The Brink of Destruction

"I want a double fudge Rocky Road brownie sundae, extra hot fudge, whipped cream, walnuts, caramel sauce and chocolate sprinkles with a cherry. Very important--don't forget that!" Tre was pressed up against the glass freezer case like a toddler at Christmas store window. "What do you want, Mike?"

"Mmgahh...I think a Tums, after that. But I'll take a strawberry cheesecake--one scoop. God, Tre, you make it sound like an orgy!"

"Ooohhh, yeaahhhh, hot fudge in my hot tub!" Tre mugged, pursing his lips. "Punish me, daddy!"

Mike's chin drooped to his chest, and his head wagged back and forth. "Why me, Lord?"

The boy in the red striped vest was waiting, aluminum scoop at the ready. "Can I help you, ma'am?" he asked.

"Sure. Could I get a scoop of lemon sherbet with waffle cone chips?"

"Coming right up. And you, sir?" he asked Billie.

Billie was still staring at the menu board, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I was leaning toward the orange mocha frappucino--" Tre looked up like a dog at full point. "But I think I'm gonna go with the Blizzard shake with M & M's."

"Nice choice," the boy said. "That's my favorite. I put chopped Junior Mints in it too, sometimes."

Billie leaned on the glass counter, his fingers laced together, and smiled over at me. "So do you miss home yet?" he said.

"It was a little hard saying goodbye to my mom. She cries." I explained.

He laughed softly. "I think they all do."

We took our ice cream outside and sat on the bench, watching the people meandering up and down Ninth Street.

"This is really nice," Mike said, "all of us sitting here together. I guess we should enjoy it while we can, huh?"

Billie's brows wrinkled together, and he glared at Mike and shook his head so subtly I almost didn't catch it. At the same time, Wynn's knee jerked sideways and bumped Mike's.

"What? What did I say?" he cried, looking surprised. Both Billie and Wynn carefully avoided my eyes, and Tre sat, seemingly oblivious, at the end of the bench, gorging himself on his chocolate extravaganza.

"Tre?" I said sweetly.

His head stayed down over his paper bowl, but his eyes rolled to the side to regard me warily.

"You'll tell me what they're talking about, won't you?" I asked.

The cherry dangled from his finger and thumb above his open mouth, and in one bite, it was gone. "Who, me?" he asked, munching. A thin brown mustache traced his upper lip, and he had a speck of whipped cream on his chin. "Hell, no! The last time I opened my big mouth, Mike filled my shoes with dog shit! I don't know a thing!"

It was Billie who finally spoke up. With a heavy sigh, he began to explain.

"I met my attorney last week, the one who'll be handling the arraignment hearing Tuesday. She said that they've charged me with simple assault, which usually isn't much of a problem. But with that stupid D&D I've got a prior, which makes it a little more complicated." He looked at me sheepishly, his grin faded.

"How much more?" I asked.

"Well, depending on the judge, I could get ninety days if they find me guilty."

I was stunned. I had never imagined he might actually go back to jail. A fine, maybe--even community service. But after what Jordan had done, it was impossible that Billie might actually have to do time.

"Does she think you have a good case?" I asked. I thought I had a pretty fair idea of the answer.

"Well, it would have been better if I hadn't gone to his room. If I'd just run into him on campus somewhere, it wouldn't look like I'd planned it. But we'll see."

"Billie, tell your lawyer I want to testify. I want them to know why this happened." Jordan couldn't do this to him, that yacht-club bitch. "I'll tell them what he did, and they'll have to go easy on you."

"You don't have to do that, Gen. I don't want you to have to relive that in front of everybody."

"You're not the one who did anything wrong, and neither did I, so I don't care who hears it or what they think!" My voice was getting stronger, and Mike's eyebrows were lifting as he listened to my rant. "He started this, but we're going to finish it!"

Billie was beaming, in spite of the bad news. "That's my girl, you guys. She's a hellcat, i'nt she?"

"Damn right!" exclaimed Wynn. "Gen, you're absolutely right. He's the cause of all this, and it's not right for Billie to be punished. Tell your attorney I'll be happy to testify, too."

"Fuckin-A, man," said Mike, holding up a fist of solidarity. "Besides, both of us were there the first night, so if you go down, then I guess I should, too."

Billie looked humbled. "You fuckin' chuckleheads never cease to amaze me!" he said, bumping fists with Mike. "bunch a losers hangin' around a jinx like me."

"Fuck you and your mom, Armstrong," said Mike, a gentle smile on his rugged face.

"Especially yer mom!" piped Tre.

While everyone else piled into Mike's car for a lift home, Billie and I decided to take our time. We walked the long way back to the dorm, cutting through the Gardens on the way, our fingers laced together and palms pressed tightly. A thousand worries were running through my mind, but he seemed to be taking it all in stride, laughing and joking as always.

"C'mon," he said, bumping my ribs with his elbow, "don't worry about this. It's nothing I can't handle."

"I know, but it's not right. How can he be walking around free when you're the one who stopped him from--from--"

He stopped and turned to face me, and placed a finger on my lips. "Don't. I don't want you wasting a fucking second thinking about that slobbering jackass, or what he did. All you need to think about is being happy and getting your education. I want to be able to tell everybody that when my girlfriend and I play doctor, we're playing for real!"

We were near the gazebo now, and I tugged at his hand, pulling him over to sit under the grapevines that wove through the canopy.

"Billie, I wanted to tell you something, too. Something that happened this weekend."

For his own problems, he hadn't shown much concern, but now I saw the first hint of fear I'd ever seen in his face.

"Why do I get the feeling it has something to do with Dustin?" he asked, and I could hear the faintest quiver in his voice. I couldn't believe how well he knew me already.

"It does, but it's not what you're thinking. He was home for the weekend, and I ran into him at the mall. Long story short, he did exactly what I thought he would--he tried to talk me into working things out between us."

He was so still, hardly breathing. "So how did you leave it?"

"I'm more certain than ever that I did the right thing breaking it off with him. I think he understands my reasons better than he did before. I don't think he blames himself, and he shouldn't, but he knows there's no going back."

He glanced down at his feet for a second before looking back up, gazing deeply into my eyes. "Did he want to know about us?"

He was uncanny. "How would you know that?" I asked.

"Because I'd want to know, if I were him. Because somehow it's not as bad to lose someone you love to another man, as it is to lose them to nothing but your own stupidity." I could hear echoes of the pain he'd gone through in the past.

"It's not always stupidity, Billie. Sometimes people just change as they grow up. They find out they want different things. A year ago, I didn't know that what I really needed was you."

It made him smile. "And I never thought I'd be falling in love with Suzie Creamcheese, either," he smirked. "But I am."

He stood up and held his hand out to me. Thinking he was ready to go, I took it and turned to go down the steps, but his arm caught my waist and pulled me back. Without a word, he gathered me close to him, so close our bodies were pressed together almost full length. Looking down at me, he whispered in a low, husky voice, "Close your eyes."

With my hands on his shoulders, I did.

"No matter what happens," he said softly, his lips brushing my ear, "I will always feel this way about you." He took my hand and laid it on his heart, and I could feel the way it was beating, wild and fierce, against my palm.

"This heart is yours forever."