A Will to Survive

Lacy had returned to the roof after grabbing a bite to eat. It had seemed like she hadn't eaten in days though she was certain she had. It was oddly still on the roof, after her strange chat up there with Daryl she spent a long while sitting perfectly still just thinking about what his actions and words meant. It was so hard to tell with Daryl, such a large part of him was so entirely unspoken. He was always there, you could feel his presences but he was so very far away at the same time. Lacy was beginning to realize that she was a gluten for his riddles, trying to understand him was addictive. She was finally reentering the building momentarily blinded by the drastic change in light when she was immediately grabbed by Daryl.

“Fuck! What??” Lacy asked leaning away out of surprise as both her biceps were tightly grasped with in Daryl’s strong and coarse hands. He immediately let go and stepped back giving her space after he spooked her. He had only grabbed her to keep her from walking directly into him since clearly she hadn’t seen him. Daryl was running on high adrenaline and couldn’t bother to stop long enough to explain that to Lacy or even greet her.

“Sorry, Shit hit the fan.” Daryl made a roundabout gesture at eye height his deep and gruff voice sounding lower than usual as he paced rapidly in front of her, his feet moving as fast as his mind.

“What is it now?” Lacy asked as Daryl continued to move furiously from one side of the hall to the other. She couldn’t understand how things could be possibly have gotten any worse in the few hours since she talked to Rick. Lacy bit down on the bitter feeling that rose inside her, reminding herself she was lucky to be with these people no matter what hardships they faced. Part of her mind was yelling i told you so. The second she had joined this group she had known they would fall, just like every other group. Lacy tried to meet Daryl’s eyes, resigned to his bad news, but he was jostling about so much she couldn’t keep track of where to look. Daryl rubbed the back of his head with one hand words didn’t ever come easily to him. He spent another long few moments trying to grasp his rattling thoughts.

“Karen and David, They’re dead. Tyreese freaked, Rick kicked his ass. It’s a mess.” Daryl swung his arm loosely at the last part of his statement like he often did when he spoke with passion. He hadn’t managed to get out anything more than the plain facts of what had happened.

“Wait back up, Karen and David, when did they die? Did they turn?” Lacy was trying to get a grasp on the situation Daryl had thrown it all at her too quickly. His simplicity was effective but it didn’t give her much to work with. If Karen and David had died then maybe Rick was right, maybe you really couldn’t get better from this. Once you had it you were done. At least without the kind of care you might have had once upon a suburb.

“Nah, they didn’t get the chance, someone burned em.” Daryl’s words instantly shattered Lacy's train of thought. His shoulders sagged and he leaned against the wall behind him. He rested a foot on the wall looking at lacy from under the shadow of his unkempt hair. Lacy was silent for a long moment rolling around his words in her head. There was a piece of her that knew what happened to them was wrong but another more dominant piece wasn’t surprised at all. She was jarred by her own lack of humanity. Daryl watched her for a response wanting to gauge his own against hers. He often found himself looking to others for a reaction before feeling safe in his own.

“Aw man.” Lacy hadn’t thought that anyone in this group was capable of something like that. She didn’t think she was even capable of it herself though she wasn’t sufficiently uncomfortable with it. She had no idea how the group would handle somebody who operated completely on their own in that way. What do you do with somebody like that? There were no courts, hell there were no laws, just vague outlines of rules that never lasted.

“Do we know why?” Lacy asked looking back at Daryl again.

“Nah, I think it was ta stop the spread. Didn’t work though, Sasha’s sick, some others too.” Lacy shook her head and sighed. Going back to a later part of Daryl’s avalanche.

“Tyreese, he freaked over Karen, what happened with Rick?”

“Tyreese was hurtin’ he was real pissed, Think he wanted ta be hit. Started a fight with Rick and got his ass whooped.”

“Is he okay?” Lacy knew very little about Rick’s background except that he was a cop once and his wife had died giving birth to Judith. He was also the one person that truly scared Lacy, she desired his affection in the way that one would desire a father’s affection but at the same time there was something in his eyes a spark. It was one she had and one Daryl had. It was a spark of someone who would do whatever it took, who would kill to protect themselves or the lives they valued. His spark though was one that had caught, a flame that was building, something much more than both her and Daryl. Whatever had begun wasn’t stopping. Ricks fire, though brilliant, would be unpredictable. That scared Lacy more than she could say.

