Status: Probably over-dramatic but fun to write, I hope you enjoy this.
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Cut Off
*Josh P.O.V*
It’s weird isn't it? How just one person can make you feel so empty, like you are nothing, like you don’t matter. It’s also weird how people can just willingly give up everything they know for just a few moments of something different.
Somehow, I had managed to walk to my dad’s house. I mean, it wasn't far away but I didn't even know if I could make it there without cracking in the first place. It was empty, deserted. My dad had gone to stay at my aunts for most of the holidays, not wanting to get too involved with me. At first I hated him for sending me to that boarding school. I hate him even more now, if he hadn't have sent me there, I wouldn't have been put through all the shit that has happened over the past 8 months.
I lazily trudge upstairs to my room, long ridden of all the belongings that I once had. Good, I needed it bare. Right now I had no time for sentimental little objects and photos, reminding me of happy long ago memories. The room was cold and empty, just like how I felt.
The sun must have started to rise, small red rays shine through the blinds that I couldn't be bothered to close properly. I couldn't be bothered to do anything; it feels like all the energy has been ripped out of my body. Maybe it would be better if I let sleep consume me. It would take all the pain, which was in my heart right now, away. These last few thoughts left my head as my body became heavy and sleep took over.
~~~
*Oli P.O.V*
Waking up without Josh’s warm body pressed up against mine was weird, horrible and I hated it. But really, this is my entire fault. I should have stopped it when I had the chance; I should have pushed him away harder. In fact... this isn't even my fault at all! Jona came on to me, knowing full well I was in a committed relationship with someone who I loved, so much... Thinking about all of this made tears creep up to my eyes. I don’t want to lose Josh, but I know what’s going to come.
Out of the corner of my eye, my phone lit up. I picked it up, reading the caller ID, Jona. Wow, he has the courage to ring me after what happened last night? Suddenly an idea popped into my head. Pressing the green button, I placed the phone to my ear. “Oliv-” Jona started, but I quickly cut him short. “Jona, don’t start with the shit okay. Meet me at beach in half an hour, you got that?” I asked, but it was more like an order. The line went dead but I knew he would show up.
~~~
The salty wind whips my hair as I trail down the stone steps to the beach. Today was pretty mild, not to cold but also not very warm. Before I had made my way down here, I gave Lee a quick ring. I knew I had to tell him what I was about to do or he would have seen it as irrational and would have persuaded me to change my mind, so I had to tell him.
When I got onto the phone to him, he hadn't heard about what happened the night before. Looks like Jona didn't say anything either. Once I had finished explaining and told him exactly what I was going to do, he understood completely. He thought it would be the best thing to do plus it would also rule out any further trouble for now.
I was now further up the beach, waiting for Jona. However I didn't have to wait long as I saw a tall figure approach me. “Jona.” I spat. He gave me a half hearted nod but continued to look out at the sea. “Do you even realise what you've done?” I asked; disgust clearly present in my voice. Yet again, no words passed his lips, but this time he looked shamefully at the ground.
I turn to face him before going onto what I really wanted to say. “You’re probably wondering why I called you down here right?” I started, trying to get him to look at me, which he finally did. “I called the band off Jona.” The words left my lips quickly. I didn't want to say them. Of course I wanted to have my band back and write music, it used to be my passion. But I couldn't do it right now, not with Jona here, not in this mess.
We both stood in silence for a good few minutes, I tried to find some sort of remorse on his face, but it was emotionless. Well, looks like he couldn't give a shit. “It’s all your fault too. That little stunt you pulled last night. It’s fucked up everything. I hope you’re happy with yourself.” I hissed, before spinning on my heel and walking back up steps.
~~~
*Josh P.O.V*
I finally managed to drag myself out of bed after the minimal hours of sleep that I’d just had. With every step I could feel the sadness, anger and hurt drip through my body. However, I knew that I couldn't just slouch around all day and feel sorry for myself, so I decided to hop in the shower. Showers always make me feel better; they just clear my head and take everything into account.
When the water started to run cold, I knew it was my cue to get out. Treading back to my room I run my hands half heartedly through my still damp hair before pulling on a shirt. Maybe today I’ll go out and see Vic, I knew he was staying the whole week. Plus he’s someone that I trust, I’d be able to get all my feelings out and it’ll make me feel better, I hope.
Without warning, I heard the soft chime of the doorbell. I really couldn't be bothered, but it was probably the mail man or something. The door was heavy to pull open and as soon as I saw who it was I wish I hadn't have wasted the energy to do so. It was Oli. An exasperated sigh left my throat as I attempted to close the door, but Oli pushed against it with his leg. Well isn't he adamant.
“Oli, what do you want.” I said harshly. “I...I just want to talk Josh, that’s all...” he trailed off, lowering his head towards the ground. Every cell in my body was telling me to not let him in, but I opened the door and gestured him inside. “Well go on then, Oliver. I don’t have all day.” I urged, almost willing for this to be over. “Okay well, just hear me out?” he whispered, barley audible. “fine.” I muttered, taking a seat on the sofa beside me.
“Look, Josh... What you saw, it wasn't my fault. I didn't start it. It was Jona, he came onto me, and he was so drunk! I mean I was a bit drunk, but not drunk enough to not push him away.” He started, looking desperate. “I did try and push him away, I couldn't. He was holding my face. I couldn't mov-” I stood up quickly, causing Oli to stop talking. “No. Oli stop. I can’t do this, what I saw hurt me a lot. For all I know you could be lying to me. Jona sure looked happy about the whole thing. I just can’t deal with this right now, all my emotions are fucked. Don’t make this any worse. Just go, please.” And without saying another word, the brown eyed boy left.
