Bad Day

(+_+)

She walks in front of me like nothing ever happened between us. She’s so confident and the air around her smells of her expensive, sweet cologne. Her tight, blue jeans hug her feet like she wears tights while her thin, white blouse is almost see-through. I can see the lines from her white bra but that doesn’t bother her. She is that kind of girl now.

She looks at me and smiles with her light brown eyes shining like stars as she walks towards another guy. How is she able to smile like that to me? I wonder as the wind plays around with her light brown hair. I see her lips connecting with his and I can’t help but think how is she able to kiss her new boyfriend in front of me when she knows full-well that I still love her? How can she be such a cold person when she isn’t?

My heart is completely hers, yet her lips connect with another’s, showing me her heart isn’t mine. Will I keep running behind her forever like she’s the only one for me? Will I be miserable for the rest of my life because of her? I don’t know – I don’t know.

(*_*)

I saw him sitting on the bench in the corner as I walked in front of him. The only thing I could do as his ocean eyes locked with mine was to give him a small smile and continue walking towards my boyfriend; who was sitting against the wall of the schoolyard.

My boyfriend’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw me and he opened his arms with a smile on his face. I returned his fake smile and stepped inside his arms while we connected our lips. He kissed me softly at first and then more hungrily. I knew why he was doing this. It was because my ex was watching us. I let him kiss me for as long as he wanted before he pulled away for us to breathe.

‘’How was your lesson babe?’’ Justin asked me with the same eyes he had.

‘’You know, boring…’’ I trailed off and he pulled me closer, while turning me around and making my back go against his hard chest. His hands went protectively around my waist. He knew I wanted to run away from him and go to the one who held my heart. He knew that if I had a choice I would have done so since the beginning, but there was not a chance for this.

I loved him so much and the way he stared at me while I was in Justin’s arms was breaking my heart to pieces again and again. I held back the tears that wanted to form in my eyes but I had to hide quickly. I had to go somewhere away from his gaze so I could let my tears fall freely. I couldn’t handle my feelings and every day that went by, it was getting harder.

(+_+)

She is staring at me while she is smiling and then she stares everywhere but me. She knows my eyes follow her every move yet she still looks at me. Was I annoying her? I wouldn’t know but I just had to watch her. My eyes follow her figure everywhere. It is like we are magnets, pulling each other closely…but her magnet is bigger than mine, making me loving her more and more with no way out. It is happening naturally, just like that.

I can almost imagine her eyes tearing up as she turns away from my gaze and speaks to her boyfriend. He turns towards me and glares before he sweet-talks to her. They walk hand in hand, all the way in front of me and towards the school’s cafeteria. I see them as they get in and then they disappear into the crowd.

I wait, hoping to see her again even if she is with him. I need to see her for more than five mere minutes. Five minutes aren’t enough to sate my hunger. And as the minutes pass, she walks out with him again. They are holding two bottles of water and her eyes meet mine again, but as soon as they do, he grabs her face and connects their lips violently.

I can see her back as he glares at me while they are kissing and I turn my head away. I don’t want to see that guy touching what is mine – what I thought was mine. I love her with all my heart and she loves him. That’s the hard truth I have to accept, and I will accept it only when I know she is happy with him, instead of me.

(*_*)

After the kiss we shared in the schoolyard, he walked to the classroom. It was the last hour for the day and then I’d be away from him. We walked inside the classroom and he took the coffee from my hands so I could let my back bag on my seat. He set my coffee on top of the teacher’s desk and his hands went around my waist once again.

‘’Why do you love him that much? Aren’t I enough for you?’’ He asked me like he actually loved me when I was sure he didn’t.

‘’I just do, and it’s not like you love me Justin. You never did and you never will,’’ I said at him, trying to get away from his arms but his hold was too tight and I wasn’t able to break free. ‘’Let me go, Justin. Let me go!’’ I yelled at him but he only held me tighter.

‘’You are hurting my feelings you know. I do love you, but more than loving you – I hate him,’’ He stated and I wished I had never said anything. What if he decided to hurt him, even though I had promised to be his girlfriend? I should have kept my mouth shut instead of trying to push him away. Justin didn’t love me so he’d be bored with me soon. I just had to play along with him till he got bored.

‘’If you love me, stop hating him,’’ I said to him and he looked like he was taken aback as his eyes widened. ‘’Love me and I will try loving you.’’ I kissed his lips and my hands went around his neck. He kissed me back and more passionately than ever before.

When we pulled apart, I was afraid he’d realize how disgusted I was so I kept my eyes closed and my head went against his chest. We stayed like that till the bell rang and he grabbed his coffee. He gave me one more quick kiss and he left before he said, ‘’I’ll come get you as soon as class finishes.’’

I sat down on my seat to the back of the classroom and I kept looking outside the window as I thought of him. I wish I could be him but I had to protect him from my boyfriend, otherwise he would have beaten him really badly. Justin hated him with a burning passion for reasons unknown, for reasons I’d never know because Justin would never tell me.

My phone started vibrating in my jean’s pocket and I took it out carefully so the teacher wouldn’t have been able to see it. It was a message from him.

It said,

Does he make you mixtapes, when you've had a bad day? Because I would. Does he buy you roses, when you're feeling low? Because I would. Answer me and I will never bother you again. If you are happy with him, then I will give up. Just tell me the truth, Is.

My eyes had started welling up because I loved him so much yet I had to let him go for his safety. I preferred knowing he was well and alive than being afraid Justin might have killed him.

I started typing up my reply and before pressing the button send, I re-read it silently.

I love him, Was. I love him with all my heart and he makes me more than happy.

That was the end, our end.