following morning. Tig had been bitter about missing all the fun, but Juice had acted as though there was no place he would have rather been than at home with me. I’d known he was behaving that way for my benefit, but I didn’t much care as long as it meant that I didn’t have to sleep alone.
“Congratulations,” I told him. Juice reached us, standing at an angle that both effectively separated Half-Sack and I, and cut Cherry from my line of vision. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Chibs is asking for you,” Juice pointed over my shoulder and back toward the bar. I smiled at him, grateful for his fabricated excuse to get me out of the conversation. I had nothing against Half-Sack finding himself a new girlfriend, but it almost felt like he was rubbing it in my face. And after the discussion I’d had with Juice earlier, I just wasn’t in the mood to talk about any relationship right then.
I excused myself and sat down on an empty barstool next to Chibs. The tall Scottish man immediately draped an arm over my shoulders. He smelled strongly of whiskey, and he slid his empty glass across the bar toward the crow eater before turning to me.
“I missed you, love. Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
I recalled the way he’d sat by my bedside in the hospital for nearly an entire day, even though neither of us had really had much to say at the time. He couldn’t be with his own daughter, and I’d lost my father. We’d sort of adopted one another in the years that had followed.
I grinned as I leaned against his side, wedging myself under his arm so that I fit better. “I promise you, I never will.”
A fresh, full glass of whiskey appeared on the bar in front of Chibs, and as he took it in his fingers, he lifted it toward the ceiling. “To your recovery, dear.”
As I sat there amidst the group of drunk, loud bikers, I had never felt more loved. Here, my insecurities disappeared. My broken nose didn’t matter. Here, I was the same girl who had spent her early years hanging out in the garage instead of at daycare, sitting on the creeper and watching her father pull wrenches. I was the girl that Bobby had tried, and failed, to teach to play the guitar.
Here, I was the girl that I wished I still knew how to be.
I hadn’t noticed that my stepfather was absent until he came crashing through the clubhouse doors. His pale blue eyes were wild as he looked around the room. Mom followed him in, looking relatively calm in comparison. Before he’d even had the chance to speak, she had set her leather purse down on a table and pulled out a chair for herself.
“Good, Lexi, you’re already here,” Clay said in his usual, booming voice. “Get the rest of the family here. We’re on emergency lockdown,” he directed the order at the rest of his club.
Chibs was on his feet, ready for action. “What’s going on?”
“Mayans in the area. Unser just gave me a heads up. They’ve been circling for about an hour.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jax cursed, heading for the door. “Let’s put an end to this shit.”
As the men headed for their doors to go and gather their families, I caught Juice by the hand. “Talk to me,” I pleaded. I needed an explanation for what was going on.
“They blew up our gun warehouse, and we left them a very clear message in return. If they were smart, they would have left it at that.”
He moved to turn away, but I gripped him harder. I knew what this meant. “Eye for an eye?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
Juice sighed heavily. “Looks like it.”
I forced him to look me in the eyes. “Come back,” I whispered. It wasn’t a request. It wasn’t hopeful. It was a demand. I needed him to come home to me.
“I will,” he promised.
I ignored his plea. I was staring at myself in the mirror again. I still blamed everything that had gone bad in my life on that one day, even though I knew that I would have had to have the heart surgery regardless. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. If Juice thought that I was broken, that meant that everyone thought it. And I just couldn’t handle that. I never wanted him to see me as any different. It was killing me.
“Come on, please?” Juice continued. There was a dull thud on the other side of the wooden barricade. I could picture him letting his head fall against the door in frustration.
I wiped my cheeks, hoping to remove the traces of tears. I sniffled quietly, then twisted the doorknob and let him in. I couldn’t stay angry with him, no matter how much I wanted to. “I’m better,” I said quietly. “I forgot to tell you that part. I’m allowed to drive, as long as it’s a car, and as long as I don’t drink I can work a couple of nights a week. I didn’t mean to react that way.”
Wordlessly, Juice reached out and took me in his arms. He cradled me against his chest, which was still bare. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “I got scared. You’ve been through so much, Lex. I can’t be the one that hurts you now.”
I buried my face in his neck so that I couldn’t see him. My voice came out muffled when I spoke. “You are the only person that never treated me any differently after everything that happened. Please don’t start acting that way now.”
His fingers pulled gently through my hair. “I never meant to. I don’t see you any differently, I swear. You’re still exactly who you always were.”
