Ash

the apartment is quiet when I walk
through the door
I go to the kitchen
small, cramped, but
it’s my one space to be alone
because he never steps foot down here
except to grab a beer
but
not tonight
no, he’s standing beside the sink
and the only way I can tell he’s there
is from the little red circle
burning through the darkness
at the end of his cigarette
I hate it
when he smokes
inside.
“How was work?”
“Fine, I did pretty well tonight,
actually.”
130 dollars, 50 of which I’ll keep a secret
I drop my things on the counter
wonder if he’s going to ask
how I got home
he doesn’t
“I missed you, babe,”
he says
and I know he wants something
because it’s so rare that I hear that, anymore
but I say nothing, waiting
he turns sideways
puts his cigarette out
in the sink
of course
I hold back a sigh
remind myself to rinse it
down the drain later
he steps toward me, I can hear his
socks on the small
area rug
he reaches out, touches my waist
“I love you, El.”