Status: moved here from quizilla.
Bella
twenty-three
It was dark inside and outside, and I was constantly closing my eyes just to open them again because I could not succumb to sleep. The moon peered through my window in the form of a misty ray, making miniscule dust particles visible in the air. My thoughts took over my head, and I thought of Acel’s new obligation to “love” me and leave me. Without hesitation, I felt my way to my phone where it lay on the nightstand. In the darkness of the night, I dialed Acel’s numbers with unsteady fingers before calling him.
The phone didn’t even have a slim chance of ringing. “Bella Davis, how are you during this fine night?” I stayed silent. I wasn’t quite sure how I was doing. I wasn’t quite thinking straight and I hadn’t slept in more than twenty-two hours.
“I,” I started, choosing my words carefully. “I feel as if we need to have a talk. Before you hang up on me, I have some things I’d like to express. I know how I feel for you, but I still don’t think you feel the same way. Do you think it’d be better for the both of us if we—”
A humorous laugh came from the other end of the line. “Hold your horses, Bella. You think it would be better if we separated?” I hummed lightly in response. “Are you thinking this through fully? Bella, I don’t think I can go a day without you.”
“I never said that we couldn’t still be friends.” I paused before speaking again. “Do you remember what you said that day when we took a stroll in the park and I asked you if you believed in love? Do you remember telling me that you just couldn’t wrap your head around the thought of you ever loving me? I just don’t want you to feel as if you have to love me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to yearn for me when you really don’t and I don’t want my love for you to be unrequited. I just think that we should take break. That’s all.”
Though I spoke like I was fine, I really wasn’t. Inside, I was hyperventilating and overwhelmed. “God, Bella that was a month ago!” There was a sharp sound of pain. “I didn’t know how I felt for you. I was scared that you didn’t obtain the same feelings as I and I didn’t want to be the only one who was completely captivated with the other.” And for the first time ever, in the two months that I’d known him, his voice was quivering and wavering. “I understand, though, if you want to be apart and I will grant your wish if that’s what you’d like.” I heard his voice break with the last few words. “Good night, Bella, you need your rest.”
The line went dead and I felt sick. Perhaps what I had just done was a mistake, but I told myself that it was better for our sanity. I didn’t want to hold him back from living the rest of his life because loving me—or so he said—was beneficiary to him in no way, shape, or form. I reminded myself of a leech, feeding off the life of other people because I was too weak to live mine.
The days seemed to past rather slowly without Acel by my side. A few times, Emory would call me and she’d tell me the state of her brother and how he was a wreck. According to his older sister, my ex-boyfriend hadn’t left the house unless it was to acquire more cannabis. Of course, there was the urge to g comfort him and the even larger urge to kiss him again, but I resisted.
The door to my bedroom opened abruptly, the backside of the wooden table slamming against the wall. The stars that dangled from my ceiling quavered on the end of their strings with the force. “Happy Birthday, Bella! I can’t believe you’re seventeen!”
I looked away from the dangling paper cut-out stars and toward my parents. There was multi-colored confetti disarrayed all over my floor. “Oh, yay,” I said, sarcastically. “Let us celebrate that I am one year closer to my death! Hooray, hooray!”
“Bella,” my dad said sternly. “Would you mind being a little more optimistic?”
I sighed and groaned. “I’m seventeen now, so what? Optimism will get you nowhere in life. Pessimism is where it’s at!” I laughed at myself, at a joke that was nowhere near worth laughing at. Soon enough, though, my laugh died down into a small cry. “I just want to die.”
“Bella, would you stop exaggerating. Wipe your face and let’s celebrate,” Dad commented. “You’ve got cake downstairs on the kitchen table and it’s not being cut until you come downstairs.”
I shrugged my shoulders and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. “I guess the cake won’t be cut then, will it?” My parents shook their heads at me before turning around and leaving my room. I thought that perhaps Acel would come over simply to say ‘happy birthday,’ but why would he when we’re not even dating anymore? On top of that, today was the day of his father’s wedding and of course Acel would be attending it.
The phone didn’t even have a slim chance of ringing. “Bella Davis, how are you during this fine night?” I stayed silent. I wasn’t quite sure how I was doing. I wasn’t quite thinking straight and I hadn’t slept in more than twenty-two hours.
“I,” I started, choosing my words carefully. “I feel as if we need to have a talk. Before you hang up on me, I have some things I’d like to express. I know how I feel for you, but I still don’t think you feel the same way. Do you think it’d be better for the both of us if we—”
A humorous laugh came from the other end of the line. “Hold your horses, Bella. You think it would be better if we separated?” I hummed lightly in response. “Are you thinking this through fully? Bella, I don’t think I can go a day without you.”
“I never said that we couldn’t still be friends.” I paused before speaking again. “Do you remember what you said that day when we took a stroll in the park and I asked you if you believed in love? Do you remember telling me that you just couldn’t wrap your head around the thought of you ever loving me? I just don’t want you to feel as if you have to love me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to yearn for me when you really don’t and I don’t want my love for you to be unrequited. I just think that we should take break. That’s all.”
Though I spoke like I was fine, I really wasn’t. Inside, I was hyperventilating and overwhelmed. “God, Bella that was a month ago!” There was a sharp sound of pain. “I didn’t know how I felt for you. I was scared that you didn’t obtain the same feelings as I and I didn’t want to be the only one who was completely captivated with the other.” And for the first time ever, in the two months that I’d known him, his voice was quivering and wavering. “I understand, though, if you want to be apart and I will grant your wish if that’s what you’d like.” I heard his voice break with the last few words. “Good night, Bella, you need your rest.”
The line went dead and I felt sick. Perhaps what I had just done was a mistake, but I told myself that it was better for our sanity. I didn’t want to hold him back from living the rest of his life because loving me—or so he said—was beneficiary to him in no way, shape, or form. I reminded myself of a leech, feeding off the life of other people because I was too weak to live mine.
†
The days seemed to past rather slowly without Acel by my side. A few times, Emory would call me and she’d tell me the state of her brother and how he was a wreck. According to his older sister, my ex-boyfriend hadn’t left the house unless it was to acquire more cannabis. Of course, there was the urge to g comfort him and the even larger urge to kiss him again, but I resisted.
The door to my bedroom opened abruptly, the backside of the wooden table slamming against the wall. The stars that dangled from my ceiling quavered on the end of their strings with the force. “Happy Birthday, Bella! I can’t believe you’re seventeen!”
I looked away from the dangling paper cut-out stars and toward my parents. There was multi-colored confetti disarrayed all over my floor. “Oh, yay,” I said, sarcastically. “Let us celebrate that I am one year closer to my death! Hooray, hooray!”
“Bella,” my dad said sternly. “Would you mind being a little more optimistic?”
I sighed and groaned. “I’m seventeen now, so what? Optimism will get you nowhere in life. Pessimism is where it’s at!” I laughed at myself, at a joke that was nowhere near worth laughing at. Soon enough, though, my laugh died down into a small cry. “I just want to die.”
“Bella, would you stop exaggerating. Wipe your face and let’s celebrate,” Dad commented. “You’ve got cake downstairs on the kitchen table and it’s not being cut until you come downstairs.”
I shrugged my shoulders and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. “I guess the cake won’t be cut then, will it?” My parents shook their heads at me before turning around and leaving my room. I thought that perhaps Acel would come over simply to say ‘happy birthday,’ but why would he when we’re not even dating anymore? On top of that, today was the day of his father’s wedding and of course Acel would be attending it.