“I don’t even know who that is anymore.” Suddenly, I felt an incredible desire to confess everything I’d been feeling to Juice. If there was one person who would try his best to help me through, it would be him. “Can I talk to you?”
Juice pulled back, looking me dead in the eyes. “What? Of course.”
“No,” I pressed. “I mean really talk. If I say everything that I want to, we might not come out the same people on the other side of this.”
He looked instantly on edge. I could sense his hesitation, but he nodded his head regardless. “You can talk to me about anything. That’s what best friends are for.”
I stepped further out of his embrace, catching his hand and gripping it tightly as I led him back out into the kitchen. I sat down at the table, and he sat across from me. He wrapped his hands around mine on the tabletop and waited patiently for me to begin. I sat in silence for the better part of a minute. The seconds dragged on. How did I start? What point could reasonably be used as the introduction to this? With a heavy sigh, I realized that I would probably have to start at the beginning. The very beginning.
“I was raised for this life. There’s nothing in my mind that has any doubt about that fact. My favourite thing as a kid was going for a ride with Dad. When I was too small to hang on, he sat me between him and the handlebars. As I got older, I got to sit on the back. Mom used to get so mad at him, because when I asked to go for a ride he would just drop everything and take me. It was really the only time we ever spent alone together. And there was never anything that needed to be said. It was just us and the road. I lived for those moments. Even after Thomas died, when Dad changed so much, he still took me out. And after Dad died, I lost that. When Jax got his first bike, he was too busy trying to impress Tara to bother with his kid sister. And Clay… let’s just say that Jax and I both had our fair share of issues with him marrying Mom. So I had to do that for myself. I got my license and my bike, and I felt like maybe I got to hang on to something. You wouldn’t believe the amount of crow eaters I’ve met in my day who judge me for riding. They think I’m trying to impress you guys or something. Or to seem tougher than I am. But that’s really the opposite. I’m just trying to recapture something that I lost when I was seven.” My voice had faded off to a thick, strained whisper. I cleared my throat before I continued. “I remember the first time I met you, Juice. You weren’t even a prospect yet, you were just a hang-around. From that first moment, I wanted to impress you. The rest of the guys were family; most of them were already fixtures in my life before even Thomas died. But you were good looking and funny, and you treated me like an equal instead of a kid. Suddenly, it made sense to me to live the life that I’d been raised for. I wanted to be around the club more, and I had these stupid schoolgirl fantasies about winding up your old lady one day.”
Juice was listening intently. His expression was neutral, though the mention of my crush on him made a smile flicker quickly across his face. “So what changed?” he asked. His question wasn’t nosy or accusatory. He was genuinely curious. I was pretty sure that he was loving the fact that I was finally opening up to him.
“Nothing. That’s the problem. I found out some things about my dad and my family, and I didn’t know where I could turn. There was always something going on with the club, but it hadn’t even been a year since Opie got arrested and Kyle got kicked out. That really shook me. My whole life, the Sons had been the people that I could count on the most. It didn’t look like that was the case anymore. Brothers turning on brothers… it was bad shit. I mean, you remember it. You know what it was like. If I’d just told Jax what I knew, I probably never would have left. But I couldn’t. I was afraid of the ripples it would cause, and you guys were already hurt as it was. And I think a part of me wanted to prove to myself that I could be on my own. I wanted to know for sure that I existed outside of this. I wanted to leave sooner, but I knew that when I did I was going to cut ties completely, at least for a little while. And you and I,” I paused to let out a tiny sigh. “You were the best friend that I’d ever had. Still, to this day, you are the best friend that I’ve ever had. But it got harder and harder to stick around, knowing what I knew. So I did the cowardly thing, and I ran. At first it was freeing and I thought I was happy, but as time went on I came to miss everything about home. I picked the safe routes in everything I did, just because it was so different from what I was used to. But that got old. I got bored. And when Mom called to tell me about Abel, I knew that it was time to face everything again. Who knew that the life that I’d considered so safe and dull would be the one that would come back to try and hurt me?
