A Will to Survive

Rick sat by the light of a candle gentle cradling a deeply sleeping Judith. His eyes were far away though he was still very much aware of his surroundings. Rick had many instances where he questioned his own sanity. The other knew about it but they all had collectively decided to ride out the waves and let Rick be. Daryl made more noise walking then he normally would to alert Rick of his approach rather than risk startling him. They exchanged a nod as Daryl leaned against the cell doorway rubbing a hand over his chin roughly. Daryl had made it his personal mission to take as much of the weight off of ricks shoulders as he could starting back when Dale had been bit on Hershel’s farm. He saw Rick before him and it was a fractured piece of the Rick he had met. He knew Rick better than he had ever known anyone and regardless of the fact that in his former life Daryl would have hated Rick he loved him now just the same. Rick was his brother now and his best friend.

“How was watch?” Rick asked expectantly. His voice was much softer than Daryl had anticipated.

“Eventful” Daryl couldn't help but answer bluntly. He had told Rick he would report back after watch but he had originally intended to sleep first. Now his mind was going a million miles a minute and hed never get any rest until he talked to Rick.

“Everyone alright?” Ricks face held some concern though he already knew by Daryl’s lain back demeanor that there was no immediate danger. That didn’t however rule out casualties. Daryl was good at being the bad news barer in a way because his calmness kept things stable.

“Yeah, we got Red ta thank fer that” The words hung in the air for a few moments. Rick mulled the statement over before saying with a cocked eyebrow.

“So I take it you like her now?” Daryl nibbled on his lip a moment fidgeting as he tried to form his thoughts into words. What the hell do you even say about someone like Lacy.

“She’s a stubborn ass who needs ta learn ta keep her smart mouth shut……. but she’s a good fucking shot. She never misses. The way she handled tonight. She risked her life for the group she… saved my life”. Rick watched Daryl’s face as he remembered the night he had.

“Stubborn? She sounds like somebody else we know huh?” Rick mocked Daryl before continuing.

“What happened out there? You still haven’t told me”. Daryl ignored Ricks comment about stubbornness. There had been many times before now that they had butted heads. Rick more than anyone knew how stubborn Daryl was.

“A part of the fence that we fixed earlier caved in again”. Daryl sighed and crossed his arms before telling the shortest story he could.

“We had ta put 2 a the beams back up but the fence was gettin’ folded down. Lacy ran and threw her body weight inta the fence ta bend it back. She nearly got herself eaten. Then after we’d gotten one a the beams back up I was taking out some of the geeks. One a the fuckers was stuck in the barbed wire at the top and fell on me. She shot a half a inch away from my head from 25 yards back and hit the bastard right between the eyes, saved my life. Fuckin’ incredible. I dunno I just thought she’d run away. She’s been alone for so long I didn't know how she would be in a life er death situation”. There was a small smile on Ricks face as he listened to Daryl's opinion of Lacy. Daryl had imagined Lacy to be a bunny rabbit scurrying about in the woods. He had been wrong about that. She was no coward. The twinkle in Ricks eyes said he knew more about what had happened then Daryl had said, he was picking up on Daryl’s fondness and he was amused by it.

“Beth and Carol have both approached me to give me their okay on Lacy today” Rick watched Daryl knowingly.

“I guess I am too then.” Daryl said this with a resigned warmness he wasn't comfortable with. Rick nodded before asking.

“Is she a good person, not just a good fighter but a good person?”Rick leaned forward now switching Judith to his other arm as if she were as delicate as a flower. Daryl remembered the spite and fire when Lacy called him a redneck ass earlier. His ears were hot with irritation for a moment. She had been cruel in that instant but it was his problem and he wasn't about to blubber to Rick that she had hurt his feelings. Then he remembered her face when she had talked to Carol. He remembered how she smiled at him in the moonlight and laughed at things he hadn’t even realized were jokes. Lacy had the presence of life they all needed to regain. She had such a strong spirit.

“She’s a piece a work” Daryl said with a heavy breath.