“Dunno.” Daryl’s eyes burned into Lacy in the dark hallway as if he knew exactly where her mind had gone. Daryl saw Ricks fire, he saw the moment it first was lit. There was a heavy silence around them. Daryl wrinkled his nose.

“What should we do?” Lacy asked quietly. Daryl looked troubled he tucked his hands into his armpits.

“I can’t get that smell outta ma head.” He didn’t meet her eyes anymore keeping his nose wrinkled and his eyebrows pulled down. Lacy realized now that Daryl was reaching out to her. He may have been looking for help in this situation but he was looking for something else too. Daryl didn’t want to be in charge. Rick had run off and things still needed to be handled. Lacy stepped forward closing the space between her and Daryl. She did the only thing she could think of, a form of meditation.

“Stop thinking about what happened and take a deep breath. What does it smell like in here right now?”

“I dunno.” Daryl mumbled.

“Did you even try?” Lacy asked impatiently. Daryl sighed and took a deep breath.

“Smells like mold and rocks.” Lacy chuckled a little. He hadn’t brought his eyes up yet Lacy waited studying him closely in their seemingly intimate hallway.

“Good stop thinking about everything around you and try and remember a smell this time. Did you ever wear cologne?” Daryl looked embarrassed fidgeting at the personal inquiry unsure of where this was going.

“Sometimes.” He mumbled again.

“Think about what that smelt like. You don’t have to tell me just try and remember.” Daryl’s face softened a little. His lips twitched towards a smile.

“Smelled pretty awful actually.”

“Well then you’re hopeless.” Lacy threw her hands up in defeat. Daryl stood tall again seeming to regain his composure slightly. He looked at the woman before him with a strange pride. She was smart, she wasn’t to be toyed with. She was something worth having. Daryl caught himself feeling possessive again and decided to move on to a new thought completely.

“I was thinkin’ we need to set up a guard for the sick folk.” Daryl sounded unsure of himself the statement somewhere between a question and an order.

“That’s a good idea.” Lacy nodded encouragingly.

“I’m supposed to be goin’ out on a med’s run with some people soon. Thought you might like to get outta here for a bit.” Daryl was itching to get out of the prison but didn’t even want to consider leaving Lacy behind. Luckily Lacy was thrilled at the idea of leaving the prison with Daryl.

“I’ll go but first let’s sort things out here. I wouldn’t be comfortable going with everything all out of order just waiting for us to get back.” Daryl nodded but didn’t say anything further he began walking back towards the cell blocks. Lacy hung back a bit taking a moment to drink in Daryl’s features. The vulnerability he had showed her a moment ago had sent her heart in to flutters. It was hard to believe that Daryl ever opened up to anybody more shocking was the idea that he would chose her to confide in. Lacy reminded herself that Rick had been otherwise occupied. She was obviously a second choice but a smile crept onto her face none the less. She was beginning to really feel a tie to the group through Daryl. She thought for a moment that maybe getting closer to some of the other people in the prison might not be so bad after all. She trailed her eyes over Daryl’s strong shoulders as he led the way. His sleeveless button up hung loosely around his small waist. Lacy felt a strange desire hit her hard in the gut she immediately scolded herself focusing on the echo of their shows in the hall as a distraction. They walked for a while longer until the familiar metal bars of block c came into view. A thought came to Lacy as she reached the entrance where Daryl waited holding open the door.

“Thanks” She said walking a little faster than comfortable to save Daryl from waiting for her.

“Hey, I’m just going to go say goodbye to Beth while you set up that guard. Come get me if you need help.” Daryl felt bad for Beth who was cooped up with all the rug rats so he accepted the task on his own and gave Lacy a nod goodbye.

Lacy knocked on the large wooden door below a golden plate that read Wardens office.

“Hello?” A soft familiar voice called from behind the heavy door. Lacy didn’t try the handle she knew it was locked. She looked at the handle for a long while though wishing that she could will it open. She hadn’t seen Beth in what felt like an incredible amount of time.

“It’s me.” Lacy replied leaning her head against the cold door.

“Lacy?” Beth asked unsure.

“Yeah” Lacy replied. She slowly traced the patterns of the wood with her finger tips while she thought.

“I’m going to be going out on a run so I just wanted to come say goodbye and let you know I won’t be visiting for a little bit.”

“How long do we have right now?” Beth asked after a moment.

“I don’t know, a little bit.” Lacy waited the conversation was turning out to be harder than she thought.

“How are the kids?” Lacy asked after the pause began to feel unbearable.

