Almost Said It

Every week I saw James less and less and it wasn't just hockey, it was her. I hated thinking about them together. He was spending more time with her then me and that scared me.

I had seen James with girlfriends over the years, even after I started having feelings for him at the young age of 16, but I've never seen him this wrapped up. This involved.

Except with me.

I shook the thoughts as the bell rang, and school was done for the day. I supervised and helped as kids threw their homework in their bags for the weekend, slipped on their coats, hats and mitts and found their parents. One by one they left and the week was done. I saw my phone light up on my desk as I say down and saw Gina's name on my phone, my best girlfriend.

We've been friends a couple years now, since James and I moved to Pittsburgh. She lived down the hall from me and we spent a night every couple of weekends with wine and a movie or dinner out, it was always nice. But today was her birthday and she had something more special planned.

So are you coming by tonight? It's going to be fun!

I had to admit, I wasn't in a party mood but another text came through, from Matt, a teammate and friend of Jay's. We had spent some time together when he had come to Pittsburgh from Dallas as well. I followed James everywhere.

How are you? I haven't seen much of you in a while and James hasn't been saying much

That's cause he's spending time with Shayna, but of course I didn't say that to him.

I'm good, working hard. How are you?

I'm good! Working hard too

And then a thought occurred to me. It might help me get my mind off things.

My friend is having a party, for her birthday, and I didn't want to go alone. James is probably busy with Shayna, so did you want to come along tonight?

It was a few minutes this time before an answer came through.

Why not? Seems like a fun time, and I could use some fun tonight. What time should I be there?

I texted him the details and the address and set my phone down and informed Gina I was coming, with a friend. It would be good to be social with other people other than James, and my best friend wants me there, so why not take the opportunity to get to know Matt? I always heard good things about him from James and when I did meet him, he seemed genuinely nice. It's not like its a date or anything, right?

It shouldn't bother James one bit.

I got home that night, finished up some work and searched through my closet for something to wear. I was in Roots sweats and a penguins hoodie, with my hair in a bun when I heard a loud and quick knock on my door.

I rushed over, the person getting impatient, when I saw James on the other side of the door, black pea coat, black scarf and jeans. His hair wind blown from the early February air.

"Uh hi?" I was confused to see him, especially since he hadn't called or texted first.

He took a breath, and played off whatever was bothering him, "What's up?"

"I'm going to Gina's party, I'm trying to get ready, are you--"

"You're going with Matt right?" As soon as the words left his mouth, I knew what this was about.

"You're worried aren't you?"

"No!" He played that off too and stepped inside as I shut the door behind him, "No, I just came to say hi, I was in the neighborhood"

I sighed, frustrated, "Jay, I'm no idiot, you know I know you better than that"

"Well it's true" he shrugged, keeping his back to me.

"Then yes, I invited Matt" I said matter of factly. I knew he was lying and I knew how I said it would piss him off.

"Since when are you guys friends?" He wouldn't sit down, he just wandered around the living room, pretending to look at pictures of us and my family.

"He texted me" I replied, "He was wondering how I was doing, I didn't want to go to this party alone so I asked him"

"You could have asked me" my stomach sank and I refused to reply to his comment and instead, asked him a question.

"How's Shayna?"

The question caught him off guard and his eyes landed on me, they stayed there for a minute and I felt vulnerable so I left the room and went to my own, searching through my closet again. I heard footsteps and then felt his eyes on me again. I turned around and he was leaning against the door frame, "I thought we were friends" he said.

"We are James"

I never called him James, not to his face, not for a long time.

He looked down at the floor, "You never call me James"

I sighed, "This is ridiculous. Why did you really come here?"

"I didn't understand why you were going with him of all people"

"Why? Because it wasn't you?" It came out bitter, and he was taken aback.

"Maybe" he finally answered.

"Well you have a girlfriend and we're not together anymore, so I can spend time with who I want without your permission"

There was a minute long silence.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"It's fine. I need to get ready though, so you can hang around if you want"

"I'm meeting Shayna"

I turned around into my closet again, "That's awesome! Wonderful, well go have fun then, enjoy your time with her. I'm sure she's already in love with you" I felt my heart sink as the final words came out, bitter and sarcastic, but I didn't turn around to see his reaction, but he never said anything and left the apartment.

As the door shut, I dropped the clothes and fell on my bed, trying to figure out if there was any possible way that I could get over him.

Right now, I was unbelievably and hopelessly in love with my best friend and he was falling for someone else.