“She pisses me off but I just can’t say anythin’ bad ‘bout her.” That was as apt a description as Daryl had. Rick audibly chuckled this time. Any time a laugh came from Rick so much was left unsaid with it. Ricks rare laughs were highly valued around the Prison and Daryl was proud he had gotten a chuckle even if he hadn't done it intentionally it seemed all his jokes were unintentional.

“I have a request Daryl” Rick shifted Judith to his other arm again as he stood up to look Daryl in the eyes.

“Anythin’” Daryl answered faithfully.

“Take her under your wing” Daryl’s eyes darkened. He hadn't expected Rick to ask him to do something like that. Daryl much preferred to work alone, as often as possible.

“Why me?” Daryl asked harshly looking directly into Ricks tired eyes.

“She is a survivor, there is no doubt she can keep herself alive. She just needs to be guided. You have come a long way since I met you Daryl and there is a long way she is going to need to go. You can help her”. Daryl sighed and waved Rick off with the back of his hand.

“I’ll take her huntin’ later today” That was enough of an answer for Rick to understand Daryl would do his best. Rick clapped a hand on Daryl’s shoulder and leaned to touch foreheads with him. Rick had really grown to need Daryl these last few months as he struggled with keeping himself together. It seemed every time he turned around Daryl was there but when he needed space he was a ghost. Rick truly trusted Daryl and trust was so hard to come by these days. Thank you would never be enough.

Daryl paced his cell. Now that he was away from Rick he could let down his calm facade. He had been happy or maybe just interested when Rick had asked him to help Lacy and that had scared him. Daryl didn't know how to deal with the knowledge that she was already under his skin. He took a swing at the cement wall before pacing around some more. Daryl itched at the hair on his chin before taking a deep breath and pushing her from his mind completely. There wasn't a problem if he didn't think about it. There was nothing to think about he repeated over and over again. Nothing at all. He laid down on his cot to try and get at least a few hours of sleep though he knew that sleep and rest were not the same.

A soft hand woke Daryl from his dreams. He shot out of bed his chest heaving. He was on his feet arms up and ready in merely seconds. Carol smiled stepping towards Daryl completely unthreatened by Daryl’s defensive actions.

“You overslept, I saved you some breakfast” Carol gestured to the bowl of food she had left on his small bedside table. Daryl rubbed the sleep from his eyes and slowly sat on the edge of his cot regaining control of the situation and the shake in his hands. Carol hadn't moved yet, she just looked at Daryl with a small smile. She seemed tired she probably hadn’t slept since her guard shift ended. She never seemed to sleep, she was always finding something more important to do.

“Thanks old lady.” Daryl teased Carol gently. She let out her charming little chuckle.

“You’re welcome Rambo, thanks for not killing me.” Daryl rubbed the back of his neck letting his head hang loose to stretch his tight neck muscles. He kneaded the protruding muscles with his fingers hoping to relieve some of his chronic neck pain.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Ya startled me”. Carol nodded but she knew he was keeping something from her. She had known for some time now that he had nightmares about his brother. She had seen it in him since the day he had comeback. He hadn't said much about Merle. He didn't need to. They all knew that he had died trying to end the war they had found themselves in. She knew Daryl had found and killed his brother after Merle had turned. His eyes were haunted every morning when he woke up and he hadn't been sleeping for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. Carol sat down next to him on his cot gently laying a hand on his stiff shoulders. His silence was part of his strength, He hadn’t complained about anything in the months after the governor’s last attack though it was obvious at least to Carol that part of him was suffering.

“Don’t be sorry”. Carol spoke softly.

“Don’t ever be sorry”. She didn't elaborate. She put a finger under his strong chin and made him left his face.

“Daryl you can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders”. She left his cell now to give him some space momentarily blocking the light that came through the bars as she passed. Her shadow passed over Daryl giving him a chill. He picked up the bowl of slop and ate absently. He didn't enjoy eating anymore. He couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about. It was there somewhere in the back of his mind but he couldn't quite get to it. Carols words rang in his ears.