“Now there’s this twisted up combination of those two lives battling it out inside of me. On one hand, I won. I came out on top, and I put that bullet in his head, and I probably saved some other future girl’s life in the process. But on the flip side of that, I’m a mess. The smallest things get to me, and I feel like this part of me is just gone. I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t look like myself, either. All I see are these scars, and they run so much deeper than skin. I let him hurt me, Juice. And every day, at least once, I have this nagging thought that maybe things would have been better if he’d killed me. I wouldn’t have to look in the mirror and see a stranger. I could have gone out knowing exactly who I was and what I stood for. Now I’m not sure of anything. That’s what hurts me. I’ve been trying to hide it from you, because you’ve done so much for me, but you’re also the one who usually understands. Please, tell me that you understand.”
Juice stood up abruptly. He shuffled around the table and squatted down until the two of us were at eye level to one another. His thumbs swiped at my cheeks, removing the tears that I hadn’t even noticed had fallen while I had been pouring my heart out. He looked worried, and almost a little bit hurt as he gazed at me.
“I don’t understand,” he admitted softly. “I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling. But don’t ever think for one second that things would be better if you hadn’t survived. And these scars that you hate so much? I love them.”
I rolled my eyes, frowning at him. “No, you don’t.”
“I do,” he persisted. As if to prove his point, he leaned in and kissed the bump on my nose that marked exactly where the break had happened. “You survived, Lex. More importantly, I got to help you survive. For one moment, the strong, independent Alexis Teller actually needed me. And I got to be there to watch as you won every battle.”
I reached up, gently touching his hand that was cradling my cheek. I could feel the tears welling up, though this time they weren’t caused by the pain of my own memories. “I didn’t just need you for one moment. I need you all the time. Why do you think I moved in here? I’m terrified to be alone. You make me feel safe. That’s why I’m here with you instead of at Jax’s or Mom’s. Of course I need you.”
Juice blinked, his eyes falling away from my face and settling on the floor. “Until you get back to normal and move back into your apartment.”
I felt my expression slacken as my mouth fell open. “You want me to leave?”
“What? No!” Juice rushed to recover the conversation. “I thought that was what you wanted. You can live here forever if you want to.”
“Forever?” I balked. “Juice, you have a life. As much as I want to take you up on that offer, you’re going to get sick of me if I live here and work at the clubhouse. I don’t want you to start resenting me.”
He leaned in and kissed the very corner of my mouth, where my lips met my cheek. “I don’t know if I could ever get sick of you.”
There was something unspoken that lingered in the air. The tenderness with which he touched me, the longing glimmer in his warm brown eyes, and the sincerity with which he spoke all pointed toward one thing. And it was something that I just wasn’t ready to hear just then.
“Don’t look at me differently now that you know all of this stuff, okay?” I begged quietly.
Juice nodded earnestly. “I won’t.”
I looked away, searching for a distraction to save me from this sentimental moment. I was terrible at these kinds of things. Usually Juice was, too. I had no idea why he had been so different with me lately.
“Can we go to the clubhouse? I should really tell Jax about how everything went at the police station today.”
Juice stood up straight. “Yeah, if that’s that you want.”
Nearly thirty minutes later, we were pulling onto the lot. The bay doors of Teller-Morrow automotive were closed and the lights were off, but across the slab of pavement, the clubhouse was bustling with activity. As Juice backed his bike into its usual spot next to Chibs’, I took off my helmet and hurried off toward the open clubhouse door. Light from inside was spilling out across the concrete, and the cacophony of laughter and voices reached me long before I stepped inside.
Nobody noticed my entrance. There was a crow eater behind the bar, which was filthy and caked with hardened grime. Half-Sack was slacking on the cleaning. I debated making a big commotion and getting the room’s attention, but decided against it. I made my way to the nearest corner of the bar, where Tig was slurping at a beer. I stood beside him for a long moment. His shoulders hunched, as if he could feel that he was being watched, and he turned to look at me.
“Sweetheart! You’re back!” Tig cheered loudly. He reached out and pulled me into a rough hug.
The volume of his greeting made everyone else aware of my presence. Soon, I was bombarded on all sides by burly men clapping me on the back in congratulations.
“Does Tara know you’re here?” Jax asked, pulling me off to one side so that we could have some semblance of privacy.
I nodded. “She told me that I could work a couple days a week. It’s better if I ease back into it.”
He glanced past me. “Alright. Take it easy. Go home if you get tired out, no one will mind.” Jax strode off to deal with whatever else had caught his attention.
“So you’re allowed out, then?”