“They are mad that Carl’s not in here with them. They also are getting more scarred every day. I’m reading to them though and singing for them. I think it’s helping.” Lacy smiled to herself at the thought of Beth singing.

“I’ve never heard you sing.”

“You will.” Beth replied in a peculiar tone. Lacy wondered what songs Beth had listened too before.

“Where are you going to go on the run?” Beth asked now.

“I don’t know actually. Daryl asked me to go with him on a meds run. I didn’t really ask any questions I just said yes.”

“That sounds about right.” Beth said with humor in her voice.

“What’s that supposed to mean” Lacy asked with mock-rage.

“Lacy, I know you think you have feelings for me or did or whatever but you act different around Daryl then you do with anyone else. You talk so much more, you actually look relaxed. I don’t think you even know it’s happening but I see it all the time. So I guess I’m just not surprised that you didn’t ask questions.” Lacy wasn’t sure how to respond to Beth. Then she decided to take a chance. Maybe if she said it out loud it would feel real.

“I…. Really think I need him sometimes... He’s just… different.”

“I’m glad you’re finally realizing it now. You can’t take things for granted anymore. You’ll lose them to quick.” Lacy knew Beth was right she turned and lowered herself with her back to the door leaning her head back. Neither of them said anything for a while.

“Beth?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you sing to me please?” Beth’s voice was soft and muffled by the door but it chimed in a soprano that made Lacy think of the fields outside. Lacy closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the sound of Beth’s voice. Lacy felt like she was inside a snow globe. She was surrounded by a glittery delightful snippet of a story fabricated by Beth’s voice and as her voice faded out Lacy felt a sudden sense of loss. She was relieved when Beth sang a second song without being prompted. By the end of the second song Daryl had come looking for Lacy. As Daryl approached he saw Lacy sitting against the door with her eyes closed and heard the soft musical sounds from the other side of the door he didn’t want to sneak up on them it just felt weird so he cleared his throat quickly. Lacy shot up to her feet quickly her eyes wide. Lacy and Daryl locked eyes and she knew without him having to speak that it was time to get ready to go out.

“Ah, Beth?”

“Yeah, Lace?”

“I got to go now. I’ll be back soon okay? I’ll come and tell you about the trip.”

“Okay… be safe.” Beth’s footsteps faded away from the door and Lacey waited a moment longer before lifting her head again and looking at Daryl who waited patiently and quietly by her side.

“You okay?” Daryl’s southern rasp always surprised Lacy just a little. It seemed impossible for that deep of a voice to come out of his body and yet she couldn’t picture him with anything else.

“Yea- yes. Im good.” Lacy pushed the heaviness in her heart away and squared her shoulders.

“Then it’s time ta go.” Daryl stated.

Lacy grabbed another bag to load into the car and almost walked into Bob who looked a little out of place.

“Are you sure you need me to come with you?” Bob asked nervously looking back at the prison both hands tucked into the straps on his back pack.

“How do you pronounce this?” Daryl asked pointing to a piece of paper he held in his hand. Bob responded with the name of a medicine Lacy had never heard of.

“Yup, we need ya.” Daryl said slapping a hand on Bobs shoulder before continuing his preparations. Daryl was beginning to feel excited about the chance to leave the prison. He had the desire to stretch his legs more and more in the last few days. They were just about ready to head out. Tyreese was coming along with them though his eye was badly swollen and his mood was still very unreliable. Daryl and Lacy had agreed it was better to bring him along. Leaving him behind would only make them both more nervous about the situation at the prison. It had taken some convincing to get him to leave Sasha but they had explained to him the importance of getting the medicine. With a mission to focus on Tyreese seemed to be handling himself a little better. The group began to pile into their car as Daryl pulled his bike to the front. Lacy was about to get into the van when she heard Daryl’s now familiar three note whistle. She looked over her shoulder and saw him motion for her to come over.

“Yeah?” Lacy asked walking over slowly. Daryl’s eyes wandered over her for a moment before nodding to her to get on the back of his bike. Lacy paused for a moment caught off guard. No one ever rode on his bike with him at least not since she had been there. Lacy looked over the black motorcycle timidly. It was the kind of bike bad boys drove in movies. A thrill and wave of honor crashed over her as she climbed onto the motorcycle unsure of what to do with her hands.