‘Don’t be sorry’, easier said than done Daryl thought to himself. He knew he had lost some time oversleeping so he hurriedly got ready for the day and set out to find Lacy. Daryl came across her sitting on the ground going through her bag. Her belongings had all been returned to her. She was no longer being locked in her cell and she could carry her weapon at her own discretion. The talk he had had with Rick must have been more successful than it had felt. Rick may not trust Lacy yet but he wasn't worried about her if he knew she would be with Daryl. Lacy felt much more at home with her few belongings there in front of her. Daryl whistled while he approached.

“Hey quit playin’ house we got some huntin’ ta do” He didn't stop to see if she was following. He didn't look back ether he just continued on his way. He heard light footsteps trotting up behind him just before he reached the door that let out of the prison. He didn't move his head to see who it was he knew it was her.

“What took ya so long?” He said with a slight malice. Everything he said was pointed. He couldn't help it.

“I was alphabetizing my CD’s” She replied with sarcasm dripping off her voice. She was unsure about hunting with Daryl. She didn't want to leave the prisons fences they had been the safety she dreamed of for so long. What was worse was she didn't want to come back empty handed which she knew was a distinct possibility. As they reached the edge of the woods they had to slow their pace. The thick debris of the forest floor made it impossible to be completely silent but Lacy was careful where she placed her feet so she wouldn't make too much noise. The light shifted into something much softer which Lacy's eyes were grateful for, the unbearable beating of the sun was lessened with the over hand of vegetation as a barrier.

Daryl moved quietly as he listened for anything scurrying about. He scanned the ground for signs of animals. He moved forward with his shoulders leading and his cross bow in his hands. He chanced a glance back at Lacy to be sure she was keeping close, her eyes were distant as she moved like a ghost by his side. She managed to slip by him and circle around the outside of a tree. She was ahead of him now walking crouched low to the ground. She sees something already Daryl realized. The days’ hunting was already off to a good start. He picked up his pace a tad and began passing her on her right. He realized now what she had seen. There were shuffling footprints, most likely that of a walker with a bum leg but under those where the remains of faint deer tracks. Daryl smirked.

“Yer good Red” The excitement of deer activity hit him. Where there was one there was a heard. This deer may very well have been eaten by the walker that left the tracks but if they could follow the trail it may cross paths with other deer trails. They may very well find some real game today. Daryl touched the dirt with two fingers. It was still damp; it had rained early in the morning and the trees continued to drip rain water off their leaves for sometime after that.

“These tracks are fresh, a few hours old tops” Daryl informed Lacy while he whipped his hand off on his jeans. Lacy focused hard on the ground looking over the tracks thoughtfully. She was crouched down by his side her hair falling into her face as she looked over the tracks with her brows pulled tightly together.

“These walker tracks are much more recent. The deer came through here before the walker by an hour at least. The reason the deer’s tracks are intact at all is because they had already begun to dry when the walker came through and mucked them up.” Daryl was impressed he nodded in agreement and pointed forward.

“Only one way ta find out what happened next.” They began to move forward together staying rather low to the ground. Daryl shot down a squirrel that ran past them, quietly retrieving it while Lacy continued to follow the tracks. As the number of small game they carried increased they moved on deeper and deeper into the woods. Time loosened them up. Both of them were more at home in the woods then the confined prison walls. Lacy felt strangely calm out here. Far better than she had anticipated .She had forgotten how open and spacious the forest felt. Being indoors had really been pushing her claustrophobia to the limits though she hadn't realized it so much before returning to the woods. Daryl seemed to fit into the woods far better than the prison; he looked like he belonged sitting in a tree. Lacy who had spent very little time in outdoor activities until recently had only found that she wished she would have tried them sooner. Daryl watched her with interest.

“I didn't ‘spect ya’d be so good at huntin’” Daryl said with as much respect as he had ever shown her.

“I knew you would be” Lacy replied matter o’ factly. She crouched down again with her hands on her knees.

