A Will to Survive

Daryl and Lacy stepped outside of the prison walls side by side to face a dark gray sky. Lacy had expected sunshine and heat like she knew Georgia always was but this air tasted so much sweeter. They moisture in the air was thick and the breeze smelled of rain. A smile cut across her face and a weight that had seemed so unbearable lifted away into the swirling gray sky. Daryl looked around uncomfortably before looking back to the door.

“C’mon, it’s gonna rain.” His southern growl was almost lost behind the booming ripples of thunder that crashed through the air. Lacy’s smile widened as she looked back to her savior. Lacy's mind was stumbling to keep up with her sudden alertness. Again she wanted to run for miles just like the day she had kissed Beth. She was reeling with pent up energy from her inward retreat. She knew she was becoming lost to her bipolar swings, she knew that being sick and being trapped had sent her so far into her own personal hell that she hadn’t thought she could come back but she wasn’t done fighting.

“No let’s stay.” Daryl saw Lacy’s eyes gleaming brightly through her pale and tired features as a flash of lightening tore through the darkness and cast entrancing shadows across her full lips.

“You’re already sick...” He began while motioning to the door before Lacy cut him off.

“Exactly. I’m already sick so let’s enjoy the rain.” Daryl looked at her defeated. He didn’t want to see the others right now his outrage and contempt hadn’t dispersed yet. He looked at the still bloody gashes on Lacy’s face and arms and he felt his gut lurch. He didn’t blame them, all the anger and resentment he felt towards them was misplaced and he knew it. He blamed himself. He should have known immediately that letting her be locked in there wasn’t the right thing to do. He hadn’t told them that she was claustrophobic. He still hadn’t told them, but he knew and leaving her there was on him. Large raindrops began sprinkling down on them. Each drop cold on Lacy's feverish skin felt like tiny pin pricks reawakening her. She felt like herself and every drop of rain made her feel brand new. She lifted her face to the rain and closed her eyes. Daryl wiped the wetness of his arm and shifted his weight looking around him. He didn’t know what to look at or what to say. When he lifted his head he saw Lacy looking at him. She stepped closer and laid a hand on his bicep.

“Just close your eyes.”

“What?” he shot back defensively with a slight flinch. His body screamed for him to run away but he didn’t want to break the contact she was making.

“Shh. Stop thinking so much. Just close your eyes and feel the rain. Feel each drop and let it wash you away, the way it washes away the earth.” Daryl looked at Lacy skeptically. She smiled reassuringly and with her hand still on his arm she turned her face upward again and closed her eyes. He watched as she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. A rain drop landed on her forehead and trickled down along her nose to her chin. He followed it with his eyes and saw how her freckles looked so much darker in this light. Daryl sighed and followed her example closing his eyes and tilting his head back. He felt ridiculous but as each raindrop landed he began focusing on the sensation and he started to understand. The two of them stood there letting go of all that they carried the pain they shared. When Daryl opened his eyes he saw Lacy’s eyes on him.

“What?” He asked quietly.

“You’re beautiful Daryl Dixon.” Daryl snorted and crossed his arms over his chest breaking her grip on him.

“I aint nothin’ sure as hell aint no pretty boy.” Lacy tucked some of her wild red hair behind her ear and shook her head in amusement.

“I didn’t say you were pretty. I said you are beautiful. Your soul. I can see it in your eyes when you smile. I can see it in your hands when you’re working. I can see it in you all the time.” Lacy looked down bashfully before continuing.

“I’m sorry; I know you might not understand what I’m trying to say. I don’t know if I understand what I’m trying to say. I believe in auras and souls I’ve always been good at reading people and I’m rarely wrong but you have such a powerful guard up, I didn’t see it at first. There is something about you. The real you. It’s just… “Lacy trailed off looking for the right word. So many came to mind, breathe taking, beautiful, brilliant. She finally settled on a word

“..Eminent.” Daryl studied her as she spoke feeling the heat from her body standing so close to his. He felt a shiver as a rain drop hit his neck. Daryl was silent for a long moment before attempting to say what he had been thinking about for the last 24 hours.

“Im sorry bout what ya been through. I know what it’s like…” Daryl looked troubled as he tried to open up to Lacy and she didn’t want to push him so she waited patiently for him to find the words he was looking for. After a long moment he turned away from her. He moved quickly and aggressively as if he was throwing himself into it. He reached over his head and grabbed his shirt hiking it up over his head. Lacy's gasped quietly and lifted her hand to her mouth as her eyes roamed over his scared and mutilated back. Suddenly it all made sense. His closed off nature, the way he shied from her touch a moment ago but most of all why he hadn’t turned away from her after reading her journal. He quickly pulled his shirt back into place and tucked his hands into his arm pits standing in front of her he felt naked. He didn’t show his back to anyone. He worked to keep it a secret from the group. Herschel was one of the few who knew about it. He had patched Daryl up back at his farm and had learned about it back then. Daryl wasn’t a fool he knew part of the reason he felt so close to Herschel was that level of confidentiality. Herschel knew and regardless of it he cared for Daryl. He understood. It was something Daryl didn’t experience often. Lacy was like him. He had given her this piece of himself to try and make up for taking away her choice when it came to opening up to him. He had decided for her and that was something he knew he wouldn’t have taken kindly to. He didn’t regret it but he felt a strange type of guilt over it. Lacy's heart was in her throat as she stepped closer to him again. She ignored his tense shoulders and pulled his arms away from his chest with little resistance. She laid her head on his chest and leaned into him. She took in his scent and his warmth trying to commit them to memory. Slowly he raised his arms and laid them gently on her shoulders. Lacy looked up at him and saw he was gazing down towards her too.
“I know you were there. I didn’t know that I knew until now. You were there with me, in that room. Thank you.” Lacy was having trouble making logical sentences.

“What are you?” He asked softly with mixed emotion in his voice. He looked at her as though she wasn’t real. This moment didn’t seem possible.

“I’m just red” Lacy whispered back. Before she could think about it she stood on her toes and pressed her lips into Daryl’s. The kiss was hard and short and full of thunder. She felt like the storm inside her was whirling out of her a tornado of pain and regrets. She had been waiting her whole life, waiting for something that she couldn’t find and then as her lips hit Daryl’s she thought for a moment maybe she was done waiting. Maybe now she could really live. When she pulled away from Daryl he had grown rigid and his eyes were wide. He stayed perfectly still and said nothing. Lacy’s heart raced and she worried that she had done something wrong again. Then as she was readying to apologize he leaned into her again his warm lips crashing over hers as more lightening shot across the sky. It was raining much more heavily now. Both of them were soaked through. His scruff was like sandpaper against her skin but she didn’t care. His strength made her feel strong again. Their lips moved together for a long sweet moment. As the kiss ended Lacy gazed up in disbelief.

"Thought I was gonna lose ya." Daryl mumbled embarrassed and hesitant. Lacy felt words coming to her lips before she had time to think them. Words that weren't her own but felt true.

"I can’t die. So many things have tried, my father, the walkers, hunger, and sickness. I couldn't even kill myself. I tried more times than I care to admit and I know now that I can’t die even if I wanted to."

A noise to their left drew them apart immediately. They both jumped a foot away and looked quickly towards the now open prison door. Maggie stood their mouth a gap. She seemed more surprised than even they were at what she had just witnessed.

“Ah, sorry, wrong door.” She mumbled before closing the door with a thud. Daryl covered his face with his dirty hands and pushed his long hair back. He shook it forcefully sending water in all directions and then he darted back into the prison leaving Lacy to stand alone.