“Better hold on, Red.” Daryl’s southern growl reached her ears over the roar of the engine. She managed to get a grip around his waist just before he sped forward towards the gate. Lacy could feel Daryl’s muscles through his shirt and had to focus on balancing to keep her mind from wandering. It was exhilarating feeling the Georgia air whip through her hair. The car followed them out of the gates and onto the road. Lacy was feeling a little worn out every bump the bike hit made her muscles ache. Ultimately though she was much happier on the bike then stuffed into a small car forced to share all her air with three other people who hadn’t showered frequently in quite some time. She knew it would be a long while before they reached the college. Lacy adjusted her grip so that her muscles wouldn’t grow tired as quickly and accidently brushed her hand against Daryl’s thigh. She felt his muscles tense under her arms. Lacy was mortified. If she didn’t need to hold on to him to stay on the bike she would have let go immediately instead she just hid her face in his shoulder.
Daryl wasn’t sure why he had asked Lacy to ride with him. He had wanted company it seemed. He enjoyed how warm she felt against his back as they drove down the back roads. He never much enjoyed being in a stuffy car himself and after learning about Lacy’s claustrophobia he hadn’t wanted to put her in any situation that might trigger it. Daryl wore a pair of scratched up sunglasses he had found in a wardens office to try and block some of the sun so he could see well enough to drive. Lacy’s face was still tucked against his shoulder he wanted to look back at her but was too busy driving to do so. After a couple of hours driving along in silence Lacy tapped his shoulder.

“CAN WE MAKE A PIT STOP?” She had to yell to be heard over the loud roar of the engine. Lacy was embarrassed that she had to ask to use the bathroom but every tiny pebble under the tire of Daryl’s bike made her bladder feel like it was going to burst. . Daryl slowly pulled off to the side of the road quickly followed by the others in the car. Michone got out first.

“What’s going on?” She asked one hand on her katanna. Lacy was quickly making her way off into the edge of the woods.

“Had ta make a stop at the little gingers room.” Daryl answered.

“Very funny.” Lacy yelled from just out of sight. Michone chuckled.

“I’d be careful; She’ll kick your ass Dixon.” Lacy reemerged where the group was, clearing a tickle in her throat

“Yuck, I think I swallowed a bug.” Lacy stuck her tongue out with distaste.

“Well don’t breathe with your mouth dipshit.” Daryl teased climbing back onto his bike.

Lacy climbed on behind him. Once the bike starting moving again Lacy began to feel adventurous maybe it was just adrenaline but she decided to be bold while she had Daryl cornered. She lowered her arms down and rested her clasped hands just above Daryl’s belt buckle. The wind made by the bike when it was moving at a high speed like it was tousled the fabric of Daryl’s shirt, every so often Lacy could feel the warm skin of Daryl’s stomach brush against her hands causing a shiver to shoot down her spine. Lacy rested her lips and nose against Daryl’s shoulder blade closing her eyes and letting the air rush all around her. She had never been on a motorcycle before today but it seemed to her that nothing could have been more pleasurable.

She understood now why Daryl loved his bike so much. As far as she was concerned the bike ride could have gone on forever but after another couple hours the bike began to slow. Lacy looked up now from Daryl’s back seeing a large official looking building in front of her. As she began to climb off the bike the world seemed to tilt sideways. She stumbled and caught her foot on the seat of the bike she barely got it underneath her quick enough to save from falling on her face. She took a moment to regain her bearings while the others continued getting out of their respective seats.

They had all been too busy looking around them for signs of walkers or danger to notice her momentary lapse in grace much to her relief. There was the expected litter and rubbles about them at the entrance driveway, only a few feet ahead of where they parked was a body laying on the sidewalk of the campus. It was just the upper half of a walker who had a knife still lodged in its bald rotting head.

“Thats one ugly tree hugger.” Daryl remarked as he walked up and placed his toe on its forehead removing the knife from its temple with a suction noise. Lacy felt warmer than usual whipping her hand against her forehead to remove the sweat that threatened to fall into her eyes. They entered through a door that wasn’t locked with their weapons ready. Daryl was at the head of the group with a flashlight peering into every corner for lurkers.

It was difficult to keep their steps silent as they walked on broken glass from the fluorescent lights that used to illuminate the halls. Michone was to Lacy's right her eyes where sharp Lacy could tell. She seemed to be looking everywhere at once. They managed to find their way to the rooms they were looking for without much incident only killing a few walkers that had been trapped in class rooms along the way. They group spread out filling their bags to the brim with as many medical supplies as they could find. As much as they could find was still not enough, there was never enough of anything anymore. When the group was finished searching the rooms that might contain something helpful it was late day.