“Is that right?” Daryl said slightly flattered by her statement. He shifted his weight around uncomfortably and picked at his hands, he put on a grimace before deciding it was safe to look at her again.

“I heard you breathing” Lacy said while she picked up a leaf. Concentrating hard she turned her head to look at a particularly track with interest. It was turned to the right slightly but the next couple tracks were jumbled and on top of each other then the tracks picked up again back to normal. The deer had begun to turn and changed its mind. Daryl didn't know what she meant about his breathing he was still considering it unaware of Lacy's new information.

“What a ya mean?” He asked, bringing her back from her thoughts. At first she ignored his question letting him wait and wonder a while as she picked up her train of thought before it was lost. She looked ahead to try and see what had drawn the deer to continue straight rather than veer right like it had started to. Satisfied with what she was seeing she kept on observing the trail as she decided how to answer, making him wait for her response was getting her adrenaline up, it was sort of a fun taunt, finally she answered.

“They day you found me; you were so quiet I almost didn't know you were there except for your breathing. You wheeze or whistle I suppose every third or fourth breath. I suspect you smoke or at least did. It’s very subtle I kept hearing you breathing but I just couldn't place it then when you finally approached me it dawned on me. A little too late I guess” She shrugged her shoulders.

“Nah, just in time” Daryl countered remembering the day clearly. She had been ready and aimed at him so fast he had for a moment been genuinely afraid of her. Breathing he scoffed with amusement. She was very observant. The cigarettes in Daryl’s pocket felt much heavier now. He resisted the urge to light one after being reminded of them. The smoke would at least keep some of the bugs away he reasoned for a moment before shooting down the idea again.

“Raspberries” Lacy was still squatting next to the strange track. Daryl crouched next to her and followed her gaze waiting for her to explain.

“The deer was about to head this way” Lacy points at the out turned track then to the right.

“But then it saw the raspberries or maybe smelled them I don’t know but it continued on forward.” She pointed to the bush now some 30 yards ahead of them. Daryl enjoyed watching Lacy track. Everyone who had gone hunting with him had told him they liked to watch him, Maggie in particular. He had always found it annoying how many questions they all asked him. He knew now what it felt like to be them, to watch it all unfold. He didn't need to take the lead of this hunt and for him the change of pace was like a breath of fresh air. This trip was already turning out to be much more enjoyable than his last few hunts. He watched Lacy's gears turning as she thought and he was completely fascinated by it. If she was this smart, this observant, how could she have nearly starved to death out here? They approached the raspberry bush, Daryl quickly pulled out a large zip lock bag he had in his battered back pack and emptied out its contents into his pack so he could begin filling it with berries. Lacy reached into her own bag and found a decent sized drawstring bag that she had used to carry a gun before it had run out of bullets a while back. No point carrying a gun you couldn’t fire, but the bag was plenty useful. She had been glad to get rid of the gun anyway. The bags material was a sporty waterproof knit which meant that the raspberries shouldn't seep through into her pack hopefully. Once they had filled up on raspberries and stored some to bring for the others they got back on the deer’s trail making a mental note of where this bush was for future visits. Daryl still hadn’t come up with an answer for why she had nearly starved and so he decided just to ask.
“if yer so good at huntin’ how’d ya nearly die out here?” Daryl was adjusting his bag straps and picking up his crossbow trying to occupy his hand as a strange nervousness fell on him. Was it rude to ask someone about nearly dyeing? Lacy stood waiting for him next to the trail a casual posture and a playful smirk making her glow. Their eyes locked for a moment as they sized each other up. He was a good hunter and she was proving that she could be just as good. She let him wait again before she lolled her head to the side peering at him from under his fiery wild hair.
“I hadn’t found any big game in a while and having the ability to catch an animal doesn’t mean I could skin it or cook it. I wasted a lot of meat by butchering the little I could find. When you mess up as bad as I did most of the time you’re only left with a few bites of squirrel and a lot of wasted time. “ Daryl nodded tapping his free hand on his chin before walking past Lacy ready to move forward.
“I’ll teach ya later.” He said passively. A few long minutes of comfortable silence were ended when Lacy picked up the question game again.

