Bella

It had been a week since Stacy’s death. I was trying to keep from falling apart, but slowly I was. I was sitting in Starbucks, drinking an ice mocha. My fingers were curled around the cup, covering my name that had been sloppily written on with a black permanent marker. Someone tapped my shoulder; I shrugged it off. “Ma’am, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but you’ve been here for almost an hour. If you aren’t going to order anything else, you have to find somewhere us to go.”

I nodded understandingly, and stood up from where I sat, not even bothering to pick up the mocha, not even bothering to see the face of the person who was talking to me. I bit my lip to stop the tears that were on their way. It seemed almost impossible that my best friend was dead. I lost her to the tides and the deathly grasps of Landon City’s ocean waters.

The air was cold as it nipped at my ears. I folded my arms across my chest, walking down the sidewalk. I was uncomfortable, nonetheless. I was scared and I felt hopeless. I had no one to depend on anymore. I made it a goal to walk to the cheap, plastic bench less than five feet away. I felt like people were staring at me, but I convinced myself that I was just paranoid.

When I reached the bench, I sat down, bringing my knees to my chest. I looked at all the people who passed me by. I felt like a ghost; invisible and ignored. None of them even noticed that I was crying my eyes out. They were living and I wasn’t. I was breathing, but I was barely surviving. I looked down and sobbed into my knees, violent sobs ripping through me.

“Bella, calm down,” a voice said. I recognized it as Acel’s. I ignored him. “I felt myself being lifted onto his lap, and I fell limp in his arms. “Bella, whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not!” I hadn’t meant to yell. I lowered my voice down to a whisper. “Don’t you dare lie to me and tell me that it’s going to be okay. It’s not going to be okay. It wasn’t okay before and it damn sure isn’t okay now. My best friend is fucking dead…” As if Acel were once of my teddy bears, I wrapped my arms around his waist and I buried my face in his shirt, the waterworks starting all over again. “Please…leave me alone…”

He exhaled a sigh. “We both know that you don’t want that. And though this is risky, I’m giving you a chance to get close to me.” Acel held me in his arms, whispering sweet nothings in my ear in attempt to calm me down.”

My sobs choked down to hiccups, and I felt vulnerable. Only a few people had ever seen me cry. I felt so small in his arms, so helpless. I brought my hands in front of my face and rubbed my eyes, clearing my face of the salty tears. “Thanks, Acel. I’m sorry. I’m just going through a lot at the moment. I’m so sorry to waste your time.” I attempted to stand up, despite the fact that everything looked like a blur. “I’m a mess, sorry.”

His hands grabbed ahold of my shoulders, stabling me. “Look at yourself, Bella. You can’t even stand up straight. Would you like me to walk you home? You’re a train wreck.” I shook my head, trying to retract, but he wouldn’t allow it. “Bella, you almost backed into the street. Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

I sighed and wriggled out of his grip. “If I’m lucky, I just might get killed,” I joked, smiling sadly. “But no, I’m not trying to get myself killed—not yet, at least. Au revoir, amour.” I turned around and began to walk down the sidewalk. I ignored Acel’s attempts to get my attention. After he stopped calling my name, he didn’t come after to me. I didn’t expect him to, either.

I was dying on the inside, slowly self-destructing. My parents hadn’t seemed to notice, and if they did, they kept their mouths shut. Ranger had moved out this morning to go start his life with Julie and they’re unborn child. And Acel had warned me to stay away from him, but in both of our encounters, he was the one who approached me.

I decided to take the shortcut home, down the alleyway, the way Stacy and I used to walk to my house afterschool. I tried to ignore the eerie feeling that I got the minute I entered the murky passage. I stopped dead in my tracks when I caught notice of a figure walking towards me. It was a scraggly man, who looked as if he was no older than forty.

“Hey, pretty lil’lady.” His voice was raspy, and he was quite attractive, but that didn’t make this the least bit of right. He touched my face with his filthy hands gently. I flinched and felt as if I was shrinking. “Don’t worry. I have no tendencies of hurting you.” His brown eyes were filled with lust and I immediately felt disgusted.

I didn’t bother protesting when he led me further into the alley, or when he pressed me against the wall and began touching me in ways that no sixteen-year-old girl should be touched. I didn’t even bother screaming or making the slightest bit of sound when he began undressing me. I allowed him to use me as if I were nothing but a rag doll, as if I were created for his own sexual tendencies. I didn’t dare protest once.



Warm water showered down on my bare body. I sat against the shower wall, my knees pulled up to my chest. I had scrubbed my skin to the point where it was red and blotchy. I didn’t know how long I had been in the shower, but I had no intentions of getting out any time soon. I felt ghastly, and oh so violated. He took something that I could never get back.

I whimpered at the sound of knocking on the bathroom door. The knocks got heavier and I feared that the door might break down. “Bell, are you okay? You’ve been in the bathroom for almost two hours.” It was my dad. Of course, he’d be the one to worry. “Bella, can you hear me?”

I forced myself to stand up and turn the water off. “Don’t worry. I’ll be out in a minute,” I assured him. I felt completely inside. My best friend and my innocence were gone, due to horrible events that I couldn’t control. I didn’t plan on telling anyone that I had experienced statutory rape unless I ended up impregnated, which I used the little bit of faith I still had to pray that I wouldn’t.