The group rounded a corner into a room as they made their way out and stumbled onto a sizable group of walkers. Their feet skidded at the speed of their halt, quickly they spotted a door that read exit and made their way towards it keeping their weapons ready in case a walker got too close for comfort. They refrained from shooting until completely necessary afraid the noise would only worsen their situation. Everyone was breathing heavy as their senses went on high alert. Lacy felt again, a slight dizziness and weakness of muscle that she had first experienced when they arrived. Emerging down the stairwell they encountered another group of corpses that had been lurking in the building. This time with no choice but to push through Daryl and Lacy took a moment to take down the three closest to them with their knives. The group moved as quickly and quietly as they could trying to create as much distance as possible without knowing where they were headed. They needed to find an exit and quick before someone was walker food.

Michone hastily called attention to an exit sign over a door but that hope was lost quickly when walkers could easily be seen through the small glass window. There movements upstairs must have drawn all these rot bags up here to ambush them like this. Daryl counted the heads that bobbed up and down beside him as they jogged making sure everyone was still accounted for.

“There's no way out!” Bob said almost in a panic as they reached the end of the hall with walkers close behind, the smell of their rotting flesh and the sound of their moans was enough to make the hairs on Lacy’s neck stand up.

“Then we make one.” Daryl growled as he picked up a chair that had been displaced from its home in a classroom at some point. He threw it through the glass of a large window just over their heads. Lacy immediately recognized how smart that idea was. They could all climb out easy enough but the walkers couldn’t.

Daryl placed his cross bow up on the ledge outside the window and hoisted himself up choosing to stand at the side of the opening and offer his hand to Michone as she got ready to follow him. Once he had pulled her out of the hall he helped Lacy get out. Tyreese was next and then Bob. When Daryl pulled Bob up onto the ledge he was almost grabbed by the walkers who had finally managed to catch up with them. Daryl pulled Bob up with so much force it caused him to stumble forward and though his backpack over the edge of the building. He was lying on his stomach holding one strap of the bag with one hand while walkers pulled at it from below. There was a whole swarm of them below. They threatened to pull Bob over the edge. Lacy’s reflexes felt blurred and slowed she wanted to act but was beat to it by Daryl and Michone who held onto Bobs legs to keep him on the ledge.

“Just let go of it, it’s not worth it.” Daryl yelled over the mass of moans and grumbles.

“No. I can’t.” Bob shouted back. He fought hard to free his bag when he finally pulled it free the strength of his final tug sent it flying back onto the roof with a crash. Everyone was silent and Bob was panting. Daryl stepped forward picking up the bag to see what had made the noise. He pulled an almost full bottle of scotch from within the bag and his knuckles began to turn white from the pressure he held the bottle with. Lacy wondered briefly who’s last drink that had been. Tyreese's face was so badly injured it was hard to gauge his reaction but Michone couldn’t look at Bob anymore. Lacy felt her knees shake slightly and coughed into her elbow.

“There aint no meds in you’r bag.” Daryl spit with disgust. He went to throw the bottle from the roof but Bob who was now standing put a hand on his gun. A flash of raw anger burst into Daryl’s eyes and he stepped towards Bob taking his gun away from him and shoving his face directly into Bobs.

“You take one sip before these meds get to our people and I’ll beat you into the ground.” With that comment Daryl shoved the bottle into Bobs chest but kept his gun as Bob whimpered softly almost to himself.

“I didn’t mean to hurt nobody, It was just for when it gets quiet.” In the time that the group had spent stationary Lacy had begun to feel increasingly worse she blinked rapidly and felt a labor to her breath.

“Lacy are you okay?” Michone asked.

“Im fin-“ Lacy began to answer but she was interrupted by a series of thick flemy sounding coughs. She saw how Michone and Tyreese quickly took a step back from her as they sized up her appearance. Daryl looked over to Lacy now observing her with critical eyes. Her skin looked gray and her eyes were glossy she looked like Sasha had looked earlier that day. Daryl felt a rock in his gut. He looked around him again seeing the hands reaching at them from two sides. This had all gone downhill very quickly. Now the priority was to get Lacy back to the prison as quickly as possible. Daryl sighed heavily and let his hair fall over his face.

“Alright, alright we gotta get outta here quick. Lace. Stay close to me.” Lacy met his eyes with as much determination as she could muster telling herself not to panic yet. Not until they were back and everyone was safe. There wasn’t time to be sick right now, there were people counting on her to carry her own weight. The group looked out over their options and collectively sighed. There was a good chance they wouldn’t all make it back alive.