“Were you in the military?” Lacy asked Daryl. The idea of Daryl taking orders from anyone who wasn’t Rick sounded hilarious but Lacy didn’t know what else there was to explain his seemingly long list of skills. Daryl was surprised he gave her that impression. He let her stew in the question for a bit before answering.

“Nah, worked in a bike shop. Spent most a my life tryin’ ta stay outta that prison we live in” Daryl didn't want to be painted like a hero. He didn't want anyone looking up to him as it was. He certainly didn't want her thinking he was something he wasn't. She would only end up disappointed is as she figured out just how fucked up he was. She had been right the first time she had guessed, he was just some redneck with daddy issues. He shook the self hate out of his brain and focused on the task at hand, more than he had all day. Lacy nodded, a bike shop seemed a good fit for him. She had known he wasn't ex-military before she had even asked she had just hoped he would have done more explaining. She wondered briefly what he would think of the job she used to have to help get her through college.

She felt heat on her cheeks before deciding to find something else to talk about. A flash of Daryl’s eyes went through her mind from the night before. He had looked wounded when she had brought up his father. Guilt squeezed her heart tightly, that topic was completely out of the question now. Lacy was about to speak again when she turned and saw Daryl wasn't by her side anymore. Her heart rate quickened as she scanned around her. That’s when she saw him crouching low crossbow locked on target. The thud of an arrow hitting flesh was shortly followed by a high pitched squeal.

“Looky what we got here” Daryl sauntered forward towards his prize. The whimpering continued as the beast bled out slowly. He had pierced a decent sized gray coyote through the neck. It had been eating the deer they had spent all morning tracking. Lacy caught up now looking over the deer. It appeared that the coyote had been digging at the deer’s neck but they only bite marks she could find where the coyotes. No biters had tainted this meat.

“Deer looks safe. We can take it back and eat what’s left.” Lacy said as she concluded it herself.

“Hoo hoo! we are gonna have a feast tonight” Daryl said shifting his weight back and forth and rubbing his hands together. Lacy saw the coyotes paw stop twitching as its life finally ended.

“Can I have its pelt?” Lacy asked without hesitation.

“What cha gonna do with it?” Daryl asked with an eye brow raised.

“I have a coat that needs a lining before for next winter.” Daryl pulled his arrow loose splattering Lacy’s jeans in blood. He pointed the bloody dirty arrow at her while he shifted around on his feet some more.

“Sure Red, on one condition. Ya gotta make me somethin’ too.” She crouched down and hoisted the Coyote onto her shoulder. Its body was still warm on her skin.

“Alright” She replied thinking it was a fair deal, she already had something in mind.

Daryl quickly gathered up the doe and followed her, back tracking his own footsteps towards the prison now. Daryl could get used to hunting with Lacy she was proving to be good company. Daryl wanted to think that they had found this food because they were skilled. Everyone gets lucky sometimes and the group was overdue for a good find like this but He felt they could keep this up. He had been failing these people, leaving them hungry for so long. It was time to make it up to them. The joy of this new hope was making it hard to contain his smile.

His eagerness to get back to the prison made him forget how far the walk was. It made him forget Lacy was beside him. Before long they were back. They had traveled in silence the whole way back both lost completely in their own worlds. It had been so peaceful. Daryl looked to meet Lacy’s eyes appreciatively and give her his signature nod but found that she was gazing at the prison with a look that was much less enthusiastic than when she had seen it last.

“Come on Lazy Lacy” Daryl said shifting the weight of the deer on his shoulders. He couldn't stop walking without losing the ability to move at all. He called over his shoulder as he struggled on ward.

“I let you carry the light one so don’t slow me down now.” He heaved the deer further up on his back before beginning the trek towards the prison. He was growing exhausted under the weight but saw his goal in sight. He heard Lacy behind him yell breathlessly.

“Yours is missing a few pieces.” He held in a smirk. Home sweet home he thought as he reached the gate. For once a hard day’s work had really paid off.