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*Oli P.O.V*

I made my way down the winding hospital corridors, getting more and more wound up with every corner I turned. It had been two solid months. Two whole, long months. How could I be so ridiculous to believe that this ‘God’ would answer my prayers? He wouldn't even do it for the good of josh and the people that loved him (bar me). It appears ‘He’ was just as selfish as us humans.

I finally reached the hospital toilets; the smell of sick filled my nose instantly. The smell made me gag; ever since I was young even the slightest scent of sick made my stomach turn. I needed to take some time out; anybody can see that it isn't healthy sitting by someone’s bedside not knowing if they were going to make it.

I had told the doctors not to tell me what was happening to josh unless he woke up. I didn't want to hear anything bad. However, I read the clipboard at the end of Josh’s bed once and he had shown slight movements, but other than that; nothing.

It would probably be a good idea to go back to shower and change, seeing as I've been in this place for the past three days without leaving. I’d finished making my mind as a pushed the stall door open. The mirror showed how much I had let myself go. My fringe, which used to sit just above my eyebrows, now sweeps into my eyes, covering them completely. It appears that I had also lost some weight, my favourite jumper now hung from my arm when I lifted it. Yeah, I definitely needed to get back, get showered and just sort myself out before I slipped up myself.

The door swung silently behind me as I began to make my way to reception. I was half way there when a nurse walked briskly up to me, a huge smile planted on her face. “Follow me!” she said as she continued to beam. Could it be? No, don’t get your hopes up Oliver. But they promised they wouldn't call upon me unless he was awake. It was too late; I couldn't stop myself from running up the stairs and up the corridor. I began to pant as soon as I reached him room and pushed the door open slowly.

Sitting up in his bed, was Josh. Yes he looked weak and tired, but there was a very slight, faint red glow on his cheeks, indicating that he was most definitely alive and I wasn't hallucinating. I stumbled to the rigid white bed, not being able to hold off the smile that now sat on my face.

Josh, at this point had been talking to a doctor, not really taking in his surroundings, but as soon as his eyes landed on me, I saw happiness fill his eyes and a glowing smile so big it could have lit up the whole room.

But then he remembered. And the happy smile and eyes disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared.

And at that point, I thought my whole world crashed around me. A blank, cold expression was on his face and it was evident that he remembered why he had tried to end his life.

~~~

And that clearly wasn't it either. He had shrugged me off all day. Not once did he utter a single word to me. This was worse than waiting for him to wake up. It had been so long, and now that he’s back, he hates me.

It hurt even more when he would talk to anyone else but me. The doctors, Jaime, his dad. I just stayed in the corner, eyes trained on him. Sometimes he would look up and catch me staring at him, but all he would do was sigh and stare in another direction, clearly adamant with not looking at me.

And that was what was happening right now; before I knew it I stood up and strode to the edge of his bed. After being put through two months of absolute torture, I did not deserve this. I had already paid the hefty price of almost losing him.

“Look at me.” I demanded, not letting up my stance. The bastard continued to stare at the pot of fake, plastic flowers that sat on a self opposite the window. “JOSH.” I shouted, knowing I had definitely grabbed his attention this time.

“Look I don’t care how much you hate me right now; I know you do, a lot. But just hear me out.” I sighed before moving round to sit on the edge of his bed, earning a small annoyed glare as I did so. “I can’t take this anymore! It has been two months josh, TWO MONTHS. I have had to sit here and not know whether you were going to make it out of this alive. Do you know how hard that feels? Yeah tha-...” I trailed off slowly as I saw flickers of pain cross his eyes. Of course he knew, you put him through exactly the same thing Oliver. Dammit.

Josh cleared his throat as if to say ‘get on with it’, so I ploughed on with it nonetheless. “Every day has been torture, not being able to see those beautiful eyes, hear your amazing voice. I have so much explaining to do.” I gulped. “Too fucking right.” I heard Josh mumble under his breath, but it was loud enough for me to hear.

“Let’s get one thing straight first. What you saw at the party, that was not my fault. At all. Jona came onto me and I tried to push him away but he wouldn't let up. I didn't want it; I didn't even move my lips. I was seconds away from kicking him in the balls but you walked in. You should have seen the smirk on his face, he did it on purpose. I promise on my sister’s grave it’s the truth.” With that last sentence josh brought his head up to look at me. His mouth fell open only slightly, but I saw it. He believed me. He knew I wasn't lying.

“I didn't try to contact you, because I knew you wouldn't have believed me even if I tried. You can be a right stubborn fucker josh,” I mumbled which lead to a small snort from him. “I thought about you every day, I couldn't get you out of my head. I thought it was the end. I...I started cutting again...” I was surprised by what happened next. Josh gasped as he slowly pushed up my sleeve to reveal the long line of now healing cuts. “I’m sorry. I couldn't help it. Without you there is no me josh...” I whispered as a tear rolled down my left cheek.

“The day I found you... I got a really weird feeling in my stomach, I new instantly something was wrong. In fact that whole week I had been working up the courage to walk up to you front door and tell it to you straight. But that day... that day something drove me to the point where I couldn't stop thinking something bad was happening to you. I drove to your house and I, I found you, y-you on the f-floor.” At this point I had broken down into tears. It was all too much.

The warmth of someone else’s arms engulfed me and I was quick to realise that it was josh hugging me. I pulled him closer but was careful not to accidentally pull out any of the essential wires. It had been weeks since I had let my emotions out, and now they were all spilling like there was no tomorrow. It had been so long.

“I love you s-so much Josh, you don’t e-even realise, I need you.” I spluttered out into his chest, clinging onto his t-shirt as if it was the only thing keeping me from falling to pieces. “I can’t live without you, you are everything I have ever wanted and you save me. You keep me sane and you keep me smiling. I can’t imagine my life without you, please don’t take this away from me, please come back. Just please...” I broke off into hysteric sobs as josh rubbed my back, letting me empty all my sadness onto him.