I'd Fight for You

November 9th, 2013

I stood behind the large glass doors and watched as the balding trees blew in the cold November wind. Red and brown leaves were flying through the air and I smiled softly to myself. Fall had always been my favorite time of year and I always looked forward to it. I wrapped my arms around my middle and leaned against the door frame. I could feel the cold metal through my jacket and it sent a shiver down my spine. I glanced at my watch and sighed realizing it would only be a few minutes until CJ got here.
I hadn't expected to hear from him and I didn't even think I would want to. Ever since he stopped talking to me over a year ago, I had made myself forget about what I had felt for him. CJ was my best friend and my first love. He never knew that I had developed such strong feelings for him, and I had always wanted to keep it that way.
I had met CJ through my sisters boyfriend, Kyle. Kyle and CJ were on the UK varsity basketball team and I went to every home game with my sister. I still remember the first time I laid eyes on CJ, and in that moment it felt like my heart stopped beating. I remember how his blue and white jersey was slightly untucked from his matching basketball shorts. I remember how his arm muscles rippled as he dribbled the basketball down the court. He made everything look so easy, and I think that was one of the things that attracted me the most.
I didn't know then that we would become so close, and I didn't know that he would end up being the person that hurt me the most. If I would have known, maybe things would have turned out differently.
I felt my phone buzz wildly in my coat pocket and I could feel my heart rate quicken.
“Hello?” My voice came out barely audible but I knew that he had heard me because I could hear him smirk on the other line.
“You still live in Martin, right?” I hadn't heard his voice in such a long time and I realized in that moment that it still made my knees go weak.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Well, I'm here.” Right as those words let his lips, his red Eclipse pulled up in front of my dorm. His windows were tinted but his passenger side window was rolled down far enough that I could see his eyes. I pushed open the door and stepped out into the bitter wind. As I made my way to his car, his face slowly started to appear and I could see that he was smiling.
I opened the passenger side door and slid into the seat easily. I glanced over at CJ nervously and just like the first time I had seen him, my heart felt as though it had stopped beating. Everything about him looked the same, yet he seemed like a completely different person. I never knew that someone could change so much in a years time, but looking at CJ now, I was convinced.
“Wow, you are even more beautiful than I remembered.” His winked at me and I couldn't help but feel the heat rise in my face. He had always joked around with me like that, but this time it felt different to me.
“Just go park.” I rolled my eyes and he smirked while pulling into the space next to my car.
As we both got out, I could feel my hands start to tremble so I stuffed them into the pockets of my jacket. CJ skipped around the car and grabbed a hold of my arm. His deep brown eyes peered into my light blue ones and he pulled me into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my neck and my face was pressed against his chest. I was reluctant at first, but eventually I put my arms around his waist and relaxed into the hug. I could smell the crisp, clean, familiar scent of his old spice deodorant and for some reason I felt a sense of comfort.
CJ held me out at arms length and looked me up and down. “How long has it been since I've last seen you? You look so good, Lydia!”
I brush his hand off of me and crossed my arms across my chest. “It's been a year and two months, actually.”
I could see the smile fade off of CJ's handsome face and it was quickly replaced with something that mirrored guilt. “Wow, you kept track.”
I smirked and shifted my weight nervously. “Where have you been all this time? The last time I saw you-you were acting as if everything was okay.” I bit my lip to keep from crying and said, “Obviously there was something you weren't telling me and that sucks because I was supposed to be your best friend.”
CJ noticed the tears welling in my eyes and he took a hesitant step towards me. “Lyd, a lot was going on that you didn't know about and I didn't want to expose you to it.”
“You don't have to protect me.” I mumbled through gritted teeth. CJ grabbed hold of my shoulders and he started into my eyes.
“Yes, I do. You were the most important person in my life and I didn't want you to get hurt.”
Dumbfounded, I took a step away from him and leaned against the passenger side door of his car. “You cutting me out of your life did hurt me, CJ!”
He rubbed his face in frustration with the palms of his hands and sighed heavily. “My sister started dealing drugs again, Lydia.”
I just stood there unable to move or speak. CJ leaned against the trunk of his car and he squeezed his eyes shut as if to stop himself from crying.
“My sister started dealing again and I got hurt while playing the last game of the season. We were down by one and I had fifteen seconds left to make the shot. I was going up for a dunk and Kyle undercut me. I tried to catch myself and before I knew it my elbow was shattered and my basketball career was over.”
It was in that moment that I felt like a complete idiot. CJ had needed me more than ever, and I didn't even try to contact him after he stopped talking to me. CJ turned his head to look at me and in one swift movement I was in his arms.
As I was hugging him, he uttered the the four words that I never expected to come out of his mouth. “I joined the Marines, Lydia.”