It’s weird isn't it? How just one person can make you feel so empty, like you are nothing, like you don’t matter. It’s also weird how people can just willingly give up everything they know for just a few moments of something different.
Somehow, I had managed to walk to my dad’s house. I mean, it wasn't far away but I didn't even know if I could make it there without cracking in the first place. It was empty, deserted. My dad had gone to stay at my aunts for most of the holidays, not wanting to get too involved with me. At first I hated him for sending me to that boarding school. I hate him even more now, if he hadn't have sent me there, I wouldn't have been put through all the shit that has happened over the past 8 months.
I lazily trudge upstairs to my room, long ridden of all the belongings that I once had. Good, I needed it bare. Right now I had no time for sentimental little objects and photos, reminding me of happy long ago memories. The room was cold and empty, just like how I felt.
The sun must have started to rise, small red rays shine through the blinds that I couldn't be bothered to close properly. I couldn't be bothered to do anything; it feels like all the energy has been ripped out of my body. Maybe it would be better if I let sleep consume me. It would take all the pain, which was in my heart right now, away. These last few thoughts left my head as my body became heavy and sleep took over.
~~~
*Oli P.O.V*
Waking up without Josh’s warm body pressed up against mine was weird, horrible and I hated it. But really, this is my entire fault. I should have stopped it when I had the chance; I should have pushed him away harder. In fact... this isn't even my fault at all! Jona came on to me, knowing full well I was in a committed relationship with someone who I loved, so much... Thinking about all of this made tears creep up to my eyes. I don’t want to lose Josh, but I know what’s going to come.
Out of the corner of my eye, my phone lit up. I picked it up, reading the caller ID, Jona. Wow, he has the courage to ring me after what happened last night? Suddenly an idea popped into my head. Pressing the green button, I placed the phone to my ear. “Oliv-” Jona started, but I quickly cut him short. “Jona, don’t start with the shit okay. Meet me at beach in half an hour, you got that?” I asked, but it was more like an order. The line went dead but I knew he would show up.
~~~
The salty wind whips my hair as I trail down the stone steps to the beach. Today was pretty mild, not to cold but also not very warm. Before I had made my way down here, I gave Lee a quick ring. I knew I had to tell him what I was about to do or he would have seen it as irrational and would have persuaded me to change my mind, so I had to tell him.
When I got onto the phone to him, he hadn't heard about what happened the night before. Looks like Jona didn't say anything either. Once I had finished explaining and told him exactly what I was going to do, he understood completely. He thought it would be the best thing to do plus it would also rule out any further trouble for now.
I was now further up the beach, waiting for Jona. However I didn't have to wait long as I saw a tall figure approach me. “Jona.” I spat. He gave me a half hearted nod but continued to look out at the sea. “Do you even realise what you've done?” I asked; disgust clearly present in my voice. Yet again, no words passed his lips, but this time he looked shamefully at the ground.
I turn to face him before going onto what I really wanted to say. “You’re probably wondering why I called you down here right?” I started, trying to get him to look at me, which he finally did. “I called the band off Jona.” The words left my lips quickly. I didn't want to say them. Of course I wanted to have my band back and write music, it used to be my passion. But I couldn't do it right now, not with Jona here, not in this mess.
We both stood in silence for a good few minutes, I tried to find some sort of remorse on his face, but it was emotionless. Well, looks like he couldn't give a shit. “It’s all your fault too. That little stunt you pulled last night. It’s fucked up everything. I hope you’re happy with yourself.” I hissed, before spinning on my heel and walking back up steps.
~~~
*Josh P.O.V*
I finally managed to drag myself out of bed after the minimal hours of sleep that I’d just had. With every step I could feel the sadness, anger and hurt drip through my body. However, I knew that I couldn't just slouch around all day and feel sorry for myself, so I decided to hop in the shower. Showers always make me feel better; they just clear my head and take everything into account.
When the water started to run cold, I knew it was my cue to get out. Treading back to my room I run my hands half heartedly through my still damp hair before pulling on a shirt. Maybe today I’ll go out and see Vic, I knew he was staying the whole week. Plus he’s someone that I trust, I’d be able to get all my feelings out and it’ll make me feel better, I hope.
Without warning, I heard the soft chime of the doorbell. I really couldn't be bothered, but it was probably the mail man or something. The door was heavy to pull open and as soon as I saw who it was I wish I hadn't have wasted the energy to do so. It was Oli. An exasperated sigh left my throat as I attempted to close the door, but Oli pushed against it with his leg. Well isn't he adamant.
“Oli, what do you want.” I said harshly. “I...I just want to talk Josh, that’s all...” he trailed off, lowering his head towards the ground. Every cell in my body was telling me to not let him in, but I opened the door and gestured him inside. “Well go on then, Oliver. I don’t have all day.” I urged, almost willing for this to be over. “Okay well, just hear me out?” he whispered, barley audible. “fine.” I muttered, taking a seat on the sofa beside me.
“Look, Josh... What you saw, it wasn't my fault. I didn't start it. It was Jona, he came onto me, and he was so drunk! I mean I was a bit drunk, but not drunk enough to not push him away.” He started, looking desperate. “I did try and push him away, I couldn't. He was holding my face. I couldn't mov-” I stood up quickly, causing Oli to stop talking. “No. Oli stop. I can’t do this, what I saw hurt me a lot. For all I know you could be lying to me. Jona sure looked happy about the whole thing. I just can’t deal with this right now, all my emotions are fucked. Don’t make this any worse. Just go, please.” And without saying another word, the brown eyed boy left.