I spun around to find Half-Sack leaning against the wall. Behind him was a series of mug shots from both past and present club members. I forced my eyes away from the framed photos and looked back at the boy in front of me. “Yeah, I’m pretty much free. How have things been around here?”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, looking suddenly awkward and out of place. I imagined that this was the way he’d looked in high school, before he’d come to Charming and found his way to the Sons. “Um,” he hedged. He scratched at the side of his face, almost as if he had an itchy beard. His clean-shaven face made the nervous gesture seem out of place.
“Where is she?” I asked conversationally, glancing around the room.
“You know?” the air flew out of him, and he seemed to be relieved.
“Jax mentioned it. What’s her name? How did you meet? Give me details.” I pretended to be excited about his new romance. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Juice lingering by the bar. I caught his eye and tilted my head ever so slightly, indicating that he should join me.
“She’s talking to Bobby,” Sack answered, gesturing across the room. I looked over toward the pool table and saw a thin, pretty brunette with freckles. She had a couple of black eyes and a bandage over her nose at the moment, but I felt that I was in no position to judge beauty based on an injury of that nature. “Her name’s Cherry.”
“I’ve never seen her before,” I mused. “She’s not from around here, is she?”
“Indian Hills,” he explained. “I met her at the patch over.”
I remembered that night. Juice and Tig had had to skip the party and head out to Uncle Jury’s charter the following morning. Tig had been bitter about missing all the fun, but Juice had acted as though there was no place he would have rather been than at home with me. I’d known he was behaving that way for my benefit, but I didn’t much care as long as it meant that I didn’t have to sleep alone.
“Congratulations,” I told him. Juice reached us, standing at an angle that both effectively separated Half-Sack and I, and cut Cherry from my line of vision. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Chibs is asking for you,” Juice pointed over my shoulder and back toward the bar. I smiled at him, grateful for his fabricated excuse to get me out of the conversation. I had nothing against Half-Sack finding himself a new girlfriend, but it almost felt like he was rubbing it in my face. And after the discussion I’d had with Juice earlier, I just wasn’t in the mood to talk about any relationship right then.
I excused myself and sat down on an empty barstool next to Chibs. The tall Scottish man immediately draped an arm over my shoulders. He smelled strongly of whiskey, and he slid his empty glass across the bar toward the crow eater before turning to me.
“I missed you, love. Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
I recalled the way he’d sat by my bedside in the hospital for nearly an entire day, even though neither of us had really had much to say at the time. He couldn’t be with his own daughter, and I’d lost my father. We’d sort of adopted one another in the years that had followed.
I grinned as I leaned against his side, wedging myself under his arm so that I fit better. “I promise you, I never will.”
A fresh, full glass of whiskey appeared on the bar in front of Chibs, and as he took it in his fingers, he lifted it toward the ceiling. “To your recovery, dear.”
As I sat there amidst the group of drunk, loud bikers, I had never felt more loved. Here, my insecurities disappeared. My broken nose didn’t matter. Here, I was the same girl who had spent her early years hanging out in the garage instead of at daycare, sitting on the creeper and watching her father pull wrenches. I was the girl that Bobby had tried, and failed, to teach to play the guitar.
Here, I was the girl that I wished I still knew how to be.
I hadn’t noticed that my stepfather was absent until he came crashing through the clubhouse doors. His pale blue eyes were wild as he looked around the room. Mom followed him in, looking relatively calm in comparison. Before he’d even had the chance to speak, she had set her leather purse down on a table and pulled out a chair for herself.
“Good, Lexi, you’re already here,” Clay said in his usual, booming voice. “Get the rest of the family here. We’re on emergency lockdown,” he directed the order at the rest of his club.
Chibs was on his feet, ready for action. “What’s going on?”
“Mayans in the area. Unser just gave me a heads up. They’ve been circling for about an hour.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jax cursed, heading for the door. “Let’s put an end to this shit.”
As the men headed for their doors to go and gather their families, I caught Juice by the hand. “Talk to me,” I pleaded. I needed an explanation for what was going on.
“They blew up our gun warehouse, and we left them a very clear message in return. If they were smart, they would have left it at that.”
He moved to turn away, but I gripped him harder. I knew what this meant. “Eye for an eye?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
Juice sighed heavily. “Looks like it.”
I forced him to look me in the eyes. “Come back,” I whispered. It wasn’t a request. It wasn’t hopeful. It was a demand. I needed him to come home to me.
“I will,” he promised.